Would you feel guilty about this?

[Raelynn]

A friend of mine had a baby yesterday (a girl). They didn't find out the gender, and the father is Italian and intact (as is his entire family). My friend and I had discussed circ'ing and she said she wouldn't even consider it because it was against her culture, but that her sister had circ'ed both of her boys and she thought it was a personal choice.

Anyhow, I was relieved to hear that she wouldn't circ, and I told her (in a serious tone) that I was glad to hear it, because I wasn't sure I'd be able to talk to her again if she circ'ed a son, knowing everything that I've told her.

Fast forward to a couple weeks ago, she and my DH were on the phone talking (they have been friends for 15 yrs, I met her through my DH), and she said "Im really having second thoughts about not circ'ing, but what's holding me back from circ'ing is that Raelynn said she'd never talk to me again. Do you think she's serious?" (to which my DH replied "yes").

So she had a girl, so it's a non issue, but it's been on my mind that she said this, and I don't know if I should feel guilty or not? I want my intactivism to have an effect, but I wasn't expecting someone to say that the ONLY thing keeping them from circ'ing was that I wouldn't speak to them again. I want people not to circ because they understand how damaging it is and how wrong it is.

How would you feel about this, if she had a boy and not circ'ed because she didn't want to lose me as a friend? Would you say "a baby saved, doesn't matter for what reason" or would you feel like you guilted a friend into not doing it by "threatening" your friendship (which was never my intention, I didn't think she was even considering circ'ing).

[babygrant]

I wouldn't feel guilty because for me it's the truth. I defenitely lose a lot of respect for people after they've been given all the facts about circing and then do it anyways. Most of the reasons are just pathetic "Well I wanted him to look like his dad", "Most women prefer their sexual partners circ'd", "A circ'd penis is just so much easier to clean".

Hold your head up and keep that intactivism going. Be happy knowing that you would've saved a little boy his foreskin!

[DklovesMkandJK]

I agree with the PP. A baby saved is a baby saved.

Personally I have become more and more of an intactivist as the time passes and I learn more about circ'ing and I'm sure your friend would have also.
Yay for you for having taken a stand that I'm sure she would have appreciated down the road!

[Night_Nurse]

No, I wouldn't feel guilty.
I would be curious to find out why she was once anti-circ, and even with an intact husband, then changed her mind and was leaning toward pro-circ. Have you asked her about that?

[rmzbm]

I wouldn't feel guilty. I wonder why, like night nurse said, with all that background...would she even think of circing?

[Raelynn]

She said that her sister (who is an idiot for many reasons IMO) had been spouting off a bunch of garbage about how much cleaner circ'ed penises were etc and then my friend started to get freaked out about diaper changes with an intact penis. I had explained to her in previous conversations that intact care is super easy, but she has never changed a boy's diaper. I told her there were way more places to clean on a girl, that there really isn't anywhere for "stuff" to hide on a boy. I explained not to retract, and she seemed really cool with it. Then my DH and her had this conversation and everything had changed.

I highly doubt my friend even discussed circ'ing with her boyfriend, because I'm certain he would have had a LOT to say about it.

[newmama8824]

I can see why you would feel that way. If I were you I would talk to her about it, and make sure she knows that it wasn't a threat, that you said it because you would have lost so much respect for her for being able to do that to her son. Maybe that will help things.

It's not an easy decision to make, especially when you aren't as well informed about it and then to have others saying negative things about it makes it even more difficult. I was in that position at one time, now I have enough information to shoot down anything anyone says but their was a time when I didn't know enough to do that.

Oh, well, if all fails... At least she had a GIRL!!!! wheww...

[eepster]

Originally Posted by Night_Nurse

I would be curious to find out why she was once anti-circ, and even with an intact husband, then changed her mind and was leaning toward pro-circ. Have you asked her about that?

:

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

To me a baby saved is a baby saved no matter what. But I would make it a point to sit down with her now and discuss it in detail because if she has another child down the road you want to make 100% sure she understands exactly why you are so anti circ.

Give her the information she needs to refute everything her sister is spouting about the intact penis.

[Fi.]

I wouldn't feel guilty because for me, it's one of those things that is 100% true. I wouldn't be saying it as a guilt trip, I'd mean it 100%.

[IsaacAndAnnalee]

I'd feel a lot more guilty if your DH had said you didn't really mean it and she'd had a boy and circ'd him.

[kimkabob5]

I wouldn't feel guilty but it would upset me that my friend didn't feel comfortable enough to talk to me about how she felt. It's not her penis, it's not your penis, it's her son's penis. Problem is, most people don't get that.

My guess is that she had many other people giving her the opposite info from you. I don't know. It's such a cultural thing, and to think such a "highly evolved culture" as the US of A regards cutting the genitalia of newborns is highly disturbing to me - however, I understand the place she is coming from.

But no guilt.....just imagine how guilty you would feel if you said nothing and she let them cut him simply because you never tried to educate her.

Furthermore, if this is foremost your dh's friend, then let him deal with it. Does he feel you stepped a line?

Quite frankly, I'm just glad she had a girl. I can't take much more of this. I want to move to Europe.

[Night_Nurse]

Originally Posted by kimkabob5

I can't take much more of this. I want to move to Europe.

I'm right there with you! I feel the same.