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so here is a sentence I never thought I would say - Page 2

post #21 of 135
Quote:
Originally Posted by lillian View Post
ii dont see how you can compare it to rape, though. prostitution maybe. but it's a legal contract between two adults so i guess i dont see the harm in it.
It's often a contract between one adult (not the bride) and a broker. In other words, thinly veiled prostitution - sometimes forced prostitution.
post #22 of 135
Wowza!!!!!
post #23 of 135
Quote:
Originally Posted by Penelope View Post
The whole thought of a mail-order bride makes me sick. The thought of a mail-order bride about to be married to a closeted gay alcoholic twenty years her senior with whom she shares no common language... good God.

How is that not very, very thinly disguised rape?
My older half-brother has a mail-order wife. They've been married about 13 years now, have 2 kids, and she's adjusted very well to life in the Yukon. She's Filipina.

Marrying my brother allowed her entry to Canada, and he later sponsored most of her extended family to come over. She has a good job, 2 fantastic kids, and while I don't think a whole lot of my brother (we had some issues with his mom after our dad died) he is in no way an abusive or difficult man to live with.

If SIL had stayed in the Phillipines, she would have had a much harder life, and any kids she had wouldn't have had anywhere near the opportunities that her kids have here.

Anyway. It worked for them, and having had one failed marriage myself, I can certainly see the allure of an arranged marriage, because let's face it, North Americans seem to kind of really suck at picking decent partners face-to-face, if the divorce rate is anything to go by.
post #24 of 135
If I were young, hot, and single, I might like to be a mail-order bride...



... which is why it's probably a good idea that I'm neither young, nor hot, nor single. Some fantasies should stay fantasies. Way too much potential for something, or many things, to go wrong.

I probably would never really do it. But I can see the appeal.
post #25 of 135
Quote:
Originally Posted by Synthea™ View Post
That's either a bad or good romance novel right there.
Yeah, or either a Lifetime Movie or a new show on TLC.

"Coming up on TLC after What Not To Wear... it's 'Thai-ing the Knot'!"
post #26 of 135
Quote:
Originally Posted by kamilla626 View Post
Yeah, or either a Lifetime Movie or a new show on TLC.

"Coming up on TLC after What Not To Wear... it's 'Thai-ing the Knot'!"
From the people who brought you "What Not To Wear," comes... "Whom Not To Marry"!


He's gay, alcoholic, and likes one-night stands. She's Thai and doesn't speak his language. Watch them learn to live together! Up next after the break.
post #27 of 135
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brigianna View Post
From the people who brought you "What Not To Wear," comes... "Whom Not To Marry"!
post #28 of 135
Dh knows a guy who had a mail order bride. I was quite shocked as well.
post #29 of 135
Kamilla, your one-liners always crack me up.

DH and I stood in line next to a presumed mail order bride couple at the INS office a few years ago. Of course, when one "stands in line" at the INS, you're spending the next 2-6 hours in close quarters. : The man was 70 years old if he was a day, the woman was probably late 20s and eastern European, very statuesque and attractive. They appeared to not be able to speak each other's language but they each knew a handful of words in French and were practically playing Pictionary to make up the (vast) difference. DH and I were quite amazed at them, but it was even more amazing (to us) that they were apparently there to remove the "conditions" of the marriage...meaning they had been married for about two years and were applying for the permanent green card. Now, DH and I both speak English, but still had enough bumps to make the first two years, um, exciting. I could not imagine how this couple were happy, but then decided that happiness was actually pretty relative. I have no idea what she left behind, I have no idea what the older man's life was like prior to her arrival. So, initially what I viewed with equal parts trepidation and amusement, I decided was really none of my business to force this couple to fit my idea of what a "good marriage" should be.

In particular, as long as marriage in this country is dictated by the government, and to a large part religion, I don't really concern myself with making marriage fit some narrow view of what is right and what is wrong.
post #30 of 135
Until recently, and I mean the last five years, I thought that "mail order bride" was a euphemism for "blow up doll." At least his mail order bride isn't actually arriving UPS.
post #31 of 135
I'm finding this thread really disturbing - particularly that people feel like an industry that a) preys on women who are trying to escape poverty and b) leaves them incredibly vulnerable to abuse with no recourse is something to laugh about.
post #32 of 135
I have a close friend who married a Thai woman he met online, 30 years younger than him : Not technically a mail order bride, but he did take a few trips to Thailand specifically searching for a wife!

