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post #21 of 118
I probably would have said the same thing as your husband if I had been alone.... if DH had been there I probably wouldn't have because he would have been roped-in to defending me.

It's not up to the OP or her husband to help these "parents" to diffuse anything. He was defending the older man, who was the truly injured party in this case.

The couple with the children know better than to allow their small children to run around in an area like that, a large rodent would know better, but the difference is they don't care and they expect everyone else to do so.

Don't fall into the trap of "well, you could have helped the situation...." that's exactly what enables these kinds of irresponsible people in the first place and allows them to bully people who are responsible.

....

Just because the parents were young shouldn't mean that one should accept the swearing and the irresponsibility. My parents had children younger than most are having them now (I realise things were different then, but still) and they would never have allowed us to behave that way or to put ourselves in jeopardy in such a way.

....

My DH saw something like this the other day, thank goodness that the child wasn't hurt.

He was working on his thesis in a coffee shoppe when a mother with a 14 month old came in. Not unusual.

What WAS unusual was that the mother got herself a coffee, sat down, took the child out of her stroller and then proceeded to read the newspaper..... while the little girl started screeeeeeeeeching like a banshee at the top of her lungs and RUNNING around the shop while people were carrying steaming hot drinks and trying to read. She didn't even look up from her paper. My husband was dumbfounded. Not only was she oblivious while her child was disrupting more than a dozen people (some of whom had their own children with them) but she was totally ignoring the fact that her child could have been seriously scalded by hot drinks that people were carrying back to their tables.

After about twenty minutes of this, several people left and the manager finally asked the woman "could you please control your child, it's disruptive and dangerous to allow her to do this" she look startled and then basically shrugged. DH left, so I don't know how much longer this went on.

Thankfully these things are rare in my neighbourhood; most parents are very attentive and responsive to their children, while at the same time, respecting the time and peace of other people around them.

The disruption without correction is bad enough... what was really appalling about this situation (and the original post in this thread) is the total disregard for the safety of the children involved.

Trin.
post #22 of 118
good for you husband. i would have thought it, but never said it.
post #23 of 118
Haha, good for your husband!
post #24 of 118
He was just saying what, no doubt, countless others were thinking.

I don't think it's rude at all. It's an honest evaluation of the situation at hand. And perhaps it will be a reason for the other parents to reconsider their behavior the next time they allow their children to use a crowded store as their personal playground.
post #25 of 118
Good for him, my Dh would of said the same thing.



He did confront a parent yesterday at a indoor play area, the child was very visibly ill, bloody snot everywhere, glassy eyes, then she started puking everywhere, all over the slide, all the floor, And the mom just sat there, ignoring her child, pretending that nothing had happened.
post #26 of 118
Quote:
Originally Posted by nextcommercial View Post
Then who's job is it to keep him safe? Who's job is it to keep him from hurting an elderly woman who never saw him coming? I hope you tie bells to him so people know he's running wild.
Ditto this. Keeping some sort of handle on my sons' behavior is my JOB. Suggesting that doing so is demeaning their humanity is mighty pompous.
post #27 of 118
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamazee View Post
I don't care for the word "control" but switch it with "adequately supervise" maybe.
: - and it's not so much about controlling your kid, as being considerate of others around you - I think THAT'S the issue. I'm not hip on "controlling" my kids, but I'll be damned if they are going to be running around bothering other people out in public. If they need to run around and be crazy, we'll go home or to a playground, even if it's inconvenient for me at that time. There's a time and place for everything, and the exit area at Costco is neither the time nor the place.

I know that maybe it's semantics, but honestly when it comes to kids it's amazing what a subtle turn of a phrase and rephrasing things more positively can do.
post #28 of 118
Quote:
Originally Posted by rmzbm View Post
Good for your DH! And the dad really said F-U?! GREAT example there!
Considering the source, are you really surprised?
post #29 of 118
Quote:
Originally Posted by AidynElyMama View Post
I still say good for him, rude or not. Maybe it will make the parents think next time.
post #30 of 118
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamazee View Post
I don't care for the word "control" but switch it with "adequately supervise" maybe.
Quote:
Originally Posted by The4OfUs View Post
: - and it's not so much about controlling your kid, as being considerate of others around you - I think THAT'S the issue. I'm not hip on "controlling" my kids, but I'll be damned if they are going to be running around bothering other people out in public. If they need to run around and be crazy, we'll go home or to a playground, even if it's inconvenient for me at that time. There's a time and place for everything, and the exit area at Costco is neither the time nor the place.

I know that maybe it's semantics, but honestly when it comes to kids it's amazing what a subtle turn of a phrase and rephrasing things more positively can do.
I agree with this. Granted, many of us have the common sense to simply say, "the kids are done sitting still, better pack up the rest of our lunch to take home and go before someone gets hurt." But that afternoon, the parents in the OP's story did not.

