ap and crying - Page 5

[ComaWhite]

Originally Posted by EVC

Did all of the above (except I have a girl, so circ wasn't really an issue). I did everyting "right" according to the wisdom of AP. And my daughter cried from the moment her eyes were open until the moment she fell asleep. All day, every day. She was--and is--VERY high needs. It has nothing to do with parenting style, imo, and everything to do with her personality. Some kids are just very intense. Having said that, however, I do believe that "AP" is the kindest, most appropriate response to that.

: And my now 4.5yo STILL screams all the time and is STILL very high needs. She's just a fireball. But we love 'er anyways. My 2nd dd is way way more mellow and what would be considered an "easy" baby.

I think saying ap will equal 'kids like this' completely ignores the fact that everyone has different personalities, that no matter what you do to them, wont change who they are.

[Ruthla]

All of my kids cried at least once a day, but I wouldn't consider any of them to be "fussy'- 2 of my kids were very easy going as babies and one was pretty high strung as a baby- one of the calm babies was a very intense toddler and the other two were calmer as toddlers.

[felix23]

Originally Posted by artgoddess

my first was such a happy baby. My second...well...she sure is loved, but she's a fussy little thing.

I know what you mean. DD cried for the first year of her life. Doing AP things made it worse. She was happiest being stuck in a swing and not looked at. She is still a fussy, high needs toddler that doesn't come close to sleeping through the night. My next child better be easy going.

[sophiekat]

someone here has a sig that says "attachment parenting starts with leaving the foreskin attached." except for religious circ, thats pretty much how i see it. whatever API does or doesnt say on the subject i don't particularly care -- i don't think its especially gentle or responsive of a child's needs to perform cosmetic surgery on them without anaesthesia : call me crazy.

both my girls were sections, but everything else is on the list. dd1 was/os high needs, and dd2 is downright fussy.

[vbactivist]

Originally Posted by sophiekat

someone here has a sig that says "attachment parenting starts with leaving the foreskin attached." except for religious circ, thats pretty much how i see it. whatever API does or doesnt say on the subject i don't particularly care -- i don't think its especially gentle or responsive of a child's needs to perform cosmetic surgery on them without anaesthesia : call me crazy.

.

thank you

[mamallama]

Doh! I voted wrong. I voted that I did none, but I meant to vote that I did all.

I did all the ap things, and my firstborn was still a wailer. She cried for hours every day for the first 4-5 months of her life.

My second two got all the ap benefits and almost never cried. They would cry for a few minutes a couple of times a week.

[Jessy1019]

Originally Posted by Gumby

dd didn't cry until she was six weeks old. now, depending on what's going on (teething, etc) she has fussy spurts. everyone comments on how happy she is. i know the next one is going to be different, and I'm preparing for it

You may luck out again. I was worried after my first was so calm and content, but both of mine were easy, smiley babies.

[lilyka]

I only voted for one child - the one that was fussy.

# 1 would have slept well and been near comotose during her wake hours regardless of if we we the poster parents for AP or left her to her own devices in a basket in the front yard. we Aped but she couldhave cared less. I wouldn't say she was happy baby but she never ever fussed either. she was vaxed to a point and after two very bad reactions we stopped. She was also 6 weeks premature and on a very ridgid schedule in the ICU. She pretty much stuck to it after we got home. seriously, if she was walking around and the clock struck nap time she would fall over asleep. no kidding. I didn't have to do much with her.

#2 = was fussy. What finally turned her into a delightful child was rest, and more rest and plenty of it. and what it took to get that was a rock solid (and very long I might add) bedtime routien, daily schedule, weaning and moving her into her own bed. she is 7 and is still my worst sleeper, still needs a lot of structure, always tired and usually cranky about something.

#3 - was my easy baby. You know when everyone asks you "is she a good baby"? she was and now I know why they ask. its like you won the lottery and they are asking you if you hit the jack pot. Always happy and snuggly and loving. social and sweet. She didn't sit in a room of people, she held court and her admires would come from far and near. even at birth nurses came who weren't assigned to me just to see her. The lab techs refused to poke her because they couldn't bare to make her cry. She really casts a spell on people. She slept well and easily ( and didn't care much if it was with me or not but had to have a consistant place to sleep and we had to stick to the schedule - she was a scheduled baby from birth. after the nightmare of Lilys first year I had to at least try a different path. and with three kids it is hard to keep everyone happy without a routien and schedule), she played well, was perfectuly regular, ate well but not too much. I finally got one that had read the instruction manual dang it (although I owe a lot of it to the fact that she slept well and was on a schedule. I won't lie. I think #2 would have been a lot happier if she were more on a schedule and if she had slept better. and I think she would have slept better if I had a) put her on a schedule from birth and b) allowed her to sleep on her tummy) . and she was just the happiest sweetest baby. Still is .. although a little spoiled at this point . . . hard not to be when everyone treats as though you are a princess.

[AbbieB]

DD was a calm baby, or better yet a happy baby. But she did have her moments, days, nights, and phases. Looking back I think she may have been a high needs baby (she fits so many of the characteristics) but I never thought of her that way at the time. I think being AP really helped us to have such a positive experience.

DD has been amazingly easy so far. He will fuss when he wants something, but is very quick to respond, even when you've got it wrong. He will let me put him down...as long as he can see me or daddy or big sister. He will even accept soothing from others (DD was clear about the fact that it had to be me almost every time). AP parenting helps me to not take advantage of his easy going nature. I find I miss him when I'm not holding him.

