My daddy passed the day before Thanksgiving

[Mel4ministry]

Hey,
My dad passed away the day before THanksgiving. He died of cancer somewhat unexpectedly (mom led us to believe that his prognosis was good), so that makes it extra difficult. He has had cancer off and on for the past 15 years with 12 diagnosis'. He has continuously survived over and over again. Any ideas on how to get through this? We are poor and can't afford counseling.

Thanks.

[Cherie2]

I am very sorry for your loss... my mom died in October here is my story

I will tell you some things that I think helped me a great deal:

1. Spend as much down time as possible with those who loved him. We invited all who wanted to come spend the entire weekend at our house after mom died. People were in and out all weekend, we ate, laughed, cried. It was very healing.

2. Allow yourself to feel it. Let the tears come when they want to.

3. Let people help you. If somebody asks what can they do.. be prepared with some choices, people want to help, let them.

4. One very therapeutic thing I did was create a web blog it really helped me process a lot of my feelings.

One other thing that gets me through is knowing how happy she is. When I think about how much I miss her I get sad, but then i realize she is in such a beautiful, peaceful, interesting, fun place and I feel her joy and excitement and I just get warm all over.

[Mel4ministry]

I thought I should share about my dad's passing because it was truly beautiful and peaceful. This is a copy from a post I did on another forum shortly after dad passed:

Dad passed away on Wednesday early afternoon. They decided on Tuesday to send him home Wednesday morning on Hospice care. We had no clue things were going to go so quickly. I talked to him on the phone late on Tuesday and he was hallucinating (sp?) a little, but was able to talk okay. He even answered the phone when I called! I decided not to go visit him that day because he was coming home the next day and we spent a few hours at the hospital with him on Monday. Anyway, I talked to mom around 11am on Wednesday and she said they were planning to leave shortly. This is when she told us that he was unresponsive and had been so for a few hours. We scheduled a 6:30p prayer meeting at the house and started realizing that this was probably going to be it. At 11:30 (just 20 minutes before they left the hospital to come home) the owner of dad's company stopped in to see how he was doing. He had no clue that dad was going home on Hospice and cried when he saw him. Dad had never felt appreciated at work and I don't think he felt like much of a man there. It always bothered mom and us to see dad treated so poorly when he was such a dedicated hardworking employee. Anyway, the owner of dad's company told mom that dad was his best and most reliable employee. He said he could always count on him and didn't know what he would do without him there. Mom asked him why during the 19 years he worked there did he not mention this before? He said he didn't know. So mom told him to tell him now. So I guess the ownder of his company bent over and told dad how much he appreciated him. We truly believe this was a divine intervention. God knew that dad needed to hear those words. So, shortly thereafter (about 11:50) they loaded dad in the ambulance to bring him home. In the meantime, my sister, some friends of the family, and I are getting things ready at home. Hospice came and set up equipment. We got dad's favorite pillows and blankets, got the house clean, and prepared food. Dad arrived home at about 12:50. They got him into his hospital bed which we had prepared for him. Mom went outside for a few minutes to get some fresh air and then came back in. We ended up sliding dad over on the bed and mom jumped into bed with him and snuggled him under their blanket. We all gathered around and told him how much we loved him. Mom said, "Jerry, you are home, I'm right here, and your family is with you." The Hospice nurse suggested that we pray then with whoever was there instead of waiting until 6:30pm. We had called the pastor to come, but hadn't arrived yet. While we were all praying dad passed at 1:35pm. It was so wonderful and peaceful. Definetely the perfect way to go. He was at home snuggled up to his wife and surrounded by his loved ones. Pastor arrived around 2ish and mom remained in bed with dad until about 2:10. I think she dozed off for awhile and I think a part of her wanted to just die right then and there with him. It was just all so perfect. Of course, at the time I was bawling my eyes out, but as I look back I just see how perfect it really was. I spent a lot of time Wednesday, Thursday, and part of friday crying and mourning. Last night (Friday) we had a private showing for immediate family and I really expected myself to completely lose it. As I walked into the funeral home I just felt so much at peace. Dad has suffered with cancer for about 15 years and now that suffering has come to an end. I just feel at peace knowing he is in heaven. I love my dad so much and he is one of the most amazing men you'd ever meet. For those of you who get the Grand Rapids Press take a look at his death announcement in Saturday's paper. His name is Gerald Eddington. Actually, I just found it online: http://obits.mlive.com/GrandRapids/D...sonId=98497433 .

[Cherie2]

beautiful

[*Melissa*]

I'm so sorry! He sounds like he was a wonderful man!

My grandmother passed away on Thanksgiving day last year, and it was a somber holiday for all of us.

I don't have any good advice, but you and your family are in my thoughts!

[Night_Nurse]

I'm so sorry for your loss. If you can't afford family counseling, there should be other options in your community.
Please call the local hospital or the hospice your family used. Ask them for local support groups for grieving and loss in your town. If there aren't any available, you could try and start one (others in your community could benefit as well). You can also contact a local pastor and see if the church knows of any support groups of if you're of that religion you could ask the pastor for some individual counseling.
Sometimes journaling or scrapbooking can really help people sort out their feelings and honor loved ones.
If nothing else, just talking about your dad to other family members and friends who knew him can help through remembering all the lovely times and happy memories.

[Genesis]

I'm very sorry for your loss.