So nursing makes my skin crawl..REALLY - Page 3

[Apiana]

I wanted to chime in as well. It's ironic, really. I've been scouring posts to try to get my feelings straight about this, deal w/ the guilty feelings.
I was all for CLW, wanted to nurse for at least 2 years. We're coming on 20 months & it has just gotten really nerve wracking.:
My cycles returned 3 mos PP, then the creepy crawly feeling started in at about 9 mos. I did all kinds of research & found some solutions that seemed to help a bit. Taking calcium/magnesium, evening primrose oil, lots of water. I got it so that I could manage it as DS was NOWHERE NEAR done BFing. I found that it always gets worse from a couple days after ovulation to about the 3rd day of menses. But since 15 mos, none of my supplementing seems to help. This heebie jeebie creepy feeling is just getting worse. It's been especially bad at night as I can no longer sleep through nursing. So I started Jay Gordon's plan for nightweaning w/ disastrous results. DS rebelled violently. I'll let DS nurse for a few minutes but when I unlatch him he starts hitting & kicking HARD & screaming bloody murder. My DH hasn't been much help. He just wants to get some sleep & when DS yells he tells me to just give him a boob. It is SO frustrating. The last few nights have been a bit better. I've been making sure (no matter what games have to be played) to get DS to eat a big bowl of oatmeal withing 20 minutes of bedtime. He's been sleeping so much better & doesn't wake up for nursing until about 5am. I can deal with that. I've also been successful w/ moving us to the couch. Now I make a bed w/ blankets & pillow on the couch before I go to bed. If DS wakes up & won't be consoled w/o naynay, we sleep the rest of the night on the couch. He doesn't seem to fight it as hard, maybe the association is different because we're not in the family bed & the holy grail site of nursing.During the day he asks for naynay quite a bit. I either try to distract him w/ other loving 1-on-1 time or tell him "Just a little bit" & let him nurse for a few minutes & he's ok with that. We still nurse to sleep for bed & naps.
I've had such a hard time with this. I really didn't want to be the one initiating weaning, the 'bad guy'. But I also know that I've done everything I can to make it this far. The irritation gets so strong I get so annoyed, creeped out, & even angry/resentful (for which I immediately feel guilty). I've come to the conclusion that this is not healthy for either of us. My body is obviously screaming for me to wean, even though my mind, my ideals are against it. At 20 mos, DS is at a hard age to consider weaning with molars coming in & attitudes changing. I'm trying to do this as gently as possible but I've finally given in to the fact that it has to be done. I'm finally coming to the right place in my head & not feeling so horribly guilty about it all the time. The nightweaning has helped immensely, though. It's a bit easier to just nurse during my waking hours.
Anyway, I've gone on long enough here. I just wanted to add my story & offer lots of love & support.

[cutekid]

I jsut wanted to let everyone know I am glad I am not alone in how nursing my pre schooler makes me feel physically. I wonder why the "Books" don't talk about the hibby jibbies. Never the less, My DS and I have cut back on nursing time to 30 seconds on each side. He knows he can sit in lap for as long as he wants after he is done nursing. I make the decision on when to stop, but I always offer cuddles immediately afterwards. I remind him that he can always cuddle with mommy and nursing isn't the only way to be close.

As for my DP's feelings, I have had enough of that. I simply tell him this is about Nathan and my body. My body has had enough nursing..and its time to help Nathan move forward. Since then my DP has helped more.

As for a weaning party I am planning one. Actually its something that my DS and I have talked about. I swear I am burning all of my Nursing bras. This party want happen for sometime. I am okay with where we are at for now. It may change in a few weeks..but for now things are better.

Thanks everyone. Thanks for sharing your support, and your experiences.

[dulce de leche]

Originally Posted by sunnysideup

Just a FYI... That creepy-crawly feeling is often hormonally induced. It can happen with pregnancy, as others have mentioned, but can also be caused by birth control pills or weight loss.

Although, there is nothing wrong with gently weaning if that is what mom feels is best.

Absolutely! For me, soy is the trigger. It spikes my estrogen levels and nursing suddenly feels awful. If you have started eating any type of diet foods recently (they often contain high levels of soy protein) that could be the cause.

