Women of Color #12 - Page 17

[Brown Lioness]

[ishereal]

Originally Posted by eilonwy

: Pictures?

We've started school. It's *insane*. I've been putting videos of the kiddles on Facebook. That makes me ridiculously happy, to be able to do that. And... well, life is busy. I'm going out of town tomorrow, so... :

FACE BOOK! yay. I have a face book also!!

[Draupadi]

Originally Posted by eilonwy

: Pictures?

We've started school. It's *insane*. I've been putting videos of the kiddles on Facebook. That makes me ridiculously happy, to be able to do that. And... well, life is busy. I'm going out of town tomorrow, so... :

Here's a picture: http://www.flickr.com/photos/14809282@N07/2767726927/

Must be exciting getting kids ready for a new school year. DS has only been with me so I have yet to have that experience.
Speaking of school...I'm a jobless teacher. LOL! I was allegedly going back to work this fall and but haven't found anything. I don't want to go back to the hellhole school that I taught in before my son was born. Now, I don't have anything at all.
I have Facebook too and am maybe too addicted to it!

[Draupadi]

Originally Posted by purplegirl

Oh la la! Glad you like your hair mama!

Thanks! There's nothing like the feeling of being pampered.
My hair is not as tame looking as in the picture now, but I like it that way. DH went nuts for it, which is also a big plus.

[ishereal]

Nice Hair cut! I will pm you my facebook site

[eilonwy]

Your hair looks gorgeous!

Facebook makes me happy. :

Bean is a cyberschooler, so "starting school" doesn't involve sending him anywhere... just a ton of workk for both of us. He kind of flies through material, so it gets kind of crazy, especially for the first few weeks.

My sister has decided that Bean has an anger problem. Never mind that he has much bigger problems with her than with anyone else; Never mind that SHE has major control issues where children are concerned (just ask my poor nieces, who are terrified of their aunt . No-- this is all the fault of the five year old. He's at my mom's house so that I can go to the begining of Stones Rising (the intensive, which is less child-friendly) for a few days myself. He is the only boy in that house aside from Bear, who is 6 months old-- all of the other kids (there are five of them) are girls. Toss in both of my sisters and my mother, and it's easy to understand why a perfectly healthy little boy's energy might be seen as over the top. : My instinct is to strangle my sister for this... but I won't. Instead, I'm going to cast at her. It's not nice, but it's been extremely effective in the past. She really needs to work on her own problems, rather than trying to take all her misery out on my little man.

[daricsmami]

Hi everyone!

I used to participate in WOC #11, but got pretty busy with school and work. I have to pick up the kid from school; I'll be back to reintroduce myself.

[purplegirl]

Originally Posted by WilliamsMama

Here's a picture: http://www.flickr.com/photos/14809282@N07/2767726927/

Must be exciting getting kids ready for a new school year. DS has only been with me so I have yet to have that experience.
Speaking of school...I'm a jobless teacher. LOL! I was allegedly going back to work this fall and but haven't found anything. I don't want to go back to the hellhole school that I taught in before my son was born. Now, I don't have anything at all.
I have Facebook too and am maybe too addicted to it!

Ohhh, I love it mama!!

[daricsmami]

Alright, I'm back!

I'm daricsmami. Black Latina. Former Navy brat, so I'm from everywhere. Sociology student. Planning on getting my MSW pretty soon. Have a 5 year old who just started kindergarten. Hoping to move to sunny SoCal soon, but I might end up staying here. I have figured that out yet.... I think that's it.

[gabysmom617]

I have a race question:

Hey yall.

Something that happened yesterday had me wondering. Have you ever been on the internet somewhere and your identity was somewhat neutral, and you get received a certain way, but as soon as you upload or link to a picture or something in connection with your identity that reveals you are a person of color, you get a subtle hint of a vibe that feels like you are being received a bit differently than when your identy was neutral? Perhaps slightly patronized? Or condescended against...something like that?

Does that makes sense? I'm open to the possibility that maybe I'm just completely paranoid and overly sensitive..I tend to be that way in pregnancy.

but in my defense, sometimes I would feel that vibe at times in certain places on the internet before I became pregnant..

