Jan '08 Lower Income and/or Struggling Mama's Support - Page 7

[Mearaina]

Originally Posted by Satori

Then they are yours I think there's like 5 of them, I need to do laundry as most are at the bottom of the laundry basket. I'm planning on doing laundry Friday/Saturday but I'll dig around tomorrow and see what all I can find just to get a count.

Thanks I'll send you a pm

Originally Posted by MamaChel

Actually it IS legit. They make too much on their own to qualify for medicaid, but when you add in myself, DH, the 3 kids that live in the home, our lack of income, the CS we pay for the one minor living out of the home, they qualify for medicaid even though they do not need it. (Both have medicare PLUS decent medigap policies, the medicaid is just to cover) It gets better, my PARENTS are covered but the babies are uninsured. As soon as we leave the medicaid for the parents goes away, they make close to 35k per year on their own.

We applied for medicaid for the kids but the state chose to cover my parents instead, it's some strange accounting they have going on there.

That is messed up! Here in PA we have CHIP, I don't know all the regulations but the big thing is "no child goes without coverage...you can't make too much". Do you have any idea what you are goingt o do when you leave your parents?

Originally Posted by amydidit

Just popping in... I haven't been able to keep up with this thread, wow, it moves fast! I've been dealing with a sick DH and DD2. We think they have whooping cough. We were at my SIL for Christmas and 2 of their DC had tested positive for it. Of course they didn't tell us that until AFTER DH and DD2 got sick. ~grumbles~

Anyway... time for work. I'll try and pop in later.

How are your dh and dd2?

Originally Posted by Satori

:hop mad

So I called the welfare office this morning to find out where my cash aid was becasue it wasn't on my card. I learned 2 things...


Here they put food stamps on a card but the cash is mail to you in a check WTH?!

then I learned something even better...

my case is still pending!!!!!! Its been 7 weeks and its still friggin pending! So since its pending there is no check. So not only am I going to get stuck paying a $45 late fee on the rent which I CAN NOT afford, I'm already selling everything I can to cover the other bills becasue the cash aid doesn't even cover all the rent but now I have no rent money coming AND no money for gas for our Dr appt and the car is on empty

:

Originally Posted by Satori

argh! Finally got an answer, the case is still active in the other city according to them and thats why no benefits. Called my old worker but had to leave a msg, I don't need this stress!

Originally Posted by Iris' Mom

That sucks! I guess there is no emergency aid? I wonder why you didn't get $ from the old city if the case is still active -- did you notify them that you were moving? Bureaucracy sucks.



I have an old Victorian too, so I know the kind of money pits they can be. The previous owners took care of most of the problems, but there is just so much work that needed to be done to make it comfy (like closets that are more than 6" deep, etc.), and now I can't afford to do any of it. Just the mortgage is bankrupting me, literally. Agh, I should be grateful it's not falling apart (well, the garage is, but I try not to look at that).



I'm vicariously excited for anyone TTC. Hey, just because I arleady have 7 m.o., I'm going through a divorce, I'm 43 and have no money, doesn't mean my baby dreams have been squelched! Anyway, back to you -- how about if you consult with a few midwives and find out more specifically whether they would consider a homebirth for you? If you are high risk now just based on your weight, maybe you could find out how much you would have to lose and that would motivate you to develop a weight loss plan? I was pretty overweight when I got pg most recently, but I was high risk based on my age. No one ever said anything about my weight (don't tell, I was 239 lbs and 5'3"). Maybe it's more feasible than you think.

*************************

Mamas, I'm very down these days. When I think about the turn my life has taken over the past 2 yrs, I'm just so sad. But of all the bad luck I've had, nothing makes me weep so much as to see my kids hurting. Both have been diagnosed with PTSD. DD is 17 and should be graduating in a few months near the top of her class and heading off to a top-tier college, but instead, she was recently hospitalized for depression, is not going to graduate this year, and has only been saved from failing because her teachers like her so much they have bent every rule possible to allow her to finish up in good standing. But STILL she is struggling so much. And my 6 y.o. ds used to be the happiest, most sociable little boy who made friends so easily. And now his social issues have reached the point that other mothers tell their kids not to play with him. Both are in therapy several times a week and things just don't seem to be getting better. I look at my little baby and wonder what I'm going to next to f$*k up his life.

