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Help!! Dh thinks baby isn't his!!!  

post #1 of 33
1/5/08 at 11:48pm
Thread Starter 
Someone please help me. Dh and I split up back in August. I was seeing someone else in Sept and I did sleep with him twice around Sept 9th or something like that. I've taken several hpt's since and all have been negative. Not to mention that it was 4 months ago and I have had AF every month since. Dh and I got back together in Nov. and have made love everyday since. Well, I missed my Af for Dec, and took a hpt and got a BFP. Dh, is happy, but also upset. He said he cant help but think the baby isnt his, since we been together going on 13 years and never got pregnant. Now all of a sudden after we split up, im pregnant. I would be 4 months pregnant if if the baby wasnt his. I have no symptoms and the nurse that took my test said that i was very early cause the line was a faint positive. My first Dr's apt is Monday. Will they give me an edd then. Will they give me something in writing to prove to dh. He also wants a DNA test after baby is born. I dont blame him for feeling this way, I would do the same. But its causing me more heartache and stress than i need right now. I just wish that i could prove it to him while i am preg. that way he wouldn't be so distant. He also wont touch me now. We havent made love since i told him i was pregnant. Don't get me wrong. We both wanted a baby. We had undergone fertility treatments for two years before all this happened. He was on board.... The problem is that he thinks i am carring someone elses baby. What should i do???
post #2 of 33
1/6/08 at 12:00am
First of all, hugs. That is a TOUGH spot to be in. But you know, they can do a DNA test using an amnio, so you do not have to wait the whole nine months. You have to be able to stand the idea of the risk of miscarriage from the amnio though---the risk is about 1 in 200 or less, but it's still a risk. I guess you have to weigh that risk against your heartache and stress. Having a lot of stress in pregnancy is a risk too, a REAL and serious one, that puts your baby at risk of higher stress hormones circulating in her body and a slightly altered body chemistry as a result. It also royally sucks for you to have all that stress, and for DH too, so I dunno....I think I would tend to want to get the amnio, if not knowing was going to negatively affect your health, sanity, relationship and pregnancy. All that stress can also negatively affect bonding after the baby is born, especially DH's bonding. I would definitely tend towards pre-natal DNA testing. Amnios are generally covered by insurance. If you have to pay out of pocket for some of the DNA test, just do it. You can never have this pregnancy back again; you owe it to yourselves to enjoy it. Take out a loan if you have to. Good luck mamma and hugs.
post #3 of 33
1/6/08 at 12:01am
Once they do an ultrasound they will know around when you conceived. So it would fall around the time that you were with DH. If he still wants a dna test after that, I'd be pretty pissed off. The other relationship is in the past, and obviously you have chosen DH. You can always try posting in Parents as Partners too.
post #4 of 33
1/6/08 at 12:37am
Thread Starter 
Thanks guys I really appreciat the support. I don't know what the best thing to do is. And it seems like everytime i talk to dh about my pregnancy he gets more and more distant. I asked him several times to take a day off and come with me to my first app. he just keeps saying you know i have to work. My take on this is, if i dont get anything in writing from dr about me edd, at least he will be there for me to ask the dr questions like, "So its not possible that im actually 4 months pregnant?" or " Are you sure im only 7 weeks..." those types of questions. Im sure if he hears that str8 from the dr, he will be okay. I just wish he was as happy as i am. You know he is actually ruining this experiance for me. I should be the happiest woman in the world right now....
post #5 of 33
1/6/08 at 12:42am
Crashing your DDC - sorry!
I vote for being honest with your Dr. - not too honest. Ask if they can do a quick ultra sound to date your pregnancy. Take a pic to DS and hopefully that will be the end of it. You can find ultrasound pics of babes at different "ages" online for him to compare to if needed.
post #6 of 33
1/6/08 at 12:46am
Yes, get the dating u/s, and I would tell him if he wants a dna test when the babe is born go for it - it's just a saliva swab so no biggie. But until then, shut up, is what I would say. Or you're going to deal with this drama for nine months.

Good luck!
post #7 of 33
1/6/08 at 12:54am
Thread Starter 
It's more like sulking is what he is doing. Answering questions kinda monotone. Not paying to much attention to me. Not laying down to go to bed till I get up for work (we work different shifts, but still use to lay together) He wont touch me, or let me touch him... those types of things.

They are really hurting my feelings, but it's such vague things, it's almost like maybe im just being overly emotional, and there really isn't anything wrong. I guess I just have to wait till Monday anyway. I can't sleep thats why i've responded on this thread several times tonight.
post #8 of 33
1/6/08 at 2:46am
If the baby really was conceived in September, you wouldn't be in the September DDC. Not meaning that to be snarky at all, but just sayin'....since it seems you just got pregnant, it'd be unlikely that the other guy would be the dad.

