Poly/Swinging/ BDSM during pregnancy...

[devilish_fetish]

My dh and I are both bi, poly, in the bdsm lifestyle and swing occasionally. My question is, how did your relationship dynamics regarding this change during pregnancy and your baby's infancy? I am almost 10 weeks pregnant with twins. Neither my dh or I is in an additional relationship right now, as we put a hold on everything to get pregnant with the understanding that we'd go back to it. Dh and I are polyamorous, not polygamous, so while we can have boyfriends and girlfriends, we remain each other's primary and those people do not become a part of our family- no living together, no other marriages. If we find the right people down the road, that may change, but definitely not anytime soon. So I wanted to know about personal experiences and suggestions, and I also had some questions.

If we're just swinging with someone- possibly just a night or very short term- do you think that there's an obligation to tell them you're pregnant? Even if you know its just a sex thing and a relationship is not going to form?

Did being pregnant make you more jealous when you knew your DP was with someone else, and did it make your DP more jealous/protective when you were with someone else?

Did pregnacy affect your bdsm headspace, and how did it affect the ways/intensity that you could play (flogging, spankings, wax, etc)?

Did you being pregnant make boyfriends/girlfriends more jealous/protective?

Did you find during pregnancy and beyond that you started gravitating more towards boyfriends/girlfriends that also had children?

Advice and experiences are greatly appreciated, even if only about one of these facets of our lifestyle. TIA!

[Twylightdove]

I wish I could give you advice from personal experience but, alas, I'm not pregnant yet. My partner and I have been poly and in the life from the start of our current 8 years together. We didn't stop seeing our secondary lovers when we started ttc. But these lovers are long standing friendships as well and know we are trying. We don't really swing, we just kinda take our friends to bed. If I took on a new lover now, and knew it would just be sexual, I think the only reason I'd mention that I was pregnant is if it required extra care during sex. For example; I'm a big girl so I know that I won't show until much later than smaller girls but it may be uncomfortable or even dangerous for some one to pounce with all their weight on my stomach. If I thought that might happen then I'd mention the limitations.

As for bdsm activities during pregnancy, my kinky midwife had a long list of "please don't do this" activities so I don't think I'll ever be able to play hard enough to get anywhere near altered mindset. (I already live 24/7 service so the mental aspect is a daily routine for me.)

I know that ttc has made me need more contact and support from my partner so I'm assuming the same would be for pregnancy. (Especially if I was pregnant with multiples!) I haven't really had any jealousy though. Even when Jake took on a houseboy (who lives with us) I had no jealousy. I don't think Jake has been jealous lately...protective, yes, but ze always was that way.

I don't know how much my experience even applies to your situation, especially since, as I mentioned, I'm not pregnant yet but I just wanted to respond as a kinky, poly person.

[snoopy13]

Originally Posted by Twylightdove

As for bdsm activities during pregnancy, my kinky midwife had a long list of "please don't do this" activities so I don't think I'll ever be able to play hard enough to get anywhere near altered mindset. (I already live 24/7 service so the mental aspect is a daily routine for me.)

hey i'm not sure if your "please don't do this" list is post-able or not... would hope it is but not familiar with the rules of this site... but if so, could you? or if not and you have a a chance, could you send me a private message with the info? i'm in the TWW and will be doing some traveling with fun activities planned in the coming month during which i'll either be pregnant (hope hope hope!) or in another TWW... I would guess that most "don't do this" stuff is for later in the pregnancy, but would appreciate the peace of mind, and would love to know what i might need to consider later... most of what i've found online hasn't been that helpful....

and thanks for this thread!

in my situation so far of me and my partner TTC since April, my partner (we are non-monog but primarily play with others together) lost most all of her interest in the rough stuff and a fair amount of her interest even in vanilla sex once she started trying to conceive... now i'm the one trying, and it's been a slow season on the sex front (whether plain or fancy), but i'm still up for it and there's a lot of plans in the works for the next few months. charting is just another reminder of when my sex drive is up! she's still not that interested but i would really relish the fun/distraction, so am glad that other stuff is working out for new future...

thanks.

jd

[persephonecalls]

BDSM and labor

Hello - I'm new and just found this site, so if I say too much, or the wrong thing, my appologies, but speaking of BDSM and kinky midwifes . . . .
I'm planning to get myself knocked up soon, and I'm thinking about how I want to deliver.
What I've learned about myself and pain, is that some types of pain I like, but when one source of pain gets to be too much, pain somewhere else provides relief.
Which makes me think that someone doing naughty things to my nipples (or other places) while I'm in labor might work out great.
But - how do I talk about this/explain this to doctor/midwife/staff?

I guess I could start by looking for a kinky midwife in seattle area - any suggestions/thoughts?

Feel free to respond privately, also if whover has the lists of do's and don'ts could send it to me, that would be grand!
Persephone

Perephone

[MidgeMommy]

Headspace changes.

We continued with thuddy pain, but wow did my pain tolerance drop. It dropped before I knew I was preggo, and I think in the future it will be one of my biggest signals. I got panicky, worried about being hurt, and 'ran' from the pain. Make sure your partner knows that your body has other priorities, now, and that NOTHING is like it was.

Also, I generally disclosed our pregnancy to partners, mostly because they need to understand that that is a dynamic of our relationship (DH and mine) and also that physical limitations apply. We told all of our closest BDSM friends as soon as possible, because little jokes (like a violet wand on very low to the butt, which would normally be HILARIOUS) is NOT ok when little hearts beat inside of you. And, fear/pain/stress is the most common cause of miscarriage, and BDSM has that capacity at any time.

Also, MY relationship changed with almost everyone, because especially out in public, our good friends got SUPER protective of me, to the point of aggression with newbies and people who didn't know. It seemed to put a lot of people on edge, they seemed driven to protect and pamper me where before I could have held my own. I think it was a reaction of the protective part of both subs and doms, to protective life. It was really touching, actually.

Best of luck, I loved pregnant submission pictures we took! Just gorgeous.