Welcome back! Starter thread!

[happyday8598]

Just wanted to reintroduce myself for the newcomers of this site!

My name is Emily. I am 22. I am the proud Tribal Goddess to 2 beautiful boys, Owen who is 3; and Caleb, who is 8 months. My boys have 2 different fathers. Owen's is in his life to a point, but will be moving soon from NH to IL (Chicago). Caleb's father has not met him. He lives out in CA.

I am currently schooling to become a nurse, and also training to become a labor assistant. My Ultimate goal is to EVENTUALLY open my own birthing center. After having Caleb naturally, the way it SHOULD be, I'm an advocate for Natural Childbirth. I think it's important to give new moms (and old) the courage to go through labor and delivery in a natural way. It is in my opinion that all too often pregnant moms aren't encouraged to do it naturally, but "scared" into going with pain killers, and labor inducers.

I am also a breastfeeding advocate. I nursed Owen until he self weaned at 14 months, and plan on allowing Caleb to self wean, also. Breastfeeding time is SUCH an incredible time!

I guess that's me in a nut shell!!

For all those who read this thread, new or old members of the board, tell a little about YOUR story.

I look forward to getting to know everybody during the coming months and years!

Be gentle with yourself!

Lovingly,
Emily

[Chiromom]

Hurray! We're all back I hope!

So, Who am I? Its me, your handy chiropractic referencing, mother to a toddler, still nursing, small town living, granola eating, family bed sharing, computer addicted, all things radical supporting, general super freak, Chiromom!

And I have really, really, missed my community of friends! What have I been up to lately?

I have been travelling to Green Bay a couple times a month to work on getting LLL certified so I can start a group up in my neck of the woods.

I travelled to Colorado Springs with DS last week to attend a Chiropractic pediatrics seminar and learned a ton of cool new stuff. I was so inspired that I have decided to begin a post-graduate program (3 years) focusing on pediatrics, which will begin this February.

Also, DH and I (he is also a chiro) have decided to start working on a book for chiropractic patients discussing various alternative issues.

I will quit rattling on and on..... I am just sooo happy!!

[Mom2Maddie]

Hello from the Moderator

Hello everyone. I am Melissa and I am the moderator of this forum. I would like to take a minute to welcome everyone back as well as welcoming any new members that may find their ways back to the Single Parenting board. I will start by telling you a little bit about my situation.

I am a 23 yr old senior in college. I will graduate in may 2002. WOOHOO Then I have plans on becoming a teacher. My daughter, Madison is two. She is absolutely beautiful and amazing and we have such a great time together. She loves babies, dancing, animals, and singing. She is truly my most amazing treasure.

Her dad is a loser. He has no job. He has little to no involvement in Maddie's life. I haven't recevied a child support check since June of this year. I have lots of great stories on how the system has failed struggling single mamas like me who go to school, work ,and take care fo their babies only to be abused not only by the man who doesn't take responsibility, but again by the system who allows the father to essentialy live carelessly with no responsibilty. But in the end it has made me strong as hell and it has fostered an unbreakable bond between my dauhter and I.

I am huge advocate of the family bed. I am an avid writer. I love to cook and to go shopping. I practice attachment parenting. I am a meat-eater. We go out to dinner all the time. I even shop at the Gap for my daughter. I drink way too much diet Cherry Coke and I have cable tv. So although I consider myself to have a lot in common with the parenting practices of many of the Mothering readers I also think you will find me to be a pretty down to earth regular old girl. And I look forward to talking with each and every one of you further on this board and many others.

[BathrobeGoddess]

Hi all! I'm Eden, single since March, 26 yrs old, mom to Laurelle who will be 7 this Feb. I was married to dd dad for 5 years. During this time he had 3 affairs that I know about...we are in divorce precedings right now and it really sucks. I begin grad school this Jan. and am looking forward to being far less poor because of it (loans: ). I am a huge Harry Potter freak and I read like crazy. DD is in public school this year after 3 years with waldorf and is doing very, very well!

I haven't had steady work since July and I am becoming desperate!!! But overall I'm a pretty happy gal!