: SS mama, this is a rough spot to be in, and your DH doesn't sound like he's being very mature about it. I hope you get some answers soon.
post #9 of 33
1/6/08 at 5:42am
Maybe it's just bringing up the memory of you being with someone else too. But he really does need to get past it. It's obviously his baby.
post #10 of 33
1/6/08 at 9:22pm
Thread Starter 
Thanks guys... He is doing a little better today. We've made plans to go out of town and spend the evening together kinda just a fun night. He seems to be in good spirits today... Tomorrow is the big day at the dr's office.... cant wait
post #11 of 33
1/7/08 at 8:13am
If it was me (and I'm certainly not you ) I'd tell him straight out "If you really need someone else to believe what I'm saying, then maybe we have to rethink this whole relationship."
My feeling would be so hurt if I was in your place. I'd refuse to have any kind of testing done at all. If my chosen life partner can't take me at my word...
post #12 of 33
1/7/08 at 10:44am
Good Luck at the Dr.'s today. Hope all goes well.

Hoping your weekend was great too.
post #13 of 33
1/7/08 at 12:11pm
Obviously it's completely irrational for him to think the baby might not be his, unless he really thinks you are currently being unfaithful to him. I doubt he really feels this way. More likely, the pg just brought forward a bunch of unresolved feelings and issues, and he doesn't know how to deal.

It sounds like you two have been through a lot. I know fertility difficulties can be really hard on a couple. And finally conceiving doesn't necessarily make all those issues go away, either. And having a child really puts a relationship to the test. Maybe you should both consider a few counseling sessions together?

I'm sorry this is marring the experience for you. But, it's better to have these issues come up now rather than after the baby's born.
post #14 of 33
1/7/08 at 1:33pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by thismama View Post
Yes, get the dating u/s, and I would tell him if he wants a dna test when the babe is born go for it - it's just a saliva swab so no biggie. But until then, shut up, is what I would say. Or you're going to deal with this drama for nine months.

Good luck!
yup!
post #15 of 33
1/7/08 at 10:07pm
Thread Starter 
I had an U/S today and well.... either im way earlier than i thought, or something is wrong. I thought I was at 7 weeks, and the u/s only shows a sac and nothing else. The Dr. told me I am probably only 5 weeks going in to six, and Hubby was right there. To make sure nothing is wrong, I am going back in two weeks for another u/s. This is to see if my baby started growing. If there is still only a sac, then I have no baby. Im so worried. Has anyone else experianced this.

The issue with dh is solved. He now knows for sure that this is his baby. But he hated to hear that there might be something wrong. Now he is focusing on not stressing me out, and telling me not to worry.... big difference in his attitude.
post #16 of 33
1/7/08 at 10:09pm
Update?
post #17 of 33
1/7/08 at 10:48pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by 11yrsNoKid View Post
I had an U/S today and well.... either im way earlier than i thought, or something is wrong. I thought I was at 7 weeks, and the u/s only shows a sac and nothing else. The Dr. told me I am probably only 5 weeks going in to six, and Hubby was right there. To make sure nothing is wrong, I am going back in two weeks for another u/s. This is to see if my baby started growing. If there is still only a sac, then I have no baby. Im so worried. Has anyone else experianced this.

The issue with dh is solved. He now knows for sure that this is his baby. But he hated to hear that there might be something wrong. Now he is focusing on not stressing me out, and telling me not to worry.... big difference in his attitude.
Yes, I have BTDT! With my second son I was convinced of the date I conceived him and went in for an U/S b/c of some cramping and bleeding and they only saw a sac. Those were two very hard weeks but I went back for the second u/s and there he was.

I'm so glad that your DH is being supportive now. Huge (((HUGS))))!
post #18 of 33
1/7/08 at 11:05pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by 11yrsNoKid View Post
I had an U/S today and well.... either im way earlier than i thought, or something is wrong. I thought I was at 7 weeks, and the u/s only shows a sac and nothing else. The Dr. told me I am probably only 5 weeks going in to six, and Hubby was right there. To make sure nothing is wrong, I am going back in two weeks for another u/s. This is to see if my baby started growing. If there is still only a sac, then I have no baby. Im so worried. Has anyone else experianced this.

The issue with dh is solved. He now knows for sure that this is his baby. But he hated to hear that there might be something wrong. Now he is focusing on not stressing me out, and telling me not to worry.... big difference in his attitude.
Totally cross posted with you before sorry. So glad to hear that the issue with your dh is resolved that will definately benefit you and your babe.
Good luck!
post #19 of 33
1/7/08 at 11:12pm
Wonderful news about your DH. My DH pulled the same thing on me when we conceived #4 while using BCP and condoms. He came around though.

Sounds like its going to be a rough week playing the *wait and see game*. Keep us posted and take good care of youself.
post #20 of 33
1/8/08 at 2:49pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by truelife View Post
Yes, I have BTDT! With my second son I was convinced of the date I conceived him and went in for an U/S b/c of some cramping and bleeding and they only saw a sac. Those were two very hard weeks but I went back for the second u/s and there he was.

I'm so glad that your DH is being supportive now. Huge (((HUGS))))!

I don't mean that im glad that you had to go thru this, but i'm glad that its not uncommon for mistakes like that to happen and everything come out okay.

That is what i was looking for. I was hoping that someone else had gone thru the same type of early u/s and then everything came out okay. It doesn't mean that mine will, but it sure does help ease my mind.

Thanks everyone for being supportive. I will definatly update and let everyone know what is going on. The dr kept asking me if I was spotting any, and now i am a very nervous wiper. And kept asking well are you sure of your period date. I was so confused.... I was like whats wrong, whats wrong.... all i can do is wait. Until then, I will contiune to nurish my cravings of chinese food and see what happens... lol
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