TTC #1 in Our 30's: January 2008 - HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!! - Page 6

[Snapdragon]

I want to join this thread at the moment. But, Seriously, I am hoping for a Very Short Stay Here!!!
But it is a good place to vent and discuss the way it feels to be TTC #1 in our 30's.
I am on day 2 of my period after 4 cycles of TTC my 1st baby. Before that I had wanted a baby for almost ten years! And saw all of my community and friends my age having babies all these years. I am 34 at the moment.
But it took me a while to find the right guy- we got together 2 years and 8 mnths ago.
Then it took a while to build the relationship and for him to feel ready for a child.
then I was waiting to finish up some really depleting lots of dental work. which is now done xcept I am in braces and somewhat depleted from some bad dental experiences.
So now we started TTC in September. I had my last dental surgery in August, followed by two experiences with lots of novocaine since then.
So in a way my body had been trying to heal and clean out since then. but my last novocaine thing was- maybe October or so.
So I don't know if this is why it hasn't happened for me yet. Or if possibly the losses I experienced (4 wisdoms out which didn't need to come out, plus bone loss and bad periodontal surgeries) have left me feeling so incomplete in my body that I don't feel I can grow and raise a kid.
But meanwhile people who I used to be close to are on their 3rd kid, another on her 2nd (we are still close), women 10 years younger than me on their first. Even my older sister had her 1st last year.
And I am finding it so hard to be around them- wanting my own baby yet still in that self-obsessed kindof non parent way of being.
My boyfriendand I are not yet married.
He has been handling all the stress I have accumulated from these really hard dental disfigurations that I got these last 2 years. UGH!
But otherwise I am healthy- I believe. I mean, I eat all fresh, organic good food. Live in a clean place in nature, Practice Yoga.
But these last 2 months I got so stressed out TTC that our sex life got really dampenned. we had sex all the time but it lost it's fire cause it was all to make a baby- then the baby never came.
I will try to focus on other things this month, and just generally.
But in 2 weeks I am going to my first birth- my friend's 2nd kid.
Then the friend who is 10 years younger has her baby in MArch.
I feel disconected all together from the woman who just had her third.
And I am sort of excited that atleast I have my period now- cause my cycles go about 34 days and it seems likeI am always waiting for th fertile time.
I am also going to my chinese doctor on Monday to ask him to help prepare my body for a baby.

[Lemony Ale]

Hi all

I'm 35 and TTC with DH - put it off for ages and then over Christmas it hit us! Scared we've left it so long, but so happy I've stumbled on this lovely community

In Brighton, UK, btw - love and prayers to all

Lemony

(can't work out how to do sig yet, hee hee )

[jem1976]

katie and Lemony, may your stay here be short and sweet....Lemony to do a sig go to user cp, on the left hand side you'll see a column 'edit sig' is at that top of it

Well I'm still waiting to O, if the last 2 cycles are anything to go by should happen within the next 3 days or so. My temps are still all over the place, I guess next cycle I'll try temping vaginally.

Thanks for all the advice about going to see the doc ladies. I tried to make an appointment this morning but they dont have anything till next week and I dont have my work schedule till tomorroe so I'm gonna try again then.

*fingers crossed* for all the ladies in the 2WW xxx

[JustKiya]

katie and Lemony!!! May your stays here be short and sweet!!! Do either of you have charts you would like to be linked to your name in the rollcall?

Katie - I totally know what you mean about obsession! Most of my friends have kids, but I've been on a different lifepath than a lot of them too - so it works out. I can't compare myself and my life to others, ya know - it's ALWAYS gonna end up disappointing me, instead of inspiring me to focus on me.... but that's how I work!

Jem - here's to hoping that you O soon!!

[~Adorkable~]

Welcome Katie, Welcome Lemony!
your in good company here, feel free to chime in any time and we are happy to let you vent a bit. (we all need that from time to time)

speaking of venting, sorry i needed the following purge i guess:

So my life this week, still dealing the shock of DH deployment news. tipping back and forth between a handful of equally unhelpful reactions.

