4 year old dinner time

[franniepope]

I always swore I'd never cook different meals for my children. "They eat what we eat". But the reality is my husband and I eat fish and salad 4 to 5 days a week and I can't expect my kids to eat that. So they get a healthy alternative. BUT what do I do when they sit down and refuse to eat the meal. Let me just say I never make something I KNOW they don't like. If it's chicken, rice and broccoli they may decide tonight they would rather have Mac and Cheese. I have gotten in the habit of saying have a few bites of the meal I made you then I will prepare what you want and basically l end up cooking 3 sometimes 4 meals. My 7 year old is more easy going and more willing to eat whats in front of him but the 4 year old is VERY picky. THey eat well balanced (realitively speaking) meals but...when I was young I always loved what my mom made and it never occured to me to complain about dinner. I'm sure that's because I know it wouldn't have done any damn good!

HERE"S MY QUESTION: Has anyone out there stuck to their guns and said if you don't like what's for dinner I'm sorry I'll make your choice tomorrow but tonight this is what your having and if you don't want to eat then ......to bad????? I keep reading in Parenting books that kids will eat if hungry enough and one shouldn't let them dictate the menu (once it's prepared). BUT in reality I haven't met a parent who actually does that and had it work. Please advise. Thanks, Frannie----mom to 2 boys. 4 and 7

[JessicaS]

My grandma cooked different meals according to her kid's taste.

She ended up with thirty year olds who still had to have their own seperate meals.

If they don't like something, they can have a sandwich. I am not cooking five different meals just because of pickiness. If it was food sensory issues or allergies that would be different but my uncles are now in thier 40-50s and still have obnoxious eating habits.

You might have the youngest checked for allergies but if it isn't anything beyond pickiness then I wouldn't cook extra.

[mammal_mama]

My girls don't eat full-course meals all at one time, anyway. So if one or the other doesn't like our meal, she might have a bowl of cereal, some other leftover food, some scrambled eggs, a sandwich ...

I'm puzzled as to how the children of abimommy's grandma developed "obnoxious eating habits" just because they got to eat what they wanted. Seems like there was something more to it than that. I say this because my own 7yo knows that when she's visiting someone else, she eats what they're serving (or says "No, thank you"), and doesn't request that her friends' moms do what I do.

[LilyGrace]

I think it's hard to find that balance between individual wants and family needs in this area. On one hand, you don't want to force them to eat something they really don't like, on the other, you don't want to cook all night.

What about creating a weekly menu together? Grab some kids' cookbooks, a laminated day sheet and a black marker. Let each person pick a meal and sides, then the remaining days can either be surprise, a combination (one kid picks main, other picks sides), or parent picks.

It's a great way to help them eat healthily and be part of the process, while at the same time giving you a way to say 'no' easily to short order meals.

[crazydiamond]

My first thought was. . "What's wrong with fish and salad?" You say you can't expect them to eat that -- why not? My DD is 2.5 and most certainly does eat fish and salad when we have it. She doesn't care for the lettuce too much, but will eat all the other veggies in it. And she loves fish, btw.

So I really do think that you've already opened the door to cooking something different when you make them an alternate meal. But, I'm assuming that you're willing to do that otherwise you wouldn't have started. If they don't like the alternate meal, then I'd offer an easy snack (peanut butter sandwhch, yogurt, applesauce, cereal, etc). I'm not cooking again. My DD fully understands that and she accepts it.

[Alyantavid]

I was doing that too. We have fish at least once a week and I knew my kids probably didn't like it so I made them fish sticks (homemade). I finally decided enough. I ate what was made growing up and while I didn't like all of it, that's what it was. So our family New Year's resolution is that we make one meal and that's it. My kids are definitely involved in the meal planning and I always make at least 1 side that I know they like.

We're on day 3 now. The first day was salmon, roasted potatoes, stir fried veggies and pasta. They both tried the salmon for the first time and liked it. They love the potatoes and pasta and ate a bite each of the veggies. Last night was steak, fries and salad. And they both ate again and decided they really did like it. I haven't had a complaint yet about what's been served. I'm sure they'll come up, but I gave my kids lots of warning this would be happening. I really do try to take their likes into consideration. Friday, for example, we're having chicken nuggets and fries (all homemade) because its something they like and I don't want them to think of dinner as being yucky stuff they kind of tolerate.

[WuWei]

I cook what ds likes to eat. I ask him what he wants. Same with dh. Same for me.


Pat

[Twocoolboys]

Originally Posted by franniepope

I keep reading in Parenting books that kids will eat if hungry enough and one shouldn't let them dictate the menu (once it's prepared). BUT in reality I haven't met a parent who actually does that and had it work. Please advise. Thanks, Frannie----mom to 2 boys. 4 and 7

It works in my house. I would NEVER prepare another whole meal like that, not even if it was something quick and easy like mac and cheese. My boys are 3 and 8, so they are right around your boys' age. If they don't like what we are having, which happens often with my 8 year old, he is welcome to help himself to some fruit or yogurt, make himself a pizza bagel or whatever, as long as it is a healthy alternative.

My 3 year old is not that picky, but there are nights when he doesn't eat much and then he just has a snack later. The snack is not something that I prepare, but always something easy and healthy, like fruit.

[Jessy1019]

Originally Posted by abimommy

My grandma cooked different meals according to her kid's taste.

She ended up with thirty year olds who still had to have their own seperate meals.

