So nursing makes my skin crawl..REALLY - Page 2

[ChristinesKids]

Originally Posted by D_McG

I am just lurking in this thread as I do not consider myself a CLW'er. My son is just 19 mos but I don't feel as though my desire to breastfeed will outlast his and am comfortable with guiding him to wean then.

I just had a question though if someone could answer. Is CLW supposed to be that the mom continues even when she is feeling like the OP? Is mom supposed to just keep on going in spite of how she feels? Just looking to understand. Thank you!

Personally I believe the relationship should not be continued if mom is feeling like it is time to stop. There is nothing wrong with mother lead weaning if that is what works for you.
I am very much a CLW but I have left my mind open to change if I need to. I would think if I get the creepy crawlies every time she latched on I would have to stop. I do get a little irritated from time to time but then I realize it is a few days before my moon cycle and I know the feeling will pass in a few days.
HTH

[widemouthedfrog]

I am so there with you. Dd is 2 1/2 and I have been getting creepy crawlies for ~4 months. And I am not pregnant.

I am going to try the hydration thing too. One thing that I realized was that my milk doesn't let down as easily as before, so she is doing more strong-suck nursing to get it to let down. To me, that feels icky, kind of ticklish.

So I have been singing Twinkle, Twinkle to her when I don't feel like nursing for a long time.

Thinking of trying the more frequency, less need idea too. I know that when I've deferred nursing a lot she does tend to have a higher need for it - just to know it is there.

I don't want to wean her completely, because she loves, loves, loves nursing and would be very upset. She seems to be night weaning...almost, and that is helping.

At night I would let her nurse and then gradually move to my tummy so the nipple would slip out of her mouth. My biggest creepy-crawlies were at night, and I got to the point where I was actually feeling rather angry about nursing...and I didn't want her to have to deal with memories of mommy being angry when we are snuggling in bed.

To add to the mother-led weaning comments:
Mentally, I don't want to wean. Physically, perhaps I do. Dd definitely does not want to wean. That's why I am trying to continue.

[cutekid]

Update

I have started doing the ABC song. My DS doesn't really like that. He'll tell me not to sing. So I have decided to let him nurse at least once a day without the songs.

My DP said its really sad that our son has to only a limited amount of time to nurse. I feel equally bad..but I am the one with the creep crawlies.
Water doesn't seem to matter. Sometimes my DS is latching on I can tell if its going to feel yucky or not. If it feels yucky I stop him and re latch.

I keep everyone updated. Thank you all for your support.

[gigismom]

i have many of the same issues with nursing my dd2 who is 3 1/2 but my issues are related to pg and new baby. ds is 12 weeks and i have had the horrible icky feeling with dd2 nurses since during my pg. i nursed dd1 longer than she is currently nursing so it distresses me that i have these feelings. anyway, what helped me is to negotiate with her about nursing. there was a time when she nursed so many times per day that i lost count....just after ds was born. i realize this is normal but still drove me nuts. we made deals... she could not nurse with her brother (i shutter at the thought!!), she had to unlatch right away if i asked her to and she could not nurse to sleep etc... we did not implement all of these at once but gradually. now she is only nursing 1 time per day in the morning for about the count of 20. this is obviously very little and she occasionally forgets to do this. i know she will be done relatively soon and i am relieved. she is also more than ok... really she has grown up sooo much in the past 3 months. i guess the point of my story is that what helped me was to feel like i had some say in our nursing relationship.... that i wasn't just at her mercy (so to speak). breastfeeding IS a two way street.


peace
jen

[*Erin*]

i know that feeling well-i felt the same way with my dd. i wish i could say it got better, but i kept it from about 4 until she weaned at 4.5. it made nursing unpleasant times for both of us-i wish i'd felt i could've weaned earlier than i did.

[BonMaman]

Originally Posted by widemouthedfrog

I am going to try the hydration thing too. One thing that I realized was that my milk doesn't let down as easily as before, so she is doing more strong-suck nursing to get it to let down. To me, that feels icky, kind of ticklish.

