Need some lactivist reference material

[Pumpkin_Pie]

I had a visiting nurse come to my home on Wednesday last week for an "emotional support" type visit. I have been having a hard time with depression and feeling completely overwhelmed as a single mama to my 9 month old.

Anyway, she saw me nursing DS and we got on the topic of breastfeeding beyond a year. She then says, "You will need to start thinking about stopping at 12 months, or at the very latest 18 months, or it will be very hard to wean at that point." My jaw just about hit the floor, and I was able to keep my big mouth shut until after she was gone for fear of saying something completely inappropriate in response, but now I need to write a letter to her supervisor and the organization in general.

I am also sort of wondering if she is technically correct in saying that weaning at 12-18 months is easier than weaning an older toddler. Not that I am going to do it, but just as a reference point in my letter. I need to have whatever I put in there verifiable with facts to back it up.

Does anyone have any good ideas for what to put into something like this? My main problem is that she was supposed to be here to provide some support for a stressed out mama, and she basically bashed most of my parenting decisions with DS. The breastfeeding thing is by far the worst of it though, so that is what I want to focus on. (She was not ok with co-sleeping, did not believe that EC was possible, and was questioning me on how I was feeding DS solids)

Oh, and she also did not agree with me that nursing a toddler would make the twos and threes easier and temper tantrums more manageable. She said that a lot of kids wouldn't stop tantruming long enough to nurse.

Any help would be appreciated.

[Breastfeeding Insomniac]

I think you should DEFINITELY contact her supervisor, and than follow through in writing. This is such a common occurence when the visiting nurse goes to the house. At least you are aware of the fatcs, but not many moms are and they see this health care prodessional who is there to help them saying these things, it starts to undermine their confidence a lot. I recently had a client who's insurance compnay sends a home nurse to visit 1-2x after baby is born. The story about the first visit that this client and her husband told me was horrific, not only full of bf misinformation, but saying thinsg to her (who was cruing bc bf was a rough start) that she needed to pull herself together or her husband was going to have to start looking at other women. I actually intervened on this with my clients permission and written consent. I contacted the supervisor bc it is inhumane that a mother could be treated this way by someone who's purpose is to help her. Include in your letter the AAP and the WHO guidlines for bf duration, bolding the WHO's rec of a mimimum of 24 months.
Here is the AAP statement:
http://aappolicy.aappublications.org...rics;115/2/496
Here is WHO:
http://www.who.int/nutrition/topics/.../en/index.html

Here is some other info of interest:
http://www.kellymom.com/newman/21bf_toddler.html
http://www.kellymom.com/bf/bfextended/ebf-benefits.html

PS...I just want to add that I did have a mom have a great visit from a nurse this week, the nurse was actually very good and very informed with bf. So its not all bad, but w. an experience like yours, you def have to write a letter bc that nurse needs to be eductaed so she can better eductae her patients.

[Mama Poot]

I would have told her straight up that she has no business dictating when you should wean your child. That is a decision to be made ONLY by the mother and child. No one else gets any input, sorry! Definitely tell her supervisor, boss, whoever her superior is. That is totally out of line. Sorry mama!

[TattoMomK]

I have a friend in my natural mom's group who is a LC and who just mentioned something about data nursing past two years. I'll ask her if she has anything like a link to share, if not -- a reference.

Sorry you got hosed about your GREAT parenting with negativity.

[Pumpkin_Pie]

Originally Posted by TattoMomK

I have a friend in my natural mom's group who is a LC and who just mentioned something about data nursing past two years. I'll ask her if she has anything like a link to share, if not -- a reference.

Sorry you got hosed about your GREAT parenting with negativity.

Just wondering if you were able to find this reference. I just called and left a message with her supervisor. We'll see what happens. I also need to write a letter still. If only DS (9 months) would sit still long enough for me to do that!

[PatioGardener]

Ugg, so sorry to hear that happened to you! That nurse needs some breastfeeding training! I'm glad you are writing a letter and calling - that will help other moms in the future.

I remember that there is a good link on the nutrition of breastmilk beyond 12 months, but I can't remember where it is. Maybe kellymom? I'm hoping that someone else here knows and will post it.

