MIL hit my 2yo!

[AnitaAddict]

Last week we were visiting the ILs in thier home state. DS woke up early so DH and his parents went to McJunkfood (they fed DS ahead of time, at least!) On the way back to thier van, DS tried to run off and MIL grabbed him before DH could get to him and swatted him on the butt! DH (bless him) snatched away and told her that she knows we DO NOT do that and that if she ever thinks about hitting DS she will never see him again.

I wasn't there (although I heard all about it when they got back) but I do know that MIL knows better because she and I had a heated discussion about discipline two days before. (I hesitate to call it an argument because when she brought it up I stated my feeling that spanking is abusive and not up for discussion, PERIOD and I didn't want to hear why she thought spanking was acceptable.) The ILs were openly critical of all aspects of our parenting from diet on up and I really had reached my limit already.

We didn't leave either IL alone with DS for the remainder of our trip but I haven't said anything about it to MIL yet (didn't want to undermine DH.) I told DH the only thing I would have done differently is to call the cops (and I absolutely would have and MADE them take a report, even though I knew it would have done no good.)

How would you handle this situation and have you ever faced a similar issue?

Thanks for any advice!

[asherah]

Well I think your DH said and did all the right things.

And while I totally understand you wanting to call the cops... it would have meant the END of any relationship with your IL's and you really need to be sure you are ready to totally cut them out of your ds's life.

I wouldn't say anything to them right now, because I think your DH said what needed to be said. And I don't know what good would come from your telling her you would have called the cops.

Believe me I do understand how furious you are though. I would be too. I would want to KILL anyone who raised a hand to my child.

But they are DH's parents.. and he told his mother she would never see her grandchild again if she ever thought about it again.. so what can you add?

I think you are totally right not to leave DS alone with them.. and I wouldn't for a long long time. Until he could tell you if something like that happened. They have definitely lost the privilege of being alone with their grandchild.

I am so sorry that happened to you... and to your poor ds.

[Arduinna]

I think your dh handled it great. WOO HOO for him for standing up to his mom and being very clear what the consequences would be if she repeated it. I'm not sure there is anything else to do at this point.

I'm sorry it happened though.

[Piglet68]

Your husband ROCKS! You don't need to say anything else. The fact that her own son had to tell her off is enough for your MIL.

I would NOT have called the cops. Imagine how traumatic that would be for your son. The police have better things to do than help you get back at your MIL. Yes, she was VERY wrong, and I can see how fed up you are from all her criticism. But honestly, what good would calling the police have done? It would have created way more trouble than it would be worth, IMHO.

Anyways, I'm really glad that your DH stood up for your parenting so well. You're a lucky woman! Many men have trouble standing up to their mothers.

[LunaMom]

Yep, I think your DH is awesome, too!

You said they disagree with a lot of your parenting, and clearly, the fact that you have let your MIL know what you believe in is not enough to stop her from undermining you. That's a big problem, and you're right to not want to leave your DS alone with her because of that.

I know this is not the best analogy, but perhaps if you said something along the lines of, "Look, Ma, in my house the kids are allowed to eat and drink on the couch, and in your house they're not (or some other example). Wouldn't it be disrespectful if I gave my kids snacks in your living room anyway and said, 'Too bad, this is what I beleive and I'm going to do it anyway'? I know you don't agree with some of the things we do, and that's fine, but he's our son and I expect you to respect our choices."

Maybe that type of discussion, at a calm time, would help get the message across?

I'm sorry this happened to your son!

[SunflowerMama]

I agree your husband is WONDERFUL!!! I think he did a great job, and even though you may want to tell your mil off I wouldn't do it since he took care of it. KWIM? It would just add more fuel to the fire, and unless you are dh are ready to seperate from them I wouldn't do it. Now, if you see her doing something in front of you then yes you should let her know that it isn't acceptavle.