Part of me is just so sad, this will be our first deployment as a couple so very different than the last on in '03-'04, that indecently was the catalyst for us finally getting together romantically. And after the experience of that last 9 months with DH away at training school i just feel like i might go crazy being alone up here in WA for that long.

Which leads me to the second reaction...
I had asked him to look into the future chance of deployment as soon as we found out what unit he was going to after school, he kept putting it off and just kinda said that it was going to happen one way another wether he knew or not and he would rather not dwell on it, so never found out. What i don't feel like he took into account is that in the absence of info, i got us into a lease and spend the whole fall moving us to a great home that i will now be stuck rattling around in alone and it is way too big and too far from my friends.
I don't really want to try to get out of my lease because of all the money and energy it took to find the place and we will still need it when he gets back, but know i feel like i am getting stuck in a one year exile.
If i would have known about this quick deployment i would have stayed in government housing till after he left and then packed up and moved to Portland, 2 hours away, maybe taken a room in my best friends home that she was wanting to rent to me. That way i would have been in the town with my two best friends and nearer to my mom and in a really supportive place to go thru pregnancy and birth. (one of the two friends is attempting to get preggo with me as well)
Hence the feeling of exile now.

That leads to the second and even harsher internal reaction i have been dealing with, and that is that i left school half way thru to move to Washington and finally live with DH on base when we got married, I decided that 10 years from now i would have regretted not giving our budding and wonderful relationship the chance it deserved (we had been separated by half a country for the first 2 years) that i would have regretted that more than i would regret not going after this dream i had of getting that degree. I was starting to feel the pull of a family and felt i was a flexible enough lady to make a life for myself anywhere so i left school and moved up here.
10 months later he leaves for 9 months of school and i can't really do much productive since moving him then the home took such a effort and timing did not overlap with school terms and i said it would all be worth it when he got home to a new house and life could start again, now just 4.5 months after he got to come home he is leaving for at least a year, maybe more if we don't fix this crappy war and once again i am alone.
So i cant help but question my choices and the fact that i would have basically graduated about the same time as this deployment ended if i had stayed in school just taunts me into a head-spin.

None of this is his fault, non of it is mine. it just is. I cant really talk to him about it, since it is his worse fear, that he asked me to give up too much to be with him (it was my idea to move, not his in any way) and i just cant risk him feeling like he ruined my life in this near term. He is very sensitive and would end up going there really easy.
I gave up a 11 year career to go back to school and gave up school to join the man i love, now i feel lost and don't know what to do with myself. here i am a really independent proactive lady that has really started tying my self image to being a wife and mother. I need to get a life, i know.

unfortunately most everything career wise that i have a real love for is either not child/mothering friendly at all (at least not with what i think mothering should be) or is not pregnancy safe at all (questionable chemical exposure) So it is a bit more difficult than just "go out and do something for myself to keep me busy.

I know i'll figure something out, i am just floundering right now and feeling sorry for myself , thanks for listening.

This has also brought another angle into the fold, part of me is suddenly scared to get pregnant. (now that i might be in my first 2WW!) Part of me wants to start a family asap, years keep slipping by and we are not getting any younger. and i would rather have Dh miss my pregnancy rather than missing time in a young child's life. But i worry that me being pregnant would be extra hard on him while deployed and having him come home to a child that is at least 3 months old would be so foreign to a man with no real experience with children at all and already feeling like he is going to loose something with me when we have children.
I wish i knew that i could get preggo on a schedule, i might do almost anything to plan to get preggo on his mid tour home visit and then he could come home to a 6-7 month preggo wife and be there from the start for a child. But i realize that is a bit of a fantasy. I really have no known issues that should stop me from getting preggo, having done it a few unfortunate times in the past before i was ready. But thinking i could do it in one two week window would require drugs and interventions that seem crazy to consider.

ok i'll shut up now, thank you all for letting my let out all these thoughts.

[JustKiya]

Rivka - I'm so sorry that things are so - topsyturvy for you!!

