Cant afford to feed the 500.

[Strong Mama]

Ok, Im stretching it a bit, its not 500, more like 7. But we just cannot afford to feed ds' friends all the time. They come over, we dont mind that, it could be one friend, it has been 10, but they all want to eat when they are here. Dh is about to blow his top, and we just cant afford it, what do you do? They were just here and ate all my apples, they were supposed to last us all week!

[Cherie2]

Try a food box?

I don't know, I would just so rather find a way to feed the 500 than have my dc over at somebody else's house yk?

teenagers LOVE ramen $2.19 a case

[Strong Mama]

Try a food box?

Whats a food box??

And my teen loves ramen, but his friends want all my good expensive foo,not the cheap stuff!

[Lucky.]

Ouch! I know I've felt bad when I thought about all the homes I raided and ate at. My parents never bought "the good stuff", so I went to town when I was at friends' houses.

+1 to the ramen thing. The only other sad alternative I could think of is to simply buy more scratch stuff. No snacks, no quick desserts, etc. 100% beans, rice, etc. I know, not much help...

[limabean]

Originally Posted by Transitions

Whats a food box??

I'm not sure, but I think she means designating a box/shelf/whatever of stuff that your DS and his friends are welcome to have when they're over, rather than them raiding your entire kitchen.

I feel bad too when I think of how much my friends and I ate out of our parents'/friends' parents' cupboards when we were teens -- we were like a plague of locusts!

[mommy68]

You could hide the things you want for your own family. You could also let "your" child know what is off limits when they have friends over. Plus, you could have a basket or bowl of approved snacks for the children while they are in your home. If they want more then they can bring it from their own home.

Actually, if it were me it wouldn't go down like that anyway. My child wouldn't have kids over all the time like that. I'm sure those kids parents are just loving the fact that another parent is taking it all on so they don't have to. That's seriously NOT fair. I'd be calling the other parents and telling them to either feed them before they come over or send a snack with them or cash to buy them food. It shouldn't all fall on you.

This topic reminds me of someone I knew when I was much younger, before I had children. She had kids and grandkids at her house all the time. Everyone loved to hang out at this persons house. She got to the point when neighborhood kids knocked on the door at 8am on Saturday morning that she told them to stay outdoors and wait for her kids/grandkids to get out there later in the day. It got crazy. For her, it wasn't about them eating her food because she had STRICT rules that no one comes in her house, they had to stay outside. But she had more issues with them showing up at her house and staying there all day and coming at very odd hours of the day. Those poor kids parents just didn't want them at home. I remember some of the kids being as young as 4 years old. One child even had a younger sibling in a diaper following him around.

[mtiger]

I figure that I'd rather have them at my house than hanging out God knows where. As for food? Pretty much all of them pitch in by bringing snacks or drinks, and when they want more than that, I generally throw on a pot of pasta or throw together a few pizzas for them.

[BedHead]

I like them hanging around, and I always offer to feed them. However, I don't keep much in the way of junk food at all, so they more often than not refuse what I offer them. I don't let them raid the kitchen - I offer what's available and if they don't want it they usually order themselves a pizza or something.

[enkmom]

My children always have friends over, and yes, we feed them. Anyone is welcome to stay for dinner, and we just pare down the portions to make sure everyone gets a serving. As far as snacks, they eat chips if we have them, or they can pop popcorn, make peanut butter sandwiches, or heat up frozen french fries. And no one has ever turned up a nose at ice water to drink.

[~*max*~]

I think I'd explain nicely to your son that you enjoy having his friends over & you want to offer them snacks, but you also have to budget for the family's food each week. I would try to clear out a shelf or small cabinet somewhere & explain that you'll keep that stocked w/snacks for his friends, but to please not help themselves to the other stuff. Then I'd stock that cabinet w/some inexpensive snacks that the kids like - pretzels, chips & salsa, lemonade mix - all things you can find on sale.

I think the fact that the kids like to hang out at your house is a credit to you & your family. I am sure you can find a way to make it work for everyone.

[UUMom]

I buy things like popcorn, chips, pretzels, salsa. Homemade cookies, like oatemal are cheap enough, and most kids can't turn down warm cookies, even if they are 'only' oatmeal. I've also stocked up on whatever sale frozen pizza the market offers-- there is usually some 2 for $10 special. I usually end up trying to hide these in the back of the basement freezer for such occassions. These sale pizzas are often cheaper than buying the cheese to make homemade ones, although of course not as healthy. I know wouldnt like the kids to just raid the cupboards, and that's never happened. I would talk with your child and tell him that has to stop. That you will let him know what is available for that particular day.


I agree with the PPs, it's comforting to me to have the teens at our place.

[nolonger]

I love having them here and my only complaint is that they don't stay longer and that public school kids tend to be very skittish compared to the homeschoolers I'm accustomed to, which is hardly THEIR fault.

I buy them Top Ramen, but not all the time, because I worry about it filling their stomachs but not their nutritional needs. It costs me $2.19 a case at Winco's.

I offer them what I eat: beans, rice, local seasonal produce, and homemade whole grain bread. I make sure they know which is my food, which they can help themselves to, and which is my daughter's and her partner's, which I expect them to stay out of and respect just as if the big 'uns were any other roommates.

They tend to turn their noses up at what I have and pool their money for sodas, chips, corn dogs, cheap burritoes, etc. That's okay, even though I'm not thrilled with how they take care of their bodies, but I guess there isn't anything much I can do about it other than work on my cooking skills a bit. It also sends the message loud and clear that they are here for the company, not to score a free meal.

FWIW, they do reciprocate my hospitality and usually offer me their junk food, but I'm afraid I feel about the same way towards soda and chips as they feel towards beans and rice.

