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Friend Wanted...

post #1 of 7
Thread Starter 
My 7 1/2 yo just told me that she's searching for the perfect friend (she doesn't really have any where we live).

She said, "I want someone who won't get mad all the time and give up on me. I want someone who's joyful. She shouldn't talk only about herself. It would be nice if she were a little bit like me: like no princesses, kinda boyish, likes science and reading and stuff like that. Kinda like the perfect friend."

I wish I could help her, especially since she's so clear on what she wants.
post #2 of 7
That's sweet. My dd would love to have a friend like that too. She's the same age as your dd. Maybe they could be pen pals.

My dd has started to play more by herself lately. She said that some of the girls in her class "don't understand" and one day she told me that one of the girls "is only interested in what she wants".

I told my dd that this happens, and she didn't have to play with others if she was uncomfortable, but to keep giving people a chance. Then her teacher wrote me a note saying she was worried that dd was becoming "antisocial". Oh well you can't win them all.
post #3 of 7
Thread Starter 
Oh, teachers tend to be so conditioned. I'm sorry she wrote that note to you.

My dd tends to be very forgiving and really give kids a chance. She's always had boys as friends, but some of those have started out as her tormentors. The girls at her school have excluded her since she started there, in the 2nd half of Kindergarten. There was even one girl (the director's dd, no less) who yelled, right in front of me, "(Name)? Oh, I despise (name)!" And I'm telling you that there could never be any reason for anyone to despise my dd.

On the first day of school this year, one of the girls who has been the hardest on my dd said, "I'm sorry for everything I've done to you in the past." I was so happy to hear that -- and so impressed. So a couple of weeks later I asked dd, "So how's it going with A?" And dd replied, chuckling, "Oh A? She's back to her usual self."
post #4 of 7
Wow we've had similar experiences. The school my dd attends is the school threw our church. (Not the reason she attends there, it's small and I like that, our public school is HUGE). In preschool there was one little girl who was the ringleader. She made a rule that she wouldn't play with any other girls who didn't wear a dress that day, and most of the rest of the girls followed her lead. She was also the teachers daughter. My dd doesn't like to wear dresses much, so she wasn't invited to play with the rest. I asked her what she did, and she said "Oh I just play with the boys". Her best friend at school still is a boy.

The ringleader didn't continue at our school, since then things are slightly better for dd, but not much. Over the weekend we attended a birthday party at a skating rink. All the kids welcomed dd, and seemed excited that she was there, but dd preferred to skate alone. Then a little boy she didn't know spotted her, and they skated together.
post #5 of 7
Since your dd is so clear on what she is looking for, could you get her involved in an activity where it would be more likely she would meet those who fit into her categories? Maybe some sort of sport (karate?) where she'd meet the tomboyish girls? Do the museums in your area have opportunities like science lessons or clubs for kids? Perhaps library activities?

It sounds like maybe she's having trouble finding her perfect friend in her class at school, but that doesn't mean she doesn't exist; you just have to figure out where to look!
post #6 of 7
Thread Starter 
Yeah, but we live in Kiev. Her Aikido class is conducted in Ukrainian, which she learns in school (typical school language instruction). She can follow the directions -- and has picked up a few more words -- but she can't really do more than hand gestures with the kids there.

And, no, the museums are not nearly so developed as to actually offer classes. Some day.

She had one experience with some English-speaking girls (dd goes to the French school). Dd was having fun with one girl, until this girl's friend shows up. This friend looks at my dd and says, "You look like a boy." And the girl she had been playing with said, as if surprised at her own ignorance, "Oh, yeah, you really do!" And off they walked. Sigh.

Anyway, we're moving this summer, so hopefully that will help.
post #7 of 7
Thread Starter 
And, yep, trinity6232000, sounds like we're in the same boat. I'm not sure dd can spell well enough in English (we unschool in English) to write decent notes (she just started Skyping with her grandmother in French), but we could try to have them send messages.
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