Originally Posted by Datura
Well, yes people make mistakes, but it took a long time to make that one. It would have had to have happened, he'd have had to react, decide to wash the kid's mouth out, drag said kid to the bathroom, hold them down and do it. I can understand slapping out of reaction but not so much with the drawn out stuff.
I think this is what impacted me the most when I read the OP. Mouth washing is deliberate and drawn out. Had she posted "My husband popped her on the mouth" I'd be more inclined to say, "You know, maybe he was at his wit's end, and GD goes out the window sometimes when you're most stressed It's not right, but for next time a better idea for him would be ..." Because popping and slapping tend to be knee jerk reactions (they spit, you slap, they touch the stove you pop their hands). It's not right
, but these can be chalked up to heat of the moment mistakes, I'm sure many MDC moms and dads have made them here, and I don't consider them abuse (unless it happens every single day, then you've got a temper problem.). But to drag your kid to the bathroom or kitchen, and hold them down while washing out their mouth is not a spur of the moment action.
Originally Posted by lab
What would I do?
I would calmly (calmly) have a discussion with my hubby and let him know what I expected. I would also talk to him about his expectations. We would work it out.... No biggie.....
Your hubby was probably stressed. He had a bad day. People make mistakes......
Note above. This was deliberate, not a mistake. A mistake would have been popping her on the mouth. And I'm sure she'll live, but with what? Fear of her father? Being traumatized, getting sick? I don't pretend to know the sensitivity level of her 3 year old
daughter. Sure, the girl may bounce back like nothing ever happened...or...she may decide to clam up and never try anything new for fear of punishment, or avoid the bathroom, or any other reaction within that spectrum. We don't know.
Originally Posted by SublimeBirthGirl
I'd have a very serious chat with the husband. I'd explain the difference between discipline and abuse. I'd suggest some family therapy to help you all find some common ground on discipline. Kids spit. It's not like she tried to stab him. My 1st went through a spitting stage. We redirected her outside. Spit as much as you want there. I can't imagine loving a man who would do such a thing. It would cause great harm to my marriage.
I definitely think some serious therapy is needed here. The husband has some issues that he needs to work out from his childhood, and he needs to be informed that these are unacceptable ways to parent.
And I do put myself in the OP's shoes. If my husband were to tell me he hit dd in the heat of the moment, I'd be angry at first, but we would work it out and help him find ways to not get to that point again. (Redirect, time out for daddy, etc) If he called me to say he washed her mouth out, or used tabasco or hit her with an implement, I'd be home in a flash and he'd be out the door even faster. He knows that is completely unacceptable.