Intrusive thoughts? - Page 2

[MilkTrance]

I had terrible intrusive thoughts around the 4 - 6 month mark. They have gone away mostly now, but I did have some last night, some awful ones. I am too scared to take anti depressants, no matter what the studies say in terms of safety.

[Way Up North]

In PPD, many moms will report seeing images of their child terribly injured or dead, sometimes at their own hand, even though they have absolutely no desire to carry out what they've seen. The thoughts are repulsive and disturbing, but cannot be shaken.

Yep. As someone else said, very calm, just wandder into your consciousness and while you are repulsed and push them away, they just hang there. I saw my daughter dead or die so many times. Sometimes I would be calmly choosing what she would wear at her funeral. Horrid awful, guilt inducing. You don't want to tell anyone because you are afraid they will think you *want* to do this, or will.
I resisted a/ds for a year and had bad luck with side effects, but finally got going on Celexa and it has helped a lot. I still have bad days with PMS (PMDD) but it is more manageable.

L

[Annie37]

I am so glad I read this thread,as I have been having these since my baby was born,& never experianced them w/ my previous 3. Am on Zoloft,but unfortunatly I only have 1 pill left,and no insurance to refill the prescription. Not sure what to do next.

[treehugginmama]

Originally Posted by gwerydd

the doctor i had in the hospital told me that everyone has intrusive thoughts at times, for example, when driving the thought flits through your head "waht if i crash the car"

My psych told me the same thing. I've suffered with them for a long time. Still once in awhile they come around. She said that everyone has them but for someone not suffering from anxiety or ppd it just a passing thought, but for someone with anxiety, ppd, OCD, it can play over an over because we worry about that thought and then that worry becomes more anxiety that causes more intrusive thoughts and it keeps snowballing.

[gwerydd]

Originally Posted by treehugginmama

My psych told me the same thing. I've suffered with them for a long time. Still once in awhile they come around. She said that everyone has them but for someone not suffering from anxiety or ppd it just a passing thought, but for someone with anxiety, ppd, OCD, it can play over an over because we worry about that thought and then that worry becomes more anxiety that causes more intrusive thoughts and it keeps snowballing.

you explained this very well.

[ndigiorgio]

Come up with a plan!

I am 33 weeks pregnant, have restarted therapy and will be restarting Zoloft probably next week. I have come up with a plan to include the drug and talk therapy and DH will be off for the 1st 3 weeks, my sister will visit and we'll have friends coming to bring meals and will re-engage a cleaning person. DD will stay in preschool while I am on leave and we are trying to get her on a better sleeping schedule.

With DD I had horrible intrusive thoughts--of drowning her, throwing her out the 2nd story window, snapping her neck, mis-steering the car. There was nothing else going on--no other classic signs of PPD. I was still bonding with her and loving her. I alluded to the thoughts to my therapist when I broke down and got some help but I NEVER fully verbalized it when it happened for fear she would be taken from me and I'd be institutionalized. I never would have dreamed of acting on those thoughts--in fact they were the opposite of how I was feeling inside---swelling with love. After reading "Postpartum Depression for Dummies" where the author (leading PPD expert Shoshanna Bennett) actually had PPOCD it's understood that you must be careful to find a therapist well-versed in this flavor of PPD---some mental health professionals will (with good intentions) try and overcorrect the situation by taking the child away and/or putting you in a hospital. So---I would find someone now who really knows PPOCD inside/out. Surprisingly, women with PPOCD are often the most careful and safety-conscious of parents--- The mind is looking for the most disturbing thought possible --what could be more disturbing than your own precious child's death at your very hand?--nothing---nothing at all is more terrible than that. I couldn't enjoy this pregancy until I reached out and made a plan--and I am becoming more and more ready every day to be the mother of 2 beautiful little girls. Good luck to you and y ou may want to check that book out--it's very helpful.

[gwerydd]

Originally Posted by ndigiorgio

After reading "Postpartum Depression for Dummies" where the author (leading PPD expert Shoshanna Bennett) actually had PPOCD it's understood that you must be careful to find a therapist well-versed in this flavor of PPD---some mental health professionals will (with good intentions) try and overcorrect the situation by taking the child away and/or putting you in a hospital. So---I would find someone now who really knows PPOCD inside/out.

that's what happened to me. i talked about the intrusive thoughts and my doctor kept stressing to me how worried she was about me and only caused me to feel more panicked. i ended up in the hospital because of her. i later went to see a specialist in PPD and had a completely different reaction. she told me that intrusive thoughts are common in women with PPD and PPOCD and that i would be okay and that i would get through it. a completely different approach that made me feel much more confident that things would get better.

[gwerydd]

i wonder if it would be possible to have this thread stickied or something. i think a lot of women with PPD have intrusive thoughts and never tell anyone because they think that their children will be taken away, that they will be told that they are terrible mothers, that they are going insane. i think it would be very helpful for mums with PPD to read about others who are dealing with intrusive thoughts. KWIM?

[LynnS6]

Originally Posted by MilkTrance

I had terrible intrusive thoughts around the 4 - 6 month mark. They have gone away mostly now, but I did have some last night, some awful ones. I am too scared to take anti depressants, no matter what the studies say in terms of safety.

Being too scared to take meds is a symptom of anxiety. I would urge you to at least see a professional for some counseling. There are things you can do behaviorally to help with intrusive thoughts and anxiety.

The equation is NOT as simple as: No meds and my baby will be completely safe. There is a demonstrated effect on your child's development if your are depressed long term and do not get help. You are not able to interact with your child in the same way.

So the equation is:
Risk of not being treated vs. risk of meds. Neither is risk free.

[LynnS6]

Originally Posted by gwerydd

i wonder if it would be possible to have this thread stickied or something. i think a lot of women with PPD have intrusive thoughts and never tell anyone because they think that their children will be taken away, that they will be told that they are terrible mothers, that they are going insane. i think it would be very helpful for mums with PPD to read about others who are dealing with intrusive thoughts. KWIM?

:

It's the big "hidden secret" of PPD - women are afraid to tell their health care providers, each other or even their partners because they're afraid they're going nuts or will be deemed unfit.

But it's a well-known and treatable part of PPD. They're not part of postpartum psychosis (which is rare and very scary), but an unknowledgeable health care provider might confuse the symptoms of intrusive thoughts with psychosis. For psychosis, women don't recognize their thoughts as abnormal. For intrusive thoughts, they do, and they're terrified by them.

Not every mother has them. I had severe PPD/Anxiety with both kids and no intrusive thoughts. But I know enough women who've had them that I know they're real, scary and treatable.

[inkedmamajama]

subbing this thread because me2.

[BabyHaysMama]

I suffered from PPD for months. The worst part about it were the intrusive thoughts. I didn't tell anyone about how I was feeling or what I was thinking because I was convinced that someone would think I was an unfit parent and would take my DS away from me. It wasn't until my son was 13 months old that I told my DH about them. I was soooo ashamed. I would not wish PPD on anyone. Although I read Brooke Shields book while I was pregnant, and didn't think it would happen to me, it did. I didn't have any treatment for me PPD but I will do whatever I can for to prevent it from happening again.

to anyone who's going through PPD right now. I hope you have all the love and support you need to get through it!

[rubyeta]

Hi, i am 32 weeks pg with my 4th. I have always had intrusive thoughts pp with all of my babies. I have been having a terrible time with them during my pregnancy this time, am was very scared about them getting worse after my baby is born.
I didnt know how common it was until i read this thread. THANK YOU!!
I have been talking to my acupuncturist about it and she is treating me for anxiety, they have almost completely stopped!! I cant believe it!! I thought i would share what is working for me.