Is it okay (semi rant)

[BabyBump]

To not want a baby to be constantly attached to your chest???? Don't get me wrong, I am looking forward to nursing, but my sister manages to make me feel bad about also preparing to pump. I'm excited that my pump is on its way and I found a Playtex milk storage system that will work with the pump. I liked the Playtex bottles when I had my daughter and really hoped to use them again so I was excited when I stumbled on the storage and feed system.

She was able to stay home for 8 months with my nephew - which in hindsight wasn't the best choice financially since her boyfriend/father of my nephew chose to work only when he felt like it and my parents bailed her out of a lot of debt when she left the loser. Anyways.....

My nephew is now 13 months old and she is still nursing. What drives me crazy is that he'll run over nurse for like two minutes and be done or can only be called down when he gets upset by nursing. He'll also only fall asleep nursing. Maybe this pattern is normal-I've never nursed so I don't know. Because she has chosen nursing as the only way to get her milk to him, she never has a moment to herself. I've seen that wear on her plenty of times.

I just wish she wouldn't be so critical of my choice to pump as a means to get milk to my baby. I am returning to work so it's either that or quit nursing.

[flapjack]

Well, it's not a choice between pump or quit nursing LMK if you want me to geek out, but milk supplies can be incredibly flexible as long as you keep demand feeding overnight to take full advantage of the prolactin surges.
What works for you is what works for you. What works for her is what works for her. What you might find, however, is that you end up parenting this one entirely differently to the way you parented Kendall as a result of the nursing relationship and a different personality : It happens, y'know?

[EviesMom]

My dd took bottles, but very few and far between (even though I was working part time) and once she'd had a taste of solids, she refused all bottles. She'd take a little solids while I was at work and just wait for me to get home. The things I know to watch out for with bottles and pumping are: 1) Don't think your milk supply is low if you don't get much with the pump. The baby gets waaaaay more than the pump. 2) Time the introduction of the bottle right so baby doesn't want it over nursing--called nipple preference. 3) Remember that you'll have to pump pretty much any time your baby takes a bottle to keep your supply up (meaning you probably can't, say, sleep all night while your significant other gives the baby bottles. You'd have to pump during the night too.)

Oh yes, and if you don't want the fly by nursing toddler thing that your nephew is doing to happen, you can decrease it with your own child. But really, it might not bother you with your own child. Just wait and see.

[smokeylo]

I can totally sympathize with wanting some "off" time from having someone at your boob. I have a friend with an 18 mo. old who does the on/off thing all the time and I wonder how I will handle that. Then I remind myself that I only need to know how I'll nurse my newborn... then my small baby... then my medium baby... nursing a toddler is something I'll figure out when I have a toddler and know my kid better, and know what it's like to BF! So I don't think about that part yet. I think about what I'll do for the first 3 months or so. That does include some pumping and probably dropper feeding when I'm in class.

The thing about pumping is that it throws a bunch of stuff into the BFing mix that can complicate it. It's not as simple as sticking a pump on and voila. Some women aren't able to express as much milk by pump. You have to be really vigilant about pumping often to keep your supply up both for the pump AND the baby. Bottle feeding definitely can complicate things early on (this is why I will probably dropper feed the kid until 6 or 8 weeks old before trying a bottle out, haven't decided how we'll handle that yet). The last thing I would want is to end up exclusively pumping - it seems like it would be a real pain to have to sit down with the pump regular as clockwork and not move for awhile, and then also be sitting down to feed the baby. I have a friend who exclusively pumped for twins, which is incredible -- just BFing on demand seems much simpler, tho!

Anyway, I'm not down at all on pumping, but I can see why someone who exclusively BFed their kid might wonder what all the fuss is about. I really like the book Nursing Mother's Companion and there's also one called Nursing Mother, Working Mother that you should check out.

[BabyBump]

Thanks all for listening. I was just super irrated by the way my sister made me feel. It was almost as if pumping was something beneath her. It's going to be a challenge to nurse and pump, but something I'll have to do once I go back to work since not working just doesn't figure in right now. I think the fact that my sister was making judgements about my choice bothered me too. I haven't always agreed with choices she has made in parenting my nephew, but at least I kept my mouth shut because her choices are her choices.

I don't plan to start the bottle until closer to the time I have to return to work so my husband gets out of the midnight feeding duties.

Thanks for the advice about the fly by feedings too. It's not like I'm expecting this baby to have any real schedule as far as eating because my daughter never really took bottles at specific times.

I'm lucky to know someone at work who is currently pumping to supply her second daughter and have talked to her about how to balance it all.

[ndigiorgio]

This sounds like sibling rivalry to me. And maybe a little guilt at taking advantage of family is making her insecure and you are the obvious person to "attack". Don't let her get to you. Just go with your instincts and be the best mom you know how.

[TrishWSU]

I'd ignore what ever she says. Shame on her for making you doubt your parenting choices. You are doing a great thing for your LO even if you decide to exclusively pump! We all do what works best for us and that isn't going to be the same for everyone.

[thirdeagle]

I pumped fairly early on and DD1 took a bottle occasionally starting sometime in the first month. No problems with confusion. I had to go back to work too. When that happened, she got EBM during the day and then fed directly from me at night. Again, no problems whatsover. She self weaned around 13, 14 months. She's always been self assured yet super cuddly - and definitely mommy's baby. Don't worry about your sister's attitude. Do what's right for you and your kid.

[Nature]

Originally Posted by BabyBump

To not want a baby to be constantly attached to your chest???? Don't get me wrong, I am looking forward to nursing, but my sister manages to make me feel bad about also preparing to pump. I'm excited that my pump is on its way and I found a Playtex milk storage system that will work with the pump. I liked the Playtex bottles when I had my daughter and really hoped to use them again so I was excited when I stumbled on the storage and feed system.