You know what? After a rough start, they are truly very happy. They've been married a few years now, and she has learned a lot of English through ESL classes. They work as a team in their business (small business he had before marrying her, and she joined in with enthusiasm and fresh ideas/energy), and send money to support her father in Thailand.

Now, he isn't an alcoholic or a closet gay man, lol, but he does have his own set of issues. She does as well. But overall, they are very happy to have found each other, and are making the best of life. I can't tell you how many people are annoyed by their happiness
post #33 of 135
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dragonfly View Post
I'm finding this thread really disturbing - particularly that people feel like an industry that a) preys on women who are trying to escape poverty and b) leaves them incredibly vulnerable to abuse with no recourse is something to laugh about.
If you choose to marry a total stranger from another country, I'm not going to stop you (consenting adults and all that), but, I do think you deserve to be laughed at. Because that is pretty ridiculous.

Of course if the women is forced to do it, that isn't ridiculous; it's tragic. But the OP gave no indication that this was the case, and it isn't the case in most mail-order bride situations. Most mail-order brides, at least from what I have read, are in it because they want to marry a rich foreigner. There are exceptions, and I'm sure many find true love this way. But mostly, yeah, it's pretty ridiculously pathetic. And that's funny.
post #34 of 135
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brigianna View Post
From the people who brought you "What Not To Wear," comes... "Whom Not To Marry"!


He's gay, alcoholic, and likes one-night stands. She's Thai and doesn't speak his language. Watch them learn to live together! Up next after the break.
post #35 of 135
Quote:
Originally Posted by mandib50 View Post
where i live, there are several men who "meet" Phillipino women and end up getting married after meeting with them a couple of times in the Phillipines. also, in our Lebanese community, there are still arranged marriages. it's kind of cute - they will deny it even though they go on a three week "trip" to Lebanon and then return with a wife
all this in my bitty bitty town of 2400.

my husband worked with a guy who had a mail order bride.
My dad married a woman from the Philippines. My mom is always saying she was a mail order... : She was working here before she even met my dad. I think they met through a friend that is also married to a woman from the Philippines. She is closer to my age than his though. They now have two kids. One is over a year younger than my dd and the other is two months older than ds. That is odd to me. I'm 22 years older than my little brother and 24 years older than my little sister.

I was at our doctors office with ds one day and a man came in with a woman. She was from Russia, and didn't speak any English. He was telling the lady checking her in that she just got to the country and she needed a check up for marriage. Then they sat down and he handed her a Dr. Seuss book and in a mocking tone told her to she need to start with that. She laughed and kind threw it at him. I can't say what was really going on but my first thought was Mail-order.
post #36 of 135
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brigianna View Post
Of course if the women is forced to do it, that isn't ridiculous; it's tragic. But the OP gave no indication that this was the case, and it isn't the case in most mail-order bride situations. Most mail-order brides, at least from what I have read, are in it because they want to marry a rich foreigner. There are exceptions, and I'm sure many find true love this way. But mostly, yeah, it's pretty ridiculously pathetic. And that's funny.
I've read just the opposite.

Oh, well. I guess it's funny when women are forced to sell themselves to get out of poverty. It's also a real riot when those women tolerate sometimes severe abuse because they don't want to chance being deported. And it's especially hilarious when women enter into arrangements where they essentially expect to buy their freedom from mail-order brokers and find that they never quite get there. Laugh a minute.
post #37 of 135
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phantaja View Post
Until recently, and I mean the last five years, I thought that "mail order bride" was a euphemism for "blow up doll." At least his mail order bride isn't actually arriving UPS.

Hahaha!
post #38 of 135
I don't feel sorry for gold-diggers. I don't condemn them; I don't wish them ill--but I'm not going to act like their victims when they choose to marry total strangers for their money and citizenship.

There is real sexual slavery in the world, involving children and nonconsenting women, which is horrible and tragic and should be an embarrassment to the world. I will get upset about that. I will be outraged on behalf of those people, who are victims.

But freely consenting women who see a horny American as their ticket to easy street? Not so much. Nor their husbands, either, who are so shocked and heartbroken when their wives divorce them as soon as the green card comes in. It's high-end prostitution with a notary seal. You're expecting Cinderella?
post #39 of 135
You should really do some research on the mail-order bride industry and human trafficking.

In the meantime, it might also help to remember that many, if not most, of these women have very different lives than you or I do. What looks like gold-digging from your comparatively privileged perspective may actually be survival or escape from a life that you can't possibly imagine. Or it may, in fact, be "glorified" slavery.
post #40 of 135
T
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