My dh got a vas in Sept and I STILL have the baby bug!!

Originally Posted by asianyoushi

hi ladies
wow day 2 of this month and already on page 12... i just read all of the pages.
lots of hugs for the mamas dealing with all aspects of struggling financially...

i was laughing my @$$ off about the uni boob... but on a serious note how is it gonna deduct from ur kids cs

for all the newbies

i am lilly- 21 mom to two- 2.5 year old dd and 14 month old ds. my hubby works long 12 hour shifts so cuts family time. we are struggling because we sank into the credit debt black hole... we are working on it right now.. we have 17 cards 3 loans, 2 of the 17 cards are completely paid off thank god.

i also need to come up with 4k to get my teeth fixed and the dentist i went to doesnt take payment plans --all the money needs to be handed over at the end of the procedure...

We are also in the CC black hole. I hope you can get your teeth fixed soon .

Originally Posted by ~*Jaime

I totally have this bad habit of hitting submit before I am actually done typing :

So it is snowing in West Virginia today. This morning the roads were totally nasty, as per my DH, but now they look much better. I should not have any problem getting to work this evening.

As for me I am sort of in a depressed/cranky thing. I am blaming it on my body trying to figure itself out after stopping hormonal birth control. I did have a period, finally, but it was quick. Now I am waiting for another one. I try to chart my temperatures but I have fevors so often from these wonky ear infections that I could never get anything accurate. Maybe I will try again anyway.

We are going back and forth on this whole baby issue. On one hand I would love to have a baby as soon as my body gets back in to a normal rhythem and I start ovulating, etc. On the other hand, I know that because I am overweight that I will be considered high risk and will end up not coming anywhere close to the pregnancy and birth that I would like to have. I just feel that hospital births are so confining. And the high risk birthing unit in our area is very much about the whole birth on your back nonsense. Not that birthing on your back is bad, I am sure it works for a lot of people but what if I don't want to be flat on my back? What if another position works better. Plus a client at my shelter gave birth there and I was shocked *okay, appalled* at how many people were prodding the baby and messing with the baby, and just in general bothering the baby. I have nothing against medical students, when I was getting my teaching degree people let me practice teaching their kids, so I feel like I do not have the right to complain about a student learning how to work in other fields. But there was just so many of them. And they posted pictures of the baby on the internet even after the Mom told them 4 times not to because she was in an abusive situation and needed to keep all news of the baby private for safety reasons. Gaah! And those creepy hospital blankets they wrap the babies in. I really don't want my baby in one of those. I make baby blankets, and I know the love I put in to every single row. Even if I don't know a baby personally, the love is still there. I just can't handle a mass produced blanket being put on my child.

Okay, my husband thinks I am a bit irrational on the issue, and maybe I am. But we have very clear ideas of what we want and I don't think a birth in a hospital with 50 people around and my Mom and MIL telling me what I should do is what I really want.

My Mom is on board with a homebirth, my MIL is dead set against it. The only thing we have going for us is that my husband's family does not circumsize babies and my family has no boys, so at least we wont have to defend our no circumsicion stance to our immediate familes Everything else though, I am sure will be an issue. Like, we don't even plan on buying a crib right away, because we would like to explore co sleeping. We also want to live simply and don't want our child to be spoiled like I was.

I don't know, I suppose none of this matters because I would like to pay off the debt we have first, so that I can SAH permanatly. But lately DH has been hinting that he wants to try, and we have a get out of debt plan in place, so it looks like the time might be approaching faster than I realized and now I am freaking out :

Sorry to ramble.

I don't know much about where you live, but here in SC Pennsylvania, even the hospital births can be very natural. My last two hospital births were the best they could be given the difficulties, and my doctors are referred to by the nursing staff as "part midwives". Maybe you can find some doctors like that in your area?

[Purple*Lotus]

Originally Posted by asianyoushi

i am lilly- 21 mom to two- 2.5 year old dd and 14 month old ds. my hubby works long 12 hour shifts so cuts family time. we are struggling because we sank into the credit debt black hole... we are working on it right now.. we have 17 cards 3 loans, 2 of the 17 cards are completely paid off thank god.

i also need to come up with 4k to get my teeth fixed and the dentist i went to doesnt take payment plans --all the money needs to be handed over at the end of the procedure...