1) I would check your lease to see if there is a 'out' clause for people in the military, or even talk to your leaseholder and see if they are willing to let you out of your lease early. That way, you won't be exiled away from family & friends - esp. if you are pregnant! And you'll find another place - possibily better and nicer!

2) Have you looked into online classes of any sort? Transferring your credits to a school closer to where you are?

I really hope you can find a solution that makes things - better.

[~Adorkable~]

Originally Posted by earthymama2b

Rivka - I'm so sorry that things are so - topsyturvy for you!!

1) I would check your lease to see if there is a 'out' clause for people in the military, or even talk to your leaseholder and see if they are willing to let you out of your lease early. That way, you won't be exiled away from family & friends - esp. if you are pregnant! And you'll find another place - possibily better and nicer!

Right now we are pretty attached to the house, it is really the most amazing home and moving here cost to much to repeat any time soon. You are right though , maybe this is all happening because i am supposed to find something even better. The owner is a Officer in the Army, so I am sure that if i really wanted to, i could arrange something to let me do so.
I am considering asking my BIL and his family of 5 to move in as roommates for a year, they recently moved to the area and are in the Air-Force stationed right next to us. Since they have not figured out there permeant housing either it would be a possible big help to them too. If they lived here and were helping with housing bills i could travel a lot and possibly even keep a room in Portland to visit a lot. The question i have to figure out is if i could handle getting a instant family having never really liked roommates. So no matter how much i like them, and i do. We don't know each other really super well and do have some pretty big differences. Not the least being that he is a Chaplain and I am a Atheist Jew.

2) Have you looked into online classes of any sort? Transferring your credits to a school closer to where you are?

most all of my main interests are very very hands on and lab/shop focused schooling, i have looked into online schooling in the past and it is not a option at all for me.

I really hope you can find a solution that makes things - better.

thanks for the thoughtful suggestions, and i am sure something is figure itself out.

[Snapdragon]

Hello. I am now on day three of my period. For some reason even already I am having a light flow. Heavy day 1 and 2, very light seems to be fading away already by day 3.
I won't read too much into things. just gonna keep working on getting my life in order on all levels and preparing for the eventual arrival of a baby!

[mischievium]

Originally Posted by frog

Our IUI is complete!
The upside: I believe we totally nailed the timing.
The downside: vasovagal response, which sucked beyond belief.
The funny side: This morning's first song on my iPod: REM's Night Swimming.

Originally Posted by frog

Can't keep my pants snapped--every time I move, they pop open. I've had them for a while, now, and I've NEVER had this problem. It's amusing me greatly.

: I can neither confirm, nor deny any stalking of your chart that may or may not have taken place or that is or is not currently taking place.
re: the Night Swimming and pants.

Originally Posted by poetgirl

I don't think I'm pregnant. I'm taking both clomid and progesterone and my 7 dpo level was only 9.5. Acceptable but not exactly pregnant from what I hear. Who knows? With all that I thought it would higher than my usual 6.5.

The shower was bearable. I got through it. Another woman announced her pregnancy (first try...). I did the best I could, didn't cry, kept converstations focused on other people so they didn't start asking about me.

: I've been stalking your chart, as well, and keeping my fingers crossed that your progesterone comes up (and stays up for oh, say, 9-10 months). I'm glad that the shower went okay. I can't imagine going to one right now, I'd probably find myself going to the bathroom a lot just to get a breather and try to keep myself together-- I'm not very good at pretending to be happy and chatty when all I want to do is cry. Anyway .

Originally Posted by jencat

She's officially here... made me suffer too... couldn't sleep for a while b/c of my cramps. Had some gastrointestinal distress to go along with them. Good times...

This process is getting old.

Well, on to suffer through the day. I'm going to wallow in self-pity. Because of AF, my tummy troubles, and b/c of a lot of bad crap going down at work... might as well get the most out of my suffering...

I SO hear you about the process getting old and I'm not even as far into it, yet. I'm sorry so much stuff is going on for you all at the same time, wallow away.

