family vs breastfeeding - Page 2

[jennylou]

Originally Posted by motherearthdancer

So I thought id post a link to a pic of me nursing in public. This was taken at the zoo and is more skin than I normally show when nursing:http://a683.ac-images.myspacecdn.com...65d556e0a2.jpg

I've never shown that much skin while NIP. At home, it's a whole 'nother story though.

Honestly, someone once BF like that around my DH and although I'd never interfere with a BFer, I wish she would have just lifted her shirt up, instead of pulling it down and exposing the whole breast. Again, I wouldn't stop someone, and would never say anything, in public or in my home - it's just a preference for me.

And, for reference, I BF my 16 month old DD everywhere.

[Ruthla]

I think you should stay home and avoid the whole drama. It just doesn't sound like a healthy environment for any of you. If you do go, for the sake of supporting your MIL, I'd try to make the visit as short as possible. Can you just pop in for an hour and then leave?

[motherearthdancer]

Originally Posted by jennylou

I've never shown that much skin while NIP. At home, it's a whole 'nother story though.

Honestly, someone once BF like that around my DH and although I'd never interfere with a BFer, I wish she would have just lifted her shirt up, instead of pulling it down and exposing the whole breast. Again, I wouldn't stop someone, and would never say anything, in public or in my home - it's just a preference for me.

And, for reference, I BF my 16 month old DD everywhere.

I'm just the opposite. When in pubic and at my home I just do what is easiest. But if I am in someone elses home I'm very discreet. I usually just lift whatever shirt is on (and sometimes I hav a tank underneith so no tummy skin shows)...and I do try to cover the baby's head...but my babies have never liked being covered so I arrange them in the sling so if you are not standing right over, you probably only have a glimps of any skin. But I'm just one of those people who find it easier to just "whip it out" in public and feed my kid, that way baby nurses effectively, and mama can get shopping done, follow my 3 year old around at the zoo..whatever needs to be done and I don't have to worry about stopping and saying, "Hold on, mommy needs to stop and feed brother" and sit down and struggle with pulling one shirt up and one down while making sure the baby doesn't fuss and worry about how long it will take and how to occupy my 3 year old while we are doing such.

I've gotten pretty good at nursing in the sling that last month I went to the grocery store and nursed my 3 month old while pushing a cart and shopping and wrangling my 3 year old. People are always asking if they can help me, but honestly, I get by just fine and while I appreciate the offer there isn't much they can do. I'm not saying its always easy, but I find that being able to just nurse on the go rather than try to keep a blanket from falling off my shoulder and irritating the baby. Plus its hard enough to breastfeed while baby is in sling and balance a diaper bag and wrangle a 3 year old. Trying to do all that while trying to stay covered up seems just over the edge for me. My other option is stopping whatever I'm doing and going to the car to nurse in private, or staying home and waiting until my husband is home to get things done. Its just what works for me. I tried at one point to take everyone elses opinions into consideration, but it just left me feeling frustrated so I went back to what felt better to me. I know that when in the private home of someone else, I need to take their feelings into consideration. I wouldn't want people to be disrespectful to me in my home, but in public...if I see something I don't want to see, I turn away....okay, I'll stop rambling now.

[motherearthdancer]

We didn't go and now things are just crazy. SIL isn't talking to DH and he is mad b/c she put her gift cards (presents) to us in the mail (we only live 15 minutes away). He says he is tempted to return them to sender. Both his mom and I keep telling him not to sink to her level, but after reading some of the other replies in the other post (setting her up for BF @ party) I feel well armed for the next time I'm in a family situation and my BF is put on the line.

[Mama Poot]

I hope you had a nice holiday. When it comes to "family vs. breastfeeding" family wins, meaning YOUR FAMILY. Its been hard for me to get my mind around this, but my husband and my children are my nuclear family now. Even my own parents are "extended" family now. It is also becoming my experience that some family members and even friends and other "outsiders" can get uncomfortable if they know that your nuclear family is strong (and it sure sounds like it is at your house). These attacks you're getting from your family members could be out of jealousy, distrust of things they don't understand, etc.. I don't really know why that is, but it happens. Either way, I have to consider the needs of my household first, you know? As for your SIL ( or was it your sister? ) I don't think it would hurt to send her some really good literature on breastfeeding. She sounds terribly uneducated about it, and you can't blame someone for being ignorant if they've never been properly informed. You might also point out to her that breastfeeding is how humans are supposed to be fed as infants and that bottle feeding is what's unnatural and inappropriate. That and why would you give your human child milk that comes from a cow? Some folks never thought about it that way before. Either way, good luck. I hope you can make peace with everyone.