Hi there Welcome. What sort of dental work do you need done? Is there a dental college in your area that you could go to for a discount? When I did not have dental insurance and needed a root canal I had it done at a dental college. It took a lot longer, obviously, but the savings was amazing! Plus, now that I have insurance and have had another root canal done, and seen my xrays- it is in my opinion that the student did the best work, by far.

Originally Posted by Iris' Mom

I'm vicariously excited for anyone TTC. Hey, just because I arleady have 7 m.o., I'm going through a divorce, I'm 43 and have no money, doesn't mean my baby dreams have been squelched! Anyway, back to you -- how about if you consult with a few midwives and find out more specifically whether they would consider a homebirth for you? If you are high risk now just based on your weight, maybe you could find out how much you would have to lose and that would motivate you to develop a weight loss plan? I was pretty overweight when I got pg most recently, but I was high risk based on my age. No one ever said anything about my weight (don't tell, I was 239 lbs and 5'3"). Maybe it's more feasible than you think.

*************************

Mamas, I'm very down these days. When I think about the turn my life has taken over the past 2 yrs, I'm just so sad. But of all the bad luck I've had, nothing makes me weep so much as to see my kids hurting. Both have been diagnosed with PTSD. DD is 17 and should be graduating in a few months near the top of her class and heading off to a top-tier college, but instead, she was recently hospitalized for depression, is not going to graduate this year, and has only been saved from failing because her teachers like her so much they have bent every rule possible to allow her to finish up in good standing. But STILL she is struggling so much. And my 6 y.o. ds used to be the happiest, most sociable little boy who made friends so easily. And now his social issues have reached the point that other mothers tell their kids not to play with him. Both are in therapy several times a week and things just don't seem to be getting better. I look at my little baby and wonder what I'm going to next to f$*k up his life.

I have been losing weight, so the longer I wait to TTC, the more I will have lost, I figure

I am sorry to hear about your DC's Is your older daughter in a treatment plan for the depression. I will tell you that when I was in high school, I was suffering with OCD at it's worst. I would not even leave the house. I am all for going the natural route, but for me, I needed medication. I think a lot of people would have been surprised that I was ever able to get out and live a "normal" life. So it can be done. She just needs your support and the help of some good doctors s: The therapy is great for both kids, that will really help them! I was in therapy for the majority of my high school and college years.

As for your little one, well, just the fact that you love him and want so badly to make a good life for him is half the battle, don't you think? I work with parents who are very detached from their kids, so any time I see a Mother who just loves their kids and wants something better for them, I consider that to be a huge step in the right direction s:

[asianyoushi]

*************************

Mamas, I'm very down these days. When I think about the turn my life has taken over the past 2 yrs, I'm just so sad. But of all the bad luck I've had, nothing makes me weep so much as to see my kids hurting. Both have been diagnosed with PTSD. DD is 17 and should be graduating in a few months near the top of her class and heading off to a top-tier college, but instead, she was recently hospitalized for depression, is not going to graduate this year, and has only been saved from failing because her teachers like her so much they have bent every rule possible to allow her to finish up in good standing. But STILL she is struggling so much. And my 6 y.o. ds used to be the happiest, most sociable little boy who made friends so easily. And now his social issues have reached the point that other mothers tell their kids not to play with him. Both are in therapy several times a week and things just don't seem to be getting better. I look at my little baby and wonder what I'm going to next to f$*k up his life.

oh mama how truely awful. do u know why ur kids have ptsd? please dont think u f'ed ur kids up. bad things happen but they make us appreciate the good, makes us learn life lessons and grow from them.

ur family will be in my prayers. hope things start turning around for ur dd, ds and u

[Purple*Lotus]

Update on my DH: I had him take a baking soda bath last night and he took some benedryl. He had relief last night but this morning was back in itchy agony Poor guy, I feel for him I work tonight but I am leaving the baking soda out where he can see it and the benedryl so he can repeat it tonight. Who would have thought someone could be so allergic to a shampoo bar? Crazy! But he is allergic to everything else, so I shouldn't be so shocked I guess

[asianyoushi]

Originally Posted by ~*Jaime

Hi there Welcome. What sort of dental work do you need done? Is there a dental college in your area that you could go to for a discount? When I did not have dental insurance and needed a root canal I had it done at a dental college. It took a lot longer, obviously, but the savings was amazing! Plus, now that I have insurance and have had another root canal done, and seen my xrays- it is in my opinion that the student did the best work, by far.

i dont know if there is a dental college near me... but i need to get 15 teeth filled/drilled....

