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The things people say - Page 9

post #161 of 169
Quote:
Careful, there. I have an actual career, too, but they pay me like it's a paper route. (I work for the state.)
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And I'm a full time grad student living on a TA stipend. Financially, a paper route would be a step up for me
post #162 of 169
Quote:
Originally Posted by DRJ View Post
I used to get irritated when other moms would give me sage advice like, "You kow, if you don't make at least $30K ayear, it's not worth working because your paycheck gets eaten up by daycare, drycleaning, commuting, etc." Um, I think I've got that covered. I have an actual career here, not a paper route.
Isn't it funny how we respond differently to different things? I interpreted this comment as saying that there were other reasons to work than how much the mother makes, and that one of those was that it's harder to leave a particular career and come back, and one may be willing to make less than the cost of daycare, drycleaning, etc to maintain continuity in a career. Thus, different than a paper route, which is easy to leave and come back to. Maybe DRJ will come back and clarify.

These types of comments do really bother me, because they put the responsibility of childcare costs on the mother, instead of on the family unit. What they are really saying is that child care is the responsibility of only one person in the realtionship, and if they aren't able to pay for childcare, right now, then they shouldn't work. It ignores career growth, and any potential income growth in the future. In addition, it reduces WOHM to a purely financial decision, which we all know it isn't. Applying this logic, most women wouldn't go to school, because being in school is usually a zero or negative income situation.
post #163 of 169
Quote:
Originally Posted by rinnerin View Post
These types of comments do really bother me, because they put the responsibility of childcare costs on the mother, instead of on the family unit. What they are really saying is that child care is the responsibility of only one person in the realtionship, and if they aren't able to pay for childcare, right now, then they shouldn't work. It ignores career growth, and any potential income growth in the future. In addition, it reduces WOHM to a purely financial decision, which we all know it isn't. Applying this logic, most women wouldn't go to school, because being in school is usually a zero or negative income situation.
Excellent points! I hate it when people reduce a woman's career path to simply a money thing. It's so much more than that in the long run and your points about career growth and school are really valid. If I'd followed that line of thinking as a single mom at 19, I'd still be living on welfare at 30 and those same people would probably be talking smack about my "laziness and living off the system".

A good career takes long term investment, usually, whether it be time or money or both.
post #164 of 169
Quote:
Originally Posted by rinnerin View Post
These types of comments do really bother me, because they put the responsibility of childcare costs on the mother, instead of on the family unit. What they are really saying is that child care is the responsibility of only one person in the realtionship, and if they aren't able to pay for childcare, right now, then they shouldn't work. It ignores career growth, and any potential income growth in the future. In addition, it reduces WOHM to a purely financial decision, which we all know it isn't. Applying this logic, most women wouldn't go to school, because being in school is usually a zero or negative income situation.
This is what bothered me about my mom's comments concerning my time spent doing theater. I think of that time as an apprenticeship -- I've gained very valuable experience on my own schedule over the past 7 years, and have both the skills and the resume to pursue work that I want when I decide to do it. For my mom to imply that my time was wasted or the experience without value because it didn't come with a paycheck (or a significant one) is degrading. And of course, she was essentially saying that if I wasn't going to be home anyway (which is a whole other discussion, considering exactly how much time I am at home), then *any* old job that paid would be more valuable to me than pursuing my lifelong passion.

I hate that argument about school, too. There is still an underlying idea that the only people who should pursue higher education are those who are going to use it immediately, and without interruption. Otherwise, it's "wasted".
post #165 of 169
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Originally Posted by theatermom View Post
I hate that argument about school, too. There is still an underlying idea that the only people who should pursue higher education are those who are going to use it immediately, and without interruption. Otherwise, it's "wasted".
Ok first, I have such warm fuzzies from being quoted by both you and Woobysma.

Second, I heartily agree with the "wasted education" point you make here. I hate those comments. Although I have to admit that I feel that way about my education, but that's because I am paying for it (and will be for a very long time). I think the value judgment on what someone has done with their education should be up to the individual. If someone else said that to me, heads would roll.
post #166 of 169
People use the "wasted education" line against SAHMs all the time. I think it's really ridiculous to say that. :
post #167 of 169
Quote:
Originally Posted by rinnerin View Post
These types of comments do really bother me, because they put the responsibility of childcare costs on the mother, instead of on the family unit. What they are really saying is that child care is the responsibility of only one person in the realtionship, and if they aren't able to pay for childcare, right now, then they shouldn't work. It ignores career growth, and any potential income growth in the future. In addition, it reduces WOHM to a purely financial decision, which we all know it isn't. Applying this logic, most women wouldn't go to school, because being in school is usually a zero or negative income situation.
THIS is exactly WHY I don't want to SAH this year! But, alas, we all do what we must . . .
post #168 of 169
Quote:
Originally Posted by leewd View Post
THIS is exactly WHY I don't want to SAH this year! But, alas, we all do what we must . . .


I honestly don't know what we will do when babe #2 comes. I talk a big game now, but when it comes time to pay for daycare for an infant, I will have a very tough decision to make. But I resent the judgment of others on mine and DHs choices.
The cost of daycare is enough for a whole 'nother thread.

ETA: I just realized the spacing of your LOs, wow you must be a very busy mama. And I love their names.
post #169 of 169
Quote:
Originally Posted by rinnerin View Post
ETA: I just realized the spacing of your LOs, wow you must be a very busy mama. And I love their names.
And we finally figured out what causes it! DH is getting that fixed next month.
Thanks, I love their names too. Alex is actually Alexis and Cori is Cordelia.
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