Not mentally ready. Advice?

[mb122]

Just wondering if any of you are struggling with this, and if not, what have you done/what do you tell yourself/how have you mentally prepared for the upcoming birth of your baby?

I was *so* prepared for the birth of my second child. I read all the books, listened to hypnobirth CDs, did artwork, practiced visualizations, etc. I had a wonderful unmedicated hospital birth w/no interventions (arrived at the hospital ready to push).

This time, I'm a bit scared. I haven't prepared at all. I lost my last pregnancy/baby at the end of my first trimester. It was a devastating loss for me - and because of this, I have been very guarded thorughout this pregnancy. I've feared another loss and I haven't been able to focus on "birth" (as I've been scared of "death").

Also, this baby is posterior. What if it doesn't turn? What if I can't handle back-labor? What if my water breaks and labor just hits me hard (rather than easing into it as with DC#2)?

What are you all telling yourself to get yourself into the right mindset?

I know I've done it before. My body has birthed 2 healthy kids. Can anyone relate?

[Fishie Kisses]

I don't feel mentally prepared either. This is my first and I am so wishy-washy with my decisions that it's making it worse. I was going to let them induce me because I'm impatient, but that almost certainly ensures I won't have the beautiful easy labor I always dreamed of. I don't want to end up with a c-section, or even an epidural, but I feel like if I don't get ready soon, I will chicken out and ask for the epidural as soon as they will give it to me! I'm sure there are PLENTY of books/articles I should/could be reading, but I haven't and I probably won't. It's like my way of prolonging the inevitable. It's still very surreal to me. This has been an "in the future" thing for SO long, now that it's here, I don't know if I can do it!!!

[my kidlets and me]

I don't feel ready, either. And this is my 3rd child, too. I don't really have any advice at this point - just wanted to let you know you're not alone.

Oh, my 2nd was posterior well into labour, but he turned during labour and popped out just fine. By having me lay on my L side for a couple of contractions and on my R side for a couple of contractions, the dr was able to have ds turn very quickly. You could also try labouring on your hands and knees - that's been known to work, too.

[flapjack]

If I'm right, though, mb122, you aren't preparing physically as much, are you? The car, the extra baby stuff you need... there's that mountain of commitment to having a real live baby and bringing him/her home (are you homebirthing? I forget?) that you've posted elsewhere before that you recognise needs doing, but you just can't bring yourself to do it. I think that's the mental readiness you need- of acknowledging that if baby dies, it's going to hurt like hell no matter what, and that you need to take that leap of faith and believe that sometimes at the end of a pregnancy we get babies to hold and cuddle and raise.
Scary, isn't it? We need to get our house birth-ready this week, with baby clothes somewhere that isn't damp and dusty and accessible only by ladder, and clean and with beds for people and stuff, and I am so not ready to do this. But I'm going to, because the alternative is a naked baby with hypothermia.
Oh, and all of mine have been posterior or lateral the night before labour kicked off, and were all born anterior. Some things, you can worry too much about.

[bizzibee1]

I have been freeking out about going into labour this time. For me this second one is much harder then the first. DH and I did the 'deed' last night to see if it would start anything, it did last time, and zilch! I was scared thought. Now that my edd is getting closer I am getting more comfortable with the idea. I just cannot watch any baby story or birth thing on TV without a panic attack starting! You are not alone

[mb122]

it's nice to hear i'm not the only one. and you're right, flapjack. i/we haven't done anything to prepare physically either, but i figure we do own most of the essentials, it's just a matter of digging them out of the garage and washing things off. that can be done in a matter of hours or less. the car...well, we can always remove one of the larger kids' carseats and put in an infant seat for the carride home (hospital birth again).

but mentally, it's causing so much anxiety. it's nice to hear that a few of you had posterior babies as well. i hope mine turns, too.

i just feel like everyone here sounds so strong sometimes - and i know i've felt strong/confident/ready for labor before. i just haven't gotten there yet this time and i'm not sure how. and i've birthed both ways (with and without any intervention). i felt a million times better after my second birth. a million times...

