What does "I'm in it for the baby"mean?

[Nan'sMom]

I recently interviewed a homebirth mw who told me she was just in it for the baby's sake, and then further elaborated that she was there to look over the mom's shoulder to make sure the baby was ok. Honestly, it reminded me of the hospital birth mentality of mother vs. baby and not trusting the mother. Is this normal talk in midwifery circles? I found it to be an inappropriate comment and, needless to say, no way I'd let her near my birthing space, but just wondered if it struck any birth professionals as odd as well.

[Malga]

Yeah, I find that theory a little odd. I would say I'm in it for the sake of everyone involved, mother and baby and family included.

[SublimeBirthGirl]

When I feel drawn to midwifery it often has more to do with supporting women than the birth part! I have no idea what's normal though. It sounds odd to me.

[Romana]

I'm not a birth professional. The doctor I saw for my last birth, however, was clearly just "in it for the baby." It took me a while to figure out that this was why, despite having attended homebirths for over 20 years and being pro-BF, many of his actions and policies seemed mother-unfriendly. He really wasn't interested in the woman at all, except in that she eat well and exercise and birth in a way that was best for the baby (and if, incidentally, these things were good for her too, then great). But if the woman had a problem that might in any way conflict with the baby's best interests, or the woman was having a problem during pregnancy that didn't affect the baby, it was of no interest whatsoever and the mother was just expected to deal with it (example - major pain due to SPD totally ignored/belittled by doctor).

I think some birth attendants are "in it for the baby." I don't want one like that again, though. It made for a rough pregnancy and difficult relationship with the doctor.

[MsBlack]

The birth professionals I know, mws, doulas, etc, all seem to agree that the well being of the baby and the mother are inextricably intertwined. I have never heard one express the notion of being 'in it for the baby'. This would be a red flag for me, as a mom interviewing a mw! Casting the mother and baby as having interests that are, or are at lesat potentially, inimical to each other, goes against the grain of the way I understand pregnancy and birth.

[mendomidwife]

I understand what she meant, but it is an unfortunate use of language and I bet if you talked to her about it she would not present it that way again.

Carla

[Nicole B]

no birth professional here:
Just wanted to throw in my 2 cents...

I work at a Crisis pg center and our belief is that you save babies "one mother at a time"

I don't see how you can do baby any benefit by not caring first about the mother:
After all a healthy happy mother equals a healthy happy baby or at least gives her baby the best chance!

I'd definitely not be interested in a midwife that didn't care about me just as much as she cared about the baby

Midwife = WITH MOTHER! (baby is not really even part of the translation: )

[mwherbs]

not sure what this gal meant I would have to ask her to clarify-- over the years I have had MW friends say something similar to me- more like they identify with the babies or that they feel some sort of connection with the baby... and I would have to say that I was drawn into this more for assisting moms but as msblack has said the 2 are intertwined --- and at appointments or interviews I have said in response to what someone is saying -- you have to remember I am here to take care of the baby too, so I will need to listen to heart tones...
I could see another midwife making the statement she was in it for the baby for many different reasons including a response to something she is thinking about or what was said--

[Nan'sMom]

Thanks for the insights on this. The midwife was highly recommended as a very good hands-off midwife so I was surprised. Mwherbs, I think you have a good point. I tend not to see eye to eye with most midwives as I am really more of a UC'er and use midwives as resources when I feel I need them, as opposed to what seems to be a more common way of dealing wherein the midwife requires that birthing women fit into her practice protocol (which I know many women are more comfortable with) and her instincts and experience play in much more than the birthing mother's do. So perhaps it was a response to my stating my needs, which perhaps she didn't understand, or maybe just didn't feel comfortable with.

Anyway, it gave me the creeps and left me wondering and I appreciate the thinking it through here. Thanks again.

[nashvillemidwife]

Originally Posted by Nan'sMom

further elaborated that she was there to look over the mom's shoulder to make sure the baby was ok

That's certainly an odd way of putting it, but I interpreted it to mean she feels her job is to be present to make sure everything is ok rather than managing your care. I agree with mendomidwife, even if you choose not to hire her this midwife would probably appreciate your thoughts on the comment.

[rnchrista]

Originally Posted by nashvillemidwife

That's certainly an odd way of putting it, but I interpreted it to mean she feels her job is to be present to make sure everything is ok rather than managing your care. I agree with mendomidwife, even if you choose not to hire her this midwife would probably appreciate your thoughts on the comment.

That is how I took it too. She feels that she is there to monitor the baby, but she is otherwise hands off and leaving everything else up to you to do as you choose. It is worth asking her for clarification.

[Nan'sMom]

Ahhh...interesting thought. Thanks for the idea. I may try to get her email and let her know that way. Then again, I may wait until after the baby is born to conserve psychic energy. These interactions seem to leave me quite drained and I try to avoid them when pregnant. I really appreciate the insights, thanks.

[Charmie981]

I personally choose MW attended and/or HB more for the baby than for me, because I don't want anyone to do anything to my baby. I have told clients that most women can advocate for themselves and get decent care at a hospital, but babies can't do that and the hospital makes it impossible for moms to. So, in that way, I'm "in it for the baby," but not in the sense that mother's body is just itching to kill/harm the baby and its my job to keep the baby "safe."

[ananas]

Personally, if I ever get into midwifery it will be for the MOTHER. Her statement is a bit odd.