[Iris' Mom]

Originally Posted by ~*Jaime

I am sorry to hear about your DC's Is your older daughter in a treatment plan for the depression. I will tell you that when I was in high school, I was suffering with OCD at it's worst. I would not even leave the house. I am all for going the natural route, but for me, I needed medication. I think a lot of people would have been surprised that I was ever able to get out and live a "normal" life. So it can be done. She just needs your support and the help of some good doctors s: The therapy is great for both kids, that will really help them! I was in therapy for the majority of my high school and college years.

As for your little one, well, just the fact that you love him and want so badly to make a good life for him is half the battle, don't you think? I work with parents who are very detached from their kids, so any time I see a Mother who just loves their kids and wants something better for them, I consider that to be a huge step in the right direction s:

Thanks, I needed some hugs. DD is in therapy, and is on meds, but we're still trying to find the right combo. It's trial and error.

Originally Posted by asianyoushi

oh mama how truely awful. do u know why ur kids have ptsd? please dont think u f'ed ur kids up. bad things happen but they make us appreciate the good, makes us learn life lessons and grow from them.

ur family will be in my prayers. hope things start turning around for ur dd, ds and u

Thanks. My stbx was abusive to them, and I couldn't figure it out. They didn't tell me because I worked so much, they didn't want to stress me out further. I was supposed to protect them, but they were protecting me.

[ediesmom]

Originally Posted by Iris' Mom

:Mamas, I'm very down these days. When I think about the turn my life has taken over the past 2 yrs, I'm just so sad. But of all the bad luck I've had, nothing makes me weep so much as to see my kids hurting. Both have been diagnosed with PTSD. DD is 17 and should be graduating in a few months near the top of her class and heading off to a top-tier college, but instead, she was recently hospitalized for depression, is not going to graduate this year, and has only been saved from failing because her teachers like her so much they have bent every rule possible to allow her to finish up in good standing. But STILL she is struggling so much. And my 6 y.o. ds used to be the happiest, most sociable little boy who made friends so easily. And now his social issues have reached the point that other mothers tell their kids not to play with him. Both are in therapy several times a week and things just don't seem to be getting better. I look at my little baby and wonder what I'm going to next to f$*k up his life.

I'm so sorry. One teeny millisecond at a time....when you feel like this.

and, to me, it sounds like you are doing everything right.....not f-ing your kids up, mama.

i'm sorry that the other mamas are telling their kids not to play with your ds....thats whats doing the damage: maybe you could talk to one or two of the mamas and set up 'safe' playdates.

it really does sound like you are doing a good job. please give yourself a break

[ediesmom]

Originally Posted by Iris' Mom

Thanks, I needed some hugs. DD is in therapy, and is on meds, but we're still trying to find the right combo. It's trial and error.



Thanks. My stbx was abusive to them, and I couldn't figure it out. They didn't tell me because I worked so much, they didn't want to stress me out further. I was supposed to protect them, but they were protecting me.

that must have been so hard for you when it came to light

you are a good mama.......

[asianyoushi]

Originally Posted by Iris' Mom

Thanks, I needed some hugs. DD is in therapy, and is on meds, but we're still trying to find the right combo. It's trial and error.



Thanks. My stbx was abusive to them, and I couldn't figure it out. They didn't tell me because I worked so much, they didn't want to stress me out further. I was supposed to protect them, but they were protecting me.

im so sorry. please dont think u are the cause.( u didnt know- u cant protect/help those in need if u dont know) last year i told my dad things that happened to me by the hands of my brother and bil when i was younger- (age 7 to 14) and i could just see the pain in his eyes. he told me he was sorry that he couldnt protect me. he said he failed as a father. i corrected him- "u did not fail me, u were trying to provide for me. u were not told these things because i didnt know how to tell any one. after that conversation dad and i are real close . i tell him everything that happens- i do not wait to tell him like i did before.