I get this same feeling too, and it makes me :

Earlier in our tandeming adventure I would count to ten or whatever when necessary, but too many times my DS1 would bite me when I got to the end. : Hence, I am now a little more vague: "just a little bit more," or "take another sip and that'll be all." Even though he now says "I be gentle. I not bite you," I still don't count. I do give lots of warning that the session is coming to an end and try to have something else for us to do together lined up when I end it.

[lizabird]

I feel like chiming in here too.

I have a 4 yr old ds who still nurses once/day (though if it were totally up to him, he would nurse more often), and a 15 month old ds who nurses as often as he pleases. Starting when I was pregnant it started driving me nuts when older ds nursed, the sensation just was totally unpleasant. I chalked that up to pregnancy. Then I must admit that having an older nursling and a new baby was nice because older ds could finish off milk that new babe couldn't keep up with so I hardly ever got engorged.... but that's another topic. ANyway, older ds nurses first thing every morning and I find it generally irritating but we have talked about it numerous times and he's clearly not ready to give up nursing. (so I have a problem with the LLL statement that nursing is fine as long as it's mutually agreeable between child and mother - mother is irritated with it, child NEEDS it, or it's the end of the world).

To answer the question, I haven't found any good solution yet. My ds won't nurse to the ABC song because that's not long enough for him, so the best we've done so far is to limit nursing to once/day. Usually he'll detach on his own but sometimes I ask him to if I know he's nursing and not getting any milk which totally drives me nutty. Ack. Sorry this is so rambling, I have been having lots of discussions with dh about this too, but that's also another topic.

[motherearthdancer]

I'm currently nursing a 3 yo and a 4 month old. Sometimes when my 3 yo wants to nurse I feel like his teeth are cutting into me so I remind him to be careful with this teeth, I often say, "bigger mouth" and he re-latches himself. We went through a phase where I felt "creepy crawlie" when he nursed, and sometimes, once in a while, I still get it. I felt like we had to re-learn how to latch on. Recently, I just tell him that "mommy, needs to take a break b/c my lala's hurt" and he can nurse again when I'm feeling better, or that he can nurse "after" (insert event). He has been more demanding lately, but usually if he is really tired and needing comfort.

Its a fine line between needing to comfort your babies and wanting your body to feel respected by your babies as well. I hope you find an answer soon.

(I've also done a countdown and that works for us as well, but I also find moments where I feel "stronger" and can allow him more time, so I'll offer him lala then, and he's so cute. I'll say, "Do you want some lala now?" and he'll reply, "Yes, please! Thank you, Mama, thank you!")

[D_McG]

Just wanted to thank those who answered my question. Good luck to the OP.

[Viola]

For me it was worse during certain times of the month, so I tried to limit it more during those times. I also do sensory stuff on other parts of my body to prevent it from getting too creepy crawly feeling. Like inducing muscle cramps or pinching myself, or sometimes just trying to distract my mind, otherwise if I focused on it, it would start to feel intolerable. A few times, though, I just really had to break them off and tell them to try again later.

[Viola]

Originally Posted by D_McG

I just had a question though if someone could answer. Is CLW supposed to be that the mom continues even when she is feeling like the OP? Is mom supposed to just keep on going in spite of how she feels? Just looking to understand. Thank you!

I don't really know what CLW in terms of a strict definition, because it seems like some people are invested in the term and give it a strict meaning. I'm not, so I don't want to use that term if it isn't accurate. I end up thinking of what I do as natural weaning, or child-respectful weaning where the child is not weaned by the mother, but the mother's feelings matter and she sets limits accordingly, or talks about the concept of weaning; and those things most likely contribute to the weaning age.

There are times when I just didn't want to do it, so I would end the session and comfort my child if she was upset about it. But I didn't want to completely cut my child off from nursing, if for no other reason than it would have been harder to do that than just setting limits. I think of it as a give and take sort of thing.

