What is more important? - Page 2

[bluesymama]

Sorry if this is rambling- and/or dis-organized- but I'm just going to go out on a limb here...and ask something I have been wondering ever since reading this post...

countrycountess, since I can't figure out what specifically has made you feel this way, I'm just wondering how much of this is really your true feeling and how much is post-partum emotional stuff...you know what I mean? I just finished reading through most of your posts and the responses leading up to this one- and I just don't see or feel any condemnation from these ladies towards you in their responses to your birth story- or in any of their responses to your questions about formula or anything...is it possible that you are just having a rough emotional moment? I know that I have felt frustrated and emotional before- maybe even jealous of some of the nicer birth stories I read on MDC- maybe wishing my story was different- but I really haven't picked up on any condescending vibes or "peer pressure" as you put it. Sometimes we put that on ourselves- I know I do- I make myself feel badly sometimes about the way my births have gone- and maybe I project a bit in my frustration- interpreting another's joy about their own positive experience as negativity about my own- when that is really not the case. I myself felt a little left out by the Homebirthers thread- but I know that no one intended to make me feel that way- so I let it go. I know in my heart I am just jealous- I have a different vision of how my births should be than how they actually turn out- so I get a little green with envy by the amazing homebirthing Mamas out there! I do have to say, though, that the Mamas around here have made me feel very welcome- regardless of my choices.
It really seems to me that these ladies have been very loving and supportive to you as well, from what I have read- I am pretty sure tha no one here looks down on your choices in any way. I hope you don't let your emotions carry you away from a group of supportive women who have been your friend throughout your pregnancy.
I just don't think anyone here would choose to chase someone off because of their choices- and I was just wondering if maybe you were being a little overdramatic due to hormones (like A LOT of us INCLUDING ME are being right now...) and maybe projecting a bit... and maybe just needing a big hug???
Sorry- just some rambling from a Mama who hasn't had enough sleep...

[mama2rey]

wow-I am really sorry you feel this way. I know that I prefaced my birth story with a warning. I did it because I know many mothers on MDC had traumatic births-mine was filled with many necessary interventions-and was traumatic for me. I did not want to traumatize someone else who may be planning something different. My experience was what it was-I have not felt like I was treated badly-otherwise, I feel that I was treated very well and I have been supported by all the mamas here.

This is a board that is looking at NFL-so it is pro-breastfeeding, anti circumcision, pro-homebirth etc..... It is the only place I have ever gone to that educated me about homebirth, UC and all things crunchy. Other boards have different perspectives-and I think women who choose HB, or UC's come here because they are looking for that support-they won't get it at all on other boards.

I did plan a hospital birth with a CNM-and I had tests done, and 3 u/s, not once did I feel ostracized here. They were my choices, other people made different choices-and it's OK. The HB thread was to discuss specific issues surrounding HB-they needed that space-I know that I can start a thread to talk about c-section recovery here too. However I also know that I can go anywhere on the internet and get support for C-section recovery-the homebirthers really can't do that.

You have a right to your opinion. But I really want to say that I have felt nothing but support from this DDC-and I had an intervention filled birth. There are places on MDC where I do see different things-and I just don't post there. I'm sorry that you are feeling bad about this DDC. They/we really are a good group of women.

[Right of Passage]

First of all s I'm sorry you're feeling so excluded or judged. I don't think that has been anyones intention.

I don't think this post is really about the question at the top, maybe you're just venting your fustration?

For me while mom and baby being ok is of course number one, birth expierence is a huge thing for *me*. My first birth was violating, so much so I felt as violated as I did after being molested.

After the birth trauma with my first son, I was a shell of my former self for a long time. I'd say even up until I gave birth 2 weeks ago. Reading another mama's birth story on here and it sounded a lot like my first and the support and positive words blew me away. If I had that after my first birth the healing process would have been a lot easier. These mamas I find pretty amazing in that respect. To have disclaimers would have been great after my first son's birth. Reading any birth story afetr his birth was hard, but those that were comparable to mine just brought all the feelings back and devastated me all over again.

Even with my transfered birth no one here made me feel bad for it. I had an AMAZING birth expierence this time, it was a GREAT hospital birth. I couldn't be more pleased.

I don't think I've seen anyone here jepordize their health or babies just for a "perfect" birth. I'll go above and beyond for my child and I to come out intact in the end.

