Women of Color #12 - Page 6

[shayinme]

Originally Posted by Brown Lioness

*coming out of lurkdom*

Greetings everyone! I like to lurk in this thread because for one i hope to be a part of it someday, lol.

I just wanted to pipe in on the home church search discussion because hubby and I are currently going through this. Tomorrow morning, we are going to visit a church I found online in our area and im kind of apprehensive about it. We've been searching for a TRUE church HOME since we've married and haven't really found it (moving out of state twice didnt help tho )

I think, some of that has been that we've been lethargic in our search but in other ways its been the churches we've found.

We too have that eerie deep down feeling that we're not welcomed or something....its almost like we are encroaching (sp?) on a family reunion or something. You walk in, smile and look for a place to sit (being careful not to sit too close to the front or any good access spots as for fear of "taking someone's seat"), while possibley being greeted and/or smile or peered at by the church family already there. Usually, you are greeted pretty aggresively by the welcoming usher team because you are obviously new and they want to make sure they greet you, give you all the information welcome packets for the church, ask you a few questions about how you found them and to generally "feel you out" i guess.

Then after church, you usually get greeted again, maybe ushered into a welcoming room for all first time visitors to get more information, ask questions, get refreshments, etc. Or, you just kind of awkwardly smile at passerby church family as you leave.

Sigh, i dunno what hubby and i are looking for really. I guess we want that family feel. We want to be greeted and not accosted, lol. Welcomed but not grilled, introduced and not passed around for inspection, lol. Above all, of course, we want to be spiritually fed. To us, anything after that is really our preferences, lol. I agree a lot with ajv that i would LOVE to be in a predominantly black church so that our future children can see all kinds of black folk loving God, but im not willing to compromise with fakeness and the psuedo-family feel.

I hope tomorrow goes smoothly, sigh.

I totally can relate especially the parts I bolded, I am tired of feeling like I am being inspected when I go to new churches. I think living in a state like Maine its even more obvious to mme that I am being inspected.. black woman with dreads, white man, biracial kids, its like people see us and they grill us.. nah, so not into that.

So this morning I am contemplating checking out either the UU church or the UCC church.. we will see what happens.

Shay

[purplegirl]

Originally Posted by Brown Lioness

*coming out of lurkdom*

Greetings everyone! I like to lurk in this thread because for one i hope to be a part of it someday, lol.

I just wanted to pipe in on the home church search discussion because hubby and I are currently going through this. Tomorrow morning, we are going to visit a church I found online in our area and im kind of apprehensive about it. We've been searching for a TRUE church HOME since we've married and haven't really found it (moving out of state twice didnt help tho )

I think, some of that has been that we've been lethargic in our search but in other ways its been the churches we've found.

We too have that eerie deep down feeling that we're not welcomed or something....its almost like we are encroaching (sp?) on a family reunion or something. You walk in, smile and look for a place to sit (being careful not to sit too close to the front or any good access spots as for fear of "taking someone's seat"), while possibley being greeted and/or smile or peered at by the church family already there. Usually, you are greeted pretty aggresively by the welcoming usher team because you are obviously new and they want to make sure they greet you, give you all the information welcome packets for the church, ask you a few questions about how you found them and to generally "feel you out" i guess.

Then after church, you usually get greeted again, maybe ushered into a welcoming room for all first time visitors to get more information, ask questions, get refreshments, etc. Or, you just kind of awkwardly smile at passerby church family as you leave.

Sigh, i dunno what hubby and i are looking for really. I guess we want that family feel. We want to be greeted and not accosted, lol. Welcomed but not grilled, introduced and not passed around for inspection, lol.

Above all, of course, we want to be spiritually fed. To us, anything after that is really our preferences, lol. I agree a lot with ajv that i would LOVE to be in a predominantly black church so that our future children can see all kinds of black folk loving God, but im not willing to compromise with fakeness and the psuedo-family feel.

I hope tomorrow goes smoothly, sigh.

Hi there. I am glad you came out of lurkdom. I've seen you around the board and have always appreciated your perspective on many things. I think you summed up the experience of trying to find a worship center quite well! I have more to say but breakfast is ready so I'll be back in a few.

[Brown Lioness]

Originally Posted by purplegirl

Hi there. I am glad you came out of lurkdom. I've seen you around the board and have always appreciated your perspective on many things. I think you summed up the experience of trying to find a worship center quite well! I have more to say but breakfast is ready so I'll be back in a few.

Aw, thank ya kindly, purplegirl, it is very much likewise with you also!

Ah, shayinme, you are familiar with the inspection at church too, eh? Today, with the church we visited (more on that later), when they announced the church's welcome to visitors, how come the minister on stage giving the welcome was straight looking at us, like we were the ONLY visitors there or something lol? Gotta love it.

