our donor and his girlfriend were expecting a daughter. she was to be delivered by scheduled c-section monday morning. instead she died in utero sometime in the last day. he sent us a short email saying they don't know why it happened and will likely never know.
i feel numb.
they had not planned on having a child. she got pregnant once and miscarried. then got pregnant again. she's mid-forties and has 2 small kids.
we were so happy for him (we don't really know her beyond acquaintance, they don't live together, etc) and it seemed so perfect that our child would have a known half-sibling by a wonderful man, and that it was wonderful for him to get to parent, etc.
i also feel so selfish -- like what if my pregnancy doesn't work this time, how would he deal with being a donor again or maybe that's out of the question, or maybe a donor-conceived child will be so much more emotionally complicated.
and also scared -- what if it was something related to his genetic make-up?
and also helpless -- he's such a great person but lives in another city 3 hours away and we were longtime work colleagues but not super close and have gotten closer through this process, i'm not sure how to support him, and i just feel awful about the whole thing.
jd
i feel numb.
they had not planned on having a child. she got pregnant once and miscarried. then got pregnant again. she's mid-forties and has 2 small kids.
we were so happy for him (we don't really know her beyond acquaintance, they don't live together, etc) and it seemed so perfect that our child would have a known half-sibling by a wonderful man, and that it was wonderful for him to get to parent, etc.
i also feel so selfish -- like what if my pregnancy doesn't work this time, how would he deal with being a donor again or maybe that's out of the question, or maybe a donor-conceived child will be so much more emotionally complicated.
and also scared -- what if it was something related to his genetic make-up?
and also helpless -- he's such a great person but lives in another city 3 hours away and we were longtime work colleagues but not super close and have gotten closer through this process, i'm not sure how to support him, and i just feel awful about the whole thing.
jd
