Happy New Year Compactors! January thread - Page 5

[wechoosethis]

Good news the stroller is being purchased at a local children store. So even though it is a "big brand", it is going to help the small, local business.

[rainbowmoon]

I think gifts are allowed.

[HipGal]

Originally Posted by #4ishere

Dang it. I was caught off guard today and now I don't know what to do. A good friend is having her baby shower on Sunday. I had it all figured out, I was going to tie dye her some onesies and make her a hand painted frame (all from stuff I have in my garage ) But then today I was at a gymnastics playdate and was asked by another friend (she doesn't know that I am compacting) to pitch in $30 for the friends baby stroller. I always go in on the bigger gifts. I had three of my children there I was watching and so what did I say, "SURE". I walked away and felt so stupid. How do I go back to her and say nevermind? How do I justify this purchase? Ten days in and the gifts for others are the hardest part. CRAP! Any words of wisdom? I think I have decided to go through with the $30, atleast I am putting towards a purchase that is going to be well used, right?!

If you made a commitment, I would go through with it. Then decide how you want to respond to things like this for the rest of the year.

[mumkenna&lucas]

Well I went into a big box store today and bought NOTHING!!! Very pleased with myself! I took my Grandma to do her errands and shopping, and she uses that stores pharmacy so we went into it..Along with my 2 year old and 4year old..Not a penny spent from me!

[SugarAndSun]

I am struggling with gifts too. My mother's birthday is coming and she is a big shopper type person. She really wouldn't like a thrift store present. I am thinking of getting her a Klean Kanteen since she uses tons and tons of bottled water. While I will be purchasing something new, at least it will help in the long run. Then I was thinking of getting her a piece of jewelry from the thrift store... or maybe a gift certificate to a restaurant. Hmmmm...

[Aguazul]

Originally Posted by mumkenna&lucas

Well I went into a big box store today and bought NOTHING!!! Very pleased with myself! I took my Grandma to do her errands and shopping, and she uses that stores pharmacy so we went into it..Along with my 2 year old and 4year old..Not a penny spent from me!

Good job!!!! And it gets even easier to do as time goes on. Although, after a while, you really get sensory overload looking at all that ..... stuff!!!

[a2mama]

dealing with 'friends' who can't wait to see you fail?

Any of you have this happen? First, I think I made the mistake of talking about the Compact with this person. I thought she might actually want to join me, but she had 1,000,001 reasons why not. Fine, I am doing it for myself and my family. Anyway, since then, whenever we talk, I get the feeling that she is hoping to hear about how I have slipped up or how difficult it is. I am trying really hard to be mindful but not obsessive about my choice. I don't want it to become all I think about, I just want it to be the way I live. I want to be able to come here and read and comment about it, but not 24/7. So anyway, during a recent conversation I was really excited and upbeat about it and she changed the subject super fast. Contrast that to when I was thinking about it and considering how difficult it would be and we talked about it forever.

Sorry to unload this, but it is really bothering me. I think I am just going to steer conversations away from the topic and not engage her, but I just don't get it.

Thoughts? or Advice?

[snowbunny]

For those of you dealing with gifts and not wanting to thrift them, have you considered simply buying handmade, recycled (note: that doesn't mean thrifted but made from recycled materials) items or making them yourself? Also, there's a world outside of material gifts. Think of charity donations, massages, gift certificates to restaurant, a week of organic food delivery it goes on and on.

There's also a lot to be said for giving up gifts entirely. We spend way too much of our time and money buying things for friends and family on special occasions and way too little time simply celebrating our relationships with those that we love.

[I-Love-Alaska]

I agree with the others- gifts don't necessarily count in my book. I like the idea of gift cards for restaurants, too!

I've done good and haven't purchased anything. I even scored a *free* 2 gallon cooler (for camping). It was around noon last Saturday and I passed a garage sale. They were "closed" so I had to knock on the door to inquire the cost of the cooler. I was thrilled when they said "just take it"!! I've cleaned it up (it had a lot of baseball clay on it) and it's as good as new!!