Replace grandma with partner's mother, and I would have to say

My kids aren't picky, but what I generally do is make sure that I am serving at least one thing that they will be happy to eat, and then ask them to at least take a couple bites of anything else. Usually, the thing they like most is the vegetable, and I don't really care if dd makes a whole meal of spinach, you know?

[chfriend]

It seems like one of the big lessons of parenting that you end up doing what you swore you would never do.

The solution to mealtime conflict at our house was to talk alot about what people want to eat. My 7 and 3 year old often help prepare the food we eat, so they can chime in as it's being prepared. There are always foods on the table that each person enjoys.

We really enjoy eating together as a family.

[artgoddess]

My son is a very picky eater. We have the rule of "you have to taste". Which means if he takes one bite full of what i make and he doesn't like it then he doesn't have to eat any more. I'd say at least 80% of the time or more he likes whatever it is I have made. It's the first bite that can be a bit of a struggle. Sometimes we have something he likes, but he'll say "I don't feel like chicken, I want XYZ." and then it's just too bad. We are having chicken and rice for dinner tonight. I won't clear his plate and often he will eat an hour after dinner is done. If not I will give him some yogurt and apple slices later so he doesn't go to be hungry. But i don't make him his own meal, and I don't get him apple slices and yogurt when we are eating family dinner.

[JBaxter]

I cook what the majoritiy of the family likes. I do usually a meat veggie & starch ( or 2 veggies). I will warm up a left over but I dont make a special meal for anyone.

[UnschoolnMa]

Originally Posted by WuWei

I cook what ds likes to eat. I ask him what he wants. Same with dh. Same for me.

Same here pretty much. We try to keep it pretty simple around here. There are usually lots of easily prepared options if someone wants something else. Outside of there literally being no other food choices available to us I would never tell my child "This is what's for dinner. Eat it or do without." I think it's disrespectful.

[NaomiLorelie]

IMO, fish and salad isn't a stretch for most kids if they are used to it. I must admit though, even I would have a hard time with it 5 nights a week. All my kids enjoy fish, even my 16 mo likes a few scallops and salmon.

I never make anything extra, although if I am making something I know any of my kids don't like I will provide an alternative. Other than that, they snack plenty throughout the day, They won't starve if they don't eat dinner.

[Rivka5]

If my 2.5-year-old doesn't want the dinner I've prepared, she can have bread and butter or a slice of deli meat. I don't cook separately for her, but neither do I expect her to go hungry. I do plan meals with an eye towards what she usually likes, but at this age her tastes are very capricious indeed.

If she were hungry at bedtime after refusing to eat her supper I would offer her some cereal or a bagel with cream cheese or yogurt or something similarly easy to prepare.

I don't think it's disrespectful to refuse to prepare multiple meals.

[UnschoolnMa]

Originally Posted by Rivka5

I don't think it's disrespectful to refuse to prepare multiple meals.

I think folks might be imagining different scenarios with the words "prepare" and "meal". For me it's not a huge deal to make a fast plate of crackers, fruit, a yogurt for a wee one. Or maybe to pop a tortilla in the microwave and put some beans or salsa in it. Putting some jelly or nut butter on toast... This is technically preparing something but it's just a few minutes at most really. Also, the older the kid the less that most of this matters as they can get their own things.

I doubt I would want to make a long, involved multiple dish meal for each member of the family. It's never really gone down that way though.

[mamatoablessing]

Originally Posted by Rivka5

If my 2.5-year-old doesn't want the dinner I've prepared, she can have bread and butter or a slice of deli meat. I don't cook separately for her, but neither do I expect her to go hungry. I do plan meals with an eye towards what she usually likes, but at this age her tastes are very capricious indeed.

If she were hungry at bedtime after refusing to eat her supper I would offer her some cereal or a bagel with cream cheese or yogurt or something similarly easy to prepare.

I don't think it's disrespectful to refuse to prepare multiple meals.

My thoughts exactly. And I do ask my 3yo to at least take one bite of everything on her plate before getting something else (i.e. a slice of ham, yogurt or cheese and crackers). Luckily both my kids like veggies but my 3yo does get picky about her meat.

[~Megan~]

I don't change the menu for the 2 or 5 yr old. I figure they will make it up with snacks. I don't cook seperate meals though.

[mistymama]

Well my point of view may be skewed. My 5 year old has sensory issues and was beyond a picky eater, he lived off PediaSure.

Right before his 5th b'day he finally decided to start eating and I'm soo thankful. That said, he still gets different meals from us. DF and I like spicy food and DS, while he eats now, is still pretty picky.

So I ask him what he wants for dinner and make him a seperate meal each night. But whatever I make him, that's it. If he does not eat much of it he's welcome to have a snack later, like an apple or yogurt, but I wont cook a whole other meal. It works well.

Last night we did homemade pizzas and he didn't eat much of his, ended up eating an apple and some milk. But I sent it in his lunch to school today and he ate every bit of it. I never force him (I don't want food to become a battle or issue) but I also wont overly cater to his needs.

So I guess i'm in the camp of people who do cook seperate meals for their kid, but that meal is it .. I'm not a short order cook.

[Hannahsmummy]

There is absolutely no way that I would make a different meal for my daughter, she's 4.5. We eat as a family at the table and we all eat the same thing. From the time that she started to eat solids she has eaten the same food as us. My daughter doesn't have to eat if she chooses not to though that never happens.

That said, I always consult my daughter as to what she'd like to eat and we prepare our meals together. I wouldn't make a meal that I knew other people in my family don't like. She has been raised to enjoy, understand and respect food.

I am lucky that this has resulted in a child who loves food and cooking.