I had the most unusual massage/healing session yesterday. I made the decision in December to join the local spa's monthly member program. I can walk to this spa and I love it there. I pay for a therapeutic massage monthly (auto-debit) and it "reminds" me to make an appt. Actually, I ended up booking my appointments for the entire 6-month membership in advance to make sure I go. There is something absolutely magical about rhythms. At least for me.
I love and adore the massage therapist I see there. She is relatively new to the craft, but amazing. We connect.
So... yesterday was my March appt and I was still feeling sooo out of sorts over the palm tree incident. (I think I wrote about that in the health and healing forum FE topic, but what I am writing about today definitely belongs here in spirituality.) She and I had been discussing my love of flower essences and essential oils and cell salts over the course of time. I felt drawn to bring a few to this appt and I knew she'd help me with them. She doesn't have any training in any of these, but I meant in a method/technical way to incorporate them into the massage session. I intuitively grabbed the following items:
1. My 1/4 oz bottle of lungwort
2. The affirm-a-flower card on lungwort (has a beautiful picture of the flower on one side and a saying/affirmation/poem on the other side)
3. Flourish formula Grief Relief
4. My handcrafted "feel good" room spray (I don't recall exactly what I put in it, but it is water and 2-3 essential oils -- one is rose. I made it in early February.)
When she walked me to her room from the lounge, I told her I brought "toys" to play with (unusual wording for me). Her room is dim for a massage, normal, so I suggested she take a look with me in the light. She immediately smiled and suggested we do muscle testing before beginning. I already was in tears telling her about the palm tree and she knew whatever was going on was deeper than a palm tree (as did I, but I was too caught up in the immediate emotions to get deeper on my own). Everything I brought tested good and she asked if she could ask deeper questions. (I agreed.) Some questions she asked aloud and some silently. Then, she left me alone to change. I gazed at the gorgeous picture of lungwort and laid out the items where I normally place my folded clothes. (I hung them on hooks instead.)
The session was amazing. Simply amazing. I still don't have quite the words to describe it. I shared what I was able to verbalize with my husband last night. He is supportive of everything I do whether he understands it or not. He's awesome!
She mostly worked on my back and we verbally/spiritually went to other places to let go of things I have been holding onto for years. I held the lungwort bottle in my hand at different points and she read the affirmation at the beginning and end of the session. She laid the card on my back at other points. I spritzed the Grief Relief in my mouth before even leaving my house and again at some point during the session. She sprayed the room with my "feel good" mixture a few times.
I recalled a terrifying nightmare from childhood (plagued me for years in the 7-10 age range and randomly at other times) and we worked through that to discover a real memory from age 3. I remember having the memory (as an adult) and I can feel myself there in the moment and certain details about that moment in time, but I still don't know what I saw that terrified me as a young child. (I have ideas based on intellectual clues, but no real images or connections.) I came to terms with that terror and released it without even knowing what I saw. That is pretty amazing to me. Even though it has been less than 24 hours, I have already noticed soooo many little changes in my behavior. It feels so freeing!!! I literally feel DIFFERENT.
Talk about peeling back the layers (which I have talked about in several places here lately)... I have done other healing sessions (different modalities) and have had similar visual/spiritual experiences. Each time is a new discovery. Even when the visual scene in my mind starts out the EXACT SAME. I am always running through a big field of flowers in the mountains, happy and giggling, chasing butterflies, singing...
The lesson is always the same: I am here to find my joy. I am joy.
Anyway, the palm tree connection is a bit perplexing and I am not sure I can explain it. Something about how I perceive myself -- possibly in relation to that specific terror from early childhood or perhaps due more generally to fear (I think there is more work in this area and the "answer" is something slightly different, but it might not even matter) -- and that perception no longer serves me and, thus, is no longer there. I identified very strongly with that palm tree on several levels and the shock of it being gone so suddenly was rough. However, I feel differently now. There is a bit of wistfulness when I think of the view out my bedroom window, but the gut-wrenching sense of loss is gone. Thankfully! I feel okay. I am grateful I was spared watching the palm tree being destroyed. One morning it was there, that afternoon it was gone. Beautiful in a way. Life can be simple...
Interestingly, I feel all sorts of subtle "movement" within my body since the session. Something previously stuck is no longer blocking healthy movement. It feels both strange/unfamiliar and good. I took an epsom salt bath yesterday late afternoon and rested in the midst of playing games with DD. Once DH came home, I took a short nap before dinner. I went to bed earlier than usual. When I awoke, during my usual mediating and breathing sequences, I thought of the YES Flourish formula. It was so compelling, I leaned over and found it and spritzed it in my mouth right then. My upper jaw has been ACHING since yesterday evening. I had my amalgams removed years ago and replaced with composites and I was under the care of an "energy" chiropractor at the time (my term). He worked with me on chelating and energy clearing. However, the images/thoughts/messages are VERY STRONG that it is time to release/remove the toxins in my body. There is probably more to it than my old amalgams, but the intense jaw aching is putting the focus there for now.
Wow to the flowers!!!!!!!