[RedAnt]

Originally Posted by a2mama

Any of you have this happen? First, I think I made the mistake of talking about the Compact with this person. I thought she might actually want to join me, but she had 1,000,001 reasons why not. Fine, I am doing it for myself and my family. Anyway, since then, whenever we talk, I get the feeling that she is hoping to hear about how I have slipped up or how difficult it is. I am trying really hard to be mindful but not obsessive about my choice. I don't want it to become all I think about, I just want it to be the way I live. I want to be able to come here and read and comment about it, but not 24/7. So anyway, during a recent conversation I was really excited and upbeat about it and she changed the subject super fast. Contrast that to when I was thinking about it and considering how difficult it would be and we talked about it forever.

Sorry to unload this, but it is really bothering me. I think I am just going to steer conversations away from the topic and not engage her, but I just don't get it.

Thoughts? or Advice?

I haven't had this happen to me yet, but I can see it happening. I think some people would feel that my actions would be inherently judgmental of their lifestyle choices. Like because I home birthed, then I must be looking down on their hospital birth.

In terms of trying to catch you slipping up, sometimes people are too black and white in their thinking. To some people if you're using a stroller, then you're not AP enough b/c you should be wearing the child. If you're driving a Prius alone, that's not good enough b/c you should be carpooling or taking public transportation or even walking! The world is so grey, and I'm happier when I focus my energy on my own behaviors. It's not always easy.

I probably won't talk to many people about our decision to Compact, unless it's really relevant. I wish more people knew about it and made educated decisions about spending, but I just don't have the drive or energy to advocate or preach. I might blog about it a little.

My advice is to not talk about the Compact with that friend unless she brings it up. Enjoy the things you share in common.

[RedAnt]

Did I kill this thread?

I actually had a frustrating conversation yesterday with my mother about buying stuff. It turns out she has been harboring a lot of resentment about me dissuading her from buying random stuff for my daughter. And that was even before I started Compacting. I tried to explain that it wasn't about her at all, that it's about my personal values and not wanting any unwanted stuff in my house...that my daughter already has way more toys than she needs...that she is very particular about her clothing, so it is always wasted money to buy clothing that she hasn't picked out herself, etc. My mother just doesn't get it, and I'm not sure she will ever get it. Shopping is her main source of entertainment and she equates giving things with showing love. I think I'll just accept the gifts, say thank you, and then give them away from now on. I just wish that I could at least steer her towards things that we might like or would be useful, but she sees that as insulting her tastes/choices. :

[kissum]

Red Ant, I know how you feel. For the last two years I thought my ex's mother was totally uninterested in my DD, but I found out last month that my "please don't buy her lots of things" has been misinterpreted as "please don't bother trying to be involved in our lives." Which is completely untrue, I just have always lived in a pretty small place, and don't want tons of needless junk. And let's face it, I am picky about what she haves, so I'd rather her Grandma bought a plane ticket to visit than tons of toys that will break.
I was really hurt when I discussed that with my mom, and she said she too feels like I don't want anything from her when she really wants to be involved. So now I really make an effort to say, "hey, that baby alive doll is a really cool idea, but I bet she'd like it better if you took her sledding/to the zoo/to the park...etc" So that way you're encouraging an activity rather than a gift. But, the only person that works with is my mom, so I know how you feel. I'm sorry your mom doesn't "get" you, but I think that's pretty normal anytime your way of living isn't 100% mainstream. Give it some time and maybe she will come around.

[SugarAndSun]

My mom is much the same. She doesn't fight it too much anymore though. She just figures I'm nuts. She doesn't care about just forking over money instead of a gift though so for Christmas she just gave them oney towards a gymnastics class. She does buy useless stuff and clothes with Elmo and whatnot, but I just ask her for the receipt and return it. I don't feel too bad since she returns everything I buy her too. I bought her thei great driftwood windchime once for over $100 and she returned it. It's win win, she doesn't have driftwood and I don't have Elmo! (My dc have never even seen Elmo and I would like to keep it that way, btw.)

