Can we talk about this?

[countrycountess]

Is this taboo? Mama never even told me about it, and I never hear other mama's talk about it either.

So... does size matter?? I mean, we hear about it from the man's perspective ALL the time but no one ever talks about the "size of a woman". Why is that? I mean certainly there is a difference, and especially after birthing children. Is it b/c outside of doing kegels until we can open a beer top with out hands, there isn't much else that can be done?? (And about those kegels...are they really THAT effective anyway???) Or is it just being polite that it never gets discussed?

Certainly there is a lot to discuss, I mean, I doubt our vagina can go through child bearing and birth totally unchanged. I know it has amazing elasticity but it certainly can't remain the same after giving birth...or can it??

The ONLY discussion I ever heard on this was years ago. My sister, complained after her first baby that it was way too different and she and DH no longer enjoyed intercourse. (I was 15 and in the delivery room with her...it kept me faithful to "the pill" for years lol) but she complained a LOT about "being too big" and intercourse not being satisfying anymore. That has haunted me for years! Shallow of me maybe, but it just stuck with me, and now its my turn to find out.

Also, I did read about surgeons who specialize in "vaginal rejuvenation". It is pretty amazing maybe even alarming, what they can, and are doing. Some surgeons claim they can restore virginity I guess this would be good in a country where women are persecuted even killed for being raped or molested but mainstream America...a virgin again, ha!

So what is your take on this? Do you think size matters? Do you find it odd or uncomfortable talking about it? In your experience has child birth made DTD worse? better? unchanged? Does having an epesiotomy/tear make a difference? Do you think having stitches (or not) changes the size and feel of the vagina? Did DH notice/complain/comment?? Was this even an issue for discussion with DH/SO?? Do tell..

Personally, I feel wrong to say it won't change a thing, but I won't really know for certain for a few more weeks. I am definitely anxious for a "test drive".

[mrsrayray]

Do you think size matters?- not in the way that you mean it

Do you find it odd or uncomfortable talking about it?- nope

In your experience has child birth made DTD worse? better? unchanged? - the first week or so of sex felt like losing my virginity all over again (OUCH!) my husband and i agreed things felt tighter, for both of us.

Does having an epesiotomy/tear make a difference?- i had a small tear and one stitch. i think it made things a little more sore on the labia area, but it didn't affect the actual vaginal area..

Do you think having stitches (or not) changes the size and feel of the vagina? - not for me


Did DH notice/complain/comment?? Was this even an issue for discussion with DH/SO??- yep. about the tightness. things relaxed back to normal though within a few weeks, and then things felt the same as they used to.

I think kegels are great but I'm not so good about remembering to do them. HOWEVER, the vagina is a muscle, it's not just a squishy hole. hah, so even if it were to get stretched out, like any muscle it could return to at least close to it's original condition, i'd think! i'm due any day with DD #2 and i expect things to go the same this time as last. i don't look forward to the first few days/week of painful sex though. :/

[Belleweather]

Honestly, if there HAS been a change it's been the other way around. At least initially (like at the beginning of intercourse) I feel way tighter and we have to do more stretching than we used to before kids. A lot of that might have been hormonal since I was still nursing Elliot up until we got pregnant. But the whole "Childbirth ruins your vagina" thing has not been true in our family, at least so far.

Plus, it kind of doesn't make sense... I mean, we stretch all our other mucles and they return to normal size, right? And we have vaginas for years, and are only actively pushing children through them for a few minutes total in our lifetimes. So the idea that it's going to do such substantial trauma doesn't make sense to me.

Also, I HATE kegels. They feel creepy to me, so I don't do them or do them very irregularly. I've managed to continue a satisfying sex life despite that, for whatever it's worth.

[guest9921]

So what is your take on this? I was under the impression, through media saturation and cultural misogyny that childbirth 'ruined' a woman. Breasts, vaginal tone, our minds. My experience with it has been completely opposite.
In 'Ina Mays Guide to Childbirth' theres a great analogy about engorgement, and its function in childbirth. What it comes down to, is a mans penis is able to go from small and flaccid to large and erect without damage - why wouldn't one expect womens tissues to be able to expand and engorge in the same way.

Do you think size matters? I think it does add a variable to individuals intimacy.

Do you find it odd or uncomfortable talking about it? I did, for a while - but more so than feeling odd talking about the 'sexual viability of a womans body' is how repulsed I feel about hearing that women are 'used up' or 'worthless' to a man after bringing forth life.

In your experience has child birth made DTD worse? better? unchanged? It's improved quite a bit. Our intimacy before was average - but the more I learned about myself, and the more confidence I gained in my body and self assurance - the better it has become. Also, as many have mentioned - breastfeeding makes things much more toned for quite a while. There are certain hormones in bf-ing that tighten the area up (uterus, vagina, etc.)