[Mama-Qi]

My daughter loves stories. She's 2 1/2 now and I have encouraged a decrease in nursing so we are down to naptime, bedtime and the occasional phone call. What helped was making up a story about a little girl who went through the weaning process by limiting to naptime/nighttime and eventually stopped because she became a big girl. We talk about how the little girl may have felt, ie: "sad because no more nursing but her mommy gave her lots of hugs and she felt happy again" This sort of role playing allows my daughter to go through the act of weaning before actually doing it so she can anticipate what might happen, and what to do when they happen. Eases some anxiety about weaning. We named the character and now when we have a difficult time it helps just to bring her name up. good luck.

[AquariusHome]

Thank you, Thank you for this post. I stopped by this board for the first time today looking exactly for this. I've been hanging out on the breastfeeding challenges board trying to help my 3month old learn to nurse correctly. I've been so focused on dealing with an incorrect suck, severe reflux, and resulting low milk supply to the point I'm having to supplement dd with formula. And in the process I feel like I have completely neglected DS2's (3 1/4 yo) nursing desires. When I was pregnant I got the creepy crawlies but tried to fight through it. In the end I night-weaned and started limiting time for sessions. Then I started having big time contractions when nursing so I limited more. Then baby was born and the issues began with her BF'ing and soon ds was told he had to be go only after dd and the pump (poor guy was after the pump ). Then I started to relax on the order of things since I was supplementing anyway but I still have the creepy crawlies. Basically the BF'ing relationsip has been strained for a yr now and he still is happy to take whatever I will allow and shows no signs of giving it up. But he is acting out more and more and when he is not acting out he's isolating himself. I miss my sweet, happy go lucky little boy and I know nursing more would help but my body is practically screaming STOP!!!

Anyhow, I'm grateful for the place to vent, see others are dealing with similar issues, and get some ideas.

[transformed]

subbing

[momsgotmilk4two]

I just wanted to chime in and say that I completely understand your feelings, right down to the dp who is telling you to either wean or just let him nurse. My dh was the same way. He'd say either let him nurse or don't, but his constant whining to nurse is driving me insane. Of course my ambivilant feelings about the whole thing didn't help. I wanted to let them (I was tandem nursing) nurse as long as they wanted to but my body was just NOT cooperating. So I finally decided to wean them both at the same time. This is when my boys were age 3.5 and 2. They weaned quite easily. We went out for ice cream instead of nursing on the last night, which was the final stage of the weaning process. They never asked to nurse again and were their happy, normal selves, without the constant (and I do mean contant, as in every time I sat down, or 20 plus times per day) requests to nurse. It was just time. I had tried cutting them back prior to weaning them and that did not go over with either of them well. They did better with weaning than with time limits or limits on how many times per day they could nurse.

I am currently nursing a 3 yr old and this time around things are fine as long as I only nurse him 3-4 times per day which is all he really asks for. He also doesn't complain if I have to end a session due to nipple soreness. Different kids, different outcomes. Sometimes our bodies just won't let us do what the ideal in our head is and we need to be gentle with ourselves.

[phreedom]

I noticed that sometimes when DD is teething or AF is on the way, nursing can be really difficult at times.

DD doesn't bite when she nurses but when she's teething, she becomes very whiny and wants to nurse all. the. time. My nipples get so sore to the point that I am crying. I was really starting to resent it, but I didn't want to stop nursing her. She was hurting and it was a source of comfort to her...I didn't want to rip that away from her. But I had to do something. I would just have my DH distract her and give her lots of cuddles and hugs when I needed a break. I would give her an EMB popsicle or a juice popsicle to sooth her gums and he would cuddle her. This has started to replace those short, very frequent sessions. It may not be CLW, but it has saved our nursing relationship and my husband gets a chance to comfort her. That makes him feel really good.

And when AF comes I get and itchy fidgety feeling when she nurses. I don't know why, but I noticed when I cut back on caffeine...especially during that time...it helps. But then someone mentioned dehydration can contribute...caffeine can be dehydrating.

Good luck. 3.5 years is great! Mine is only 16 months...so I got a little longer to go.

