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ap and crying - Page 6

Poll Results: ap and crying

This is a multiple choice poll
  • 20% (93)
    I did all of the below and my baby was 'calm'
  • 28% (126)
    I did all of the below and my baby was 'fussy'
  • 24% (109)
    I did some of the below and my baby was 'calm'
  • 20% (92)
    I did some of the below and my baby was 'fussy'
  • 2% (10)
    I did none of the below and my baby was 'calm'
  • 0% (3)
    I did none of the below and my baby was 'fussy'
  • 3% (14)
447 Total Votes  
post #101 of 112
I did all that stuff when my kids were babies, but for some reason it didn't "stick" with my second one! He was calm as a baby, but now at 17 months Henri will whine or scream about something many times a day. He gets so frustrated with his older brother stealing toys from him and learning how to "hold his own" around here. That and there's lots of tumbles and head bumps because he's fearless and doesn't ever look to see what's in front of him. He was a piece-of-cake baby, now he's a whirlwind toddler and things are totally different. Paddy, my 2 year old, was always pretty calm...but then again no one was ever there to steal his toys or pick on him.
post #102 of 112
vaxing isn't AP? Are you serious?
post #103 of 112
Originally Posted by wannabe View Post
vaxing isn't AP? Are you serious?
I think that maybe she was referring to the fact that some kids can react negatively to being vaxed. I'm not sure she meant that vaxing meant you weren't AP. I vaxed ds1 completely, though delayed later on, but I still consider myself to be very AP with him.
post #104 of 112
My dd was unvaxed (until age 2), no CIO not even a second, worn almost constantly, slept mostly on me, blah blah blah blah blah.

She was calm as a baby in some respects, fussy in others. No, she did not cry a lot, but I went to extreme measures to keep her from crying. I often stood in the bathroom with all of the water sources running full blast, while rocking her vigorously, for over an hour. Because if I stopped rocking or turned off the water she would wail. To put her to sleep took hours of walking her in the sling. If I stopped she would cry. But I was determined to be AP Superwoman so I did actually manage it so she didn't cry so much!

And when she turned about 6 months, the sleep thing continued to be hard (actually it got progressively worse over the next year) but her disposition became so sunny, she was such a happy and alert baby, and seemed quite calm in almost every situation.

As a young toddler she was very normal. On the go, but not overly so. Other than the sleep, no issues besides the normal developmental ones.

Now she is a 2.5 yo and I'd say the same. She has her little fussy quirks. She is somewhat high-needs. But she is not the most hyper or UN-calm kid I know who is her age, by a long shot. I don't know how better to describe it; just in the middle I guess, temperament-wise. She is very chatty and interested in the world. She also is defiant and throws tantrums sometimes, and we still have a real hard time at night with bedtime although she finally (hallelujah) sleeps through.

I have no idea whether anything I did contributed to her personality, or what. My feeling is that her temperament is somewhat high-needs but not seriously high-needs, and that she is securely attached and happy, and that parenting has obviously contributed to this. But parenting cannot obviate crying or tantrums or difficult behavior; I think almost every kid (excepting kids born with serene temperaments who are just sort of immune to difficult behavior - I'm told they exist) has periods of difficult behavior and developmentally normal frustration, defiance, crying (for an infant), whatever.

All we can do is try to understand why it happens and help our kids make the most of their temperaments. I'm not sure stopping all crying should be the overall goal with infants, actually, although it was a major focus of my day. I just couldn't bear to hear her cry. Perhaps it was the right thing; I just don't see how it would have been feasible if I had had to work or had had another child...I refuse to believe that parents of 2 or more are somehow shortchanging #2, #3 etc. if they can't prevent all of their crying the way they might have been able to for #1. I think babies are more resilient than that.

I also want to say that AP practices have helped foster an amazing bond between my dd, my dh and I. I am SO glad I "found AP". Yet, there are things I would do differently, not as AP, if I had them to do over. I would not cling to co-sleeping when it obviously wasn't working for anyone. I would nightwean sooner. I would learn how to swaddle a baby properly; that might have helped her sleep better in the early days!! And, most of all, I would TRY not to beat myself up so much for not being a perfect mama.
post #105 of 112
Thread Starter 
Originally Posted by race_kelly View Post
I think that maybe she was referring to the fact that some kids can react negatively to being vaxed. .
post #106 of 112
I clicked other. I did all of the below and baby was calm, except for her evening fussy hour in the first few months. Or the times my diet consisted of wheat, dairy, tomato.
post #107 of 112
I skimmed, but didn't read all the posts.

I did all of those things. DS has had everything a baby could want. But he is extremely volatile.

He can go from giggling and squealing with delight, to red-faced inconsolable screaming in about a second over apparently nothing. Then I work my butt off trying to calm him back down as quickly as possible to spare his nervous system and endocrine system from the damage.

Once we accepted that DS WILL cry, a lot, DH and I became much less stressed. Before that, I was a wreck and crying all the time myself.

Even if I do NOTHING but attend to him 24/7, he will scream. So, I feel less guilty about him screaming while I take care of MY needs, since he would be screaming anyway. Less guilty, but still guilty. I don't handle guilt well, which is why before he was born I always did the right thing -- because I was so extremely avoidant of feeling guilty. Now it is impossible not to feel guilty, because no matter what I do it is not possible to keep him happy.
post #108 of 112
Originally Posted by BunnySlippers View Post
I clicked other. I did all of the below and baby was calm, except for her evening fussy hour in the first few months.
This was DS2, for the most part.

I chose the first option because I'd consider him a very "calm" baby. I can honestly only remember 3-4 nights where I actually had to walk the floor with him during a particular fussy time. He had fussy tantrums in the evening when my milk supply wasn't enough for him, but those stopped when my supply increased.

Btw, I think every baby "cries at least once a day" (as stated in the OP), regardless of parenting styles. I wouldn't consider that the threshhold for being labeled "fussy".
post #109 of 112
I don't like the 'AP as a shopping list' concept and I haven't read all the posts but I think AP affects the way you react to a baby crying; it doesn't prevent it.
post #110 of 112
Originally Posted by orangefoot View Post
I think AP affects the way you react to a baby crying; it doesn't prevent it.
Excellent point That's pretty much my attitude, as well.

I think the idea (about AP) that if you "do it right" your baby will never cry just sets moms up for guilt and stress.
post #111 of 112
Both girls were parented almost identically in terms of our parental approach (some AP, some not). Their birth experiences were not dissimilar. My youngest is calm and happy and easily soothed. My first had scorching colic from the age of 5 days until well past 2 months. (She's fine now at 4 /2 )

A parent really doesn't have that much control over a newborn's personality. It always seems kind of narcissistic of me when people think they do.
post #112 of 112
if by cry and fussy you mean when there is nothing wrong, for 'no' reason at all then no all of mine were not like that.
but if you mean cry until they get what they are wanting.. then yes definitely!! mostly it was for wanting to be held or nursing.
they all definitely had not so gentle birth. the oldest vacc'd a few times. the youngest no vacs ever. (but one had hospital iv), no circ, yes breastfeed on cue, yes coslept and no cio. (btw... maybe im reading this wrong, but NINE + 3 people picked they did none of the list meaning they USED CIO??? i didnt read all the posts so maybe it was before they found ap? hopefully yes! )
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