grieving my ending marriage

[sweetc]

I don't really need any responses, just wanted a place to put this out there...

My husband and I are splitting up after 11 years and two children together. It is the right thing to do... and I feel some relief. He is moving out this weekend (I'm taking our children to the coast so they don't have to be around when he does). I am sad for both of us (all of us, really) that it couldn't work. And, I am very much grieving all that I wanted my marriage to be and all that it wasn't. There is no pretending any more or hoping, just the loss. And I am surprised by how deep and real it feels because I've known for years that the marriage wasn't meeting my needs and that DH couldn't meet them even if he'd wanted to. Why is it hitting so hard now? I feel like I should be able to deal with this more rationally. I guess the grief that keeps rolling in is a surprise. We've done so much counselling that the anger is gone and now I can feel the sadness that was behind it for both of us. I know that this path will lead to a healthier place for all of us, but it seems harder today than I had imagined and for different reasons than I had thought...

[hvl25]

s

[mamameg]

Hugs mama. I'm so sorry for you pain.

[Blu Razzberri]

Originally Posted by sweetc

...I am surprised by how deep and real it feels because I've known for years that the marriage wasn't meeting my needs and that DH couldn't meet them even if he'd wanted to. Why is it hitting so hard now? I feel like I should be able to deal with this more rationally...

Oh mama. You're having trouble because despite everything, there's still love there somewhere. Also, there's a familliarity after 11 years, and even if it's negative familliarity, it's 'comfortable' because you know. You're faced with being alone, and that's unknown territory to you.

Don't worry, this will pass. Allow yourself to grieve. Don't hide it from your kids, they'll be grieving too. Grieve together and get through it together. In time, your love for your (ex) husband will change into a respect kind of love; and you'll settle into routines with the kids; and being alone won't be so bad. But don't ever be lonely, mama, because we're here whenever you need to talk or vent; cry or celebrate!

I wish you (and the kids) love and light on your journey into a new future.

[debbieh]

[ScooterMama1]

:

[prairiemommy]

No advice, just .

[Genesis]

I'm so sorry.

[kalisis]

s mama. It's so hard, isn't it? The sadness that comes when you realize that all those dreams, hopes, ideas you had for that particular realtionship won't materialize is different than any other sadness I've felt, but it's real and has to be dealt with.

I wish you much love and light and support as you journey through this time of your life.

[Himom]

I'm sorry for the breakup of your marriage...

[StrongSingleMama]

Just wanted to give you some hugs mama.

[Mom4tot]

Thinking of you and the kids this weekend

[SweetTeach]

i'm sorry that you're sad and going through a difficult moment.

[zonapellucida]

so sorry mama

[mangopassion]

I'm so sorry for what you are going through right now. Many many for you, your kiddos, and your husband.

[becoming]

I'm sorry.

[oram]

you're very brave to make such a hard choice. I hope you find all the happiness you deserve be it alone or some day with another partner!

[mnt_mommy]

I've found that grieving a relationship is like grieving for the future.
When you lose a loved one, you grieve the past. all the good times. all the love, the hugs. And then it's gone.
When you lose a relationship, it is like losing the future at the same time your entire life goes into transition. You change your living situation, finances, friends, habits. It's so hard
You have every right to be sad
Keep swimming

[Seie]

Im so sorry
Im in a not so healthy relationship atm - that may end too though I still hope it wont have to. I can only imagine being in your shoes in a near future. And I will be heartbroken too
Sending you lots of warm thoughts. And thoughts to your children who I am sure will miss theird dad tons

[ThundersCry]

This caught my eye and I felt the need to send my hugs as well. Change is difficult, and scary, and takes your breathe away. When love and reality have two different plans, it hurts a lot too. I will be thinking of you while you go through this difficult/liberating/emotionally challenging (to say the least) time.