[donannedean]

I don't have time to read all the posts so maybe someone already wrote this
My sister had the same problem. It was from lack of minerals. Even prenatals may not be absorbed by your body. You could try liquid minerals.
Good luck
Donanne

[cutekid]

Real quick update. We are down to nursing about twice a day and only for a few seconds.
All in all the cut back is going well. I never thought I would HAVE to do it for my own sanity but here I am.

[LaurenS]

Thanks for this thread. I too have felt so guilty about these feelings. My oldest will be 5 in April. He started the weaning process before I got pregnant. It happened gradually but one day I noticed, he was only nursing once every three or four days. So I felt it was okay to get pregnant. During pregnancy, he pretty much was nursing once every two weeks. It hurt, but it was only for a few seconds, so I put up with it. The baby came six weeks ago. At first he asked to nurse here and there. He probably wasn't interested because it was colostrum. When my milk came in, I was engorged and in pain and had a very sleepy baby who wouldn't empty them. So I offered the breast a few times (I had stopped offering a long time ago) and he said no. In the last few days, he has taken an interest in nursing. I think it's driving me crazy because he was almost weaned, and because he is so big (58 pounds and very tall). I never hated nursing him during his gradual decrease. It's this not gradual increase that has gotten to me for some reason. And his latch hurts. I gently tell him and he tries again, but it still hurts. Last night, I had to gently tell him that it was sleep time. To which he complied. Another thing is that my husband is encouraging him to nurse. Telling him, "Don't you want milk, it's sweet", because he thinks it's so cool. I told him in private to stop encouraging him to nurse. I just can't wean him now because I don't want him to be jealous of his brother. Oh my gosh, I hope this is a phase. Thanks for listening.

Lauren

[PrennaMama]

Originally Posted by beanma

Seemingly paradoxically when you give the okay to nursing and don't set limits as far as frequency the nurslings often don't need to nurse as frequently. It's that forbidden fruit thing I think. When the little one hears "you can't nurse right now" it just makes them more and more anxious about when they will get to nurse. If you say, "okay, have a quick nurse" they can feel reassured that mom (and nursing) is still there for them and then they don't need to nurse as long.

I have also found that to be true... when I am reluctant, dd will really press the issue.

Originally Posted by motherearthdancer

<snip>
...I often say, "bigger mouth" and he re-latches himself. We went through a phase where I felt "creepy crawlie" when he nursed, and sometimes, once in a while, I still get it. I felt like we had to re-learn how to latch on. Recently, I just tell him that "mommy, needs to take a break b/c my lala's hurt" and he can nurse again when I'm feeling better, or that he can nurse "after" (insert event). He has been more demanding lately, but usually if he is really tired and needing comfort.

Its a fine line between needing to comfort your babies and wanting your body to feel respected by your babies as well. I hope you find an answer soon.

(I've also done a countdown and that works for us as well, but I also find moments where I feel "stronger" and can allow him more time, so I'll offer him lala then, and he's so cute. I'll say, "Do you want some lala now?" and he'll reply, "Yes, please! Thank you, Mama, thank you!")

We have very similar experiences.

In our home, we really don't shy away from being upfront about our feelings. I have told dd on more than a rare occassion, "My breasts hurt Little Butt. I don't feel good nursing right now. You can snuggle, sniff, and touch, but no nursing for a little bit." She is understanding but SO relieve when she can get to nurse again.

Originally Posted by sunnysideup

Just a FYI... That creepy-crawly feeling is often hormonally induced. It can happen with pregnancy, as others have mentioned, but can also be caused by birth control pills or weight loss.

Although, there is nothing wrong with gently weaning if that is what mom feels is best.

I didn't know about the weight loss piece. I just lost 30 pounds and when the weight started coming off (I'm working out) that IS when that icky feeling reared its head for me.

We went thru MONTHS of the creepy willies. It hurt, both physically and emotionally. I found myself feeling very put-upon, and I think that prevented let-down, somewhat (since I was disconnected from nursing...), and that is what seemed to cause the pain. But I shortened sessions, and talked with dd about it. I tell her "We both have to want to, honey... and Mama doesn't want to right now." if I'm not feeling it. I tell her "Open wide, Mama needs you to get the whole thing in there or it hurts." and she will dutifully open really wide and that really improved her latch, thus, a little less pain.