[justmama]

Originally Posted by ~*Jaime

Update on my DH: I had him take a baking soda bath last night and he took some benedryl. He had relief last night but this morning was back in itchy agony Poor guy, I feel for him I work tonight but I am leaving the baking soda out where he can see it and the benedryl so he can repeat it tonight. Who would have thought someone could be so allergic to a shampoo bar? Crazy! But he is allergic to everything else, so I shouldn't be so shocked I guess

Poor guy! I'm glad he at least got a little relief last night. At least you know the baking soda bath/benedryl combo works!

So I"m wondering if anyone has any thoughts on this situation because you are all much more educated in the way the "system" works than I am. I am due in 6 weeks. I'm currently a waitress and when I give birth, I will have been there for 5 1/2 months total. You need to be at a job 6 months prior to be eligible for TDI(temporary disability insurance, it's our disability system in RI and you can only get what you pay in as well). So that's out. Obviously there's no paid leave as a waitress. I will still get child support from the husband and from the oldest daughter's father. But those two together are barely enough for rent and gas for the car. I still have phone, car payment, heat, electric, etc. I have medicaid, wic, and food stamps currently. I have a little money saved up right now but that will be enough to keep me out 6 weeks with the child support I will get. I can also file my taxes to get some money to stay out of work. But here's the thing: my husband(soon to be ex) is my daycare right now and I work nights and weekends so it's opposite his schedule AND I can work only the busiest nights and days so that I spend as little time away from the kids as possible(works out to 20-25hours a week and 4 days). But he is deploying voluntarily with the air guard to Kuwait for 6 months. We've known about it for a while now. But there goes my daycare and RI has no second shift daycares that I know of. And my in-laws won't watch all the kids 4 days a week for me. So that leaves me with no one to watch my girls. I think I have to get a full-time day job and put them all in daycare. But I make right around $15-20 an hour as a waitress and the best job I can find right now is full-time $12 an hour PLUS the added cost of daycare. It will be $550 a WEEK for daycare for the kids and they'd be in at least 2 different daycares. And I can't get federal aid until September for going back to school because they don't do that during summer session. So what do I do????? We have a program here that will put me back in school in the fall and give me free child care and PAY for my schooling but I'd give up my child support and have to live off of $400 a month which isn't HALF my rent. So that's impossible and not the right time either. I'm at a loss. I'm panicked. And I've been having a TON of contractions and I've lost my plug and things generally look like I"m expecting Big Bird a lot sooner than previously thought(I'm 33.4weeks now). So now I'm all panicked about how we'll get by. I have SO many bills and SO little income right now but with child support I may make too much for much assistance. I don't know what to do. Any ideas? Anything you guys can think of would be helpful!

[Iris' Mom]

Originally Posted by ediesmom

i'm sorry that the other mamas are telling their kids not to play with your ds....thats whats doing the damage: maybe you could talk to one or two of the mamas and set up 'safe' playdates.

I did that last year, and the two moms I became "friends" with are the worst offenders. Some stupid incident (supposedly my ds was trying to teach her son how to kiss himself, which proves that my ds must have been molested on top of everything else, which means, so sorry, but they just can't risk exposing their kids to mine) set them off, and now they won't even talk to me. It's reached the point where I don't even want my ds to have playdates for his own protection. I started supervising him on the playground whenever I could to make sure he doesn't get blamed for some mischief that they all cook up. The school is well aware, and they say that it happens all the time that one kid becomes the scapegoat. They told me to go ahead and get him on an IEP so that he could have legal protection, whereas we had been handling everything informally. Don't get me wrong, ds is not an innocent angel, and his behavior IS problematic, but he's not the sociopath that these people seem to think. But it really gets to me that these women KNOW what ds has been through, and have lost all compassion even though, whatever he may have done, ds has NEVER hurt anyone. I was really hurt at first, and now I'm just PO'd. I'm just very lonely here and feeling like my confidence has been betrayed. I'm very shy, and I just don't have the heart to reach out right now.

This has gotten quite long -- thanks for listening.

[ediesmom]

Originally Posted by justmama

Poor guy! I'm glad he at least got a little relief last night. At least you know the baking soda bath/benedryl combo works!

