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I think I've sprung a leak. - Page 9

post #161 of 393
Hi, former lurker : here, just wanted to let you know that you are great! Good job keeping that baby cooking. We're all rooting for you! (And in two weeks the baby will be rooting for you--haha!--in the breastfeeding sense!):
post #162 of 393
You're doing great!
post #163 of 393
Thread Starter 
I had a mostly sad and crappy day... feeling a little sorry for myself I guess, trumped by arguments with dh. I just sent him home. I don't see the point in him being here really. He can't do a thing for me, and I obviously don't do a thing for him.

The GOOD news is. I'm still pregnant!

Oh, and a friend of mine came and did THIS for me. That made me happ...ier...

I'm holding tight... now if the baby will stay as long (or longer) as the henna upon my belly!!!
post #164 of 393
you're probably getting depressed without sunshine and fresh air and exercise, not to mention the hospital environment. that's my guess.

Are you taking lots of vitamins and herbs? I'd recomend vitamin E to seal up that bag of water, and nettles for an extra boost.

post #165 of 393
Oooh!!! The henna belly is gorgeous!

You know, dps can be real a-holes sometimes when their pregnant dp is on bedrest. Seriously, 99% of women on bedrest experience this. Not saying it's okay at all just that you're not alone. I think there's something to it where they are used to you being so independent and in control and healthy that they react very badly to you "just" laying there all day. Really though, no work is harder than having to stay down and worrying sick about your little one 24/7, you know? Try to get support elsewhere if you can and try not to let him get you down too much.

So glad to hear you're still pregnant. You're doing awesome. I'm thinking it would be perfect if baby stayed in until the henna is totally faded. It usually takes a couple weeks, right? How are your fluids today? Are you finding things to occupy you? Do you enjoy reading and want some book recommendations?

post #166 of 393
You're doing so well!!

Trust your body. Even with everything that happened with my daughter, I'm okay with (most of) it because I KNEW I needed the help. I listened to my body and it said GET HELP! or YOU'RE OKAY! Trust your body to tell you what's going on

Just wanted to offer some encouragment. My daughter was 33w3d and only had 8 days NICU. My son was 34w6d and needed no NICU time. In fact, he peed allllllll over the NICU docs to tell them what he thought of them

You're doing so well taking all the hospital time in stride. Most people get so angry and frustrated, I had many a fight with my hubby because I felt so FRUSTRATED!

I spent 3 months on bedrest at home with my son (up to use the bathroom only, but I had home food not hospital food). It was rough, but worth it. My brother ran a cable to my bedroom so I could use the internet on my laptop so I didn't feel so isolated.

Here's to hoping you stay pregnant a while longer and go home to birth your little one just like you planned
post #167 of 393
Julie, I just wanted to let you know that I'm still lurking, still care, and still hoping that you wind up with a 36-weeker who is as mature as my 36 weeker. After getting him into the sling and remembering his siblings' first days a bit more clearly, I honestly don't think that he is any less ready to be earthside than they were at 40 weeks. The doll I saved all these years because its head is the same size ds1's was when he was born (at about 40 weeks and 6 lbs) is positively tiny compared to this baby.

One thing we have going for us is our age: yes, we are at a slightly higher risk of preterm labour, but on the positive side, it is normal for our cycles to become shorter as we get older (not sure if this has been the case for you or not) and therefore for our kiddos to take less time to cook.

That makes sense to me, anyway, as I sit here looking at my youngest newborn who is probably also my largest.

Lots of love going out to you and your littlest daughter and hoping that you and Mark make it through this okay and become even stronger for the experience. I know he isn't what you need right now, but this is an awful lot for such a young man to have to deal with so sometimes we have to get our support from other people than our partners. Please don't be afraid to reach out to us, Bayleigh, or other irl friends.

Untraditional families rock!

post #168 of 393
Oh, the belly is just GORGEOUS

I think of you every day and send all of my love and STAY IN, BABY! vibes
post #169 of 393
Thread Starter 
You guys are so awesome.

Great words. Great Advice. Great support.

The NST nearly put me over the edge today. I just don't see how monitoring this baby for one hour a day, with me in a really uncomfortable position, stressed out about "meeting the criteria" is REALLY helpful. I don't see how it can tell them whether or not my baby is healthy or in "trouble". I don't see how it's helpful at all. I kind of think that she's either ok, or she's not and how is ONE HOUR out of TWENTY FOUR going to prevent anything from happening to her. Although it's preventing ME from being at peace. They check her with the doppler every four hours. TELL ME how that is going to prevent a stillbirth? TELL ME how that is going to keep her inside me for another couple of weeks? (she still offers no threats of impending labor) TELL me how that tells ANYBODY ANYTHING except that her heart is beating at that very moment???

I get 24/7 feedback from this baby. She squiggles, she moves, she rolls ALL the way over from one side to the other. She's head down and stays that way. She gets hiccups. She's obviously peeing and practicing breathing. I see it, I feel it and I SMELL her every single time I change my pad. (20 times a day) The water flows and flows from me, and I drink and drink and drink...The amniotic fluid SMELLS like my baby, sweet and new... just like babies smell. I can't hold her yet, but there she is. That, to me, is better than an NST every 24 hrs. BETTER than hearing a heartbeat every 4 hours... am I insane?

