Doulas - have you ever felt "unneeded" at a birth?

[tree_hugger]

I am presently a student doula, studying through CBI. A close friend of mind has very kindly offered to let me come to her birth in a few weeks, as one of the births required for my certification.

I know my friend doesn't really need me to be there. This is her third birth, she has a great midwife and her partner and mother, who were great at her previous births, will both be attending.

So I am wondering how I am supposed to conduct myself during the birth? I know I will step in if one of the other support people needs a break, but I think this is unlikely. I have offered to take photographs, and my friend was very excited by that idea, but that won't be a continuous thing - just a little click here and there.

I just don't want to get in anyone's way, or bring in any superfluous energy, KWIM? Any suggestions?

[MsBlack]

Maybe you could make a practice of quiet attentiveness. Be there to observe, learn, contribute your own calm energy without asking for any attention/energy to come your way. Be fairly invisible--which is a good skill IMO for any birth helper to learn, even those who are destined to be more central to events. And be a willing servant--let everyone know that you're happy to fetch and carry for all, drinks/food/fresh towels, whatever.

good luck!

[DoomaYula]

Yes, in a good way. Husband and wife were just really working well together, and all I did was ask if mom wanted juice or water betw ctx.

[Peppamint]

Originally Posted by MsBlack

Maybe you could make a practice of quiet attentiveness. Be there to observe, learn, contribute your own calm energy without asking for any attention/energy to come your way. Be fairly invisible--which is a good skill IMO for any birth helper to learn, even those who are destined to be more central to events. And be a willing servant--let everyone know that you're happy to fetch and carry for all, drinks/food/fresh towels, whatever.

good luck!

I agree. That is what I did when a friend of mine invited me to observe her homebirth a few years ago (this was when I decided I wanted to be a midwife but before I started assisting and schooling). I was somewhat unnecessary, yet I was able to be helpful to the midwives and her apprentices on a couple of occasions and I took some pictures that the mom appreciated having later.

Go with the flow!

[MamaVolpe]

I am on the other end of the same situation. I have a friend who is in doula training and I am letting her attend my birth for her cert. I don't really need her though in a traditional doula role. What I think will be useful is if she takes photos, gets drinks or food from the kitchen when needed, be more of a house mother than doula. Just some one who keeps things smooth and organized so I don't have to worry about stuff. I am doing a homebirth so when I get closer to my due date she is going to come over to my house so I can show her where the birthing supplies are, where to find extra towels, where to pack a bag for me if I need er transport. I am also going to give her a list of phone numbers that I will want to contact during different stages of labor. So not much labor support but help with all the details I don't want to have to worry about. Sort of like a wedding planner but for birth

[sapphire_chan]

This sounds like a good opportunity for you to observe a birth that progresses normally. You can practice stuff like spotting when she's in transition and such without any pressure to respond. She's giving you a great chance to learn. I'd concentrate on what her face is telling you about how she's doing and mentally review what you would try doing if you were the primary labor support person.

Observing a woman who doesn't need your help could really help you when you have women who do need it.

[tlcdoula]

My suggestion would be to meet with everyone to discuss their roles and to clarify what yours will be. Whenever I am working with a bunch of people I have one of the prenatals with everyone present. I have to admit that even births with lots of people I have still found stuff to do.

As for your first question about not feeling needed much - I have felt that way at the two homebirths I have attended. I felt like I hardly did anything, but that is the way a homebirth is - so much more relaxed

[Sileree]

Originally Posted by KathleenRay

Doulas - have you ever felt "unneeded" at a birth?

Yep, sometimes. Just did at a natural birth I attended Jan. 3rd. because my client and her partner were working really well together.

Originally Posted by KathleenRay

So I am wondering how I am supposed to conduct myself during the birth??

I agree with the previous posters about being quiet and sitting in the background. Smile encouragingly when she looks at you. Once she is in active labor, occaisonally ask if she is doing OK and coping well and if there is anything she needs. Once in a while, praise her coping techniques or offer suggestions for her partner. Its OK to just BE. You don't have to be doing anything to be an effective doula. There were studies that showed that even if a nurse was sitting in the room with a laboring woman and ignored her, it still had a positive effect. Remember that, because that's what you'll be doing for her.

I'd suggest bringing something to do with your hands, like knitting or embroidery. Michel Odent says doing something repetitive with your hands reduces the output of adrenaline. It also makes her feel like you aren't bored and she doesn't have to entertain you. Some mothers worry about that. And its very encouraging for them because they think that if you are just minding your own business, everything must be going really well.

[tree_hugger]

Thankyou for your suggestions and ideas, everyone! I feel much more confident about my role now.