Hi all!
We’re in the process of ironing out our written agreements and contracts on the legal side, with our KD and were hoping to get ideas and input of things others have put in their agreement - as well as points that you maybe wish you had put into writing. Our situation is a bit off the norm, whatever that is, so I will post a little more information about it. I do ask that those that are against this type of thing, to please withhold their judgments. This is what we feel is best for us.
Our known donor contract and situation borders on that of a co-parenting one. The donor and his soon-to-be wife have agreed to give up all parental rights to the child. My partner will second parent adopt as soon as she legally can. We’ve discussed this with them for months and he will have significant contact with any resulting child(ren). He will be known as the father, will be referred to as such and will, at an age appropriate time be granted unsupervised visitation at their home, at our discretion.
All of our families already know about us and them and are more than supportive so the issue of discretion is moot. He will assume no financial responsibility or custodial ship rights whatsoever. All decisions regarding the child are solely up to us but they are welcome to give input minus the expectation that we will necessarily act on that input. We are doing our best to cover our butts and his, though in large part he’s taking a larger leap of faith than we are since by signing everything over to my partner, in clear writing, he would have a tough time fighting for anything if we decided to renege on.
The points we have covered so far, beyond him given up all rights and us expecting anything of him are: If I, the bio mom die, my partner agrees to uphold the agreement as it stands. Any future disagreements and arbitration will be entirely paid for by the party that initiates arbitration. We agree to give due consideration to his requests in regards to contact but will not be compelled to doing something. They can visit us, and us them but prior to the age of 10 there will be no absolute visitation agreement. Prior to that age, any and all unsupervised visitation is at our discretion, the child’s comfort with them, etc. They are more than welcome to visit us and us them during this time but the exacts of visitation past 10 will not be worked out until later. Holidays and birthday visits to them, away from us, are out.
We’ve put in that any contact established between him and the child he is expected to make a reasonable effort to maintain. Just as they will make a reasonable effort, insofar as they can, to respect our beliefs, routines, set bedtimes, etc in regards to said child. Gifts from him do not convey legal obligations on his part.
As you can see, this is far from your typical type of contract. It’s made tougher by the fact that 3 out of the 4 of us are lawyers! I’m not and they make my head hurt with the jargon but that’s another story. We’ve spent a lot of time getting to know each other to the point I trust them nearly as much as I trust my partner. Still, we want to convey as much as possible in writing so we all know where we stand.
Again, any and all suggestions you might have from your own experiences or concerns would be greatly appreciated – with the exception of simple condemnations of why this won’t work.
Thanks for any and all input.
We’re in the process of ironing out our written agreements and contracts on the legal side, with our KD and were hoping to get ideas and input of things others have put in their agreement - as well as points that you maybe wish you had put into writing. Our situation is a bit off the norm, whatever that is, so I will post a little more information about it. I do ask that those that are against this type of thing, to please withhold their judgments. This is what we feel is best for us.
Our known donor contract and situation borders on that of a co-parenting one. The donor and his soon-to-be wife have agreed to give up all parental rights to the child. My partner will second parent adopt as soon as she legally can. We’ve discussed this with them for months and he will have significant contact with any resulting child(ren). He will be known as the father, will be referred to as such and will, at an age appropriate time be granted unsupervised visitation at their home, at our discretion.
All of our families already know about us and them and are more than supportive so the issue of discretion is moot. He will assume no financial responsibility or custodial ship rights whatsoever. All decisions regarding the child are solely up to us but they are welcome to give input minus the expectation that we will necessarily act on that input. We are doing our best to cover our butts and his, though in large part he’s taking a larger leap of faith than we are since by signing everything over to my partner, in clear writing, he would have a tough time fighting for anything if we decided to renege on.
The points we have covered so far, beyond him given up all rights and us expecting anything of him are: If I, the bio mom die, my partner agrees to uphold the agreement as it stands. Any future disagreements and arbitration will be entirely paid for by the party that initiates arbitration. We agree to give due consideration to his requests in regards to contact but will not be compelled to doing something. They can visit us, and us them but prior to the age of 10 there will be no absolute visitation agreement. Prior to that age, any and all unsupervised visitation is at our discretion, the child’s comfort with them, etc. They are more than welcome to visit us and us them during this time but the exacts of visitation past 10 will not be worked out until later. Holidays and birthday visits to them, away from us, are out.
We’ve put in that any contact established between him and the child he is expected to make a reasonable effort to maintain. Just as they will make a reasonable effort, insofar as they can, to respect our beliefs, routines, set bedtimes, etc in regards to said child. Gifts from him do not convey legal obligations on his part.
As you can see, this is far from your typical type of contract. It’s made tougher by the fact that 3 out of the 4 of us are lawyers! I’m not and they make my head hurt with the jargon but that’s another story. We’ve spent a lot of time getting to know each other to the point I trust them nearly as much as I trust my partner. Still, we want to convey as much as possible in writing so we all know where we stand.
Again, any and all suggestions you might have from your own experiences or concerns would be greatly appreciated – with the exception of simple condemnations of why this won’t work.
Thanks for any and all input.