[madison]

intro's

I love the Heinlien quote, btw! That is awesome

My screen name's Madison, and I'm a future single lesbian mama. I'm currently trying to get pregnant via donor insemination, and can't wait to be called "mom" someday. I've wanted kids for 13 years now, and am finally at a place that feels "right" to do it. That I'm single seems to be a GREAT thing to me, though I've liked being partnered in the past, too. I admit I'm selfish and want the parenting experience to be ALL MINE, lol.

I also work more than full time in film production in Los Angeles, and though I like it, it isn't what I want to do with the rest of my life.

I am training to be a doula also, in my "down" time. I eventually would like to work part time as a post partum doula, because I love new babies and new parents. I've completed the training and need to attend a childbirth class and attend three births, and then I'll be certified. Finding the time for it is hard!

I facilitate a group for prospective lesbian & gay parents that is supported by the LA Gay & Lesbian Center here in LA. We meet monthly to discuss donor insemination, co-parenting, adoption, surrogacy and foster parenting issues. I coordinate speakers, set up the meeting room & snacks, facilitate an internet newsletter to our members monthly and provide support and information for lesbians and gay men who want to be parents. This is one prong of my life mission, to support lgbt families, and those seeking the difficult and rewarding path of parenthood.

I am also a founding member of the new Los Angeles Family Alliance. We are a group of facilitators of various area LGBT parenting groups, LGBT supportive churches & synagogues, and local chapters of national organizations (PFLAG, COLAGE) that meet together to pool resources and ideas to better support and encourage the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgendered families that come to our groups (and those we'd like to reach). So far we've had three meetings and are moving ahead to outreach into our communities as an Alliance, in addition to facilitating our own groups. We intend to be a role model for other cities in how to pull together and make sure that every LGBT family has support and encouragement on their parenthood paths, which are sometimes difficult because of the society we live in and the communities we reside in. I'm very excited about our new alliance.

I will be starting up a donor insemination chat group in January, with the support of the LA Gay & Lesbian Center. *I* need the support, so I KNOW other women must, too! I don't know if we'll be meeting at the Center or out of my home yet, but I have four families & singles who are already interested in hang out with me and chatting about the ups and downs of inseminating.

My long term goal is to open my own Family Center in the Long Beach area with a Los Angeles satelite office. We'd offer parenting classes, childbirth classes, a referral service to midwives/doctors/pediatricians/doulas, support groups, play groups, workshops & seminars and guest speakers as events dictate. I'd also like a shop (selling many AP things like slings and books, hehehe) and a day care center for lgbt families (I was the director of a preschool for six years previously, and a live in nanny). That is my long term goal and I'm slowly working towards that quite successfully. I usually get what I want, lol, and I intend to with this Family Center! LA is a mecca of sort for queer families because of the more openminded atmosphere and liberal supportive CA legal system. It's my life's mission to support queer families.

I also am a mosaic artist and soap maker. I love to read, do research, cycle and camp out. I am supported by my family and have some fantastic "chosen family" friends!

[veganmom]

I'm Meredith. I'm single, but looking as much as I can to find a good man to marry. I have a 13 month old daughter. I rely heavily on my parents so I can be at home with my daughter.

[milky smiles]

Just wanted to say hi. I'm a single mom of too boys. I tryed on and off with thier father for 6 yrs but he is an alcoholic and will never change! I'm going to school for nursing too . I would love to find someone to settle down with but I don't see it happening in the near future Nice to meet all of you

[Mami_Mala]

Just want to say hola

Hello all. I just wanted to introduce myself. I'm a 24 year old single mamita to 4 year old Carolina Aysen.

I work doing temp jobs so I can do what I love, write and social justice work ( mostly anti racist stuff)

I have a wonderful supportive family and even though my girl's daddy is in another country ( we were never married, never will be the two maintain contact via emails, letters and videos.

She will be meeting him for the first time in person come the new year ( yikes....talk about stress)

For the first time I am actually enjoying being single and not stressing if or when I will find a man ( its quite a revalation and liberating)

I look forward to getting to all of you..