[purplegirl]

Originally Posted by Brown Lioness

Aw, thank ya kindly, purplegirl, it is very much likewise with you also!

Ah, shayinme, you are familiar with the inspection at church too, eh? Today, with the church we visited (more on that later), when they announced the church's welcome to visitors, how come the minister on stage giving the welcome was straight looking at us, like we were the ONLY visitors there or something lol? Gotta love it.

Omg. That is crazy but too funny the way you are describing it

[jeca]

Just a jump in to say welcome Brownlioness and Bloomingstar and Congrats to Oyinmama

[Brown Lioness]

Thanks for the welcome, jeca!

Well, the church we went to today will most likely be our home church, so i think our search is over, lol. We really liked it, we felt welcomed without being grilled and we just genuinely felt like we were being fed truth there.

So we got there and the early morning service was letting out so the parking lot was packed with people leaving and socializing. That was a good sign to us that people were talking to each other and laughing and not just tryna get the heck outta dodge, lol. We parked and walked into the parking lot and hubby asked the church's traffic controller person where we should enter the church and she was this beautiful older lady (black, this church is predominantly black) and after she told us where to go, she gave us hugs! I love hugs! lol

So we make our way in and the opening service prayer had already started so we had to wait a second before entering the sanctuary. The santuary was nice, it wasn't pretentious or anything, it basically looked like a smallish theater, with a stage with a holligram of the church's name on the back wall, and the seating was like theater seating instead of pews or benches. Hubby loved the fact that the arms on the chairs could move up and down (he's a big man, so he was dreading the possible uncomfortable seating).

Praise and worship was GREAT! Not a whole bunch of people begging you to praise, if you praised fine, if you just clapped and smile, that was cool, if you sat and watched that seemed cool as well (hubby did have to sit, he has a bad back). The praise team as well as the church family were in everything from jeans and a shirt to a suit, it just seemed people were mad comfortable, which we really appreciated (i wore a summer dress and hubby had on a polo and jeans with some shell toes on). I felt so comfortable, i took off my crazy uncomfortable heels and noticed that a woman on the praise team on STAGE had done the same thing!

There were lots of folks with nappy hair, locks, perms, braids, low cuts, and fros. Lots of women AND men, young and fairly old and children too! They do televise the service, so you could sit in the overflow room if you didnt want to be filmed (we didnt care lol).

The sermon was on point and the altar call was very nice. Everyone was just generally cool! After service, of course we made our way to the visitors reception and that went nicely too. We filled out our lil info card and snacked on brownies and donuts, while one of the ministers (who had a nigerian accent) greeted us. The pastor came down and greeted us (he's cool as a fan, he used to have long locks like us, he has a bikers community group and was wearing jeans today, very cool in our eyes, lol) and welcomed us to the church. It did get a lil awkward after the initial hellos cause it was like "Uh, what do we say now?" type stuff, but thas cool, sometimes it gets that way when you meet a roomful of new people, lol.


All in all, hubby and i really liked the church and will probably go back next week. YAY for finding our possible church home!!

I pray everyone in the search for their church home much success.

[eilonwy]

Ironically, I think I've found a church home for myself as well. And when we move back to Lancaster, I'll be able to go to temple as well... and isn't that spectacular? I'm feeling pretty satisfied on the spiritual front today.

[purplegirl]

Originally Posted by eilonwy

Ironically, I think I've found a church home for myself as well. And when we move back to Lancaster, I'll be able to go to temple as well... and isn't that spectacular? I'm feeling pretty satisfied on the spiritual front today.

Rynna!!!!

[ajv]

good news, bad news

hi everyone, i have been mia lately.

first the good news. we decided to attend a church. they dont have a pastor, just lay ministers until they find one... so if they get a pastor that is "out there" we may change churches. I like the quote from the sister :

"I guess we want that family feel. We want to be greeted and not accosted, lol. Welcomed but not grilled, introduced and not passed around for inspection, lol." (i dont know how to put the quote in...the post without cutting and paste-ing..some tech help would be greatly appreciated.)

anyway we dont experience this mainly because my hubby is a physician and the multicultural family we befriended is also a physician family so they kinda protect us from this nonsense...so we get introduced as Dr. Perry's friends, alot...in fact they canceled the monthly potluck and asked the Perry's to notify us...which was thoughtful. My friend Elizabeth said, can i just give them your number...i said yes.


now the bad news, my mom has triple negative breast cancer and started her chemo today. i refuse to say just "breast cancer" because it is such a different animal --triple negative breast cancer --it almost should have its own category. it is more agressive, non responsive to new treatments, and affects minority women more often. anyway, we had this sad, sad, shadow over our mother's day because of it... we did go to church with my grandmother though and we were thankful to arrive late and stay 3 hours! truly thankful! it was a large urban black baptist church--what a blessing.

congrats on your new baby! anyone here looking for a weight loss buddy? (greater than 50 pounds)

[eilonwy]

Originally Posted by ajv

congrats on your new baby! anyone here looking for a weight loss buddy? (greater than 50 pounds)

I'm sorry to hear about your mom. That's got to be scary.