Edit:
It doesn't even have to be the internet per se...it could be anywhere where your identity is neutral and no one knows or can "see" what you are unless you tell them. Have you ever experienced like...underhanded..undercover "oh geesh, in that case, this poor woman can't know what she's talking about..." vibe after it is revealed what your racial status is?

Oh, and ftr, this occurrence that happened to me was not here @ MDC...it was elsewhere on the web.

[shayinme]

Originally Posted by gabysmom617

Something that happened yesterday had me wondering. Have you ever been on the internet somewhere and your identity was somewhat neutral, and you get received a certain way, but as soon as you upload or link to a picture or something in connection with your identity that reveals you are a person of color, you get a subtle hint of a vibe that feels like you are being received a bit differently than when your identy was neutral? Perhaps slightly patronized? Or condescended against...something like that?

Does that makes sense? I'm open to the possibility that maybe I'm just completely paranoid and overly sensitive..I tend to be that way in pregnancy.

but in my defense, sometimes I would feel that vibe at times in certain places on the internet before I became pregnant..

I know exactly what you are talking, I used to just hang on predominantly Black sites like Nappturality and a few others. Then when I got pregnant with dd and started going to parenting style boards, I started experiencing exactly what you are talking about, it really annoys me to no end. There is a local board in my area for AP style Mamas and I used to try and make connections but I gout tired of that outsider feeling that took place.

While you are pregnant, I wouldn't discount your feelings at all.

Shay

[Brown Lioness]

I havent gotten that on the net JUST yet cause im not fond of posting my picture (tho i have, but mostly on predominently black websites), but I have gotten that AT WORK.

I make my living on the phone everyday and so obviously people cannot see what I look like. But when they do fly in to the corporate office where I work to do the "face to face" meet and greet and they finally get to see me, their reactions are hilarious. Ive gotten everything from surprised shock to just forced indifference.

Then after, they seem to "treat" me differently on the phone...like, they'll be way less personable and cooperative and just generally less willing to do small talk and commiserate about work stuff we experience.

I just mark the change and keep it moving.

Originally Posted by gabysmom617

Hey yall.

Something that happened yesterday had me wondering. Have you ever been on the internet somewhere and your identity was somewhat neutral, and you get received a certain way, but as soon as you upload or link to a picture or something in connection with your identity that reveals you are a person of color, you get a subtle hint of a vibe that feels like you are being received a bit differently than when your identy was neutral? Perhaps slightly patronized? Or condescended against...something like that?

Does that makes sense? I'm open to the possibility that maybe I'm just completely paranoid and overly sensitive..I tend to be that way in pregnancy.

but in my defense, sometimes I would feel that vibe at times in certain places on the internet before I became pregnant..

Edit:
It doesn't even have to be the internet per se...it could be anywhere where your identity is neutral and no one knows or can "see" what you are unless you tell them. Have you ever experienced like...underhanded..undercover "oh geesh, in that case, this poor woman can't know what she's talking about..." vibe after it is revealed what your racial status is?

Oh, and ftr, this occurrence that happened to me was not here @ MDC...it was elsewhere on the web.

[ErikaDP]

Originally Posted by gabysmom617

Hey yall.

Something that happened yesterday had me wondering. Have you ever been on the internet somewhere and your identity was somewhat neutral, and you get received a certain way, but as soon as you upload or link to a picture or something in connection with your identity that reveals you are a person of color, you get a subtle hint of a vibe that feels like you are being received a bit differently than when your identy was neutral? Perhaps slightly patronized? Or condescended against...something like that?

Does that makes sense? I'm open to the possibility that maybe I'm just completely paranoid and overly sensitive..I tend to be that way in pregnancy.

but in my defense, sometimes I would feel that vibe at times in certain places on the internet before I became pregnant..

Edit:
It doesn't even have to be the internet per se...it could be anywhere where your identity is neutral and no one knows or can "see" what you are unless you tell them. Have you ever experienced like...underhanded..undercover "oh geesh, in that case, this poor woman can't know what she's talking about..." vibe after it is revealed what your racial status is?

Oh, and ftr, this occurrence that happened to me was not here @ MDC...it was elsewhere on the web.

