uh ohhh he is starting to bite and pinch me...

[stirringleaf]

any suggestions for how to deter this before its a problem? so far i am ignoring it becuase when i tried to teach him hitting wasnt nice, and that it hurts me, he seemed to mainly extract from the lesson that hitting is a powerful weapon against mommy, guranteed to get her attention.

i have stuck with it though, just telling him to be gentle, etc when he hits, and sometimes he actaully WILL be gentle.

but i am wondering about the ignore and distract tactic with the biting and pinching. usually i can quickly wisk his body away from mine in an emergancy distraction manouver "look! lets see what mommy has in the fridge!" and i have tried not draw attention to it. while hitting can hurt , biting REALLY hurts alot! so i am trying to nip it in the bud, to be punny, lol. (one day when i was doing dishes he walked up and bit me in the thigh! OWIE! --he always looks a little grossed out when he tries to bite me though , i think he doesnt like the sensation of his teeth on my clothes, so i monopolise on that, an sometimes make a "yucky" face when he tries to bite)

yesterday he started absentmindedly pinching me while i read him a book. so pinching isnt an anger thing .....YET, but if he knows it can hurt me i think he might use it!) p.s. he is 18 mos

[SunflowerMama]

Well, I wonder if it is just him trying to get your attention?? Trying out new things? You know like you are doing dishes or something and he just pinches you. I am not saying in anyway that you are not paying attention(just had to say that so it wouldn't be taken the wrong way) Maybe he can't verbalize to you very well. Other than the ignore, distract, and just explaining to him that it hurts...I have nothing else to recommed. Sorry about that. I am sure someone will have other solutions for you to try. I think you are doing a great job! Many parents would just do it back and as we know that doesn't do a thing but confuse them.

[Piglet68]

My DD occasionally bites and/or pinches me. I honestly don't think it has anything to do with emotions, at least for her right now, but rather sensations. I think it feels interesting and neat for her to pinch and poke me. And the biting thing probably just feels really good since she's got teeth coming in.

When she does this, I react by saying "no, we don't bite/hit" in a firm but gentle tone and with a very serious expression on my face (this usually elicits a laugh from her), then if I'm holding her I immediately put her down on the ground (gently but swiftly). If she is still giggling I will actually get up and walk away for a few seconds. If I wasn't holding her I will walk away after saying no, and focus my attention on something else for a second.

She is getting the message that when she does these things, she loses what she craves the most - my touch or presence. She doesn't cry or anything when I do this, in fact she usually laughs. But I can see that it is registering on her face when I put her down and walk away. So I don't feel that it's really a punishment, just a "cause and effect" lesson.

[Tigerchild]

Here's what worked with my daughter and with the toddlers in my classroom as far as pinching and biting *me*.

I never had a kid in my class every try to bite me personally, but Fiona would get very "mouthy" with me, and sometimes still does. What worked for her was me walking away with a firm (and sometimes a bit loud!) "Ouch, that hurts!" at first, and then trying to head her off at the pass. The minute I would feel her teeth starting to come into contact with my skin, I would remind her "kisses, please." I found that saying "no teeth" seemed to prompt her to USE them. Most of the time what was going to be a bite turned into a slobbery kiss with the other prompt. Now, these were exploratory bites, not ones in anger. Those I think you're kind of stuck with repetative correction, and walking away, and trying to figure out the trigger (keeping a journal if necessary). If she was biting out of anger (and I did this with my classroom kids too), I would say "People are not for biting!" And then I would give her a doll or some other toy and say, "When you are mad, bite <object>!" If I knew she was hungry, I would say "People are not for biting. Let's get a snack." Something simple and quick, that I could say every time.

Pinching, in my experience, seems to happen when kids get super excited for one reason or another (good or bad!). When any of my kids, including Fiona, would start to get squeezy-pinchy, if I could I would give them some playdough to pinch, poke, and pull. I'd knead it myself, too, and say, "It feels good to pinch and squeeze that dough!" After being pinched, or catching a pincher, I'd take them to the dough and say, "People are not for pinching. Dough is for pinching!" The idea is to substitute like for like. It *does* feel good to pinch and squeeze playdough or Goop when you're in a pinchy mood!

For real young kids, I've found just 'talking' to them about something doesn't work. They are doing whatever they're doing for a reason, and they need to disperse that energy somehow. Giving them a non-hurtful way of doing it, and providing the verbal dialog that they don't have yet have worked wonders for me.

[stirringleaf]

ohhh i like the idea to tell him to kiss instead! he loves kissing, that makes so much sense. i like everything you were saying about it tigerchild! i simply CANT tell him "dont bite, it hurts" or something because he bites more....cant type alot now..but thanks for the suggestions everyone