It is hard.
What is even more difficult to me is to defend some (or all) natural birth practices to mainstream, conservative types at work, and then to come here and defend or explain certain procedures and environments. Feels like I get it from both sides.
Some things that help me:
I am personally past birthing babies. I won't be having any more children, and my youngest is almost 10.
I worked for 5 years in an out of hospital birthing environment, an independent birth center, with a few home births here and there. I saw what went on, what sort of reasons people sought out that type of birth experience, and what sort of work we did for them.
Now I'm in the hospital. For a while I worked on the medical floor, and now have transferred to mother/baby (which is postpartum at our hospital).
Once they are at the hospital, very little I do will change what is going on. In the example of formula; if they are set on formula feeding, I can and do explore that a little; but honestly unless they are truly on the fence, anything I say at that point isn't really going to make a difference. Our hospital has a preadmission clinic, run by the lactation consultants. So they've already met with an LC before they even have the baby, and they discuss feeding preferences then. My moms have had 9 months to decide if they are going to breastfeed; after the birth is not the opportunity to make a difference in that.
So I teach them the proper way to feed an infant formula; how to hold the baby, how to do it in a way which minimizes the negative effects to the baby and gets the baby enough skin contact with mama, how to recognize any feeding issues, etc. That is how I support a formula feeding mom.
It *IS* all about picking battles. If I ranted and raved at every mom who didn't breastfeed, how would that help? If I gently and kindly discussed all the pros of breastfeeding and the cons of bottle feeding, at 2+ hours postpartum (when I get them), how many moms would find that a positive interaction with their nurse, and how many would find it disrespectful of me to continue to try to change their mind, even when they've explicitly stated they are formula feeding?
I have some pretty odd views and opinions on many things, and I want those wishes respected. So, I feel I must extend that to the mothers I care for. Safety is not a black and white issue. We say that homebirth is safer; but only in certain instances, and even those instances could be debated, even among the natural birth community. But even in the instance when perhaps it statistically would be safer for the mother or baby to have a hospital birth, would you support them being forced to have one? Me neither.
It comes down to choice. I think that once you spend any amount of time in the hospital, you will find that the vast, vast majority of moms WANT their birth managed. They WANT the interventions. And most of them are making as informed choices about that as the home birthing mamas are about their choices. I think in this age of internet, and in my own personal geographical area where there are 2 independent birth centers within 45 minutes from here, several homebirth midwives, and a couple of different hospital options, if a woman in my area really WANTS a certain type of birth, she can get it.
I whole heartedly support a woman's right to birth how she wishes. You want to have your baby at home, without an attendant present? Not what I would recommend, I personally don't think that is safe, but I totally support your right to do that. And I would defend your right to do that; I have defended your right to do that, in my state, and I do verbally whenever the subject comes up in discussion at work. Likewise, I cannot condemn a woman who schedules her elective section because of "logistics." Do I think an elective section is the safest way to birth a baby? Hell no. Would I ever recommend it? No. But I will defend a woman's right to be in control of her body and to chose her birth.
When you get into the hospital, you see so many shades of gray. Somedays I'm really frustrated by it all, and I think about transfering to the ICU (if I'm going to be in a totally medicalized environment, I might as well be in the most acute environment, right?). And then other days I just absolutely love it. Most day, I absolutely love it.
Because it's not all about me, or my agenda. I can't take these people out fo the hospital to the birth center--it's too late for that. What I can do is try to make sure they are confident and supported in their parenting. I try to help them be as thoughtful and considerate of their baby as possible, and I try to provide any information they need. If they ask for a parenting book recommendation, I always recommend Dr. Sears. If they ask about the "what to expect" books, I always tell them my opinion and make a different book recommendation. I feel like, for most people, the baby steps are all they find helpful.
Occasionally, though, you get someone who gives the indication that they did not enjoy the hosptial birthing environment. I can't turn back time, but I can casually mention the other birthing choices in town, for the next time they have a baby.
Urgh, long post. Sorry.
Likewise, if there was a nurse who had the opposite beliefs, she should still support a person's choice to attachment parent their child.