So I"m wondering if anyone has any thoughts on this situation because you are all much more educated in the way the "system" works than I am. I am due in 6 weeks. I'm currently a waitress and when I give birth, I will have been there for 5 1/2 months total. You need to be at a job 6 months prior to be eligible for TDI(temporary disability insurance, it's our disability system in RI and you can only get what you pay in as well). So that's out. Obviously there's no paid leave as a waitress. I will still get child support from the husband and from the oldest daughter's father. But those two together are barely enough for rent and gas for the car. I still have phone, car payment, heat, electric, etc. I have medicaid, wic, and food stamps currently. I have a little money saved up right now but that will be enough to keep me out 6 weeks with the child support I will get. I can also file my taxes to get some money to stay out of work. But here's the thing: my husband(soon to be ex) is my daycare right now and I work nights and weekends so it's opposite his schedule AND I can work only the busiest nights and days so that I spend as little time away from the kids as possible(works out to 20-25hours a week and 4 days). But he is deploying voluntarily with the air guard to Kuwait for 6 months. We've known about it for a while now. But there goes my daycare and RI has no second shift daycares that I know of. And my in-laws won't watch all the kids 4 days a week for me. So that leaves me with no one to watch my girls. I think I have to get a full-time day job and put them all in daycare. But I make right around $15-20 an hour as a waitress and the best job I can find right now is full-time $12 an hour PLUS the added cost of daycare. It will be $550 a WEEK for daycare for the kids and they'd be in at least 2 different daycares. And I can't get federal aid until September for going back to school because they don't do that during summer session. So what do I do????? We have a program here that will put me back in school in the fall and give me free child care and PAY for my schooling but I'd give up my child support and have to live off of $400 a month which isn't HALF my rent. So that's impossible and not the right time either. I'm at a loss. I'm panicked. And I've been having a TON of contractions and I've lost my plug and things generally look like I"m expecting Big Bird a lot sooner than previously thought(I'm 33.4weeks now). So now I'm all panicked about how we'll get by. I have SO many bills and SO little income right now but with child support I may make too much for much assistance. I don't know what to do. Any ideas? Anything you guys can think of would be helpful!

i don't know but i can say that it will work out. There is catholic charities, churches, housing......you need to apply for those, but i assume you will qualify. can you renegotiate your car payment? Or public housing complex? one that has a sliding fee scale?



more later

[swellmomma]

Originally Posted by justmama

Poor guy! I'm glad he at least got a little relief last night. At least you know the baking soda bath/benedryl combo works!

So I"m wondering if anyone has any thoughts on this situation because you are all much more educated in the way the "system" works than I am. I am due in 6 weeks. I'm currently a waitress and when I give birth, I will have been there for 5 1/2 months total. You need to be at a job 6 months prior to be eligible for TDI(temporary disability insurance, it's our disability system in RI and you can only get what you pay in as well). So that's out. Obviously there's no paid leave as a waitress. I will still get child support from the husband and from the oldest daughter's father. But those two together are barely enough for rent and gas for the car. I still have phone, car payment, heat, electric, etc. I have medicaid, wic, and food stamps currently. I have a little money saved up right now but that will be enough to keep me out 6 weeks with the child support I will get. I can also file my taxes to get some money to stay out of work. But here's the thing: my husband(soon to be ex) is my daycare right now and I work nights and weekends so it's opposite his schedule AND I can work only the busiest nights and days so that I spend as little time away from the kids as possible(works out to 20-25hours a week and 4 days). But he is deploying voluntarily with the air guard to Kuwait for 6 months. We've known about it for a while now. But there goes my daycare and RI has no second shift daycares that I know of. And my in-laws won't watch all the kids 4 days a week for me. So that leaves me with no one to watch my girls. I think I have to get a full-time day job and put them all in daycare. But I make right around $15-20 an hour as a waitress and the best job I can find right now is full-time $12 an hour PLUS the added cost of daycare. It will be $550 a WEEK for daycare for the kids and they'd be in at least 2 different daycares. And I can't get federal aid until September for going back to school because they don't do that during summer session. So what do I do????? We have a program here that will put me back in school in the fall and give me free child care and PAY for my schooling but I'd give up my child support and have to live off of $400 a month which isn't HALF my rent. So that's impossible and not the right time either. I'm at a loss. I'm panicked. And I've been having a TON of contractions and I've lost my plug and things generally look like I"m expecting Big Bird a lot sooner than previously thought(I'm 33.4weeks now). So now I'm all panicked about how we'll get by. I have SO many bills and SO little income right now but with child support I may make too much for much assistance. I don't know what to do. Any ideas? Anything you guys can think of would be helpful!

