AP is making our lives miserable - Page 4

[transformed]

Originally Posted by WuWei

If dh is not a familiar part of baby's day to day life, then she may not be attached to him.


Pat

I don't think this is the only reason a child isn't attached to dad.

[mammal_mama]

Originally Posted by WuWei

Daddy can do parallel play, be present, engage baby while in mama's arms, nearby, or in another room. Thus, progressively increasing baby's interest and attachment to an alternate caregiver. Same as we did with other caregivers. If dh is not a familiar part of baby's day to day life, then she may not be attached to him. Meeting a child's attachment needs doesn't stop, just because he is the father, imo. Attachment can be nurtured.



Pat

These are such excellent ideas!

For mothers who don't see it as a viable option to leave our babies crying in someone else's arms, here are some practical steps whereby we can get our needs met. Whenever we're not comfortable with what seem to be our only options for dealing with a particular situation, our discomfort is a sign that we need to keep looking for a better option, and not give up.

Pat is so good at reminding me of this!

[WuWei]

Originally Posted by transformed

I have to let my baby cry occasionally. It's better than getting mad at an infant. And loud screaming and crying can incite anger in me, personally.

We all have to do the best that we can, with what we have. What will matter in the end, is love. I do not believe everyone shows love in the same way, nor do I think AP is the only way to achieve a secure, and loved adult child.

Mama, congratulations on the new baby! Are you getting enough sleep? Protein, water, magnesium, fresh air, any breaks? What resources do you have to help share the load? Have you checked FYT about creating a network for childcare swaps?

Taking bath with baby, with some lavender in the water could help to get some restful rejuvenation. Going for a walk with just baby and you. Even going to the grocery with just baby and you. Delegating, postponing household chores. ASKing for help for specific items, like pick up xyz at the store for me, toss a load into the dryer, take the trash up to the street, help Jr. brush his teeth, change the linen on that bed, unload the dishwasher, sort and fold the clothes from the dryer, carry the towels up and put them in the closet. Every little task adds up.

People often offer to help; but we often refuse out of our cultural attachment to "Independence". Children were not evolved to be parented by one person alone. Mamas were not evolved to parent alone. Think of three people whom you could ask to stop by to help for 30-60 minutes once a week for a month. Make a list of things you could delegate. Share the load. Folks want to help!


Pat

[VisionaryMom]

Originally Posted by WuWei

People often offer to help; but we often refuse out of our cultural attachment to "Independence". Pat

I think this statement is so important! With 2 under age 3 I've really learned that you know, I do need help. I could use the break. It's great. Our church started Wednesday evening meals a few months ago. DD is super-cuddly and loves people. Everyone wants to hold her. Here are all of these Grandmas saying "oh, let me hold her, Mama. You eat by yourself for once." It is such an amazing feeling to get that one meal without worrying about her. Just a little tiny bit of help really can rejuvenate you.

[mammal_mama]

Originally Posted by BrandiRhoades

Just a little tiny bit of help really can rejuvenate you.

I've found that, too!

When my oldest was a toddler, I found that getting to lie in bed on Saturday mornings while dh got up and did things with dd, did me a world of good. Now he'll frequently take both girls out with him to run errands on a Saturday.

But when mamas don't have someone close enough (i.e. living in the home) to easily help out in these ways, they can get burned out so quickly, and pretty soon may feel that extreme measures are in order.

It makes sense for all of us to get busy nurturing that network.