[Surfacing]

I think it's pretty normal to have these fluctuating feelings about birth and preparing for a newborn. I am expecting baby #2 shortly and sometimes feel confident, ready to give birth.....at other times I feel like running screaming "AAAHHHHHH!!! I'M NOT READY!! I'M SCARED!!!! NO!!!!!!!" Last time I too prepared a lot for the birth - this time, meh, not so much. You're not alone and you'll be fine. You'll get through this. Would it help to get someone to help you organize stuff, like dh or a sibling or girlfriend?

I wanted to add that I'm sorry for the loss of your little one. I lost my first baby in the first trimester and until I had dd safe in my arms, I couldn't believe that it was true, that I had her and it was okay. Wishing you a safe, healthy birth. Over time you will heal.

[ollineeba]

I'm not ready for this little one yet, although I don't have the history of loss that you do
I just don't feel ready yet.. so I really hope she gives me a little more time.

[Surfacing]

mb122 - I've been thinking some more about this (feeling mentally unprepared for birth). These past few days I've had some difficult times myself in this department. What helped was talking to my doula and reading some good, affirming stories and quotes that help me focus some confidence on my body's ability to do this. I am particularly worried about coping with pain again this time, and I am reviewing in my mind the plan for dealing with it (doula, visualizations, relaxation stuff, poss. of epi). I skimmed through Birthing From Within over the past couple of nights as a refresher of some stuff to prep for mentally. Perhaps it would help to do a light refresher of one or two things that you already know or did last time to remind yourself of what's helpful. HTH Just some thoughts.

[Danushka]

I'm so glad you posted this message! I'm 37 weeks today and completely in denial about having this baby. My problem is that I have a lot of stuff at work I really need to get done before the baby comes out. So I'm really hoping that the baby stays in for as long as possible. But my water broke at 38 weeks for my first baby, so I'm nervous that I could go into labor any day now.

Please, somebody, tell me that giving birth is like riding a bicycle. I prepared a lot for the first baby, but have not had any time to prepare for this one. Literally, all I've done to prepare is put Ina May's Guide to Childbirth next to the toilet, which, sadly enough, is the only place where I can get any reading done!

[allnaturalmama]

Quick! Locate a copy of Ina May's Guide to Childbirth and get reading!

Seriously, I was feeling exactly the same way you are. (Baby #4 is now almost 2 weeks old). In the few days before he was born, I read the Guide to Childbirth and it was a total pep rally for me. I had my best labor yet, and I truly believe it was because I didn't overemphasize thinking about labor during my pregnancy, and then I had a great, empowering reminder of how good it could be by reading Ina May right before doing it.

[impromptukiss]

((((mama))))

i've just started to feel a little more like i'm about to have a baby the past few days. before that i was pretty much in denial, lol.

my heart still races a bit when i realize there will be another baby coming out of me in a few short days (weeks?) .... i didn't feel this way with the firts two at all, so i'm not sure why i feel like this, this time around. it will also be our second home birth.

i had a m/c with my last pregnancy, so i've also felt a bit guarded this time around, and i've also been a little panicky thinking that i already have two wonderfully healthy children -- how can i get so lucky again? horrible, i know ... but it's no fun to think!

stuff-wise, we're uber prepared ... but mentally, i've had so many other things to concentrate on (the holidays, k starting school, deployment, ect), i've push the "baby" to the back burner ....

on NYE dh & i dtd and i started having ocntractions. i prayed (and i'm not a prayer!) that baby would NOT come. i was NOT ready. i'd be okay now, i guess ... but another week or so would be better.

[leafwood]

Ds was born a week ago. I was not feeling mentally/physicall/phsychologically ready for the birth. Then last Friday I just came to terms with it. Something came over me and I felt more at peace about it. I ran around and did some things and the contractions started at midnight. I was amazed at how mentally prepared I was. During early contractions I was able to focus on saying "I will relax and let my body open to welcome this baby". It worked. Later on....during transition I suppose, it changed to "Relax and let this be over soon!".

Once he was here, it was like old hat. And this pregnancy has been on the back burner to job changes for dh and I, buying a home, moving, dd changing daycare and my horrible increase in anxity through the pregnancy.

When it is right, you will be ready!