sounds stressful. Is there anyway you can do dayhome for a few months after baby is born before returning to school? You would earn enough to pay bills with no daycare fees and be home with baby a few months? I know it is hard to suddenly be in a lurch when it comes to work/childcare but it's not up to your IL's to watch the kids for you. Sadly you will have to find daytime work and put the kids in childcare. How old is your older child? As for paying bills, rent etc if and when you go to school is there anyway you can take in a room mate? That would cover half the rent and utilities, plus perhaps you can trade off, you do all their laundry and cooking in exchange for 1-2 nights of babysitting. DO you have single parent friends you can start a babysitting co-op with. Trade off babysitting? so let's say 1 watches your kids 2 nights a week, the other watches them the second two nights, then on 2 of your nights off you watch their kids so they can go out, or work or what ever. EVeryone wins with free childcare and a chance to better their families. Do not give up your child support, that is there for the kids they deserve it. Find another way to go to school. Is their low income housing in your city? WHile they are not always the best areas, if it is a temporary situation to reduce your rent while you are in school it may be worth it. From what I have seen on tv, if you clip enough coupons you can get your groceries virtually free which will make things easier for you.

Oh another idea for graoceries, have a cooking bee with your friends. So for example you supply allt he ingredients for 1 food dish with enough servings for each member. SO for example you have 3 friends doing this with you each has a family of 3 so you you need to have enough ingredients to make 12 servings. Buy your ingredients in bulk. SO let's say your dish is meatloaf, you need meat, eggs, oats if you use them and spices. YOu make 4 meatloafs. Friend A makes homemade perogies for example. and on it goes. Then you guys trade. In the end you have only paid for a few pounds of meat and carton of eggs but have 4 homemade dishes for your family ready to go. ALso look into grocery coops. We have some here, I pay $12 for a meat order adn $8 for produce at teh start of the month, int he 3rd week when groceries I bought at the start of the month are running low and so is $$ I pick up my order and have enough meat and fresh produce to get through another couple weeks for little money. Collective kitchens are similiar to the friends cooking Imentioned, we have city run ones, you pay $2/person and go make 6 dishes for your family, so for my family of 4 of us eating we get 6 meals for $8, can't beat that.

If I think of more I will let you know. hang in there, it will work out

[Satori]

Originally Posted by Iris' Mom

That sucks! I guess there is no emergency aid? I wonder why you didn't get $ from the old city if the case is still active -- did you notify them that you were moving? Bureaucracy sucks.

Yep told them and had a termination date for aid. I kept getting my old workers voice mail and ended up finding out she's not even in today so I got her supervisor and pointed out the exact mistake and they said "yep, our fault" and loaded my card with cash So I'm off to pay the rent

oh yeah, it does leave me PO'd about one other thing, you can't get services in 2 places at once so I'm stuck sitting on my but for another month when the plan had been to find work within 30 days of getting here. Been here 2 months, all my savings is gone and I can't even get childcare assistance for a min of another month so I can get a friggin job. The system is seriously messed up.

[swellmomma]

I wanted to add my greatfuls today but my above post was already very long

1) for gift certificates received at xmas, I am on my way out to buy groceries, with those cards
2) I can take the kids to a kids craft class at michaels with another of those cards
3) For my parents help, they are babysitting Sunday so I can clean the gymnastics club for 8 hours so my kids can take lessons for free
4) For MDC which keeps me sane whenthe kids are fighting and helps me avoid the housework lol
5) for all the oppotunties I have, I may be very low income but the bills are paid, rent is covered, I can stay home and homeschool, the kids are fed and the van has 1/2 a tank of gas, I am so blessed.