I could go on and on but I don't doubt it's all been said, :/ I'm sorry you feel things are judgemental and exclusive. I haven't been here long but so far what I've seen, and how I've percieved things to be is though everyone is like minded they are also open minded. I hope you feel better soon. s

[kirk_heidi]

I'm not a homebirther because I can't afford it but I haven't felt put out by anyone on here. I think that everyone has been very supportive of every birth no matter what method of birthing has been chosen. I can't respond to every thread because I have 6 kids and a limited amount of computer time but I love to read all the stories. I know how hard it is to not have the birth experience you want and I think that is why the moms warn others about the posts. Some moms may be negatively influenced by what they read. As for seperate homebirth and UC threads, I think it is reasonable. Like someone said, there are issues that are only relative to those ways of birthing and it is helpful to put them in one place. I never felt llike I couldn't read them but I usually didn;t have time to. If I had gone one of those routes though, it would have been extremely helpful to be able to find alot of info in one place. There get to be alot of threads on here. s I hope you feel better about it after hearing some other people share how they feel.

[LoveChild421]

As a homebirther I find the question "What's more important the health of the mom/baby or the birth experience?" offensive. It is not an either/or situation. Even the British Medical Journal acknowledges that for low-risk women (those of us who are healthy and do not have any sort of complicating condition) that a homebirth is AS SAFE if not SAFER than a hospital birth due to the fact that interventions (which all carry some risk) are common in hospital births- even those progressing normally. I chose homebirth just as much for my own health and the health of my son as I did for the quality of his birth experience. To imply that I simply wanted a peaceful birth for him and didn't care about his health or my own because I didn't have a skilled surgeon trained in pathology of pregnancy (an OB) present for the normal physiologic event of childbirth (that's what midwives are trained to assist in and recognize complications that warrant medical attention) is simply incorrect.

[kittywitty]

Originally Posted by wife&mommy

Sorry you feel that way. I haven't felt put out by anyone here, well except this post, which greatly offends me.

I agree. I prefaced my story because of the goriness and I know how important it is to stay focused on the positives before birth and not to read too many stories that had scary moments when you are already worried out of your mind.

I fail to see how a homebirth or UC are exclusive of having a healthy mama and baby.

And a big : to SheBear

[YummyYumYumMama]

Originally Posted by bluesymama

Sorry if this is rambling- and/or dis-organized- but I'm just going to go out on a limb here...and ask something I have been wondering ever since reading this post...

countrycountess, since I can't figure out what specifically has made you feel this way, I'm just wondering how much of this is really your true feeling and how much is post-partum emotional stuff...you know what I mean? I just finished reading through most of your posts and the responses leading up to this one- and I just don't see or feel any condemnation from these ladies towards you in their responses to your birth story- or in any of their responses to your questions about formula or anything...is it possible that you are just having a rough emotional moment? I know that I have felt frustrated and emotional before- maybe even jealous of some of the nicer birth stories I read on MDC- maybe wishing my story was different- but I really haven't picked up on any condescending vibes or "peer pressure" as you put it. Sometimes we put that on ourselves- I know I do- I make myself feel badly sometimes about the way my births have gone- and maybe I project a bit in my frustration- interpreting another's joy about their own positive experience as negativity about my own- when that is really not the case. I myself felt a little left out by the Homebirthers thread- but I know that no one intended to make me feel that way- so I let it go. I know in my heart I am just jealous- I have a different vision of how my births should be than how they actually turn out- so I get a little green with envy by the amazing homebirthing Mamas out there! I do have to say, though, that the Mamas around here have made me feel very welcome- regardless of my choices.
It really seems to me that these ladies have been very loving and supportive to you as well, from what I have read- I am pretty sure tha no one here looks down on your choices in any way. I hope you don't let your emotions carry you away from a group of supportive women who have been your friend throughout your pregnancy.
I just don't think anyone here would choose to chase someone off because of their choices- and I was just wondering if maybe you were being a little overdramatic due to hormones (like A LOT of us INCLUDING ME are being right now...) and maybe projecting a bit... and maybe just needing a big hug???
Sorry- just some rambling from a Mama who hasn't had enoug.h sle.ep...

i think this sounds like a very astute post. it's easy to feel sensitive and attacked when hormonal...