[lillifret]

I thought it was just me!

Wow, my DS is 2 1/2 and i have been having these same sensations since he was about 16 months old. It is SOOO MUCH WORSE just before and just after the onset of my period. I want to continue nursing, but like the OP said this is getting worse, and it sometimes makes me angry. I really don't want to feel angry about nursing. Why would hydration help? What about sepia? Should I try to build my milk supply up? I recently started working full time again and maybe the lowered supply is a contributor. Any thoughts??

[ecl]

That started for me around 18 months, which is when my AF returned. It only got much worse during my pregnancy. I hoped it would get better after my son was born. I had hoped for a beautiful tandem nursing experience. I just couldn't do it. I did started limiting the number of times, which is what you have done, but what finally worked as a great compromise is we made a game out of it. I would count to 10 out loud and then yell "blast off" and she would pop off and laugh. If I said no to nursing, she would freak, but those 10 seconds were just fine. It was as though she just needed to know she could nurse. Then I started reading to her first and she started falling asleep before it was time to nurse. Now she is weaned, but if I mention it, she wants to nurse again. Watching my 6 month nurse doesn't make her want it, just my mentioning that she is weaned.

Good luck and congratulations for having nursed for so long!

[Sheepdoc]

I came home from work a few days after Thanksgiving and when my 2nd son (then just past 2.5yrs) asked to nurse it wasn't the relaxation I was used to. It just felt wrong. I took that evening to discuss it w/ my husband and come up w/ a plan for weaning. We finished nursing around Jan.

Things I found helpful:
Night weaning had happened first. (18-24months) The 5am nursing had been the hardest - crying no matter what we did. (for other times hanging out w/ dad had worked fine.) After two weeks of holding him, walking him, etc... at 5 am we worked out that we could turn the TV on (the All American Baby Sitter!) and let him watch shows he liked until we woke up. After 1-2 weeks of having him redirected to the TV and happy, we weaned from the TV w/o tears. yea!

Talking to my son about weaning and time limits. Have him help plan the weaning.

We have a protocol for problem solving. 1) Identify the problem
2)Whose problem is it? 3)Brain storm solutions 4)Choose a solution
True the kids need a lot of guidance but it really helps and occasionally they come up w/ ideas you don't.

-Lori

[eroslovesagape]

pulling no punches...

breastfeeding is a two-person activity, and must be beneficial for both- and it is! Until it's time to stop. Let's not be martyrs and feel we have to nurse until our children are feeling finished.

Children are to explore and test boundaries, and parents are to determine where those boundaries lay and firmly/kindly inform children where those boundaries are. Breastfeeding/weaning an older child who has had the benefit of years of unrestricted nourishment and comfort is perhaps one of the earliest "practice sessions" for mothers to decide and enforce boundaries.

Personally, I believe my body gives me clear messages that I need to listen to. An unsettled feeling in my gut when I'm contemplating doing the wrong thing, a jump in my chest when I sense someone isn't being truthful or if I've done something against my truth, a "want to jump out of my skin" feeling when I attempt to deny what is right for myself/children/family.

If my body were sending me messages of such discomfort during nursing my child (esp when my child has had years of lovey dovey nursing) and every cell was screaming "yikes! I don't like this! Stop already!" - I'd listen to it. ESPECIALLY if I'd searched for and cleared other possible reasons for my discomfort; pg, hormones, dehydration etc.

Of course I'd ask myself, "will my child be harmed if I decide to wean? will s/he be traumatized? Are there other, developmentally appropriate ways to meet the comfort needs that my child currently gets through extended breastfeeding? How can I begin a loving transition so that my needs are honored (and we teach children to honor their needs by showing them that we honor ours) while my child's needs are met?" I'd answer those questions and determine the steps to take.

A 2.5-3yo child is absolutely capable of understanding (and possibly contributing to) a plan. Might the child resist? Certainly! But a child's resistance (again, esp after years of nursing) does NOT mean weaning is wrong!!!! Children will resist all sorts of things; as parents we must be prepared to decide what is right, and stand by it regardless of crying, tantrums etc. Standing by our decisions/boundaries is one necessary element in ensuring children feel secure.