[ann_of_loxley]

I did a lot of those things though I am not sure I consider us 'ap' as we are not really 'child centred' - we are more TCC as we are more family centred. But I guess thats just a small difference!...

We co sleep, baby (now toddler hehe) wear, no vax, used some cloth nappies but also did EC, no circ (but thats not common in the UK anyhow), responded to my babies needs (obviously hehe) etc etc... And my son pretty much never cried. I would not consider him fussy either. Obviously the first tooth was a bit painful and we are a big unhappy when we have been ill but my son was one of those children (and still is) that often gets labled as 'Good' and 'so obedient' and 'so independent' and 'so happy'... yes I do think he is independent and yes I do think he is happy but people call him this becaues he is 'quiet' and he lives up to 'their standards'...but thats just how he is. He is also highly sensitive and as I am highly sensitive (though I just found both of these things out) I think I made his life comfortable for him without knowing it simply because of my own sensitivity. If that makes sense. So I do think that if I 'parented' differently than he would have been quite a bit unhappy about it and would have certainly let everyone know (by crying of course!). However, though I do feel that 'AP' is a fantastic way to 'parent' and works well for most children - your childs built in personality is something to consider as well. Nature and nurture and all of that. Nurture is certainly very important (and I certainly dont think that because of nature, should nuture ever be not given the credit it deserves!) but nature plays a part too. My son is very 'laid back' but I think thats just in his nature but I know my nuture helps with this.

[nextcommercial]

I only did a few of those things, and my dd was calm, happy, easy going.

BUT, she was sick a LOT. She's 15, and she's still sick a lot.

[lovingmommyhood]

Are there babies who don't cry even once a day? Or fuss?

Did some of those things (most) and DS1 was not fussy.
Did some of those things (most) and DS2 was VERY "fussy" actually fussy is way too cute a word for it...

[lemurmommies]

We do/did some of those things, and DS is a totally calm kid. Sure, he cries a bit every day, but he is not what people would label "fussy" by any stretch of the imagination.

I'm thinking it has a lot more to do with just who he is as a person, though. He's just always been laid back.

[siobhang]

One fussy baby, one calm baby, did exactly the same with both - actually, I was LESS attentive/responsive/AP to the calm baby than the fussy one since my fussy one was my first born, and frankly, the calm baby could handle less baby holding, etc.

I think the question, frankly, reveals some misunderstandings about the goals and purpose of AP, and what AP (and good parenting in general) is able to achieve.

There are no guarantees in life and no silver bullets. Sure, AP behaviors may increase the chance of an easy baby or may make parenting easier in some situations, but temperament and other factors will outweigh even the "best" parenting techniques.

And the list is full of techniques. AP is more than a checklist of techniques - and is more than "fixing" kids so they "behave" according to our standards of "good" babies. AP is about being in tune with your kids and trying to meet their needs, and not about meeting our own need* for a perfect/easy/"good" child.

Siobhan

* but parental needs should not be forgotten too - the needs of the FAMILY need to be met, to the best of the FAMILY'S ability. This includes mom.

[WannabeaFarmer]

Well we have a girl.. So Circ didnt apply and she is pretty much a calm child. We figured out that she needed to be close to us otherwise she would scream as loud as she could. In fact she slept so much that I would have to wake her constantly to feed and change her. Then after we figured out that she needed us close to her(high need?)she really didnt cry, just kinda squeaked a bit
She is a very outgoing toddler and is gaining some independence , but still very high needs. She likes to have that attachment to both of us.
and we just love it too.

[Alyantavid]

We did all that, except vaxing, my kids were vaxed until recently. Both of them cried but only when they needed something. We did have to go through the colicky, fussy stuff.

[hippymomma69]

Well I did *some* of the above - and I consider my kids to be calm - although that doesn't mean that they didn't have fussy times occassionally. But I just considered them to be "normal fussy" if that makes any sense.

I have a friend whose baby was truly colicky - of course it turns out she was STARVING her since she only breastfed on a schedule. At least she finally found a lactation consultant who told her to feed her baby - then she stopped being such an unhappy baby.

Maybe by some people's standards my kids are "fussy" but I just consider them to be normal. I was always able to calm them with the boob or just holding them.

peace,
robyn

[mom2PJS]

Girl...No circ
I did vax, although I might have delayed/selective if I had known more ...no vax (I don't necessarily consider this AP, but can see how it might cause a baby to be 'fussy')
I had a scheduled c-section due to a uterine reconstructive surgery. Probably not the most gentle way to enter the world, but DP and I were calm and content with the decision....gentle birth
Every hour or more for the first 6 months or so then around the clock about every 3 hours ...breastfeed on cue
until about 10 months, well she really didn't "sleep" much...coslept
still no .... no cio

Fussy was an understatement. She was alert and aware from day1. People would say "don't let her get overstimulated" ... She woke up overstimulated. She is an inferno of passion, energy and temper. So difficult and so much fun.

[DevaMajka]

My ds was circed , vaxed to 12 mos , and it wasn't a gentle birth . I was unconscious for hours after his birth, so he didn't nurse at first, and did bonding with dp.
We did bf on cue, cosleep, and held him ALL the time. (Literally, he was in someone's arms at LEAST 23 hours a day- he wouldn't sleep if he wasn't in my arms).
He didn't cry much as long as he was held and nursed when he wanted to be.

[Qestia]

Originally Posted by NiteNicole

Are there really people who think if you do everything just right, your child will never cry?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH..whew, let me catch my breath.

I know, just wait till the kid is two!