Wondering what I should say...

[rmzbm]

I have a friend expecting her second baby any second now. With her first she had a DOOZY of a birth. She was rushed to a nearby hospital after the birth, her babe was not - so prolonged seperation. She tried to nurse, and I really believe she did, it really seemed to mean alot to her, but it didn't last more than a couple weeks. Then when her DS was a few months old she decided she was going to relactate. I didn't offer much support, not on purpose but I didn't suppose she meant it & we were both busy & just didn't see each other much. Well she DID it, and this lucky little man was OFF the formula 100%! I was very impressed. He is 2.5 now and still nursing, though not alot...maybe a few times per week. Anyway she is having a late baby shower, it's a race to see what comes 1st - the baby or the shower. So I looked at her online registries. Lots of bottles. Ok...ok...maybe for BM...then I saw it - she had cases & cases of Similac on there. I don't get it - after all her hard work & how happy she was to be nursing her first...why would she do this? There may well be a good reason b/c it doesn't make alot of sense. What should I say/how do I approach this? I want to encourage her to nurse but for some reason this feels *touchy.*
WWYD?

[zinemama]

I would let this one strictly alone.

If a woman has been through what your friend has in order to bf and made it work, she clearly knows all about the benefits. You can't say she's making an uninformed decision. You say yourself that you weren't close during that time, so there's undoubtedly more to this decision than you know. But it's her decision.

I can appreciate your concern, but seeing as you weren't there for her the last time (not saying that's your fault) and didn't really believe she'd relactate, it would look more than a bit disengenuous to approach her about this now.

[rmzbm]

Yeah, I tend to agree which is why I was sure to point all that out. OTOH though it kind'a feels wrong to not offer SOME kind of encouragement, YK?

[amaretto]

Since she is still bfing her 2.5yo (esp. while expecting so soon), I would directly ask her if she plans to tandem nurse and I would discuss further accordingly (I wouldn't mention the bottles in the registry). IMO, a friend shouldn't mind this kind of conversation. And it would feel wrong not to try to offer some kind of encouragement.

[rmzbm]

Originally Posted by amaretto

Since she is still bfing her 2.5yo (esp. while expecting so soon), I would directly ask her if she plans to tandem nurse and I would discuss further accordingly (I wouldn't mention the bottles in the registry). IMO, a friend shouldn't mind this kind of conversation. And it would feel wrong not to try to offer some kind of encouragement.

You're right. And that's a good way to approach it. I plan to be nursing 2 myself, come March...so maybe some comment along those lines...thanks...

[Breastfeeding Insomniac]

Originally Posted by amaretto

Since she is still bfing her 2.5yo (esp. while expecting so soon), I would directly ask her if she plans to tandem nurse and I would discuss further accordingly (I wouldn't mention the bottles in the registry). IMO, a friend shouldn't mind this kind of conversation. And it would feel wrong not to try to offer some kind of encouragement.

I agree with this. I would just bring up the tandem nursing, especially if this is something you will also be doing soon.

[RootSnort]

What about gifting her with a book on Tandem nursing?

[MammaB21]

hhhhmmm...Is it possible that she is planning to use the formula to suppliment for the older child? Maybe she is planning on nursing baby and weaning toddler? Just a thought.

[ErinBird]

I had a really difficult time with breastfeeding. I have insufficient glandular tissue and it was a shock that I could not produce enough milk for my daughter. I went through a ton of effort to learn to use an SNS, to procure donor milk that my family could afford (banked milk, in the volume we needed would have run us $60+... a day), nevermind the toll that the entire experience took on my confidence in myself and my intuition.

I'm processing it. Its a process. It has certainly crossed my mind that it would be "easier" to just supplement with formula from day one or to completely stop breastfeeding when my child's hunger outpaces my meager supply.

I am warming to the idea of having a second baby and I really do know that I need to go be best friends with my pump and my SNS and beg and plead for milk from other wonderful mamas. But I still dread the thought.

Honestly- I cna see why someone who has been through a ton of effort might just not bother with a subsequent baby. I am never going to have a normal breastfeeding relationship. I am always going to supplement. It sucks.

[rmzbm]

Thanks guys, I think I will approach it from a tandem perspetive.

It's not supply issues, that would be a totally different matter. She had an extremely traumatic birth & long healing process - that is VERY VERY unlikely to repeat. She had so much milk that relactating months after the birth wasn't even that hard & she did say BFing was easy & enjoyable. I am just thinking perhaps she doesn't want to go through the initial trauma & isn't processing that it WON'T be that way. I don't want to upset her but I definatey want her to realize that nursing doesn't have to be so stressful this time.

Anyhow, thanks again! Her shower is tomorrow afternoon, hopefully all goes well!

[Turkish Kate]

If I were in your shoes and wanting to broach the subject, I'd start off with something like, "I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you with baby #1. I really feel that I could've been so much more supportive of your situation. What can I do to support you with thos baby?" This opens up the conversation for her to take it in whatever direction suits her without any judgment by you. Good luck.

[Sandstress]

Originally Posted by rmzbm

then I saw it - she had cases & cases of Similac on there.

Maybe she wants to return them for cash?

Honestly, I probably would just offer help in a nonconfrontational way ("if you ever need any advice/help/commiseration with breastfeeding- please don't hesitate to contact me") and then just let it rest.

[Mama Poot]

I have a hunch that maybe she really doesn't need that much formula. She might have added it as an item to the registry in case something bad happened again, and some unknown person went hog wild and ordered a bunch of cases of the stuff for her. After going through that kind of ordeal and relactating, I find it HIGHLY unlikely she would just up and exclusively ff her kid. Could this all be a misunderstanding???

[rmzbm]

Originally Posted by Mama Poot

I have a hunch that maybe she really doesn't need that much formula. She might have added it as an item to the registry in case something bad happened again, and some unknown person went hog wild and ordered a bunch of cases of the stuff for her. After going through that kind of ordeal and relactating, I find it HIGHLY unlikely she would just up and exclusively ff her kid. Could this all be a misunderstanding???

That's what I'm saying! Doesn't add up. Still no babe, lol, shower tomorrow. I'll have to investigagte!