Originally Posted by earthymama2b

Then today, I went to the doc - it went as well as could be expected, got blood drawn for bloodwork (Thyroid Panel, FSH), couple of swabs done, got a referral for DH to get an S/A and a referral for me to get a uterine ultrasound (3d by the sounds of it) to check for polyps and fibriods, etc -I wrote down the name, but I don't feel like digging in my pocketbook for it.

She wanted me to get a day 23 progesterone test to see if I'm ovulating, but after running her though a quick review of my cycles, agreed that it's not really IF I'm ovulating or not, it's more WHY aren't I ovulating regularily...and even if I was, seeing me on CD 23 most likely wouldn't give her the numbers she would be looking for.

She seems really receptive and open to what I'm looking for....

In sadder news, DH was just 'asked to resign' - how I hate the food business. It's not slowing us down though - thankfully, I hadn't taken him off of my insurance yet...

I'm still bleeding (but then, it's only CD5, so that's well within norm) and.... I think it might be getting LIGHTER. *eep* I'm not getting my hopes up, though...

I'm so sorry to hear about your DH! Are you in an area where it will be "easy" (I put that in quotes because it's never really easy) for him to find another job?

Glad to hear that the OB appt. went well-ish and that she's on the ball with getting the various diagnostic tests ordered. I hope the tests either reveal no issues, or easily/ painlessly fixable issues .

Originally Posted by Katie34

I am on day 2 of my period after 4 cycles of TTC my 1st baby. Before that I had wanted a baby for almost ten years! And saw all of my community and friends my age having babies all these years. I am 34 at the moment.But it took me a while to find the right guy- we got together 2 years and 8 mnths ago.Then it took a while to build the relationship and for him to feel ready for a child.

Welcome, Katie34! I feel you about the waiting, it took me a long time to find a man I would want to have babies with and then it took him a few years to be ready to try for those babies. I hope your stay here is nice and short!

Originally Posted by Lemony Ale

I'm 35 and TTC with DH - put it off for ages and then over Christmas it hit us! Scared we've left it so long, but so happy I've stumbled on this lovely community

In Brighton, UK, btw - love and prayers to all

Lemony

Hi Lemony Ale! Welcome to the thread and good luck with TTC!

Originally Posted by jem1976

Well I'm still waiting to O, if the last 2 cycles are anything to go by should happen within the next 3 days or so. My temps are still all over the place, I guess next cycle I'll try temping vaginally.

Thanks for all the advice about going to see the doc ladies. I tried to make an appointment this morning but they dont have anything till next week and I dont have my work schedule till tomorroe so I'm gonna try again then.

Good luck with the doc appointment and yay for you that you could get in so relatively soon (I had to wait 2 mos for my first OBGYN appt.).

Rivka: This whole TTC thing can be so hard and even harder when you have to try and figure out timing when you have so little control over DH's availability . And it's also really hard to move to a new place, in my case I've found it takes me about a year or so to full adjust to being in a new place and start making connections. I'm sorry all of this is happening at the same time.

As far as I go... I just got back home from spending 3 weeks in Seattle for Christmas and house hunting. In the meantime, I've been both temping and using the ClearBlue Easy Fertility Monitor (CBEFM) to figure out when/if I'm ovulating. The monitor reads either low, high or peak-- high is supposed to correspond to rising estrogen levels that trigger the LH surge and peak correspondes the LH surge the triggers ovulation (IE a "peak" reading is the same as a + OPK). Well... I have been having "high" readings for the 2 weeks with no peak and yet I seem to have had a thermal shift 10 days ago and now my breasts are tender (as they normally get toward the end of my cycle)... sooooo, did I ovulate ? Feel free to look at my chart and let me know what you think.

This is just REALLY frustrating because I was in Seattle house hunting and scheduled to come back a week ago, but the CBEFM was still reading high (not peak) and so I thought well, the only blood test I have left is the 7DPO but since I haven't O'd yet, I'll delay my flight for a week and have more time to look at houses... then a day or 2 after I changed the flight, the crosshairs showed up for a couple of days earlier meaning that I would now be in Seattle at 7DPO and that I now have to try and get this test done on the next cycle .

On the "upside," my ultrasound is now finally scheduled for the 28th.

