I feel so sad, hurt and angry - Page 2

[Citymomx3]

She sounds incredibly jealous of your life and feels the need to knock you down off the wonderful place you've made for yourselves in order to make herself feel better about her own empty life.

[amandaleigh37]

I'm so sorry she said those terrible things about you!

I think the other posters gave you great advice - try not to let her bring you down. The best indicator to how well your parenting is working is your children. Are they healthy? Are they happy? Are they learning? My guess is they are. Just keep reminding yourself what really matters - obviously not her silly opinion.

[UUMom]

Originally Posted by SandyBeachBums

Perhaps your guys can thank her for her concern. Then ask her what she would like to contribute to your life that would be helpful? Will she be moving to a more exotic location again? Perhaps she would like to share the new area with pictures, local toys, legends, etc. She may be making a fool of herself, but a lot of us did pre-children. It might be a great opportunity to give her and your children a chance to develop a special bond that they might not get.

I would tend to give her the benefit of the doubt at this point...only because she has no experience whatysover and it sounds that she may be speaking out of concern...out of total ignorance as well, but if this is the first time she's pout her face in your biz, I might *might* cut her some slack.

She doesn't have kids, and she's traveled a lot and lived all over. That's a very different world. My college roomie has been an expat for her whole adult life. She has lived everywhere, and she knows tons of children who attend very competitive, highly regarded international schools. It's all she knows. She was surprised about my hsing..her dh asked me some questions that I found offensive. But I realized he was coming from a very different world of international, cometetive folks with kids who are expected to preform a certain way and live a certain life. Not getting up late and feeding chickens, reading Harry Potter all day, kwim? His world is his world. I owe him no explainations for my life, and his experiences are real.

If, in the past, she has been a loving person, I would have a nice chat. If she is not a decent/kind person, I would tell her that your life style is not up for discussion ever again.

[Dakota's Mom]

We dealt with this at a recent holiday party. My husband's friend has a fourth grade child who is in speech therapy. When I said that our son was on a waiting list for speech therapy, she immediately said that if he was in school he could get services right away. She went on and on about how smart he was and how frustrating it must be for him to wait. I told her that the therapist who has years of experience with this told me that they generally don't do therapy with kindergarten kids anyway, they wait to see if they outgrow the problems. She then said, "Oh no, if he were in school they HAVE to give him services." Apparently she knows more than the therapist does. But she's that way about all homeschooling issues.

Your SIL has no kids, even if she did, she does not parent YOUR kids. You make the decisions regarding your children, not anyone else.

Kathi

[callmemama]

"I was the perfect parent...until I had kids."

LOL - I have said this so often since my child was born!

Mama, she doesn't know diddly. You don't need her approval. You and your dh are the parents. You know what's best for your children. So many intelligent people just "don't get it".

[mammal_mama]

Originally Posted by swellmomma

I can see her speaking up if you guys ate at rotten ronny's daily, or your house was infested with bugs nad rodent due to mess, or if educating your children involved illegal activity like how to run a grow op.

I disagree -- except about the illegal activity. Even if the OP's family DID eat at rotten ronny's daily, or have bugs and rodents in the house, it would still be rude and intrusive for the SIL to behave in the way that she did.

OP, . Your SIL DOES sound like a real UA violation. And yes, I did have some judgmental attitudes before I had kids, to the point where a relative once had to let me know that I was overstepping my boundaries, and that the decision we were discussing was hers and her husband's to make, not mine.

You know what? Ignorant and childless as I was, when my relative made it clear that I was annoying her, I shut up about the issue (except when self-righteously commiserating with my friends, who didn't have contact with this relative), and accepted that she was the parent, not me.

When your dh let this woman know she was over-stepping her boundaries, she just kept right on going. She didn't have sense to drop the issue. This is different from just being the "perfect parent" because you don't have any kids yourself. This is total disrespect for other people.

And your SIL's problem is HER problem. Don't make it yours!

[almama]

I always wonder what the heck these people are afraid of.

Honestly, I think it would be best to take the high road and not respond any more to her. If she comes out with something judgmental again, just stop it and tell her it is simply a taboo subject.

Oh, it would be so fun to get snarky though. Hmm, is she afraid when she asks your kids "how is school going?" they might actually tell her something interesting - instead of "we chased girls in the playground and learned to take our hoods off inside" (verbatim from my recently PS'd son).

I'm not trying to be harsh , but for some reason you let what you know to be absurd comments dig at you though. Be secure in yourself and let the junk flow where it belongs - into the trash and not your world.

Best of luck!

