Stop the mommy drive-bys already (ventish)

[lalaland42]

I have had three women criticize me in the last few weeks in public and in front of DD. What is the deal?

Last week, I was in the grocery store with DD and we were chatting while I was grabbing something off the shelves. DD asked me to buy something in particular and I told her the store we were at didn't carry it and we had to buy it at Whole Foods. I asked her if she could remember that we buy Bunny Cheerios at Whole Foods. Some woman turned to me and said in a slightly shocked tone, "you don't actually expect a 3 or 4 year old to remember that, do you?" Well, duh, of course I don't expect for her to remember that, we were just making small talk. And BTW, DD has a good memory and sometimes she will remember it and she likes being helpful.

Today I was at the post office. It took me 40 minutes because DD was dragging her feet getting in the car, getting in her seat, getting out of the car, walking in the door all for a post office that is a half mile from home. DD had to pick up a dead leaf, run in circles and pontificate the meaning of life before she would get in her seat. Did I mention I am getting over a cold and hadn't eaten yet? So when DD asked me to pick her up a second time when we were waiting in line I got annoyed with her. I said no and I said it in an annoyed tone. Some other woman said, "she only wants to see" and tried to clue me in to holding her on my hip and having her hook her legs around my waist. As if I had only been a parent for 10 minutes, come on lady. I didn't yell at her, call her names or hit her, all I did was say no in an annoyed tone. It is OK for DD to learn that I have feelings too.

FWIW, DD will not sit on my hip, she will only sit squarely on my stomach. She is heavy and I was tired. We cuddled all morning at home on the couch and all night in bed. I think she will survive the 5 minutes I didn't hold her at the post office.

That's all. Feel free to repeat your mommy drive-by (aka unsolicited parenting advice) experiences.

[Caneel]

We get a lot of "oh, you don't want to eat that" directed at our son while dining in public (we are dedicated to exposing him to lots of different food) from people that think fried foods should be a staple of a toddler diet. Grrrrrr.

[abac]

My standard response to people like that is, "I don't need any help, thanks." It works quite well. People can be very rude.

[VisionaryMom]

Originally Posted by Caneel

We get a lot of "oh, you don't want to eat that" directed at our son while dining in public (we are dedicated to exposing him to lots of different food) from people that think fried foods should be a staple of a toddler diet. Grrrrrr.

We get that, too! It's especially true for spicy foods. People think toddlers cannot handle a hint of spice. Heh. My mom's family's from New Orleans, so I would have starved in the summers if I didn't like anything hot.

I had several a while back. I was ill, and I honestly think I looked it - pale mainly. People would say things like "you should stay with your mom. She can't run after you" to DS. Thanks, UAV, he's fine. I always want to say, "your mom should have taught you manners." I usually just stick with "he's fine. We don't need any help."

[hubris]

Originally Posted by Caneel

We get a lot of "oh, you don't want to eat that" directed at our son

I had to inform my MIL, "Grammy, we don't say 'yucky'" the other day while we were baking and DS2 wanted to taste each of the ingredients separately. Sheesh, let a kid explore, huh?


Lately tons of strangers have told my kids to put their coats on. I don't know what the deal is with people thinking that a parent and child can't negotiate the coat thing on their own. FWIW, I don't force coats on the kids, especially not when it's above freezing and we're only going from the store to the car. But even if I did insist on their wearing coats, it's really not anybody else's business to step in!

[kalisis]

Yeah, lately for me it's been about the coats too. My aunt (who I am NOT close to) said the other day to DD, "Oh, you poor thing, that's not a heavy enough coat for you." Uh, DD had on her woolies, plus her regular clothes, plus a coat - I think she's plenty warm enough. And I really don't need advice from this particular aunt...grrr.

[RMM1117]

Ughhh, I know how you feel! My favorite is "just so you know, there WILL be a backlash when he gets older because you wont let him eat meat."

[KBecks]

I have not gotten hit by any drive bys, or at least, nothing serious that wasn't easy to blow off. And I am very thankful for that! I have vowed I will not be shy about responding if anyone comes after me.

[kblackstone444]

I used to get lots of drivebys when my son was older and even now occasionally with my little girl, partly because I'm not as mainstream as the average person and partly because my son has always been, to put it lightly, a ball of energy. My favorite response is, "Thanks, but they've already got parents." It shuts most people right up.

[grumpybear]

Originally Posted by lalaland42

I have had three women criticize me in the last few weeks in public and in front of DD. What is the deal?

