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I think I've sprung a leak. - Page 13

post #241 of 393
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by greenmom4 View Post
I've never known such strength, and I consider the hospital you're in lucky to have you there
I'll say it again... 4 planets in Taurus, and I'm not sure if it's a blessing or a curse.

The thing about a teaching hospital, (and previously planning a homebirth with CPM's) is that I see A LOT of different docs... Probably three different ones each day... some I've seen only once, some a few times... a couple of them I am CURSED with. I have to "explain" myself almost each and every time. I do a LOT of explaining things from my point of view...
"WHY are you refusing XYZ?"
"WHY won't you be induced at 34 weeks?"
"WHY won't you agree to an NST, they are NOTHING really."
"WHY won't you take this drug, that therapy, this advice?"
I get a LOT of "well, our research has shown" 's... a LOT of those. :
and "You REALIZE that (fill in EVERY worst case scenario here) can happen?"

I won't say it's EASY... but so far, it's been worth it?
I'd like to say that happy ending or no happy ending, it will have been worth it, but I don't know what it will be like once all of this is said and done. I know it's hard... I also know what feels "right". Now just because it feels "right" though, doesn't mean I'm guaranteed a "happy ending". All I am guaranteed is that I am retaining my own power. I've made my own choices, and so far, they have kept me sane. No one here can guarantee me anything, so all I can do is do it MY way, the best way I can.

I've been told things like: "well, we don't agree, but we aren't going to take you to court."
and:
"you are quite the troublemaker."
and:
"well, women did it that way for a long time before we started doing it this way. it wouldn't surprise me to see it return to that eventually."

The most recent perinatologist that I saw is one I saw 10 years ago for a few of my 2nd trimester losses, and he did my D&C's... He talked to me for a while today and then asked me some questions and then felt my belly and said to me, "well, you seem fine to me!" and left.

One of my "curses" docs, a young one, has tried to get me to do EVERYTHING:
internal exams at the drop of a hat, daily NST's, HEAVY medications instead of tylenol for a simple headache, induction induction INDUCTION!!!(every day since i hit 34 weeks) she refused me a heating pad for my backache, I can't even remember what all it has been with her, and MOST recently... as of 30 minutes ago and a LONG conversation with her about "WHY won't you be induced?" and "well, will you READ our research?" (like I haven't read a TON of research) She asked my WHY oh WHY won't you be induced? I proceeded to tell her that if everything is going well, and my baby doesn't want to be born at 34 weeks, who am I to FORCE her out with a drug like pitocin? She's obviously not ready. She's also not in danger, I don't believe. WHY would I want to do that to me, to her, to OUR birth? I told her of my fears of pitocin, my fears of that leading to epidural, and THAT leading to an un-neccessarian... You know what she says to me?
"well, we could use OTHER drugs besides pitocin.... we could use CYTOTEC."
I told her that cytotec was the LAST thing I was going to be putting into my body at this stage in the game. I actually laughed when she said "cytotec".
Now mind you, she has NEVER at any point been a b!3*h to me, or rude, but she has most certainly been... persistant.
She wanted to know why I am staying in the hospital then, if I refuse any and all medical treatment... I told her:
"I live an hour away from the hospital in a VERY rural area (no neighbors for a couple of miles). I spend 10-12 hrs. a day HOME ALONE. IF something were to happen, I do not feel comfortable at this stage (and especially not from 31 weeks) to be in that situation and have a fast or problematic birth. I wanted to be close enough to a NICU that I KNEW my baby would get the best care possible, if she chose to come early and needed the help. And that at 36 weeks, the fear of potentially delivering fast and/or alone doesn't nearly frighten me as much, because then the chance of my baby having "trouble" (respiratory distress) drops to 2%.
I think it surprised her that I WAS in fact, here for LOGICAL SAFETY REASONS. She doesn't realize that my refusal of most things medical are ALSO for reasons of SAFETY... Because to her, INTERVENTION=SAFEST. To me, it's just not that simple.
No, most people would have caved to SOMETHING at this point... am i a fool? time will tell... i am NOT a research paper tho, this i know... I'm not a statistic, I am not another number.
I'm all for "modern medicine" and I find it absolutely fascinating the things we can do and the people we can save... when it is NECESSARY. I am NOT for "modern medicine" JUST BECAUSE WE HAVE IT. I am not for Medicine in the name of $$$$$$$$$$$$ NO treatment is too expensive if you need it, and NO treatment can be GIVEN to me just because it's free or "protocol". EVERY case should be looked at as it's own... most women go into labor when they have pPROM within 4 days... 96% of them. I'm not one of them. MOST women will "let them" induce them when they reach 34 weeks... I'm not MOST women. How many, I mean REALLY how many women do they "research" that are going a more natural route? My guess is NONE OF THEM. My guess is that of the women that DO have really bad outcomes (maternal or fetal death after pPROM that do not get induced at 34 weeks) have some other factors involved... I DON'T KNOW. I might be one of those women someday... I DON'T KNOW.
I do know that they see the medical side of it ALWAYS... they have probably NEVER seen the natural approach in their studies and research... and I do mean NEVER... they don't hear about the women who stay home and deliver at term JUST FINE. (even at 32/33/34/35/36 weeks) They don't SEE women refuse tests. They don't SEE women refuse "doctors recommendations". They see WORST CASE SCENARIOS from frightened women who eventually cave.
I refuse to look that hard to find "WHAT'S WRONG?"... I'd rather, instead, focus on "WHAT'S RIGHT?"
I am not here to "change their opinion" of natural pregnancy and birth. I don't think that "ONE LUCKY CASE" is going to make them see anything differently. I am, however, pretty sure, that if it turns out "bad" that it will go down as one of their statistics to support their interventions. Which is a shame. They do and always will rely on "research" and "statistics" to base their decisions on... I think it will be a cold day in hell before they integrate the magick of nature with the useful technology they have access to. I'm not here to promote anything or sway anyone. I'm here for my baby's safety. IF and I do say IF I make it to 36 weeks. I'm going home...