[dillonandmarasmom]

isn't it just lovely when relatives tell you how to do things the right way?

i am sorry your SIL has chosen to attack your ways. What a PITA it is to have that in your life. What you both choose to do is *your* choice. Nobody else has a say. Sheesh!

[Mrs. Cheerful Face]

I also agree with the OP. Many good ideas here....

You also might mention to her the next time you hear from her, "They make all kinds of alternative solution undergarments, and you would be happy to put her in touch with some info. on how to get those tight panties out from up her backside, because they are obviously impairing her otherwise reasonable judgement."

Sorry, I just couldn't help myself, just went a couple of rounds with mom and sil earlier today too. Check my siggy on how we deal with this. HTH

[rmzbm]

I'm almost tempted to ask your last name, cuz I'm pretty sure we have the same SIL.

[mammal_mama]

Originally Posted by Mrs. Cheerful Face

You also might mention to her the next time you hear from her, "They make all kinds of alternative solution undergarments, and you would be happy to put her in touch with some info. on how to get those tight panties out from up her backside, because they are obviously impairing her otherwise reasonable judgement."

[mamadecuatro]

Originally Posted by mammal_mama

That was a good one!

Hang in there, she'll regret saying those things one day!

[oliveoildog]

Wow, just wow. I felt myself getting angry just reading the original post. Your husband must be the most patient man ever.

[CariOfOz]

My response?

Yes isn't freedom a wonderful thing.. when YOU have children YOU will get to research & make your own choices and do what YOU know is right for YOUR own family. Until then, absolutely none of what you just said was any of YOUR business to comment on so don't bother calling again until you understand that this is a boundary not to be crossed again.

My sil (who is many years younger, and dingier..although the two may or may not be correllational ) used to give advice to me when my 5yo was a baby. I eventually had to remind her that I DO have teenage sons and have it pretty much under control thanks!

[chaoticzenmom]

Originally Posted by sunnmama

Can she send it to me? I am dying of curiosity here...what "research"?

My message to her would be this: different is not bad. You do things differently, and that is ok. Your dc are thriving and happy, and that is all that matters.

Attacking your children, your family, and your home, however, is completely unacceptable and will not be tolerated. If the subject is brought up again, my response would be "We are not going to discuss this."

I'll bet she'll send the article written by the school custodian...you know, the one on the educational website bashing homeschooling.LOL Where is that article when you need a good laugh?

Your SIL is just rude. Don't play into her and ignore her. I'm curious about her "research" as well. Tell her that you've done your research, but it does sound like she needs to research homeschooling for herself.

In her defense, I had some pretty dumb ideas about what homeschooling was or should be when I first started researching homeschooling for us. I've come full circle, so I know it's possible.

Good luck
Lisa

[Wilhemina]

I knew before you even finished your story that she had no kids of her own. Hope you can laugh her ridiculous comments off, that's all they deserve.

[MsBirdie]

For her being as well travelled as she is, she is still very small minded. I would definitely tell her she is no longer welcome around if she continues to disrespect you and your family.


I can only imagine her sitting down with some Kuwaiti family telling them that how they raise their children is bad because it is different.

[homeschoolingmama]

Thank you so much everyone for your support! Just when I needed it the most you were there. You guys offer a support that is hard to find anywhere else. You are going through this journey with me and understand where I am coming from and that is comforting! UPDATE: She wrote us an email apologizing and hoping that we can forgive her for overstepping boundaries. I do forgive her and told her so but it is very hard to get past this! Now I know how she AND my inlaws feel about us. I feel very hurt right now. I sent her my homeschooling blog (not much yet but I'll work on it..lol) I told her not to bring up homeschooling again but if she is interested she can read our blog. www.savardhomeiscool.blogspot.com
She said she feels awful and was just concerned about our children. I told her that our house isn't a Desperate Housewives house (can't wait to see what happens with the aftermath of the tornado!!!) but an Everybody Loves Raymond house It is lived in a cozy.
Thank you again so much for being there when I needed it most!

[Wilhemina]

Originally Posted by homeschoolingmama

Now I know how she AND my inlaws feel about us. I feel very hurt right now.

I know she represented herself this way, but it may or may not be true. Not that she intentionally lied, but it could be that she spoke out of turn, or really doesn't understand her parents' feelings about all this. If I were you, I would try to believe that she doesn't speak for your mil and fil and let them speak for themselves.

I can sure see how this will be hard to get past!

[emmsmama]

I'm glad she emailed to apologize. I still wouldn't be inviting her over to stay ever again though unless I knew without a doubt that she had changed her opinion of things in your family.