Getting Through Christmas

[AlwaysByMySide]

Anyone else having a tough time?

I ended up taking down most of our Christmas decorations. I'm just not feeling it this year. DD1 is young enough to not really notice or care, thank goodness. I'm spending entirely too much time imagining how things would've been if Chloe hadn't died, the presents we'd be giving the girls together (I'm one of those people who shops WAY ahead of time, especially when there is a sale. DD1 was supposed to get a cash register and DD2 was supposed to get a shopping cart, for instance, to play with together. I still have the toys in storage, I saw them the other day and got really upset.), how much fun we'd be having together. It's hard to watch DD1 play with her toys and know that she SHOULD be playing with her sister too.

I wanted to pretend that the holidays weren't going to hurt, but they do. I can't wait until they're over.

[aprildawn]

I'm sorry for the pain you're feeling.
May the next days until Christmas pass quickly. I will pray that you can find some comfort and peace somewhere in the midst of your grief.

[EVC]

I'm so sorry

[superstella]

[AidynElyMama]

I am so sorry for the pain you're feeling, I hope you can find some comfort in your daughter and family.

[rachelle-a-tron]

Love to you Mama...

[cristeen]

This time of year is always hard for me... this year doubly so. Know that you are not alone in that.

[baileyandmikey]

hugs mama... she was beautiful...

[homewithtwinsmama]

This is the third Christmas since we lost Leighanna and the first time I have felt I had my heart in the holiday. I didn't send Christmas cards for two years (couldn't stand the family picture with its missing member). I only decorated so my 8 year olds really wanted it, but did a lot less than my normal over the top style. Just really went through the motions. This year was good until a client sent me her Christmas photo of HER twin girls in cute red outfits. Leighanna and her sister are identical twins and it all crashed on me that I wouldn't ever get a picture like that. It took a day to recover from that card, but I think this will be an okay year for me. What i have learned after three years is that time really does change my perception of the pain/loss.

[bellabear]

[chrissy]

[*Melissa*]

I'm so sorry you have to go through this.

[mountainmummy]

Alwaysbymyside: I know how you feel. We lost our daughter after 13 hours of life in September, and I was all about matching jammies at Christmas, sleigh rides, everything, just our perfect family of four..every time we do something with just evan now, it's a reminder that someone's missing, someone else should be here... and it's so heartbreaking. I'm sad for you, because I know how much you are hurting. It's horrible, and no one should ever, ever have to bury their child. I'm so sorry.


homewithtwinsmama: your post give me hope. I have a 4 year old at home, but it doesn't negate the crushing pain I feel for the loss of my daughter one bit. I hate when people say "at least you have your son"....yes, but I should have my daughter too, you know? I am glad after 3 years, your pain has eased, and you feel in the spirit. I did the xmas thing this year, but only for Evan really. I did enjoy watching him be so excited over christmas, but my heart wasn't in it, that's for sure. And christmas is a really big deal for me, so it's just another ripoff in the whole deal, you know? I'm sorry about the card, that must have been so hard to see, and have the reality of it all slap you in the face again.