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I posted earlier and asked how Christmas/Holiday visitation was handled because this was my DH turn to have DSS for the Holiday and DSS mom wanted to see him on Christmas.

Well DH told her he would think about it and for some reason she decided to go out of state to visit her family for Christmas. I thought this was great because she wouldn't be "controlling" our holiday like so many times in the past.

We live on the east coast and DH is working on the west coast so he flew home for Christmas and gave DSS's mom the dates he would be here to exercise his visitation. He also told her when he would be bringing DSS home, because he has to fly back to the west coast for work. She seemed fine with that.

Well, DSS tells us his mom doesn't know when she is coming back. DH calls her to talk about this and she just doesn't know when she is coming home. It might be the day before DH goes back, it might be the day DH goes back. It might be the day after DH goes back or even later. She just doesn't know when she is coming back. Now I don't mind DSS being here after DH leaves but this does bother me on so many levels.

First of all, how does it make DSS feel that he has no idea when his mom is coming back? ( He is a teenager so I am thinking it would be much harder if he was a younger child. When he was younger, many times she wouldn't be home when we returned him from weekend visits and he would cry and cry because his mom wasn't home.)

Second of all, she knows DH is leaving to go back to the west coast so I think she is again trying to "control" our holiday but in a different way than usual.

I think it is disrespectful to DH and DSS to decide she doesn't know if she will be home when DH is supposed to return DSS - of course he won't take him home if she isn't there - he will just stay with me until his mom gets home but I like to know what is going on. I just don't want her to come home when she is ready and say "OK I am home, you can bring him home now".

I also just don't understand how a mom can do this to her child. I can't make her come home and I can't make her tell us when she is coming home, but I just don't know how to deal with this. Does anyone have any advice about I can keep myself from getting so frustrated when having to deal with situations like these?