[frog]

Stolen from the Queer TTC thread

Totally cool thing happened last night:

Background: My parents are big-time Republicans. Over the past several years, my mom's gotten close to her first cousin, R, who's gay and has three kids with his partner (they're the ones who just adopted the twins). My mom's take on having a daughter who's a lesbian has shifted a LOT because of them and because my brother's been pushing her to get over it already.

turtle and I have credit card debt, largely due to ttc. I've been declined for a personal loan to consolidate without a co-signer. My dad's a former banker and I'm utterly ashamed about the debt. He and my mom have also helped me out a LOT over the years financially (part of that is due to me asking for some big things, like a loan to buy toad out of the house when we split, and part of that is due to them offering because they weren't able to pay for my college education, which they'd planned to do). I didn't really want to ask them to cosign on this loan, but didn't have many other options.

On my way to the bus stop last night, I called my mom. I ended up telling her about our credit card debt and asking whether she'd be willing to cosign. She asked me why we're in debt, and I told her "a big project--and you'll love it if it turns out." She teasingly told me that she'd only cosign if I'd tell her what the project is, so I told her that we're trying to have a baby.

She was a little surprised at first, but it took no time at all before she was talking about how great it would be to have more grandchildren.

I'm thrilled and surprised and feel so unbelievably blessed, I can't even tell you.

[jencat]

Poet - are we both successfully lurking?! How are you doing? Looks like you are 12DPO? Planning to go on a cleaning binge this weekend to make the time go by??? Hang in there girl! Get a good book to read!~ some trashy, fun drugstore novel... That's what I'm doing right now (even tho I'm not in the terribly nerve-wracking ttw!)

More later... gotta get to work...

[JustKiya]

Happy Friday, Ya'll!!!!!!

frog - oh, that's absolutely WONDERFUL that your mom was so receptive!!

Oh, yeah, I DEFINITELY think you ovulated, Mischievium - that sucks about the test, though. Is this the first cycle you've used the CBEFM? I think I've read that it takes a cycle or two to get 'used' to your pattern.....

Ooh, is your cycle done now Katie? *daydreaming* How I would love a 3 day bleed.

Rivka - oooh, that sounds interesting, moving the BIL and family in! Not sure if that's a good interesting or a bad one, though...

I'm okay - still leaking, though it's tapering off a bit - I'm hoping to be DONE over the weekend.... if it is done then though, this would be the shortest post-annov bleed I've EVER had, and I have to admit - I'd have to wonder whether cutting out grains/sugar could have made THAT big of a difference, that quickly....esp. as I started bleeding a week after I stopped eating them..... wouldn't that be wonderful!

[mischievium]

Originally Posted by frog

Totally cool thing happened last night:

Background: My parents are big-time Republicans. Over the past several years, my mom's gotten close to her first cousin, R, who's gay and has three kids with his partner (they're the ones who just adopted the twins). My mom's take on having a daughter who's a lesbian has shifted a LOT because of them and because my brother's been pushing her to get over it already.

turtle and I have credit card debt, largely due to ttc. I've been declined for a personal loan to consolidate without a co-signer. My dad's a former banker and I'm utterly ashamed about the debt. He and my mom have also helped me out a LOT over the years financially (part of that is due to me asking for some big things, like a loan to buy toad out of the house when we split, and part of that is due to them offering because they weren't able to pay for my college education, which they'd planned to do). I didn't really want to ask them to cosign on this loan, but didn't have many other options.

On my way to the bus stop last night, I called my mom. I ended up telling her about our credit card debt and asking whether she'd be willing to cosign. She asked me why we're in debt, and I told her "a big project--and you'll love it if it turns out." She teasingly told me that she'd only cosign if I'd tell her what the project is, so I told her that we're trying to have a baby.

She was a little surprised at first, but it took no time at all before she was talking about how great it would be to have more grandchildren.

I'm thrilled and surprised and feel so unbelievably blessed, I can't even tell you.

Wow, it must have been really hard to have such a potentially emotionally loaded/ risky conversation with your mom, I'm so glad to hear that she was actually supportive!