If my DH were on my case and telling me to nurse, nurse, nurse, I'd friggin' punch him. I'd tell him to develop his own comfort techniques to use with our child instead of depending on me (and demanding that I do so) to comfort and stop the squalling. Puhleese!

-Extended breastfeeder, currently bf-ing for the 4th time at 27 months and going...

[DevaMajka]

I'm not CLW, but I'm still nursing my 3.5yo. I hated nursing from 2.5 to a few months ago. I got that icky feeling too. I think one of the things that bothered me was that I was 'on call' to perform whenever ds wished.
(I also feel icky when I feel that I'm 'on call' for dp)

I spent months cutting back on nursings, until we were down to 1 a day, in the morning. It's true that during the cutting back, ds was sometimes unhappy about it. But now that it's pretty much set in stone- once a day, he doesn't even ask about it any other time. Occasionally, he'll go without nursing in the morning, and remember later in the day and we'll nurse then.

I had decided that I'd like to let him lead the actual final weaning, but that if it got feeling icky that I'd lead it. I feel good about it thus far, so hopefully he gets to be in charge of the last nursing session.

[Contrariety]

Originally Posted by eroslovesagape

breastfeeding is a two-person activity, and must be beneficial for both- and it is! Until it's time to stop. Let's not be martyrs and feel we have to nurse until our children are feeling finished.
...
If my DH were on my case and telling me to nurse, nurse, nurse, I'd friggin' punch him. I'd tell him to develop his own comfort techniques to use with our child instead of depending on me (and demanding that I do so) to comfort and stop the squalling. Puhleese!

THANK YOU! Thank you for your entire post!

I think that CLW is great and wonderful, but it's just not for everybody. And it's not practical for everybody. I wholly agree with LLL that breastfeeding should only continue so long as it is mutually desired. And after 2 1/2 years, NOBODY should have to feel guilty about needing to stop for their own sanity and to preserve a loving relationship with their toddler. That is 2 full years longer than most breastfed babies get to go, and 6 mos longer than is recommended by WHO.

As an anthropologist, I became "AP" by studying traditional societies to see for myself what seemed to be a more "natural" way of parenting. And I have to say that in most traditional societies "extended" nursing does not end with child led weaning. I don't have any figures, but many, many traditional mamas start putting bitter herbs on their nipples to discourage weaning, or just start refusing all together.

It's okay to have limits. And it's noble to know when you have reached them.

OP, if it's time for you to be done, it's all groovy with me. Pat yourself on the back for having nursed for such a long time and get on with your bad self, if that's what you need to do!

ETA: Correction! You have nursed for 3.5 years... more than a pat on the back, throw yourself an awesome weaning party! ...and hit vegas or something!

[ChristinesKids]

Originally Posted by Mrs. Jesus

ETA: Correction! You have nursed for 3.5 years... more than a pat on the back, throw yourself an awesome weaning party! ...and hit vegas or something!

Oh for 3 1/2 years I get a trip to Vegas I'm THERE let go

[sunnysideup]

Just a FYI... That creepy-crawly feeling is often hormonally induced. It can happen with pregnancy, as others have mentioned, but can also be caused by birth control pills or weight loss.

Although, there is nothing wrong with gently weaning if that is what mom feels is best.

[ani'smommy]

I am in a similar situation. I have a three year old and a 4 month old. I can nurse the baby all day long, but I don't know how much of the 3 year old's nursing I can take.

I was okay nursing through pregnancy (although it was hard) but after Jonah was born, I just couldn't take nursing Ani on demand anymore. She's down to twice a day, for about two minutes in the morning and about five minutes at night. If it wasn't so important to her, I would be done.

I think she would be devistated. I hope hope hope that she will decide on her own before too long that she's done, but I think it will be a while. . .