Paz y amor

[stella]

hello from a new person

hi. i am very single mama to meret, age nearly-two. meret still nurses and we are family bedders, and i am mostly vegan.

i work as a live-in nanny and also as an admin asst and photo teacher.

meret's dad lives close by and she sees him regularly, although he is a major PIMA (pain in my...) he is anti- AP and blames any difficulty i encounter on that. he also pays very little child support but i am afraid to go thru the system in fear he will retaliate.

i am struggling $-wise and in trying to have time for myself, which i guess is common for single moms. i am running out of ideas and feeling kind of down about it. i don't know any other single moms in my area.

how do you all do it?

respectfully,
stella

[sundaeg1rl]

Hi all!

Let me introduce myself. I'm 26 and live in Manchester, UK. I'm a signle mum to Jade, who is 9 months old, very bright, very cute and the light of my life! Her dad decided he didn't want to know while I was pregnant...he's since changed his mind about her but not about me!! (Not that I care - he's a waster lowlife scumbag, : I'd rather be alone than with that sucker!!!) Men, eh? Can't live with 'em, can't legally strangle 'em...

Anyway (ahem - went off on a rant there), I'm not working at the moment due to the childcare issue. However, I have 2 'me-times' where I go out and Jade's dad spends time with her without getting on my nerves. I do an evening of fine art printmaking at college, and I also volunteer one afternoon a week at a charity shop. I love both of them!!

So I'm not rolling in cash, but somehow keeping my head above water by being the queen of budgeting...

And as for my method of mothering, well...I have being put in a category...I'm just doing what works. Jade sleeps in her own room (had to give up co-sleeping because she's FAR too wriggly!) and we breastfeed and cloth diaper... and always have plenty of hugs and kisses!!

Nice to meet you all again!!

[Bonnie]

Newcomer

Hi all. I'd like to introduce myself.

I'm Bonnie. I'm a 37 y/o single mother of a seven year old daughter. While I am still legally married to her father, we've been estranged since I was four months pregnant. I've been a huge fan of Mothering since stumbling across it during pregnancy. I nursed my daughter until she was 4 1/2 y/o. She was in cloth diapers until she decided to wear underwear. Less bulk. We still share a bed. I'm an advocate of attachment parenting. She attends a private school that has an alternative curriculum (a cross between Waldorf and Montessori). I was able to stay home with her until three years ago, when I re-entered the work force and moved out of my marital home into an apartment to begin "anew" closer to her school. Her diet is approximately 90% vegetarian. We do eat chicken, fish (tuna and salmon), and eggs. The chicken and eggs come from a local farm that's run by an Amish family. We patronize the local farmers market and have made many friends in so doing. And we travel out of our neighborhood to support a local market that sells only organic produce. Probably 85-90% of the lifestyle and parenting information in Mothering mirrors my philosophies and practices for raising my daughter. It was a natural progression from the "alternative" lifestyle I'd led prior to becoming a parent.

But all in all I try to keep life simple. In our spare time, which I've had to begin scheduling, we enjoy rollerskating and yoga.

I've tried the dating "thing" but 1) there doesn't seem to be enough time, and 2) it seemed to be a tremendous amount of work. So for now, my search is off. Besides, my daughter is getting to that age where she has to do homework, and I have to be present for that.

I look forward to being a part of this group. Thanks for allowing me to share.
B.

[fire]

Hi I am mom to Teagan 20mths. We've just moved 3hours away from my family and Teagan's father. My parent's , like Teagan's father are alcoholics. I realise they won't change but am clinging to the idea that Teagan's Dad is capable of having some role in his life. He plans to move to this town. I hope to maintain our frienship and still keep my limits intact and clear. By seeing their faults or "inadequecies" I can not ignore my own nor can i disregard the value and good support they do bring to Teagan"s life. I think what is important for me now is to find loving friends dedicated to a whole healthy life fulll of compassion and honesty.

[nurturemama]

thanks for the intro

thanks for your intro. i am a single mommy to zoe who is 7mos old (i guess soon to be single mommy..we are just in the process still living together..arrggh we live in hb. i am trying to find work i can do from home. my daughter is pretty much a high need baby and wont tolerate anyone else caring for her other than me. so daycare is not an option..really even if she was not this way i still would not use it as an option. does anyone have ideas for stay at home work..that gives a real income? i am thinking about a daycare however i live in an small apartment with no yard..so i am still going to talk to more people if it can still be a possibility. i am glad to have found this board. i am with another group that told me about this one...

nurturemama

[Bonnie]

I did daycare while I was home with my daughter. It worked pretty well and I'm very good friends with my former clients and their children. However I would be cautious about considering it as your baby is so young and needs you now. And it is huge disruption to have other children in your space for the majority of the day. What about before and after care. That way you guys would still have the bulk of the day together. And the older children may not be as high maintenance as little ones. As your daughter gets older you can take in a few preschoolers full-time.