I get the feeling the comment the OP's DH made was more for the benefit of the man being berated for clipping the kid with his cart. Which was unfair of the parents to do. But I may have said something to the man like, "Oh it's not your fault they're little how could you see them?" and if in earshot of the parents I could turn to them and say, "Is he going to be okay? Poor little guy really needed to run off some energy. Too bad there are all these big carts around where he can't safely do that, huh?"
post #31 of 118
If you choose to let your children play in a cart traffic lane, that's your perogative and more power to you. However, if you CHOOSE to not supervise them or redirect them and they get run over--then you have no place to criticize the cart driver.

When you choose to yell at the person who had an accident because you didn't feel it was a big deal for your child to play in the moving lanes, then to be blunt, then you've just opened yourself up for rudeness. Natural consequences, and all that.

Maybe the kid will learn to keep more of an eye out for moving carts. Not a bad lesson, all things considered.
post #32 of 118
That's really a nice way of putting it, Artgoddess, but, sadly, I doubt that people who are so negligent with their children in the first place would have appreciated your nuanced response or concern.

People seem to either be responsive, sensitive and considerate.... or they just aren't. These folk sound like they just aren't.

It's really disappointing.

I can agree to the word issue, the way we speak is important.

If I ever get into that situation with my own children or with someone who's letting his or her own children run wild in inappropriate places, I will gladly use "adequately supervise" rather than "control."

Trin.

Edited to add:

Quote:
Maybe the kid will learn to keep more of an eye out for moving carts. Not a bad lesson, all things considered.
Exactly. "Considering" that the parents in this case don't want to look out for their children, then I guess the bright side is the children might learn in their own, hard, way.
post #33 of 118
Quote:
Originally Posted by artgoddess View Post
I get the feeling the comment the OP's DH made was more for the benefit of the man being berated for clipping the kid with his cart. Which was unfair of the parents to do. But I may have said something to the man like, "Oh it's not your fault they're little how could you see them?" and if in earshot of the parents I could turn to them and say, "Is he going to be okay? Poor little guy really needed to run off some energy. Too bad there are all these big carts around where he can't safely do that, huh?"
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trinitty View Post
That's really a nice way of putting it, Artgoddess, but, sadly, I doubt that people who are so negligent with their children in the first place would have appreciated your nuanced response or concern.

People seem to either be responsive, sensitive and considerate.... or they just aren't. These folk sound like they just aren't.

It's really disappointing.
See I would and have handled situations like artgoddess and I've never had anything but a thank you back. I think if you have the idea that people are responsive, sensitive and considerate...or they just aren't you're more likely to meet only those two poles. But in my experience if you move through life with the idea that people are just doing what they can each particular moment than I find people aren't one of the other often they're both and neither. Sometimes they're just tired, stressed, in a crisis...whatever and that's the moment I've caught them in. That's all. And when I step in without judgment I'm responded to without judgment. It's amazing how it can turn an interaction around. In the OP's example if I had commented the way her husband did I would have done nothing to improve anything for my trouble and only caused myself frustration while furthering the bad energy surrounding the incident. I would have stepped in in the same way artgoddess suggested or not at all.
post #34 of 118
Quote:
Originally Posted by nextcommercial View Post
Then who's job is it to keep him safe? Who's job is it to keep him from hurting an elderly woman who never saw him coming? I hope you tie bells to him so people know he's running wild.
I don't need to control him to keep him safe I remind him of the hazards around him and then he decides if he'd rather head home, the park, slow down, but still walk ahead, walk with me etc. I don't control him anymore than he or his dad control me. We're a family not the army. He's 7 now an long past his toddler days of running in grocery stores but in all that time he never injured someone or himself so I think we did OK. It was just approached respectfully.
post #35 of 118
Quote:
Originally Posted by nicole lisa View Post
I don't need to control him to keep him safe I remind him of the hazards around him and then he decides if he'd rather head home, the park, slow down, but still walk ahead, walk with me etc. I don't control him anymore than he or his dad control me.
But as the OP said, the adults in this situation were not even doing that with their two very young children. If they had been, even if an accident occured, the setup for "rudeness" most likely would not have occured. The parents wouldn't be feeling the rush of guilt and anger that probably instigated the dad's yelling/solely blaming the man pushing the cart, and others would have less of a leg to stand on as far as being distressed/dismayed at the *total* lack of supervision or care directed at the kids in the first place.
post #36 of 118
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by nicole lisa View Post
I don't need to control him to keep him safe I remind him of the hazards around him and then he decides if he'd rather head home, the park, slow down, but still walk ahead, walk with me etc. I don't control him anymore than he or his dad control me. We're a family not the army. .
So, if Mom or Dad had said "You might get hurt". That would have been good enough, then the boys could make the choice based on "you might get hurt" and if they chose to keep doing that, it is still O.K, because they know the risks involved. When the child gets hurt, he already knew the risks, so it's a live and learn situation?

