Please read and help , if you can....x posted in blended families

[mothertoall]

o...long story short , because it is christmas day....and this is the lovely bomb I got dropped on me last night.....My oldest ds w/ ex who is 12 , tells me dad punched me on friday...and left this bruise. Then he shows me a half dollar or larger sized bruise on his upper arm.
Not the first time either. Ex has "accidentally" hurt them before , playing around he says......The last time my 9yo ds called me crying. I have yet to mention this mess to ex.....and the boys do not want to go back.
ds 12 says he hates his dad and 9 yo says he is scared of him.
I divorced ex because he was abusive but the court never actually acknowledged it.
so....tell me wise mamas....what now?????

[kblackstone444]

Take a picture and get a lawyer. Do they live with him or visit with him? Either way, you can file an emergency court something (sorry, can't remember what it's called- hopefully someone else will) so that they don't have to go back.

[kathywiehl]

I've never dealt with this kind of situation but I agree. Call a lawyer asap and document it. I'm not sure, but maybe even reporting it to the police would be an option? Then they would have to make a police report and it would be on record with the family court where he lives. Of course that might snowball into something larger than you are looking for but it definitely is an option.

[nextcommercial]

Why on earth would he punch him? Were they rough housing? Was he angry?

I can't imagine why he would punch his son, but I think even if it was playful, I wouldn't feel safe sending them back. Grown men should know better.

If it was in an argument or fight, then I would absolutely document everything, and get your son to go over all of the details, even if he feels a little responsible.

This is scary for a kid. They feel like they did something to provoke it, AND they really don't want dad to get in trouble, they just want it all to go away.

Don't make a huge deal out of it, let him know that it's going to be fine, and you will take care of it from here on, if he just explains it all to you.

Then get a lawyer, and sue his stupid butt for custody.

[mothertoall]

honestly, custody is what I want....but I WAS just in court two months ago...and I am BROKE. My family can NOT take a nother blow like this....we're just recovering from the last bout in family court.
I know what I should do, but what I can do is so much more difficult.....I am so scared of what comes next.....i honestly knew this day would come....as the boys got older, ex feels more justified in his way of thinking( they're boys, they should be rough housed it makes them MEN) , please , anyone , I am so scared for them.

[Suzmama]

http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/ovc/help/ca.htm

There is a national hotline for reporting child abuse, as well as numbers for most states listed on the website above. People who work with kids are mandated reporters, and if a child came to my school with a bruise and said he was punched by a parent, I would have to report it. There are resources for schools and parents as well.

Anyone can file an anonymous report, or even just call to ask "is this reportable?"

[ediesmom]

.

[MarineWife]

Can you contact CPS and ask about free legal services? Definitely take a picture of any marks or bruises and write down everything your boys tell you with dates of incidents to go with the photos.

[operamommy]

ITA with other posters. I'm sorry your son had to go through that.

Another idea (and this is to help cover you for refusing visitation if CPS etc. don't immediately suspend it) is to send your ex a certified letter stating exactly why you are suspending visitation. My attorney had me do this once when I had concerns about my older children's well-being with their father.

*hugs*