I am still amazing (in a very bad way) that she would initiate a talk about weaning with you when your baby is ONLY 9 months, when the AAP guidelines specifically say "Breastfeeding should be continued for at least the first year of life and beyond for as long as mutually desired by mother and child. There is no upper limit to the duration of breastfeeding and no evidence of psychologic or developmental harm from breastfeeding into the third year of life or longer."

[Breastfeeding Insomniac]

Here is another great article: http://www.kathydettwyler.org/detwean.html

[Janice in Canada]

Sounds to me like you are doing a great job mama - I think you just need a few less visits from that nurse!!!!


Anyhow, when you write - you can definately quote the AAP, WHO guidelines etc. But beyond that I wouldn't worry about finding research or evidence to educate her or her supervisor.

The onus is on THEM to provide the research to *YOU* to back up their claims. They are the health professionals, that have the duty to only provide evidence-based information and practice. Otherwise she is just going on her own experience or biases. Especially if they are trying to contradict the guidelines of the health authorities!!!

This is a pretty hot issue in health care these days -that health professionals should only be giving out information that is evidence-based. Otherwise they are just a bunch of quacks who can say anything they want, but with some "degree" or diploma behind them.

GO MAMA!!!! standing up for yourself is empowering, and may actually help your depression!!!

(by the way, as a mom of a now 10 and 8 year old (the 8 year old nursed until she was almost 5 years old) I learned that the things I read about health and parenting benefits of doing child-led weaning - were absolutely true, and I am 100% happy with following that path.

Hugs
Janice

[Janice in Canada]

Originally Posted by Pumpkin_Pie

Oh, and she also did not agree with me that nursing a toddler would make the twos and threes easier and temper tantrums more manageable. She said that a lot of kids wouldn't stop tantruming long enough to nurse.

You probably already know this - but she is absolutely clueless is regard to the above.

With dd#2 - it was amazing. It was like having a "happy swtich" - she could get so mad or upset or if she was hurt - and if I offered to nurse, she would come over and nurse for something like 5 seconds - and then she would jump down with a smile on her face and say "Me happy now" and go back to playing.

It was freaky. I wasn't nursed at all as a child, and my first dd weaned before age 2 while I was pregnant with #2, so I had never experienced this before. I don't know what it is about it, but it is literally like a "happy switch" - and what parent wouldn't want one of those????

Janice

[velcromom]

I totally agree with Janice, a toddler who is nursing has a natural "reset" tool that a weaned toddler doesn't. I think nature designed it that way! And if anyone else asks, the AAFP says point blank that a child weaned before two years of age is at increased risk of disease.

I think a great response to ignorant comments about stuff like that is to put on a straight face and say earnestly, "oh, really, is that what happened to you?" especially when you know they didn't even nurse or don't have kids, lol.

[Janice in Canada]

Originally Posted by velcromom

I think a great response to ignorant comments about stuff like that is to put on a straight face and say earnestly, "oh, really, is that what happened to you?" especially when you know they didn't even nurse or don't have kids, lol.

I love this response!

I used a variation of this, when my dad was telling me to wean after I went back to work, to make my life easier.

I said to him - "you've never breastfeed a child, and your children were never breastfed, so what do you know about breastfeeding and whether it would make my life easier?"

He just kind of harumphed and smiled and said he never could tell me anything.


Janice

[Pumpkin_Pie]

Thanks so much for all of the responses and info. I called and spoke with her supervisor today, and she was so sweet to me. She apologized, and thanked me profusely for calling and bringing this to her attention. She said she was going to bring it up at the next staff meeting so that all of the nurses are giving out correct information regarding breast feeding. She agreed that it was definitely not a supportive thing to say, and she also agreed that it could throw a mama over the edge who was on the fence about nursing beyond a year.

I think I may just leave it at this and not write the letter as she took it so seriously on the phone with me and assured me that she would be addressing it with not only the nurse who came here, but all of the maternal/child nurses at the VNA. I am pretty sure if I write a letter it will land on her desk, so it wouldn't really do all that much to help.

I am pretty happy with the way it turned out.