[motherearthdancer]

Originally Posted by Mama Poot

I hope you had a nice holiday. When it comes to "family vs. breastfeeding" family wins, meaning YOUR FAMILY. Its been hard for me to get my mind around this, but my husband and my children are my nuclear family now. Even my own parents are "extended" family now. It is also becoming my experience that some family members and even friends and other "outsiders" can get uncomfortable if they know that your nuclear family is strong (and it sure sounds like it is at your house). These attacks you're getting from your family members could be out of jealousy, distrust of things they don't understand, etc.. I don't really know why that is, but it happens. Either way, I have to consider the needs of my household first, you know? As for your SIL ( or was it your sister? ) I don't think it would hurt to send her some really good literature on breastfeeding. She sounds terribly uneducated about it, and you can't blame someone for being ignorant if they've never been properly informed. You might also point out to her that breastfeeding is how humans are supposed to be fed as infants and that bottle feeding is what's unnatural and inappropriate. That and why would you give your human child milk that comes from a cow? Some folks never thought about it that way before. Either way, good luck. I hope you can make peace with everyone.

The sad thing is that she breastfed her first 2 boys for a couple months each and then I had my son and I breastfed him, and she saw how long I breastfed and it seemed to inspire her and she breastfed her daughter (she found out she was pregnant a few months after my son was born) for 9 months. I was really supportive of her even when she decided it was time to wean because I was so proud of her for nursing her daughter for so long. I've been breastfeeding my 1st son for 3 years. My 2nd son is only 4 months old and now all of a sudden she feels the need to tell me that she doesn't feel comfortable with her sons (not her daughter) seeing me breastfeed my baby. We are currently not speaking to them, but I want so badly to ask why she feels that having a 5 year old and a 9 year old viewing breasts as nature intended is inappropriate, but she is fine letting a man who may have a sexual fettish involving young girls spend time with her children? Also, since she just recently brought up the BFing, I am curious if its just her eldest boy she is concerned about, or both of them, and why she feels age 5 or 9 should be a cut off age for boys seeing breastfeeding. I want to ask her if she just is uncomfortable with her young boys viewing breasts in general and if she feels that 5 and 6 is "too old", does she feel "15 and 16" is too young for them to start being curious about them in a sexual manner? I probably wont pry that much into her life, but honestly, I have to wonder why people are like that. And what about her daughter? will she continue to let her daughter watch and tell they boys that they cannot follow me into the other room when I leave to breastfeed (if in fact I ever feel comfortable in her home).

I know her husband feels weird seeing another womans breasts, but honestly is just so stupid. I was willing to cover up and excuse myself while at her house due to the fact that her husband is crazy in my humble opinion. If he is so lacking in self control that he cannot pry his eyes off another womans breasts...esp. his sister-in-laws..then in my opinion he has more problems they might want to consier discussing. It just makes me want to scream becuase basically in the last 3 years that I've been breastfeeding (while in their home) theyve never said anything or seemed to have a problem with it. I was only asked to be discreet due to her husband. She kept appologising when her kids came over to look at my babies, curious at the breastfeeding process. I told her, "It really doesn't bother me, so unless it bothers you...." and she always had the attitude of, "well, as long as you are not bothered." I think her husband probably said something to her about how uncomfortable he is with the boys watching and that prompted her to say something, along with the fact that she's pissed at my DH over us being pissed at BIL over the fact that we think he needs help, which of course she obviously doesn't believe us so...its just one of those things.

So, yes, Mama Poot, we had a wonderful holiday just us. We were still pretty heavy hearted about having to exclude my in-laws, but we managed to have a good time, just us. We also spent time with our AP friends. So things worked out. ITs not the holiday we wanted, but it taught us how to handle things that may show up similar to this in the future, you know.