UNLESS there is some feeling or reason I feel I should not.

Ok, that was a little wordy, but yeah... that's what I think... and no it's not easy.
post #242 of 393
Julie I just gave birth to my sixth child a week ago, an unplanned assisted hospital birth due to malpresentation (resolved, and she was born about a minute after we got to the hosp.)

I don't think they had EVER seen anyone like me there. We refused EVERYTHING and left "AMA" about 4 hours after she was born. I roll my eyes because of course we planned to never be there at all!

Here's a brief version of it: http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=833892

You keep your power of NO, mama. You can do it!
post #243 of 393
Quote:
Originally Posted by salt_phoenix View Post
"well, will you READ our research?" (like I haven't read a TON of research)
Well, I'm weird, but I'd say "Sure! Bring it to me." Then I'd read it, and explain why it's not applicable, or inconclusive, or poorly controlled, or whatever. (I'd also poke around Google Scholar for research that supports my course of action.)

The truth is, doctors don't usually know how to interpret research. This is not something they really spend time on in school. I think it's one of the reasons modern medical care is floundering so badly... we've always trained doctors by trying to pack into their brains EVERYTHING we can think of about the human body and its pathology, but these days "what we know" changes so rapidly that the curriculum can't even keep up, much less the doctors in the field. We'd benefit greatly by spending less time teaching "This condition -> that treatment" and instead, teaching research skills, critical thinking and interpretation, etc.

Sorry to just jump in with that ;-) been following your story, and I'm glad they're not threatening legal action etc. on you! Good luck, mama!
post #244 of 393
whew you are really hanging in there and teaching alot too---

when DH was in the hospital droves of students were swamping me-- after about the 5th time I repeated the story and info- I said who are you and why am I repeating this to you? is there no continuity of care here? and the traffic really slowed down after that-- some are just out fishing for experience, they need to do any and all of the procedures and so are going to be asking not so much for your and yours but to get that learning opportunity --- so good and bad you have some docs that keep coming back because you do want someone who keeps track from day to day

so how are you feeling? how has the food worked out?

take care
post #245 of 393
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by mwherbs View Post
so how are you feeling? how has the food worked out?
I feel just great & the food is good, (i get choices and can ask for specifics) it's just getting somewhat repetitive. I have the occasional outside meal brought in, and this is such a huge complex I am in, we can take one of the tunnels to one of the other hospitals with other food.
post #246 of 393
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by feebeeglee View Post
Here's a brief version of it: http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=833892
You keep your power of NO, mama. You can do it!
OH! I read that story a day or so ago! WAY TO GO!!!
It IS rather unnerving for them, I think. They honestly believe I haven't thought about the "what if's"... 'til we have a convo... they still don't like it, but at least they realize I HAVE given consideration to the "possibilities".

Speaking of malpresentation: After all this bloody show and contrations without active labor... I've wondered myself if there is "something" holding her up... I've alternated between "she just needs more time, and in the MEANTIME my body is getting SO READY."
and
"maybe she needs more re-arranging." Maybe her head is engaged, but she's got her arms out to the sides like a tantrum throwing toddler attempting to hold itself in a doorway while you drag them away.
She's DEFINITELY head down, but past that...
I honestly don't know what is holding her in at this point.
I keep reminding myself that she's "only" 34.5 weeks... even tho my BODY is pretty ready to toss her out, she's just not ready to leave.

thanks mamas for your support in my unconventional ways
post #247 of 393
Holy cannoli. Cytotec? Honestly....

