Husband and dd with bi polar

[RImommygrammy]

Ok my daughter I can deal with most of the time shes very soft hearted too but my husband hes hard hearted he is soooooooooooooooo bi polar I think he thrives on it he does like attention and his family babies him I try to do the herbal things and help him be strong and he says I ignore him aaauuuugggghhhhh one day he wants to move to Idaho (with my mil who is bi polar too could you imagine that one haha) the next day he says I never said that is anyone a caretaker of this or another disease where you think YOU are the one with the disease I begin to believe what he says I know they lie alot but would someone tell me when to tell the difference??? In his manic phase he gets violent runs away spends ALOT etc etc any one else deal with this I then deal with the fall out when he gets kicked out of where he is at and I am stupid enough I think NOW to take him back. What do you deal with I just need to vent and get some ideas here christmas was so fun lol he pouted most of day at my familys house he was loud and outgoing and maniac then once home which is how it always is he gets real moody and talks down to me ok so what is my limit???? Its been 13 years I am drained and I have no support from family they wont hear of it or read anything or listen I guess mental illness is a shameful thing to them???
Doreen

[Carley]

Sounds like you need a support group for families with bipolar members and/or co-dependants.

[AnyMama]

That's rough. Is he open to getting help? Ever? I mean, sometimes people are more open to something when they're in a state they dislike than in one they like. I would shy away from using herbals to treat a bipolar person without practitioner support because many things that treat depression can bring on manias.

There is a great book called the Mood Cure by Julia Ross. She says she doesn't recommend her method for treating bipolar, however, I think her supplements and her diet can be use broadly for mental health issues. Her diet, particularly, is something you can implement with or without the cooperation of your spouse. I find it helps our family tremendously when we eat the way she suggests.

[millsof2]

My now exhusban and i were together ten years and we spent many times apart separted while he would go off on what we later found out to be manic states. It took 8 nearly nine years of sticking in there before he was diagnosed as bipolar to me it was a relief. We now had the answer i could help him fix it! But even medicated he questioned wiether or not he could live with his life as he had never known it any other way. HIs family were never supportive and my family tried but they rally didnt understand. It was so lonley and fustrating at times. Because we had two children i stayed and because i did love him but the older the children got the more i grew as a person and i realised that this could really do some damage to our children. I didnt want them to feel like they had failed him everytime he left or feel like they had to make everything right for him when the world was closing in on him and he couldnt cope. Not to mention the financial hardship it caused. We never owned anything!
Six months after his diagnosis he told me he didnt want to continue his meds anymore and that he wanted to lives his life as he had known it. I couldnt stand to fall again so i made him make a choice us or himself because even though he couldnt help it it was selfish of him to not want to try to fix it for me and his kids. I felt llike we were given a miricale and he was taking it away from us. He even spent weeks homeless at one point??!!!
For about a year he tryed to live his life and still be there for us but now ive had to say thats enough! We got divorced in october and it hurt like crazy but slowly as the years have gone by these highs and lows have taken there toll and he is not the man i fell in love with or the man i married! YOu will have a breaking point! Bipolar is a nasty disease and even with treatment the battle rages on! I feel your pain and i ask you to consider what price are you and your children willing to pay. Please dont take this as an attack i just want to share with you my story and i wish you all the best.

[Carley]

As someone with rapid cycling Bipolar 1 ("the most difficult to treat") I can tell you that with motivation to be well & a great treatment plan one can lead a "normal" life, just as someone with Diabeties, Epilepsy or another medical disorder that requires lifestyle changes & medication.

[millsof2]

Thats lovely but it also requires the person to be on stable meds long enough to realise the change! Not everything has a bandaid fix! Too many people suffer in silence or without the knowledge of the "cure" Mental illness has a terriable stigma attached and unlike diabetes no one mentions it! OH yes by the way my brain is inbalacnced!! sorry Im angry that so many people just dont get it! Thank god you are a functiooning person please shout it out to the world so others can see that yes it is difficult but you can do it!