Is it possible for you to move in with family for a year or two? Or is there a trusted grandmother-type that you would consider leaving her with while you work part-time?
B.

[nurturemama]

thanks for the reply...good point about the daycare thing. i did not think of that. my family is out of the question..pretty much unless they would let me stay on the couch. have to grandmas within a couple blocks of me..but neither i would really trust with my beauty. one is a practicing alcoholic the other..very detached..as in detachment parenting (i guess). i was thinking of talking to the ladies in my ap playgroup to see if anyone would watch her..i trust them. but she isnt keen on alternative methods of feeding and certaintly not for nap time? ever have this concern? i do not want to put her under any stress..so i am avidly looking for a job that i can do from home (apartment management, virtual assistant, etc.) so hopefully something comes to fruition...

[stella]

another idea for nuturemama

i do childcare in exchange for my housing. i am a live-in nanny and get an apartment with all utilities paid. i was at first doubtful that anyone would want to hire me because i had a child. but in fact it helped me get the job since i am "uniquely qualified." so maybe that is something you could look into. many families who hire live-ins don't need you all day long so you could possibly also have another at-home job to supplement your income.

my dd is now 2, but at 7 months she did not take a bottle (still doesn't) and had only fallen asleep by nursing. i was afraid that i would never be able to leave her with anyone else. but at 18 months she started in a small family daycare, and she napped fine. so do not despair. i think it was a matter of finding the right situation for her (and having the other babies napping all around her helped too!) she still only will nurse to fall asleep if i am there, but if i am not, she can do it herself. i think it is maybe also because i always nursed her to sleep all that time and didn't push her. (does that make sense?)
stella

[Bonnie]

Hang in there. By virtue of your desire to do right by your daughter and your committment, I'm confident that you'll succeed. I wish that I could be of more help with suggestions. For now I'll be pulling for you. Please keep us posted.

Another question for the loop - Has anyone effectively dealt with their child's anger towards them for "taking away their daddy"? My daughter, with the help of some brainwashing from her father, is so angry at me, even though it's been more than two years since we left the marital home. Before that, he was never a father to her. It makes no sense to me and I feel betrayed, hurt and frustrated.
B.

[nurturemama]

job options

thank you bonnie and stella. i will look more into the live in nanny thing. i checked with agencies and they are like no kids with you..so i have been combing the classifieds. i am sure something is bound to turn up. any website suggestions? also..thanks for the input on your child and now at 18 mos that they can fall asleep on their own..yea! i think 18 mos is pretty common for the independence to start sprouting up. another woman i know her daughter also started being more independent at 18 mos...

[fire]

I am also afraid that my son will be angry like his father because I'm not inclined to live with dad. I'm tired and terribly sorry things are not working out. For me it is also true that even when he is around and given his hundredth chance to be withus he shortly backs away. After days of his detachment or disappearance I am the one who is blamed. Althogh it may be difficult at times and equaly as hard to see, each of us make choices that will or will not hold us responsible and loving caring for our child. I am not to blame for their lacking relationship. Looking at it from afar it is plain to see that I am only in charge of my own behavior and unless I am keeping them from seeing each other I am not to blame. If and when I do not wish to spend time myself with ds dad i must trust my own authority over my rights and boundries. And if he's drunk and miserable but wants to be with Teagan? I'm at aloss because I do feel guilty I do feel at fault when choosing not to alow it. I do also feel very discouraged that Teagan and I are at aloss for the support we would surely accept. Confused!
I am. I'm stumbling to find oher friends that I can rely on trust and respect. Now I do take what I can get that is kind and helpful. I 'm working on denying what is not.

[Bonnie]

Fire,

I'm going to post my comments as a new thread. I hope that others will join us as we try to figure this out.
B.