Trust your heart. And go get a good trashy novel, dive in, and escape.

And know that we all are sending you virtual hugs.
post #248 of 393
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ironica View Post
Well, I'm weird, but I'd say "Sure! Bring it to me." Then I'd read it, and explain why it's not applicable, or inconclusive, or poorly controlled, or whatever. (I'd also poke around Google Scholar for research that supports my course of action.)
I'd totally do the same thing...here's to being a total nerd!

Julie, you are right that you won't be changing their minds on anything but...maybe it will be a bit easier for the next natural-birthing mama they encounter. Maybe next time they encounter someone who doesn't want their baby drug out of them they'll remember that crazy mama and how well it worked out for her
post #249 of 393
I just love your explanation of what the docs have been putting you through, gives me a much better idea of what in reality each day you go through. I'd love to hear more...when ever you have time.
post #250 of 393
Thread Starter 
Well, today is the day. I'm sitting in L&D... still pretty mellow, but I'm here.

I have JUST NOW been told I am GBS+ after being tested 3.5 weeks ago and thinking the entire time I've been here that I was clear.

I have refused abx so far, any advice or experience is appreciated!!! If I'm not able (I'm still in good shape and just killing time atm) then I'll have dh get on and see some answers.

I've been told I can't eat anything but clear fluids.
dh went and got me a sandwich.

wish me luck mamas... i told dh that if they pissed me off too bad, i'd go deliver in the car in the parking lot and then rush the baby up if she needed help. (let's hope it doesn't come to that )
post #251 of 393
Sending ELV : your way mama. I will pray she comes out screaming and you are home in a day or 2.

I would think that after all this time with broken water they would have at least mentioned the GBS+ : I have heard of them keeping a baby in observatioon for days and giving it abx if the mama was gbs+ and didnt get the abx. I would ask them what their policy is and if that is the case then I would personally take the abx instead of having them pumped into your dd.
post #252 of 393
Didn't they already pump you full of antibiotics when you were admitted? What the H is going on with these people?
post #253 of 393
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by CallMeMommy View Post
Didn't they already pump you full of antibiotics when you were admitted?
yeah, DIFFERENT ones. : but not the one they want to give for the GBS+ for that, they wanna give pennicillin... i'm not severly allergic, but i do break out and itch... i'm afraid that one of these days, it's not going to be that simple...

seems they'd rather us get some sort of super bug infection, instead of risk the unlikely chance that the baby will actually get sick.
From what I understand, the baby will be worse off FOR getting the abx, instead of the wait and see approach and THEN treat...
confirm/deny
post #254 of 393
Thread Starter 
my contractions are 6-10 mins apart, and as long as I'm upright, they are downright pleasant... the minute I lay down to try to rest... OUCH!!! They easily become a 5 or 6 on the owie scale.
I guess I'll sit up... those ones are a 2.
I sure could use a nap... I have been up since midnight. It's almost 8am here.
post #255 of 393
Quote:
i'm not severly allergic, but i do break out and itch
No way would I get the penicilin then, if it makes you itch then you are allergic and as such each time you are exposed you risk having a major anaphalactic reaction. And from here on out make sure that you put down on any medical paper work that you are penicilin allergic. It is not worth the risk you could react and die in minutes literally.

Ok enough scaring you : I am going to guess that you will have her at 2pm my time and she will weigh a hefty 5pds 2oz

I am assuming you are still refusing vaginal exams??
post #256 of 393
You are so super awesome Julie, such a strong woman!!! I'll be thinking about you today and hope everything goes smoothly.
post #257 of 393
I have several links to alternatives to abx for GBS here.

Perhaps you could see if they'd be willing to do the vaginal wash (basically you squirt yourself with chlorhexidine, kind of like you do with a peri bottle after the baby's born).
post #258 of 393
Happy birthing day.
post #259 of 393
Big hugs mama! We recommend our clients do the Hibiclens wash if they don't want to do abx. I don't know about doing it since your water is broken though..... Was the last test done 3.5 wks ago? You could request another one. You can refuse the abx and just request added observation and maybe a blood test on the baby to rule out elevated white blood cell counts?

Best wishes for a beautiful, peaceful labor and birth for you. You are so strong and such an inspiration!
post #260 of 393
Quote:
I've made my own choices, and so far, they have kept me sane. No one here can guarantee me anything, so all I can do is do it MY way, the best way I can.
:





Best wishes and happy birthing!!! Can't wait to hear all about it
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