I could stand to lose 50 pounds, but in all honesty I'd be very happy to drop 35-40. I'm very 'dense,' so while 50 pounds would still leave me 20 pounds overweight, losing 40 would get me into a size 8... and for someone with bones as big as mine are, 8 is *tiny*.

[shayinme]

Originally Posted by ajv

hi everyone, i have been mia lately.

first the good news. we decided to attend a church. they dont have a pastor, just lay ministers until they find one... so if they get a pastor that is "out there" we may change churches. I like the quote from the sister :

"I guess we want that family feel. We want to be greeted and not accosted, lol. Welcomed but not grilled, introduced and not passed around for inspection, lol." (i dont know how to put the quote in...the post without cutting and paste-ing..some tech help would be greatly appreciated.)

anyway we dont experience this mainly because my hubby is a physician and the multicultural family we befriended is also a physician family so they kinda protect us from this nonsense...so we get introduced as Dr. Perry's friends, alot...in fact they canceled the monthly potluck and asked the Perry's to notify us...which was thoughtful. My friend Elizabeth said, can i just give them your number...i said yes.


now the bad news, my mom has triple negative breast cancer and started her chemo today. i refuse to say just "breast cancer" because it is such a different animal --triple negative breast cancer --it almost should have its own category. it is more agressive, non responsive to new treatments, and affects minority women more often. anyway, we had this sad, sad, shadow over our mother's day because of it... we did go to church with my grandmother though and we were thankful to arrive late and stay 3 hours! truly thankful! it was a large urban black baptist church--what a blessing.

congrats on your new baby! anyone here looking for a weight loss buddy? (greater than 50 pounds)

I am so sorry to hear about your Mama, I am aware of triple negative breast cancer, I will pray for your Mama and for your family.

Finding a church home is so hard, glad this one seems like a keeper though I know all to well that when they change pastors, thaty can change everything. Speaking of churches we went to the local UCC church for Mother's Day and I liked it.. a little lighter than I am used to as far as preaching style, but the folks were genuiunly warm and there were other POC there which where I live is a big deal. In fact a Black Dad immediately walked up to us after the service to see if we wanted to do a playgroup sometimes, since his dd was just a few mos older than mine.

Ajv, I don't need a weight loss buddy since I am at the end of my weight loss journey, I made lifetime on WW last month after 2 years on the program. I lost 41 pounds, so I just wanted to say you can do it..

Things here are ok, ton of home improvements that need to be done and as always not enough money, so trying to prioritize as far as what needs to be done versus what I want done. LOL

Shay

[xochimama]

Can I join?

I'm Latina, living in New Mexico with dh, dd1, and baby on the way... And missing my network of progressive WOC...

[purplegirl]

Originally Posted by xochimama

Can I join?

I'm Latina, living in New Mexico with dh, dd1, and baby on the way... And missing my network of progressive WOC...

Hi There! Of course you join us. I am glad you found us!

[shayinme]

Originally Posted by xochimama

Can I join?

I'm Latina, living in New Mexico with dh, dd1, and baby on the way... And missing my network of progressive WOC...

Of course you can.. welcome to the group!

Shay

[ErikaDP]

Hello Sisterfriends!

First things first:
To All of the New Members here:

!WELCOME TO THE TRIBE!

I hope to see many more posts from you!

And now for my update:
Wow, it has been a really hectic few months! I have been traveling quite a bit, had a lot of over night guests stay at my home, had another one of my children graduate from college and I had my mother, daughter and my walking(now running) 11 month old grandson visit me for a week(boy, were we sad to see them go back home to Seattle). I also got to spend my first mother's day as a grandmother with my daughter(her 1st as a mom!) and with my own mother-it was really great!
I am now gearing up for conference season and for camping season.
In a few weeks, we will be taking our fifth annual African American Unschooling camping vacation and this year's trip is a return to the Grand Canyon(site of the 1st trip). We are all really looking forward to the trip, but the task of how we get all of our camping gear on the plane is keeping me up at night! It might almost be cheaper to buy duplicate items and gift them to my sister and her family(they live in Phoenix)because of all of the bag limitations and fees that the airlines are charging now.
I also will be speaking at the NE Unschooling conference this weekend and I am really looking forward to that too.
On the home front, we had a very large tree fall on our garage's roof the day after mother's day and we were so lucky that no one was hurt! If it had happened at the same time the day before, someone could have very easily been killed. We all counted our blessings! So now I am dealing with the insurance company and trying to find a contractor to do the repairs. Wish me luck!
I have so much more that I could say but my computer time is up. And I won't be posting online much in the coming few weeks but I still hope to come here to read all of your posts at least a couple of times a week.
Here hoping that everyone has a safe and happy Memorial Day weekend!

