Hellooo! I shouldn't have to *tell* you when you're being ignorant!! (Vent) - Page 2

[1jooj]

Kama, you're right--which brings us back to the original "rant" of the thread.

[kama'aina mama]

Yeah...once every few months I get one right.

[merpk]

Before I "came out" as a religious person, I regularly heard comments at my workplace that were intensely bigoted against my own people, among others. And it was often "overhearing" people's conversations, not that they were shouting it in the halls.

It hurts if it's said quietly or loudly.

Also, forgive the extreme example, but I know a rape victim who had a nervous breakdown after walking past a construction site. IYKWIM about constructions sites ... though not to condemn all construction workers as sexist pigs ... anyway, how do you know who is listening and what they will be able to deal with?

[1jooj]

Wow...so what happens when my dh gets home from work today? He tells me this long story. I won't get into details, but suffice to say a bunch of bad stuff happened today, and while management got involved, he still has what I think is good reason to fear for his life.

He made it clear to the donkey at work that he will not live in fear, nor will he tolerate another instance of this--but the guy owns guns. Said donkey will also, obviously as a result of his actions this week, move up the short list of candidates for layoff.

Dh is not so concerned about himself, but takes very seriously his commitment to wife and children. He's actually writing down names of who's who, so I know whom to call and whom to accuse, should something unspeakable happen.

OK--so, what the guy actually said to dh might not have been so terrible, if it "stood alone," but--this was after dh heard him make really, truly, horrible offensive remarks about POC and women.

EXACTLY HERE is where such private, meaningless conversations can lead. I am trying to console myself with the fact that management was involved, and since it's a huge corporation, they have a lot to protect, and it's in their best interest not to let one employee actually kill another one. It's not just the harrassment, but the potential for violence, that makes me a basket case.

[merpk]

UmmNuh ... You & DH should write down/memorialize the whole incident with this guy at work, every detail he can remember about it and his interaction with him. While it's still fresh in his mind. Just so it's there.

[1jooj]

Yup. Hate to think of having to dedicate a notebook to such a thing, but, well, there it is.

Now dh will also get to see his coworkers for who they are in this context. I think most will blame dh for the other guy's getting into trouble--and at the same time I know that some people will encircle him and try to make things OK.

And here's the thing: most of the people who will stand up and say the other guy has a problem, and his actions are a problem in the workplace, will be women. Why? Because women and POC are the ones who are up against this stuff every day.

I reminded dh that his employer has a federally mandated duty to provide a harrassment free workplace, and reassured him that he didn't overreact. Sad thing is, when other stuff--less violent stuff--has come up, and I mentioned it to my Mom, she accused us of bellyaching and whining. People's ignorance bothers me, sure--but I am talking about living in fear. Back then when it was less scary (just post-9/11 reactionary stuff), I could see how it could lead to much worse. Some people just cannot see the slope, I guess.

[sohj]

mamabutterfly: I really liked your statement.

I have, on occasion, said that I like hearing sexist/xenophobic/racist remarks out loud because I would rather KNOW what sort of garbage a moron is thinking rather than wonder about it later. (This gets said to someone who has just said something insulting and then done one of those soooooo annoying 'apologies' if anyone is "too PC" and it bothered them.)

In fact, I once got offered a job from a (very sexist) tunneling engineer BECAUSE I had told him off in that way and I think he was floored. I then asked him if he wanted me to work for him so he could repay me in some really brutal way for telling him off. He said "No. Its because I think you have brass balls and spit iron for breakfast and would have no trouble down the hole with the sand hogs! No one has ever said anything like that to me!"

[mamabutterfly]

Originally posted by sohj


In fact, I once got offered a job from a (very sexist) tunneling engineer BECAUSE I had told him off in that way and I think he was floored. I then asked him if he wanted me to work for him so he could repay me in some really brutal way for telling him off. He said "No. Its because I think you have brass balls and spit iron for breakfast and would have no trouble down the hole with the sand hogs! No one has ever said anything like that to me!"

:LOL

Thanks for the story! As a postscript, the encounter last month has led to a number of very interesting conversations with my manager, and some very distinct changes in his workplace demeanor. He was sure I wold "hate him" (or at least not respect him) as a result of this, and when I didn't, I think he was very moved.

mb

[sohj]

GOOD!!!