Originally Posted by earthymama2b

Happy Friday, Ya'll!!!!!!

Oh, yeah, I DEFINITELY think you ovulated, Mischievium - that sucks about the test, though. Is this the first cycle you've used the CBEFM? I think I've read that it takes a cycle or two to get 'used' to your pattern.....

I'm okay - still leaking, though it's tapering off a bit - I'm hoping to be DONE over the weekend.... if it is done then though, this would be the shortest post-annov bleed I've EVER had, and I have to admit - I'd have to wonder whether cutting out grains/sugar could have made THAT big of a difference, that quickly....esp. as I started bleeding a week after I stopped eating them..... wouldn't that be wonderful!

Happy Friday, Kiya! To answer your question, I used the CBEFM for 3 mos (on my chart it's labeled as "Mon"), then didn't use it for 2 months and this is my first month back using it. So maybe the not using it for two months screwed something up:.

[frog]

Originally Posted by mischievium

Wow, it must have been really hard to have such a potentially emotionally loaded/ risky conversation with your mom, I'm so glad to hear that she was actually supportive!

Thanks--me, too! My relationship with my mother has LONG been complicated. I'm so grateful that this happened, I can't even tell you. Nor can I think about it too long or I get all weepy.*

*Is that a sign? I think it's a sign! What if it's a SIGN!?

This re-enactment of my day has been brought to you by the letters H, P and T.

[jencat]

frog - how many dpo are you??? I didn't think you were along enough yet to H P T... ?

[amahrey]

sooo, i posted on here a week or two ago that i had just quit taking bc pills after about 10+ years and that now that we were ttc i was just hoping my body would start to get back to normal.

i ordered the tcoyf book online after many great recommendations from everyone here.

i bought a thermometer and was about 8 days into charting.

and i started to think that the temps on my chart looked really high compared with the other ones on ff.

and i thought that i was about to get af for about a week because of light spotting one day and breast tenderness.

and i told all this to my bff at a meeting the other night and she told me just to go poas already because it had been about 30 days since my last af on the pill.

and i bought a test.

and it was positive!!!

dh made me take two just in case but they were both positive almost instantly.

my tcoyf book came in the mail the next day. i gave it to my bff .

sooo, now i guess we will see how this goes. here i had been waiting to finally get af so that i could really start charting and posting on here about it.

thank you all for the good wishes when i introduced myself- the short and sweet wish really worked i guess.

blessed be to all you ladies who are ttc on here- many good thoughts to you!

[frog]

Originally Posted by jencat

frog - how many dpo are you??? I didn't think you were along enough yet to H P T... ?

Oh, I'm not. I haven't tested yet, but will tomorrow (at 10DPO) because I want the data if this turns out to be a chemical. Or if it just turns out that I'm bat guano crazy.

GIANT temp jump this morning. I don't feel sick, but I am officially "running a fever." I think this is good, yes?

[Snapdragon]

To amahrey-
Hooray! congrats on your pregnancy. good to see positives posted on here.
I send lots of SHORT stays here to all of us!
Babies and Babies.

[mischievium]

Originally Posted by frog

Oh, I'm not. I haven't tested yet, but will tomorrow (at 10DPO) because I want the data if this turns out to be a chemical. Or if it just turns out that I'm bat guano crazy.

GIANT temp jump this morning. I don't feel sick, but I am officially "running a fever." I think this is good, yes?

Dear God,

I know you have a delightful sense of humor, the mere existence of platypuses and the Jimmy Dean Pancakes & Sausage on a Stick (cuz, seriously, if anyone deserves a good smiting, it's the guys who invented these, but I digress) is proof enough. But let's just be clear on one thing, letting Frog get sick causing a large temperature rise at 9DPO would just be mean. Sooooo, that there temp spike had best be the result of massive hormonal shifts secondary to the implantation of a tadpole, ya hear?

Respectfully,
mischievium

[mischievium]

PS I have officially now reached the TTC for over a year mark. Like everyone else who has reached this unfortunate milestone, I am feeling kinda sad .