I was watching some show on Spike TV the other day and they were showing videos of boys who were riding skateboards down hand rails of tall concrete stairways. Then of course the boys fell. All were injured, some just broke an ankle or arm, but a few had serious head injuries. (I have no idea WHY they show this on Spike TV)

But, what I am getting at, is if your son were going to ride a skateboard down a stairway with a 20 foot drop on the other side, is it NOT o.k for someone to control your son and stop him? Or should that be the choice of a 14 year old boy to make on his own?
post #37 of 118
Quote:
Originally Posted by nextcommercial View Post
My husband said "Or you could control your kids". <--couldn't believe he said that.
I would have cringed too if DH said that. And later, would have asked him to next time, if we are ever placed in that type of situation, please keep the comment to yourself or wait until we get inside the car and vent *to me* if you have to.

Whether it's rude or not, what you don't want to happen is to further aggravate the scene than it already it is (the man saying F You).

Unless you are ready to deal with a potential (uglier) confrontation (you just never know with flaring tempers) OR that could result in both families (including your's) asked to leave Costco's.

In this case, I would have let Management or an Associate handle it and inwardly sigh with relief.

Just my personal opinion.
post #38 of 118
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by newmommy View Post
I would have cringed too if DH said that. And later, would have asked him to next time, if we are ever placed in that type of situation, please keep the comment to yourself or wait until we get inside the car and vent *to me* if you have to.

Whether it's rude or not, what you don't want to happen is to further aggravate the scene than it already it is (the man saying F You).

Unless you are ready to deal with a potential (uglier) confrontation (you just never know with flaring tempers) OR that could result in both families (including your's) asked to leave Costco's.

In this case, I would have let Management or an Associate handle it and inwardly sigh with relief.

Just my personal opinion.

THAT is exactly my opinion too. He doesn't "get it" though. He's the guy driving down the freeway yelling at the other drivers who can't even hear him. Driving anywhere with him is stressful.
post #39 of 118
Quote:
Originally Posted by nextcommercial View Post
But, what I am getting at, is if your son were going to ride a skateboard down a stairway with a 20 foot drop on the other side, is it NOT o.k for someone to control your son and stop him? Or should that be the choice of a 14 year old boy to make on his own?
Or girl. I was that girl. And I was glad it was my choice to make. I'm glad nobody controlled street greats like Natas Copus or aerial greats like Tony Hawk (who turned pro at 14) from making that choice (over and over again) because without their choices we'd never have the 900, the Stalefish, the Mctwist (the first time I saw Tony Hawk land this live I lost it - so great) etc etc. For Hawk the dozen or so concussions, fractured pelvis and skull, broken bones and endless stitches are worth it 'cause he loves what he does. He did at 7, 9, 12, 14 and on right up to now at a few months away from 40. I don't think just because he wasn't always 40 doesn't mean he shouldn't have been able to make his own choices when it came to his safety. I'm glad his parents didn't either.

Someone may want to remind my son what could happen (I do) but if he thinks the result outweighs the risk (like Tony being the first person ever to land a McTwist - to this day he can't land it everytime) then I don't want anyone stopping him. Some passions come with more risk than others - sports is one of them, and so long as other people aren't put at risk then it's a go for me.

DS running around like the children in the OP could or couldn't involve another person getting hurt so I'd have to actually be in the situation and assess it with him to answer anything like that. But skateboarding I know - I have the scars to remind me of what I did and how much I loved it.
post #40 of 118
Well, I've been known to run off my mouth and say things like the OP's DH. I often regret it. But it just comes out before I can stop myself.

As for the word "control" - it sounds like he said it on the spur of the moment. Meaning being - "supervise your children and they might not have been hurt." I agree that the words we choose carry weight, but it's not like he had time to say it, think it over for a minute, delete it, and use another word. I think it's silly to let this thread deteriorate to a debate about the word "control." What did the OP's DH mean? Considering this is MDC, I have a pretty good feeling he meant, "supervise," and I doubt he meant, "force your children into submission."

When I see kids acting like that it's annoying to me because 1) they could get hurt, 2) they could hurt someone else, 3) it's hard for me to keep my own kids from joining in. They see other kids having a grand time, and I'm a big meanie because I won't let them run around, too. "You might get hurt," just doesn't carry much weight w/o experience of having been hurt while doing something similar behind it.

And I feel bad for the guy who ran into the kid.
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