Hi Sonya,

It has happen to me, right here at MDC. Here's my story.
I had a more than a year long conversation with a mama here via pm and when she moved to my corner of the world we decided to meet for a play date at a local park. What a disappointment! She and her children just couldn't stop staring at me and my son and the conversation between us went no where(whereas online, we had so much in common and our sons liked many of the same toys/activities that we could not believe our good fortune in being able to have a real life friendship).
But the topper for me came when I got home.
My son said that the oldest boy kept asking him questions about why he(my son) looked the way that he did. And that he had never met/talked with anyone who looked like him. Well, needless to say, we never saw or heard from them again.
And when I came to MDC to talk about my experience, I got the usual lines of "you must have been mistaken" and "sometimes people aren't comfortable when they meet people in real life". I had to take a break for a while from MDC after that happened.
So Sonya, to make a long story short, yeah, I know what you mean!
(And it is also one of the reasons that I put the afro smilie in my siggy!)

Take Care,
Erika(I don't wear a fro, I'm just a sister who likes this smilie!):

[gabysmom617]

Ok, I was just wondering if I was crazy, that's all. So here's my story: And I'm also considering the possiblity that oversensitivities that come along with pregnancy may be screwing with my judgement, because I do have issues with that...

There is a website I love, having to do with sewing cloth diapers. I know a lot about wool and stuff, I cloth diapered my monkey-boy in wool for quite some time. I helped a lot of people get into wool, know what type of wool to get from the thrift stores, and so forth to sew into covers. Then, I posted his pic in my profile, and ever since then, I get..."corrected" a lot. (Wrongly corrected lots of times.) Often times by people who have no where near the experience with wool that I have....It's extremely subtle and hard to explain. But most of the people there are not like that, hence why I haven't backed off from there for the time being.

Anyhow, it's a small picture of him; he's light skinned, (It's in my sig, click on "G")and it's not a pic of me, so I'm wondering if people still wonder if I'm black or not because he does look like he could be mixed to some people.

Well, it was just very small comment made to me yesterday. I posted a pic of my 3D ultrasound because it is extremely amazing just how much my unborn kidlet looks like my husband. And I posted a pic of my husband for comparison. (I did this here @ MDC too, but I swear, it wasn't here. I was so amused at how much those two look alike that I basically posted the pics of them at all of my favorite web places...) My husband is black, with a prominant wide bridged nose, and my kid has his SAME nose,...to a tee, so far...

I mean, there is absolutely no denying the resemblance.

But I did get a comment paraphrased, along the lines of, "Oh darn, you missed again--you're not supposed to compare photos of kids to their parents until at least a year of age. Great try and great pics though! "


I mean, does that comment sound a tad bit condescending, or is it just me? I mean now that I think about it, I could count off many reasons why this comment put me off, but I feel I could just be in a bad mood. It's not like I went off or anything. I didn't say anything, but just commented back that I'm well aware how much babies and kids' faces change as they grow, but that doesn't discount the resemblance between the two of them now, and left it like that. No snark or anything.

It's just one of those things that seemed to stick out ot me more and more as I thought about it...and then I noticed I get this kind of "well, actually, you're just a tad bit off" stuff a lot from this place a lot...and it's subtle, but I'm starting to notice it.

[purplegirl]

Originally Posted by ErikaDP

Hi Sonya,

It has happen to me, right here at MDC. Here's my story.
I had a more than a year long conversation with a mama here via pm and when she moved to my corner of the world we decided to meet for a play date at a local park. What a disappointment! She and her children just couldn't stop staring at me and my son and the conversation between us went no where(whereas online, we had so much in common and our sons liked many of the same toys/activities that we could not believe our good fortune in being able to have a real life friendship).
But the topper for me came when I got home.
My son said that the oldest boy kept asking him questions about why he(my son) looked the way that he did. And that he had never met/talked with anyone who looked like him. Well, needless to say, we never saw or heard from them again.
And when I came to MDC to talk about my experience, I got the usual lines of "you must have been mistaken" and "sometimes people aren't comfortable when they meet people in real life". I had to take a break for a while from MDC after that happened.
So Sonya, to make a long story short, yeah, I know what you mean!
(And it is also one of the reasons that I put the afro smilie in my siggy!)