[swellmomma]

Originally Posted by Satori

Yep told them and had a termination date for aid. I kept getting my old workers voice mail and ended up finding out she's not even in today so I got her supervisor and pointed out the exact mistake and they said "yep, our fault" and loaded my card with cash So I'm off to pay the rent

oh yeah, it does leave me PO'd about one other thing, you can't get services in 2 places at once so I'm stuck sitting on my but for another month when the plan had been to find work within 30 days of getting here. Been here 2 months, all my savings is gone and I can't even get childcare assistance for a min of another month so I can get a friggin job. The system is seriously messed up.

I am glad they gave you the money so you can pay rent. ONe less stress is always a good thing

[Satori]

Originally Posted by ediesmom

why would it still be open in another city?.....and why would they not call or write and tell you....long before it was a major crisis situation.

Do you all have a city welfare office? here in portland there is a city welfare (though you NEVER want to go there!). with your situation they would cover rent and bills until cash aid kicks in.

other than that....just let your land lord know whats going on.... they won't be thrilled,, but at least they have the heads up from you.

Because there idiots? I even got a letter telling me they were terminating aid as of Dec 31 but it turns out when they did the paper work the wrote down Jan 31 which just screwed things up and screwed me over as far as getting a job this month becasue I can't get services here until its totally closed on the other end. At least they fixed the cash and I can pay my rent now.

[ediesmom]

Originally Posted by Iris' Mom

I did that last year, and the two moms I became "friends" with are the worst offenders. Some stupid incident (supposedly my ds was trying to teach her son how to kiss himself, which proves that my ds must have been molested on top of everything else, which means, so sorry, but they just can't risk exposing their kids to mine) set them off, and now they won't even talk to me. It's reached the point where I don't even want my ds to have playdates for his own protection. I started supervising him on the playground whenever I could to make sure he doesn't get blamed for some mischief that they all cook up. The school is well aware, and they say that it happens all the time that one kid becomes the scapegoat. They told me to go ahead and get him on an IEP so that he could have legal protection, whereas we had been handling everything informally. Don't get me wrong, ds is not an innocent angel, and his behavior IS problematic, but he's not the sociopath that these people seem to think. But it really gets to me that these women KNOW what ds has been through, and have lost all compassion even though, whatever he may have done, ds has NEVER hurt anyone. I was really hurt at first, and now I'm just PO'd. I'm just very lonely here and feeling like my confidence has been betrayed. I'm very shy, and I just don't have the heart to reach out right now.This has gotten quite long -- thanks for listening.

i do not understand how any mama could do this to any child. hang in there...

you will when youre ready....maybe his therapist could hook you up with a playgroup?

or, you know, maybe it will be better to just not do it yet. you'll know whats best, and when to branch out more.

edie was friends with a little boy with HUGE issues. the dad was a single dad and never really believed that I enjoyed having his ds over to play. Yea, he was a wildchild, and sometimes destructive, but I really didn't much mind. That boy needed unconditional friendship, and I wasn't going to let a few 'problems' get in the way. It was just well known during playdates that i was going to be right there.

but, it CAN be done. the other moms just really need to not expect that the kids don't need close supervision

and like i said......on days like these i need to take it one teeny second at a time, and give myself a break......You, too.

[ediesmom]

Originally Posted by Satori

Because there idiots? I even got a letter telling me they were terminating aid as of Dec 31 but it turns out when they did the paper work the wrote down Jan 31 which just screwed things up and screwed me over as far as getting a job this month becasue I can't get services here until its totally closed on the other end. At least they fixed the cash and I can pay my rent now.

you know, i wonder if they (meaning ALL of the caseworkers out there) even understand how terrifying poverty is! If you do not dot your i's and cross your t's someone could end up homeless, hungry, cold. I am enraged for you.

[ediesmom]

Originally Posted by swellmomma

I wanted to add my greatfuls today but my above post was already very long

1) for gift certificates received at xmas, I am on my way out to buy groceries, with those cards
2) I can take the kids to a kids craft class at michaels with another of those cards
3) For my parents help, they are babysitting Sunday so I can clean the gymnastics club for 8 hours so my kids can take lessons for free
4) For MDC which keeps me sane whenthe kids are fighting and helps me avoid the housework lol
5) for all the oppotunties I have, I may be very low income but the bills are paid, rent is covered, I can stay home and homeschool, the kids are fed and the van has 1/2 a tank of gas, I am so blessed.

this was wonderful to read