[Carley]

What's "lovely?" There are accute anti-psychotics and benzos that can help anyone through the period before their Lamictal or Lithium kick in, they just need to desire being well. It sounds like her husband is too busy enjoying his manic episodes to want help. There is NO way you can make someone want it. She needs support from people going through the same thing through support groups such as coda & DBSA

I never said anything had a "band aid fix," I said wellness requires motivation, a treatment plan & lifestyle changes.


http://www.nami.org/
http://www.codependents.org/
http://www.dbsalliance.org/site/Page...?pagename=home

[millsof2]

Originally Posted by Carley

What's "lovely?" There are accute anti-psychotics and benzos that can help anyone through the period before their Lamictal or Lithium kick in, they just need to desire being well. It sounds like her husband is too busy enjoying his manic episodes to want help. There is NO way you can make someone want it. She needs support from people going through the same thing through support groups such as coda & DBSA

I never said anything had a "band aid fix," I said wellness requires motivation, a treatment plan & lifestyle changes.


http://www.nami.org/
http://www.codependents.org/
http://www.dbsalliance.org/site/Page...?pagename=home

I never said you had to make someone want it you just want to attack me for what reason i dont know! Read it again i never quoted you as saying anything i was expressing my opinion. Maybe it is different for a man than a woman who knows but what i do know is this isnt easy for anyone! If you want to blow your horn about how great you are i think its inappropriate when someone is asking for advise. The situation requires more empathy and you dont seem to understand that! By attacking me and picking at my opinions and putting down my experiences you have come across as rude!
QUOTE: It sounds like her husband is too busy enjoying his manic episodes to want help. There is NO way you can make someone want it. ]
WEll no shit thats exactly what im saying and that was because he has an illness there is no magic fix for everyone!!!! So many hospital stays so many theopists and doctors but he couldnt find a happy medium thats all im saying. This woman is intilled to see both sides of the story! You are who you are but i bet you dont understand what it would be like to deal with some you love being like this. I bet when you were not medicated you couldnt see how it effected other people!
We are talking about a husband and a dd two very precious things! Dont go using this forum to attack my opinions!

[BunnySlippers]

My ex was bi-polar or paranoid schizophrenic (or both). I never found out the final diagnoses. I ended up walking because I didn't want my daughter to be harmed during his violent outbursts.

At times I thought I was the 'crazy' one, and started to question my reality and believe his lies. He was just that sure of himself.

He waivered between being sure(and king) of his world, to being terrified of his world, to seeking help in the form of Drs and mental health clinics where he would check in and take meds,then he would be 'ok' for awhile, then the meds would start to bug him or he would feel he no longer needed them and we would be back to the beginning of the cycle.
I did understand his not wanting to take prescription drugs, so I tried to gently offer alternatives and solutions like looking into diet, homeopathy, herbs, counseling, but he would then get angry at me.
The psycotic episodes got more violent with the end of every cycle, so I had to go. I couldn't help him, in fact I think being around me made him worse.

I guess I have no help to offer, just support from someone who has been there

[BunnySlippers]

Originally Posted by millsof2

Thats lovely but it also requires the person to be on stable meds long enough to realise the change! Not everything has a bandaid fix! Too many people suffer in silence or without the knowledge of the "cure" Mental illness has a terriable stigma attached and unlike diabetes no one mentions it! OH yes by the way my brain is inbalacnced!! sorry Im angry that so many people just dont get it! Thank god you are a functiooning person please shout it out to the world so others can see that yes it is difficult but you can do it!

Millsof2- that was pretty rude. Carley was responding to the op not attacking your post. She has a right to express her view, opinion, experience and support here, same as you.

[millsof2]

[QUOTE=BunnySlippers;10206100]My ex was bi-polar or paranoid schizophrenic (or both). I never found out the final diagnoses. I ended up walking because I didn't want my daughter to be harmed during his violent outbursts.

At times I thought I was the 'crazy' one, and started to question my reality and believe his lies. He was just that sure of himself.

He waivered between being sure(and king) of his world, to being terrified of his world, to seeking help in the form of Drs and mental health clinics where he would check in and take meds,then he would be 'ok' for awhile, then the meds would start to bug him or he would feel he no longer needed them and we would be back to the beginning of the cycle.

I Totaly understand the "im the crazy one" feeling. the cycle of taking meds being ok then going off them was exactly what happened to us. Thats the hardest thing to deal with when you think there is finally hope in changing. You have probably done the best thing for you and your daughter. I think its sad that this has to happen to anyone but the reality it seems is that it does to many families.
best wishes