*..· ´¨¨)) -:¦:-
¸.·´ .·´¨¨))
((¸¸.·´ ..·´ Peace, Love & Light!-:¦:-
-:¦:- ((¸¸.·´*

Take Care,
Erika(I don't wear a fro, I'm just a sister who likes this smilie!):

[eilonwy]

Oh wow...I can't believe your grandson is eleven months old, Erika! Time flies!

I'm going to Wickerman Thursday. I'm very excited about it, and strangely greatful to Bear (who is unable to nurse, which enables me to do things like this, which are not child-friendly ). Should be a good time.

We're trying to wrap up the school year; the spring has been kind of a mess, what with me being in and out of the hospital and all the depressive miseries. We're also trying to find a place to live. I'm trying not to think too much about it... because everything will befine. Right?

[xochimama]

Just to chime in on finding a church: this was tough for us, too. DH (white) grew up in the Episcopal church, but I grew up w/ Mexican Catholicism—twelve years of Catholic school, in fact. Theologically, the traditions aren't so far apart, but from a socio-cultural belief standpoint, ay, there are major differences.

I just don't identify with the social conservatism of the local Hispano Catholic parishes. But the Episcopal church that we ultimately chose is so overwhelmingly white... I see it as a real problem, and our congregation has been so damn slow to really make it welcoming for Latinos. : It is really frustrating. On the other hand, I love that our church is so involved in social activism, very left-leaning politically, welcoming of queer families, not pushy at all about religion... they just can't seem to diversify.

Someday I hope to find the right balance in a church family. Occasionally I go to a local Catholic service, bilingual. The ones at the small rural churches here in northern NM often have a couple of lone guitars, too: grizzled old Mexicanos whose guitars are out of tune, but they are singing their hearts out to God... makes me a little : This experience more readily satisfies the cultural connection I have to worship, which I just don't always get singing the Anglican hymns.

[purplegirl]

Wow. It's so good to hear from long term posters and new members.
Ajv, let me first say how sorry I am to hear that your mama is struggling with cancer. I am an eternal optimist and believe that there is always hope. I promise to keep her and your family in my prayers.
I can sure use a weight loss partner. I have gained twenty pounds in two months. I mean wth is going on with me?? I am back to walking 3 miles four times a week and being mindful of every thing I put in my mouth!

Shay, congrats on your weight loss. It is inspirational to me

Erika, it is always good to hear from you. I can't believe your grandchild is almost a year old. I am glad no one got hurt by the fallen tree. That is so frightening. Peace to you on your journeys.

Xochimama, I think a lot of us can relate to the struggle to find a spiritual home that feels like home--socially and culturally. "Traditionally black churches" have lost appeal to me because of the religious dogma and social conservatism. That said, I feel they are an important institution because of the important role they have and continue to play in black communities/history. The closest UU church to me is very homogeneous but welcoming. I feel most comfortable in the Friends Meeting House where there is tremendous diversity, social action and acceptance.

[ajv]

hey mamas

hey, i am feeling better today. i found a weight loss buddy on another thread, she is from missouri. she says she is doing the 1000 minute exercise challenge that is on one of these threads too... i havent had time to get over there. my mom shaved her head and is doing okay with chemo (she has triple negative breast cancer). thanks for your prayers.

my 1st cousins were here this past weekend, so it was good to catch up...we committed to having a family reunion now that we are all adults-- it is our own responsibility to keep track of each other.

i have bid on some montessori books on ebay, i figure my son will be 3 in a few months, maybe i should start some homeschooling preschooling...who knows? i feel peer-pressured to do so much with him...that is the challenge of parenting for me, not competing with the woman sitting next to me at library story time. (laugh)

here in new mexico do you live, i lived in Albuquerque for 16 years--i miss it, especially the food. :

that grand canyon trip looked wonderful (i am a lurker on aa unschooling). i cant wait until my kids are old enough to go on those trips...i love traveling.

it is hard for me to keep track of everyone's names, i am going to make myself a cheat sheet to keep near the computer.

ajv

[xochimama]

Originally Posted by ajv

here in new mexico do you live, i lived in Albuquerque for 16 years--i miss it, especially the food. :
ajv

I live in Las Vegas, New Mexico (the REAL Las Vegas, as locals like to say). I was just in ABQ yesterday—took dd to the Explora museum which was amazing! I had no idea that the QueQue had such a terrific children's museum. And free parking.

Well, you lived in NM longer than I have: I moved here in 1998--spent a year in Roswell before heading further north... And yea, the chile is great... My pregnant tummy can't get enough right now. :

Cristina