On Compacting... I am reallt not finding it a struggles at all. There are only two things I would reallt want to buy... a small cast iron pot (they are NEVER in our thrift stores) and a good food processor. Our blender is breaking and I like to make us all green smoothies. I am thinking of Ebay, but so many things on there are new!

I might try to hold out until yard sale season and hope to find one then. I know there are soooo many people out there with great food processors they never touch!

[shelbell]

Originally Posted by SugarAndSun

On Compacting... I am reallt not finding it a struggles at all. There are only two things I would reallt want to buy... a small cast iron pot (they are NEVER in our thrift stores) and a good food processor. Our blender is breaking and I like to make us all green smoothies. I am thinking of Ebay, but so many things on there are new!

I have to agree with you... Compacting has been much easier than I thought it would be. The only real area that it's changed has been eating out... We're now no longer fast food addicts, lol. We're eating at home more, and we're finding yummy local burger places and Mexican places, most of which are cheaper than fast food, so a plus! And I love that we're becoming a little more green as well. :

[mumkenna&lucas]

Originally Posted by shelbell

I have to agree with you... Compacting has been much easier than I thought it would be.

It has been much easier than I thought it would be also! I almost slipped up and bought a Maclaren that was on sale, but I didn't and I am now scouring craigslist for one!

[RedAnt]

I have found it to be pretty easy too. I was really tempted to buy some SeeKaiRun shoes super discounted by a store going out of business. DD really doesn't need shoes right now though, and we already have a pair in her next size. Shoes are one of my exceptions, but I still like that I'm cutting out unnecessary purchases.

My husband accidentally broke the glass on our blender. I looked up replacement parts, but I haven't ordered them. I'm going to check thrift stores and Craigslist for a while. I realized that we don't actually use it for anything that we couldn't do with our food processor, so maybe the blender can just be decluttered out of our lives!

[mamaveggie]

I haven't had anymore slip-ups since the books and the month is half over already. It really is getting easier, just having to readjust my thinking. How is everyone else's month going?

Originally Posted by RedAnt

I have found it to be pretty easy too. I was really tempted to buy some SeeKaiRun shoes super discounted by a store going out of business. DD really doesn't need shoes right now though, and we already have a pair in her next size. Shoes are one of my exceptions, but I still like that I'm cutting out unnecessary purchases.

My husband accidentally broke the glass on our blender. I looked up replacement parts, but I haven't ordered them. I'm going to check thrift stores and Craigslist for a while. I realized that we don't actually use it for anything that we couldn't do with our food processor, so maybe the blender can just be decluttered out of our lives!

What kind of blender is it? You may want to post over in ISO. Someone is bound to have it.

Originally Posted by SugarAndSun

My mom is much the same. She doesn't fight it too much anymore though. She just figures I'm nuts. She doesn't care about just forking over money instead of a gift though so for Christmas she just gave them oney towards a gymnastics class. She does buy useless stuff and clothes with Elmo and whatnot, but I just ask her for the receipt and return it. I don't feel too bad since she returns everything I buy her too. I bought her thei great driftwood windchime once for over $100 and she returned it. It's win win, she doesn't have driftwood and I don't have Elmo! (My dc have never even seen Elmo and I would like to keep it that way, btw.)

On Compacting... I am reallt not finding it a struggles at all. There are only two things I would reallt want to buy... a small cast iron pot (they are NEVER in our thrift stores) and a good food processor. Our blender is breaking and I like to make us all green smoothies. I am thinking of Ebay, but so many things on there are new!

I might try to hold out until yard sale season and hope to find one then. I know there are soooo many people out there with great food processors they never touch!

You're lucky that your mom is so understanding! My sis was over last weekend and she told me that when they went shopping, my mom kept picking things up and putting them down for me and the girls because I would probably just get rid of it anyway. She doesn't understand where I am coming from, but at least she isn't wasting money.