I can't say I want to go HOME yet, as I don't have the support there that I really need at 33.5 weeks... but I don't want to submit to the machines anymore. They are not helping. I just wonder what "they" are going to say to me tomorrow when I refuse anymore NST's... "I'll lay here in this bed for 2 more weeks, but I will do NOTHING more."
That thought actually made me laugh a little. Does a hospital kick you out if you quit playing nice?
NST's and ultrasounds don't guarantee me a happy ending. NOTHING does. I understand this completely. I'm kind of tired of them LOOKING for something "wrong" when in fact... nothing really feels "wrong" here. What was wrong, was righted by my water breaking at all... It put me where I needed to be... resting and contemplating and making peace with my body. I'd like to spend the rest of my unknown time I'm going to be pregnant at peace... not constantly worried about what numbers I'm gonna get today, or what "they" are going to find "wrong".

Again, thanks to you all. I'm grateful to have you all cheering me on. I know I'll manage thru this... I always do... the name phoenix didn't just happen.

Yes, I like the henna... it's lovely. I hope it darkens up now that it's dried and peeled off. Nothing like a lotus to give me more things to contemplate.
post #170 of 393
I absolutely LOVE your beautiful henna belly!!! mamma--hang in there and trust your body. I totally rock that you are refusing your NST's!!! YOU and ONLY YOU know when your baby and your body are alright. Prayers going your way for a tight cervix, healthy baby, and more support/love from DH.
post #171 of 393
HUGS!!! Your doing so much better than I would be doing. I'd be begging them to send me home by now for sure! Keep up the good work and trust your instincts about the NST. Only you can know what's right for you and your baby!

Were all here chearing you on!!!! I love the HENA!!! It's beautiful!! I've been wanting to get some done on my belly too!!!
post #172 of 393

Have you read Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth by Henci Goer? I don't know if she's still actively on-line, but 6 years ago I emailed her when I was pushed towards an induction, and she was absolutely wonderful and emailed me some chapters of her book, as at that time I couldn't get it fast enough. Here is her address.

She specifically advices against the NSTs, exactly for the reasons you mention above.

Trust your body and your little one. You are phenomenal. You are doing great.
post #173 of 393
just to add--when I told my OB 6 years ago that i wouldn't do a NST at 41 weeks "just in case" I was told I didn't fit under their standard of care and they wouldn't be able to see me. (I went into labour at 41 weeks, so I don't know how this wouold have ended.; it was also in Canada)

I'd try Henci and see if she might arm you with some info on legalities and what not.

The rate of false positive is pretty high for a NST, and the results are open for interpretation. If they are determined to do a section at 34 weeks, they might be inclined to different interpretations if the results are borderline, even if not intentionally--out of habit.

Wishing you strength, and lots of good luck.
post #174 of 393
Mama - I feel you needing some support & wish there was something I could do for you You are doing such a good thing for your baby. You are excersing in bed, drinking like crazy, trying to maintain a good attitude, not submitting to interventions....this dc is lucky to have you. Trust me, your attitude has gone a long way with keep this little one on the inside. I hope this next week will be peaceful & fast for you & that soon you will be at home waiting for this babe to make her entrance
post #175 of 393
Hey there salt_phoenix--just a new lurker here who thinks you are AWESOME!!!

Follow your instinct--listen to your gut and your baby. Don't let that waver--you know her better than anybody. Remember how useless a lot of these tests are, and how little they really tell you about what's going on.

It's so hard being in a hospital under these circumstances, and I know how bullying the staff/doctors/nurses can be. Hey, it happened to me with my first birth. You are doing so excellently and really keeping your head in a difficult situation.

Your henna belly is gorgeous! Hang in there mama, you're doing the right thing! Looking forward to hearing your updates!
post #176 of 393
Thinking about you today Julie!
post #177 of 393
Lurker de-lurking to let you know that I am thinking of you and know that you can do this.

Your henna belly is LOVELY and I wish you peace and light.
post #178 of 393
Un-lurking to say your belly henna looks awesome!
Hang in there your doing great!
post #179 of 393
Thread Starter 
MLK day update!
Refused the NST today... thanks MM for the recommendation to write Henci. She was very helpful, and I did find some info online that turns out I didn't even need to bust out. They didn't try to argue at all or push me any farther than the initial, "if you don't do these, we might miss some important, crucial information." lecture... Even with that, I can see how sooooo many mamas end up caving to the pressure. The resident asked me, "so now, when you make it to 36 weeks, you are planning on going home, right?"
Me: "yes, if I go that long without labor."
It was almost as if she didn't even try after that.

I found some numbers I can live with in "Managment of High Risk Pregnancy: An Evidence Based Approach"

A test that is only accurate half the time isn't really accurate in my eyes... and the outcomes just aren't that bad if they ARE correct... nevermind what it can LEAD to if I believe a negative result...

Overall it's been a good day. My spirits are on the mend. I've had very little leaking today and my uterus feels full and bloated. Leh beh beh is busy as ever. I'll take that as a good sign. I got my weekly urine check for infections (no news is good news) and a weight check (I'm back up the lbs. I lost last week)
All is well.
post #180 of 393
I'm so proud of you! Way to go mama- way to stand up for yourself, your baby and your sanity!

I'm so glad they're not hassling you about the nst and about your plan to go home at 36 weeks. I hope that they are staring to see, at least a little bit, the benefits of a more natural approach.

You're amazing. Hang in there!
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