[Da WIC Lady]

What happenes when boys are *exposed*

Originally Posted by motherearthdancer

I know her husband feels weird seeing another womans breasts, but honestly is just so stupid. I was willing to cover up and excuse myself while at her house due to the fact that her husband is crazy in my humble opinion. If he is so lacking in self control that he cannot pry his eyes off another womans breasts...esp. his sister-in-laws..then in my opinion he has more problems they might want to consier discussing. It just makes me want to scream becuase basically in the last 3 years that I've been breastfeeding (while in their home) theyve never said anything or seemed to have a problem with it. I was only asked to be discreet due to her husband. She kept appologising when her kids came over to look at my babies, curious at the breastfeeding process. I told her, "It really doesn't bother me, so unless it bothers you...." and she always had the attitude of, "well, as long as you are not bothered." I think her husband probably said something to her about how uncomfortable he is with the boys watching and that prompted her to say something, along with the fact that she's pissed at my DH over us being pissed at BIL over the fact that we think he needs help, which of course she obviously doesn't believe us so...its just one of those things..

I was over at a friend's house Monday night and the husband of the couple was shooing his teenage stepsons out of the room when I started to nurse. At first I thought it was for something else, but the second time it happened I asked him about it and he wanted to be sure I was comfortable since I don't know his stepsons well. I just raised and eyebrow and told him I'm just feeding the baby. These boys' aunt (on their dad's side) is Kathleen Huggins, so I'm sure they've been *exposed* to breastfeeding or at least the concept that it's just feeding the baby even if she doesn't visit often. Even my friends forget that I see it as just feeding the baby in their efforts to be hospitable due to those that do have hang ups. The great thing is that the boys were just as confused as I was and were perfect gentlemen. The middle boy, 16, was even cool enough to hold a conversation and keep eye contact while I was nursing. It was such a refreshing experience! Obviously the brother in law was not exposed at the right age to learn manners regarding a woman feeding a baby.

Anna

[Beckula]

I'm sorry I'm not trying to brag but I wanted to say how grateful I am that i don't have to go through this with my or my DH family. Last night I made my 15 year old brother and my 17 year old cousin move over on the couch so I could nurse my LO and watch a movie with them. My little brother patted my LO head and talked to him the whole time. Its hard enough when you being supported by your loved ones i can't imagine what it would be like to not have that support.

Also, your SIL husband may have made a weird comment that sparked this, who knows maybe he's got a thing for lactating boobs and she feels threatened. Eh, I would just tell them to grow up. The lengths these people are going to to sexualize YOUR breasts, Holy Crap, I don't think my boobs could hold up to such devout worship.

[motherearthdancer]

Originally Posted by Beckula

The lengths these people are going to to sexualize YOUR breasts, Holy Crap, I don't think my boobs could hold up to such devout worship.

I'm so glad you have the support. I thought I had it, hence the reason I'm thus shocked at this recent development with her. But I have to confess the above comment made my day. If we ever get round to talking about it with her and her husband, perhaps I'll make a comment along these lines. ha ha ha



"Seriously, Sis, my boobs cant hold up to such devout worship...I mean, the lengths that have been gone to sexualize MY breasts...." I'm totally stealing your line!!!::

[Beckula]

No problem... I can't believe how weird people are sometimes. I swear I have a pheromone that makes people give me their bizarre confessions. I actually had a Woman tell me when i was pregnant that if I kept calling my unborn child a girl and it turned out to be a boy, I was going to turn him gay. Seriously.

I'm sorry she is doing this to you and your baby. To be honest that behavour sounds like a diversionary tactic to cover up something definitly odd.

[ambivamom]

Hi,
. I am sorry you have to go through this at the holidays.


I pm'ed you with some thoughts.

[ambivamom]

Oh, and I also wanted to add that I think that it is *our* sexualization of children that causes us to feel uncomfortable with "exposing" them to nursing breasts.

By "our", I mean both certain individuals, and "we" as a cultural group. I am a citizen of the U.S., and I don't know if this is the case elsewhere.