Take Care,
Erika(I don't wear a fro, I'm just a sister who likes this smilie!):

I recall this story Erika. If I am not mistaken, it's happened to another MDC moc. I purposely put a smiley in my siggy too, that represents who I am so there are no questions. Ugh, I wished it didn't have to be that way but I feel it protects my feelings from being hurt!

[gabysmom617]

Originally Posted by ErikaDP

Hi Sonya,

It has happen to me, right here at MDC. Here's my story.
I had a more than a year long conversation with a mama here via pm and when she moved to my corner of the world we decided to meet for a play date at a local park. What a disappointment! She and her children just couldn't stop staring at me and my son and the conversation between us went no where(whereas online, we had so much in common and our sons liked many of the same toys/activities that we could not believe our good fortune in being able to have a real life friendship).
But the topper for me came when I got home.
My son said that the oldest boy kept asking him questions about why he(my son) looked the way that he did. And that he had never met/talked with anyone who looked like him. Well, needless to say, we never saw or heard from them again.
And when I came to MDC to talk about my experience, I got the usual lines of "you must have been mistaken" and "sometimes people aren't comfortable when they meet people in real life". I had to take a break for a while from MDC after that happened.
So Sonya, to make a long story short, yeah, I know what you mean!
(And it is also one of the reasons that I put the afro smilie in my siggy!)

Take Care,
Erika(I don't wear a fro, I'm just a sister who likes this smilie!):

I really appreciate you sharing your story with me. What a sad turn of events. That's all I can really say on that, for fear I'd violate the UA agreement. Anyhow, it's good to hear/read that I'm not crazy for feeling the way I feel sometimes over the net...

[JustKiya]

*sigh*

No, I haven't gotten that, but it doesn't surprise me, all the same.

*sigh* It's so damn saddening, sometimes. Esp. because just a couple of people being like that can turn you off from a whole board of people - most of whom don't have that sort of reaction. *sigh*

[jeca]

Sonya your son is darling!
I may be way off base here but I have noticed especially when it comes to the realms of AP parenting or the "crunchy" side of living others treat me(as a WOC)like I'm not suppose to know these things and therefor need their help or corrections. It's like you can't possibly know anything about it because it's not statistically something "your" people do so let me help you. I have been on the receiving end a handful of times here and IRL. I remember telling a lady IRL that I nursed my youngest DD until she was two and the comment was something like "really, that long? Wow black women don't really breastfeed so its' good that you did although it was a bit of overkill I mean you only needed to go to 6 months to a year".
As far as the cloth diaper comment her beginning her sentence with "darn you missed again" seems to me like she was deliberately trying to be snarky.

[gabysmom617]

Thanks! He used to be in love with that box...

Just to be clear, though, she didn't word it exactly that way...very similarly, but I didn't want to direcly quote what she said....but that's pretty basically what she said. To be fair she didn't actually say, "Oh darn you missed again", but it was very much implied.

Yes, I get the same feeling amongst those who practice AP. And I think that's behind why I get a lot of "corrections" when giving out wool diapering advice and so forth. I couldn't possibly have "as much" experience as "others" there would....(Even though I remember welcoming the questions on wool from those same "correctors" when they first started asking about their newborn or unborn kid, and my kidlet was 2 and I had already been in the community and wool diapering for 2 1/2 years. )

I haven't gotten much crap about breastfeeding yet. I'm warmly reminded of a black woman whom I met at a religious convention when my kid was a few weeks old, and she sternly told me to don't stop nursing that kid, and "don't let no one tell me nothing!"--and she warmly recalled her ..neice?..some one she knew who nursed her child till she was 5 years old and just to put the babe in the bed with me so I could get sleep. She encouraged me to be bullheadedly stubborn about ignoring people who would tell me to quit...and I must say I took her advice to heart.

[gabysmom617]

Originally Posted by JustKiya

*sigh*

No, I haven't gotten that, but it doesn't surprise me, all the same.

*sigh* It's so damn saddening, sometimes. Esp. because just a couple of people being like that can turn you off from a whole board of people - most of whom don't have that sort of reaction. *sigh*

I know exactly what you mean. One or two people like that makes you not really want to visit there anymore despite the couple of people there that I enjoy helping...to be honest though, those ones have been together for quite some time, and have become close and almost cliquish, and even though I joined them a long time ago, I still feel very much like an outsider.