Originally Posted by FlowerMomma
I don't know if you find this, but in my experiance, if my DD is in one of these moods then we are just going to have the blowup no matter what I give in too. She will just blowup over the next issue or sometimes seemingly nothing at all. It's so frustrating and I feel like I have no control over anything.
This is my experience too.
Originally Posted by gaialice
That is very true, unless, after you have "given in" on an issue that was not so important, you yourself really let go of it and move on and really connect to your dc in his or her "love language" -- whichever that may be.
gaialice, your response may be true for your child our your experience. There is no possible way you can say that is true for every single child. The generalization is "yes, if it doesn't work though it is because you aren't connecting with/loving your child the way he or she needs" Blech. Maybe you didn't mean it that way. Hint: there may be some congitive differences at play here too.
Actually, the more I read your responses...am I correct in assuming your children aren't even on the autism spectrum. Frankly, I know you are trying to help and I get the playful parenting thing (we do that here) but some of your playful suggestions would send some
spectrum or other kids over the edge I think. And might not help if a child thinks very literally/takes everything at face value and doesn't get it. And is resistant to change and put off by surprises. Some spectrum kids don't like that stuff. It is upsetting to me that you can be so sure of your thoughts when you don't have a child that shares the diagnosis of the OP's, right? I would say be very careful about generalizing your experience to everyone else.
For Andrew it isn't really about what he's making it about. Giving in doesn't even help 95% of the time. To me these days (I hear you on the 30 fits) are about something else being out of sorts with my son. He's just volatile. And he's got very little emotional regulation. And it wears on you. Big time. So big hugs from me.
I didn't see the original videos but reading this thread has made me sad. I commend you OP that you keep coming back for help when, especially early on, I feel you were sort of attacked. Side note: lots and lots of parents on this board have posted videos of their kids looking for help. I see nothing wrong with that. And in fact if I had a video of the day my son came in, demanded a cracker, I handed him one, he said no he didn't want it, I took it back and asked if he wanted something else and he said he did want it, I said ok as I handed it to him and he then he threw it down and had a full on meltdown for an hour...I'd post it looking for help too. I've consulted with autism therapists, multiple OT's, doctors, and every important person in my son's life. If there is some unmet need or love language that we're missing with him no one else has been able to pick up on it either. Anyway, seeing video of a kiddo (which can later be unposted of course) can make things clearer.
I wish I had seen the video.
I'm reading the Explosive Child book myself. And I'm working on trying to track triggers in my son (which is hard) to figure out why some days are so rough and other days are ok. I know for us sleep and going too long without food are definite triggers so I work hard to keep him rested (even using melatonin when needed to catch up) and fed every 2.5 hours.
Oh, we feed Andrew applesauce or pearsauce when he first wakes up. That gets his blood sugar up long enough for me to make breakfast. Even as long as it takes to get cereal together and all is too long here. Not every day but many days we have a meltdown over something small if he doesn't get that food first thing. If he won't eat the applesauce (which happens if he's already past that point for whatever reason) I syringe juice. It makes a huge difference in the morning. And it seems like the morning, if it is a really bad, makes for a bad rest of the day sometimes. If you were to check your daughter's blood sugar when she wakes up you might find she runs really low. Or even if she doesn't she may be super sensitive to it.
I've discovered that mentally engaging him (not about the issue at hand but about something else) can snap him out of heading to meltdown if I catch him fast enough. He gets stuck mentally and couple that with volatility; it's a rotten combo. He can fall down (not getting hurt) and instantly go to meltdown. Once he's melting down, if I didn't catch it fast enough, the more I engage the worse and longer it is.