Does having an episiotomy/tear make a difference? Yes, I had a tear, and it has made a bit of a difference. The scar tissue can be uncomfortable at times, but 95% of the time is unnoticable.

Do you think having stitches (or not) changes the size and feel of the vagina? Yes. Stitches suck. It made that specific area painful.

Did DH notice/complain/comment?? He's a very happy man. Outside of anatomy, he really likes the emotional and mental difference becoming a mother has made in me.

Was this even an issue for discussion with DH/SO?? We have spoken frankly about it, and all conversations have been very positive.


I do kegels fairly regularly, and I do believe they make a difference. More so in how my organs work overall (I notice when I've slacked for 5-6months, menstruation is more painful. I believe this has more to do with the placement of the uterus and muscle strength.) I've never leaked while sneezing or coughing, something I hear unfortunately plagues a lot of women who have carried a pregnancy.

[MCKH]

Things can be pretty uncomfortable for a while on the woman's end due to tears.....and breastfeeding can cause vaginal dryness, vaginal wall atrophy and uncomfortable sex due to low estrogen levels (same problem menopausal women have, except our condition improves over time.) But my husband said he honestly could not tell one iota of difference when sex resumed after my DD was born. For me though, it was slightly uncomfortable for about 6 months.

[transformed]

I get about a million "Make your penis bigger" emails a day, and actually I have been thinking about this latley.

I think the "size" issue may be linked to the circ issue.

I do not think kegels tighten the vagina up.

I think the vagina goes pretty much back to normal.

[ivymae]

I think that if given the chance to stretch naturally, and even tear naturally, that most vaginas will heal and restore themselves naturally. It's when you numb the area to the point that you can not feel when to push and when to pull back, get cut, have hands and equipment (forceps, etc) shoved in there, etc that you run more of a risk of having permanent damage. The perineum IS pretty important to your sexual health and enjoyment, so protecting it is key - remember that muscles tears always heal stronger than cuts, and following your urge to push is always better than following someone else's counting.

The taboo about it is that OMG women having sexxxx (and wanting to enjoy it!) which is a big no-no in our puritan rooted culture. Just taking charge of our births shows that we are comfortable enough with 'down there' to discuss it rationally. I think a lot of women ignore birth because they think it is 'gross' and shameful to talk about, just because of the part of the body they will inevitably have to deal with. Sad sad sad.

We definitely noticed a difference after birth, but like the other girls, it was the opposite of what we expected. after two years or so I think I was finally back to my 'norm', and it will be interesting to see if baby #2 has tightened things up again. Regardless, I'm not walking around with big flabby horselips for a vagina, so I think we will be okay, haha.

[Romana]

Not in your DDC but the thread title caught my eye, lol.

So what is your take on this? Do you think size matters? I don't think vaginal size matters much - or at least, that's my experience with it. The vagina is stretchy and elastic AND you can control vaginal size during sex by using those muscles. I do think the size of the man can make a difference, though for me personally, it's much more an issue if he's too big. Absolutely tiny would also probably not be great, but "too big" is much more likely to be my problem with his size.

Do you find it odd or uncomfortable talking about it? Not at all.

In your experience has child birth made DTD worse? better? unchanged? Unchanged. I had a natural vaginal birth with a 2nd degree tear. We waited until 3 mos pp for the first try intercourse and it went fine. I got my sex drive back with PPAF ~6-7 mos pp and it was GREAT.

Does having an epesiotomy/tear make a difference? Not for me. I think an episiotomy would be much more likely to cause a problem since the healing is more difficult and scar tissue is more likely to form. I have no visible scar tissue and can feel nothing down there in terms of scar tissue below the surface.

Do you think having stitches (or not) changes the size and feel of the vagina? Only if you have extremely bad tearing or a poor surgeon/doctor/midwife doing the stitching. And the "extra stitch" thing is wrong, wrong, wrong. I can't imagine anyone actually enjoying being tighter than before they got pregnant. I mean, the tissue all just goes back! Being tighter would make sex painful. I would never want to be smaller than before I had a baby.

Did DH notice/complain/comment?? I was scared of what it looked like after my stitches fell out (around 10 days pp, I think) and asked him to look. He told me afterward that he was prepared to lie and say it looked great even if it didn't, which explains why he told me in a very surprised voice that he couldn't even tell where I'd torn. So I got a mirror and looked myself, and sure enough, I looked perfect.

Was this even an issue for discussion with DH/SO?? I was a little worried about it, because I wanted sex to still be enjoyable (duh), but not overly paranoid since so many women had told me things went back just fine even with tearing. I asked dh about it (he didn't bring it up, probably b/c it wasn't a problem for him) and he told me he couldn't tell any difference; that it felt great.

So there ya go. My personal experience with vaginal size, birthing, tearing, and pp sex.