[alima]

I'm just blunt: "don't eat food unless I offer it to you, or you can't come back."

I've never had a big problem with this, though, I live in a low-income co-op, all of ds's friends come from low-income families and all pretty well understand that the food their eating might mean someone else doesn't get to eat.

The only time I've really had to step in and give someone a talking to has been with the middle-class kids who are used to more hospitality than I can afford to give. Most have been very respectful.

[Bestbirths]

We tell them that their friends can't eat our food without permission. There had been a couple times when my son's teenaged friends ate some dinner of ours and my own children went without dinner because it was gone by the time they got to the kitchen!

We had a family meeting about that. Our food smells so good sometimes, the friends told my son man, that smells so good. Well, at first, my teenaged son would offer the food to his friends before everyone had eaten (we don't all sit at the table. Everyone just gets their food and eats wherever). We made a rule that you can't offer dinner to your friends until everyone in our family has eaten. Afterwards, i might offer the friends the leftovers. Especially food that doesn't taste better the second day, like seafood. :

It got to where they just bring their own bag food over and put it in my son's minifridge. Especially as they got older and all had their own cars. We put a microwave down in the basement, and they would microwave dinners for themselves . This is because as gamers they would come over for weeks at a time sometimes and lan and sleep on our couches, floors, etc. Kids that stay for weeks at a time, I fed more often when I had the money. We loved to entertain during a lan. But it got to where we couldn't afford it as much as we used to. Sometimes we have extra money and we make cookies and offer. When I used to have extra money I would stock the mini fridge with all kinds of drinks, but those days are long gone. We just can't do it anymore. When we offer food, it is ok, and it is special. I just apologized when I brought my son his food down to his room while he was gaming, that I was sorry that I don't have enough to feed everybody....so basically all the friends respect that. The ones who don't, I can count on one hand....and I don't like. I love it when we do have extra money to cook for the friends, and I do have favorite friends that we just love to cook for, the ones who really appreciate it, and say "I look forward to coming over to your house for the awesome food". It's just that right now I can't afford to do that, so it is a real bummer.

I told my kids....just look at that kid that comes over and takes food w/o asking....its rude and its disrespectful...he was 16! He went into our fridge and took food w/o asking. that is all I remember about that kid and my kids know : how much it irks me.

[Bestbirths]

double post!

[PiesandAbrosmama]

Everyone has good ideas here, I'm not at this level yet but very interested. O quick tip my mother in law taught me about this. For tuna sandwiches you can use one can and make it two by saving the juice from the can and adding oats (any oatmeal will do) to the juice. Mix with the tuna and all the fixings and yola 2 can for the price of 1. This really works no one would ever know infact my hubby never knew that's what is mom did his whole life

[operamommy]

Originally Posted by mommy68

Actually, if it were me it wouldn't go down like that anyway. My child wouldn't have kids over all the time like that. I'm sure those kids parents are just loving the fact that another parent is taking it all on so they don't have to. That's seriously NOT fair. I'd be calling the other parents and telling them to either feed them before they come over or send a snack with them or cash to buy them food. It shouldn't all fall on you.

Whoa. That POV really seems to be characterizing the other parents as jerks who want someone else to feed their kids all the time; I have a hard time believing that is truly going on! Fact is: teenaged kids eat LOTS, even when they've just been fed. I definately would *not* call any parents with that kind of attitude.

I think PP ideas about keeping a certain shelf in the pantry stocked with cheap snacks is the way to go.

[UUMom]

Originally Posted by operamommy

Whoa. That POV really seems to be characterizing the other parents as jerks who want someone else to feed their kids all the time; I have a hard time believing that is truly going on! Fact is: teenaged kids eat LOTS, even when they've just been fed. I definately would *not* call any parents with that kind of attitude.

I think PP ideas about keeping a certain shelf in the pantry stocked with cheap snacks is the way to go.

Not to mention, it's never really the exact bunch each time! lol I also know that all of my teens' friends have parents who have fed teens not-their-own, as well. Teens are growing and busy and they need lots of fuel. You would not believe how much our Board Game Hsing group can put away, Watcha gonna do...you just plan some rea$onable food items (homemade and sale food lol) and be glad they want to be home.

[duckling]

I think the previous posts about a designated cabinet or shelf for your son's friends. That way, they can help themselves without breaking your budget. I feel like most teens would have an easier time respecting that than having to find you and ask each time someone would like a snack. (Although you may want to warn them that you'll only refill that shelf once per week/two weeks/whenever so they aren't surprised when the food doesn't magically reappear every day.)

Do you have a membership to a bulk foods place like Sam's or Costco? I don't know how you feel about the big chains, but you can get a whole lot of food for little money and stock up on stuff they like. They sell perfect army-sized portions for teens.

If your house is the consistent hang out place, as opposed to all the kids spending roughly equal time in each others' homes, maybe ask other parents to chip in some money for food or send some snacks to share. If you're the one consistently feeding these kids, then it would seem pretty reasonable for more than one parent to share that expense.

Also, have a talk with your ds and see if he has suggestions. I'll bet the two of you could brainstorm some great ideas.

[ewins24]

When I was a teenager my house was where everyone went to hang out. It got very very expensive for my parents so they had a "talk" w/ us and here is what they did for us, since they knew teenagers are always hungry.
Mom would buy cheap stuff on sale or things in bulk. Very easy stuff to prepare, popcorn, romen noodles, frozen things that we could pop in the microwave. We were also told that we could only eat the stuff in our cabinet. Mom never bought us soda, she had Kool-aide or sweet tea or just water around for us. Everyone knew that if they didn't respect the rules then they were not allowed to come back.

I've done this w/ my dd and her friends. It has gone over pretty well, although they still ask for soda?

Good luck.