I'd never had nursing pain before... it was something! I really feel for mamas who experience pain like this the whole time!

I find dd wants to nurse when she's bored, so I redirect with more engaging play. We are down to pre-bed-time, and only for 15 seconds to 1 minute (I don't actually time, but it's pretty quick), and early morning snuggle/nurse-a-thons, where I sleep, and she sneaks onto the breast until I roll over and then she might actually climb over me to get to it! Sometimes a sip of the nip in midday, but rarely, and, really, as she says "Just a sip". I feel at peace with where we are now, and know that she is almost done... (sighing wistfully, even with my creppy willies)

[ORxPlant]

I get that from time-to-time.

Do you get any "me" time? Maybe you're feeling touched-out. Perhaps if you could get outside, take a leisurely bath/shower, get a pedicure, read a newspaper, or whatever you do to recharge, that might help.

Take care of yourself and it will be easier to take care of DS.



Tracey

[joublej]

Thanks for this thread! I am lying in bed crying about how I feel and the guilt of going from loving nursing my 3.5yo to hating it overnight a week or so ago. My DD basically was only nursing to bed but I can' stand it anymore and the guilt!!!
I had planned to let her lead, but we are now weaning. Tonight I held her and she stroked my neck looking for skin for the side of her face. I got her a sippy of milk and she snuggled her with Dad in her bed and we got through one night. The other nights I nursed real quick without pointing it out to her. I am afraid of dialoguing with her. I guess I should.

[veganbaby]

I am tandem nursing and I get the creepy crawlie feeling from nursing my 3.5 as well. It's no longer a peaceful time for me. It seems like she has forgotten to latch and now leaves teeth marks. I keep reminding her to open wide, but when she does she just have the nipple in her mouth and doesn't do anything. I have to limit it to just naptime because when she nurses, it doesn't bring peaceful feelings.

[PrennaMama]

Originally Posted by joublej

Thanks for this thread! I am lying in bed crying about how I feel and the guilt of going from loving nursing my 3.5yo to hating it overnight a week or so ago. My DD basically was only nursing to bed but I can' stand it anymore and the guilt!!!
I had planned to let her lead, but we are now weaning. Tonight I held her and she stroked my neck looking for skin for the side of her face. I got her a sippy of milk and she snuggled her with Dad in her bed and we got through one night. The other nights I nursed real quick without pointing it out to her. I am afraid of dialoguing with her. I guess I should.

Aw, poor mama! There's no harm in talking with her... it might not go over perfectly the first time, but just own it and steady on. It'll be a boon to your relationship too, that you trust her enough to share with her your preferences.

[nhapmom]

im glad to see this thread b/c i didnt know about some of the things mentioned contributing to the hibby jibby's. i konw that right now its my pregnancy causing my issues and we are sticking it out but its good to see that when tandem nursing, tings other than simply "it may be time to wean" may be in play.

so, thanks! )

[haleyelianasmom]

I feel so guilty because this feeling has been going on big time lately and dd is just 2.5 this month. I think it might be a combination of lots of stress and hormones (AF just came back in December). Whatever the case, I fidget like crazy every time she latches on because I can't stand the feeling. I often end up cutting her off after a minute because I just can't do it any more. I don't want to wean her, I just want the icky feelings to go away so she can happily wean herself at 4

On a side note, why does this happen? I mean, logically, I have no problem nursing her. It isn't something that is bothering my mentally. Is this nature's way of pushing us to help them wean? I don't know, that's not really CLW-friendly (although helping them along the way without ending the nursing relationship altogether could be semi-CLW I suppose, depending on how you define CLW)... I just am curious as to why this happens. It's so frustrating!

[foogoomomma]

I'm glad it's working better for you now. I am all too familiar with that feeeling oh my it was just horrible to feel that way about nursing, but I think a happy mommy makes for a happy baby even if that means no more nursing!

Glad dp got on board... I know I would have let my dh know where he could have shoved it if he didn't lol! They have no clue what it feels like -- even now I can still remember that creepy feeling yuckky uck!!!

[One_Girl]

My La Leche League Leader told me that that was a sign that my daughter was ready to wean and so was I. She said she got the same thing with all of her kids towards the end of their time nursing together and they all nursed until about four.