Originally Posted by kissum

Red Ant, I know how you feel. For the last two years I thought my ex's mother was totally uninterested in my DD, but I found out last month that my "please don't buy her lots of things" has been misinterpreted as "please don't bother trying to be involved in our lives." Which is completely untrue, I just have always lived in a pretty small place, and don't want tons of needless junk. And let's face it, I am picky about what she haves, so I'd rather her Grandma bought a plane ticket to visit than tons of toys that will break.
I was really hurt when I discussed that with my mom, and she said she too feels like I don't want anything from her when she really wants to be involved. So now I really make an effort to say, "hey, that baby alive doll is a really cool idea, but I bet she'd like it better if you took her sledding/to the zoo/to the park...etc" So that way you're encouraging an activity rather than a gift. But, the only person that works with is my mom, so I know how you feel. I'm sorry your mom doesn't "get" you, but I think that's pretty normal anytime your way of living isn't 100% mainstream. Give it some time and maybe she will come around.

That really sucks about your outlaws. Did you try to get things worked out with her about your dd? I have to make an effort w/ my inlaws or my dd wouldn't know them from a stranger on the street.

Originally Posted by a2mama

Any of you have this happen? First, I think I made the mistake of talking about the Compact with this person. I thought she might actually want to join me, but she had 1,000,001 reasons why not. Fine, I am doing it for myself and my family. Anyway, since then, whenever we talk, I get the feeling that she is hoping to hear about how I have slipped up or how difficult it is. I am trying really hard to be mindful but not obsessive about my choice. I don't want it to become all I think about, I just want it to be the way I live. I want to be able to come here and read and comment about it, but not 24/7. So anyway, during a recent conversation I was really excited and upbeat about it and she changed the subject super fast. Contrast that to when I was thinking about it and considering how difficult it would be and we talked about it forever.

Sorry to unload this, but it is really bothering me. I think I am just going to steer conversations away from the topic and not engage her, but I just don't get it.

Thoughts? or Advice?

I had this conversation with my dh, but about my vegetarianism. People would rather not think about what they are doing and when you change your habits after actually taking into considerstion the impact you have on the world around you it makes them feel uneasy. It makes them feel guilty and defensive for following the crowd. I've met this response to my being a vegetarian, cloth diapering, breastfeeding, staying at home with my daughters, co-sleeping and compacting. I know some people who are standing on the sidelines waiting for me to fail, but those people aren't really close to me anyways. I would wait for her to bring it up again, because she probably will based on your comments.

[mumkenna&lucas]

So I found a struggle..Our towels are horrible!! I don't know why I just now realized this! I don't mean they are so bad that I need to buy some tommorrow, but they do need to be replaced in the near future..Ideas?

[mamaveggie]

Originally Posted by mumkenna&lucas

So I found a struggle..Our towels are horrible!! I don't know why I just now realized this! I don't mean they are so bad that I need to buy some tommorrow, but they do need to be replaced in the near future..Ideas?

Hmmm.... You may want to try craigslist before you go out and purchace new ones. A relative of ours is a nanny for a well to do family that likes to remodel a lot. Whenever they remodel, there is a pile of towels, rugs, shower curtains, knick knacks and things that were just used for decoration, not even on bodies. I just checked our local craiglist and I found three sets in like new condition. I would take the old ones and donate them to your local animal shelter. They are always looking for them. Hope that helps.

[kissum]

Originally Posted by mamaveggie

That really sucks about your outlaws. Did you try to get things worked out with her about your dd? I have to make an effort w/ my inlaws or my dd wouldn't know them from a stranger on the street.

Yeah, I've been trying to work it out. My dd wouldn't know that side of the family at all if I didn't make an effort to include them. It makes me sad, but I'm also to the point (she's 2) that I just want to give up. I'm always the one making an effort, I never get replies to my emails or pictures I send them. I have a huge amazing family that loves her so much, I sometimes feel like it's not worth the effort. I want them to be involved in her life, but if they don't want to make the effort, well, what can I do? My ex isn't very involved with his family, which is part of the problem I'm sure.

Back to compacting....I'm doing pretty well. My dd's birthday was Monday, so I did buy her balloons, which I was feeling a little guilty about, but I promise to recycle them when they pop. I think she liked the balloons better than anything else, too, lol.