Last week, I was in the grocery store with DD and we were chatting while I was grabbing something off the shelves. DD asked me to buy something in particular and I told her the store we were at didn't carry it and we had to buy it at Whole Foods. I asked her if she could remember that we buy Bunny Cheerios at Whole Foods. Some woman turned to me and said in a slightly shocked tone, "you don't actually expect a 3 or 4 year old to remember that, do you?" Well, duh, of course I don't expect for her to remember that, we were just making small talk. And BTW, DD has a good memory and sometimes she will remember it and she likes being helpful.

OMG. That would have annoyed the (UA violation) out of me.
I talk to my 20-month old that way not because I expect him to understand/remember but because it's a way for him to learn things. That woman seems to sell children a little bit short.

[sebandg'smama]

My thing is why do these people even expect a response when they are asking/telling so rudely?

I was walking home the other day and my son was climbing on a fence that leads to a creek and I had a guy in his car stop, turn around open his window to point it out to me. He was so rude that I didn't even waste any breath explaining that my son is capable and completely safe from "danger", nor was he wrecking the fence. I just gave him a glazed over look to indicate I was not listening to him.
My dh felt that he was just a concerned citizen, but imo, if he was truly concerned he would have asked me some questions, engaged in some dialogue.

[angelpie545]

Ugh...I'm not even kind to those people anymore. I tell them, in no uncertain terms, that they are rude and need to mind their own business, thank you. : Get me in bad mood and I'm tell tell 'em where they can shove it....

[flapjack]

Loud voice, "I BEG your pardon?" With the special look that you keep for dog poo stuck on the kids shoes.
I haven't had any in several years, but I've seen it done to others.

[maymorales]

I sometimes wonder if I would prefer a drive-by in my face rather than the whispering or speaking in another language about me wearing my big 2 yo in a carrier. i mean, is it really that odd looking?
i do get condescending remarks when ds is in a carrier. "oh, i never spoiled my children like that" or "my kids can walk, they don't need to be in that thing." etc. i just and ignore. trying to be the bigger person is hard.

[girlsmamma2]

I remeber getting a few when i was preggers with my third and had been sick all morning and finally about 3 pm would be able to venture out. I think it's so incosiderate for people to say things because they had no idea what I had been through all morning long, or for that matter the entire pregnancy because I'm sick all the way through and have migraines. I can't remember exactly what was said but I remember walking with my dd's thinking I was so glad to finally get them out that day, we were at Costco and someone lobbed something. I was huge with ds and feeling awful. People are amazing sometimes. I really like the "I don't need any help thanks", it's a bit snarky so the adult knows you mean for them to mind their own business but also sounds polite to the kids!

[marybethorama]

Originally Posted by motheringtao

i do get condescending remarks when ds is in a carrier. "oh, i never spoiled my children like that" or "my kids can walk, they don't need to be in that thing." etc. i just and ignore. trying to be the bigger person is hard.

You are a better person than me. I don't know if I would have but I would have been very tempted to say something rude.

That really pushes my buttons because my oldest was as big as a 4 or 5 yo when he was 2.

ETA: I'd also be totally fine with carrying a 5 yo

[lolar2]

Originally Posted by motheringtao

I sometimes wonder if I would prefer a drive-by in my face rather than the whispering or speaking in another language about me wearing my big 2 yo in a carrier. i mean, is it really that odd looking?
i do get condescending remarks when ds is in a carrier. "oh, i never spoiled my children like that" or "my kids can walk, they don't need to be in that thing." etc. i just and ignore. trying to be the bigger person is hard.

I would be SO tempted to say "I'm glad your kids can walk. He can't." But I suppose that would confuse the 2-year-old.

[THBVsMommy]

it doesnt happen so much anymore, but used to when i always wore him out and about [ i cant wear him anymore as he is 35lbs and just too heavy for me ]. it was always "is he not capable of using his own two feet?" or "the only thing you will accomplish from that is spoiling him."

but of course every so once in a while i would get an admirer who would praise me for wearing my baby.

[Leilalu]

Originally Posted by flapjack

Loud voice, "I BEG your pardon?" With the special look that you keep for dog poo stuck on the kids shoes.
I haven't had any in several years, but I've seen it done to others.

This is good.

Me? I prefer the strange "do I know you?" saying or glance.

[lalaland42]

I've had people tell DD that whatever she is eating (happily) is gross too. I don't get that at all.

I love the comebacks and will have to remember them for next time. Usually I am so shocked people would say something, I forget to talk back. I did memorize a response to 'you are spoiling her' and that is, 'I prefer the term well loved'. I only had to use that one once and I guess that is why I am surprised when people make rude comments.