She was able to stay home for 8 months with my nephew - which in hindsight wasn't the best choice financially since her boyfriend/father of my nephew chose to work only when he felt like it and my parents bailed her out of a lot of debt when she left the loser. Anyways.....

My nephew is now 13 months old and she is still nursing. What drives me crazy is that he'll run over nurse for like two minutes and be done or can only be called down when he gets upset by nursing. He'll also only fall asleep nursing. Maybe this pattern is normal-I've never nursed so I don't know. Because she has chosen nursing as the only way to get her milk to him, she never has a moment to herself. I've seen that wear on her plenty of times.

I just wish she wouldn't be so critical of my choice to pump as a means to get milk to my baby. I am returning to work so it's either that or quit nursing.

Though certainly difficult, it sounds to me like your sister has a pretty good nursing relationship. All those things you mention are what I've found to be the norm. (in my 4.5 years of nursing anyway) For the first 4 years of my daughters life, nothing could calm her except nursing. And toddlers do just run up, take a sip and run off.

And it can wear on a person to be always available. However, if it works for your sister (and me) then it works. Or perhaps for whatever reason she didn't want to do any other way. I am very much against anything getting in the way of my nursing relationship and that includes pumping. I dislike pumping. None of my babies would even take a bottle. Not even my youngest who, because I was tired.. I did try to introduce it to. Nope. Wouldn't have it. So I needed to be there 24/7 to feed her. And it is hard, but still a sacrifice that I personally wanted to make.

I think there are all sorts of in betweens with nursing. Its not a only nurse exclusively, or only pump kind of issue. You might find that the way you want doesn't work out, and you end up adapting and doing things a different way. It doesn't really matter as long as in the end you are satisfied and happy with the arrangement.

Sometimes breastfeeding conversations tend to make mamas feel defensive, on both sides of the coin. Try not to look at it as a personal subject but rather one that everyone has an opinion on. Your sister should be proud of her nursing efforts, and you should be as well. It doesn't matter that you plan on doing it different ways.

[Angierae]

I'm sorry your sister made you feel bad. Thats not fair at all. FWIW I pumped and breastfed with my first -- and she sounds exactly like your nephew. She nursed all the time on the go and for comfort and didn't wean until age 5.5. My 2nd I only fed at my breast and she was a way more laid back nurser. Not the fly by type. I think it has way more to do with personailty than anything else. I'm sure whatever nursing style your baby has will feel right to you onde your baby is here!

[Writerbird]

I hesitate to make any set in stone plans right now, just because I don't know what my little guy is going to be like, what I'll be like, etc. But I do have goals.

I know that I cannot stand the local LLL cult, because a more judgmental hive of cats does not exist. Maybe in the state I'm moving to, the local group will be better. I have a friend who is doing the BF thing really well, so I do have some help lined up.

I know that I won't go to the BF forum here on these boards because the vibe is not very supportive of all choices.

I know that I feel defensive on BOTH sides of the issue. On one hand, I want to BF my baby, and constantly getting formula samples and hearing my relatives say it's "gross" makes me grapple even MORE with my existing issues on the topic (short version, I'm having trouble making the mental leap from "nipples = my favorite orgasm inducers" to "nipples = food source." This is MY problem, not a problem with breastfeeding). Anyway, I feel like I have to defend BF to everyone I know in the world outside MDC. Certainly I'm the most hardcore one in my extended family.

On the other hand, I will be pumping (because I'll be traveling for work and I want him to have milk made just for him), and my goal is to nurse for 18 months - and to nightwean MUCH sooner. I feel like I get home from defending breastfeeding, arrive here... and I have to defend myself for not being hardcore ENOUGH.

So... yeah. No matter who I'm talking to about this topic, I feel defensive, because I'm sitting right in the middle.

The only way to win is not to play. Good luck, no matter what you do!

[Selesai]

I have not read all of the replies. OP, are you saying you didn't nurse your daughter (but pumped for her?) or that you didn't exclusively nurse her (meaning she got your pumped milk and also nursed)?

First, your sister chose to set or not set nursing limits for your nephew. You can choose to nurse your child for as long as you want and set limits that you may have not yet seen modeled. I believe there are helpful posts in the bf beyond infancy forum. Generally you would need to wait until the baby is older (a year?) before you do these things.
I am still nursing my 18 mo old son, and there are times when I am touched out. Yes, he still nurses to sleep. Yes, he takes a sip or a suck and walks away. I don't have a problem with these things, but if I did I could find a way to change the relationship-- I wouldn't have to end it.

Second, I don't see why you need to choose pumping OR nursing. I think you can do both and keep some sort of balance for yourself, also giving yourself time away from the baby, or out with your partner, etc. I also think that if you have a certain goal for the amount of breastmilk your baby receives, it might be easier to meet that goal if you do not solely rely on pumping. In my experience and opinion, pumping is uncomfortable, annoying, and inconvenient as a CHOICE. (I pumped for 13 mos while working, and will be doing so again this time around) As something I was determined to do, despite the irritation, it made me feel connected to my baby while away from him in ways I otherwise would not have felt.

Also, be prepared for the fact that your baby may reject the type of nipple you have chosen for the bottle. I didn't have this problem, but a friend of mine did. She had to try different bottles before finding one her baby would take.

As for your sister, don't let her get to you.

[flapjack]

I just wanted to say, if you need the help LLL offers but the values and ethos don't work for you, please give me a shout? I have contact details for all the UK BF support organisations, most of which offer 1-1 telephone, sometimes email, counselling, two of which are far more supportive of mothers who are working. (NCT and ABM.)