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What does your ideal life look like, and how can you get there? - Page 2

post #21 of 29
Well hi there, you're in good company! I want the same thing! Luckily for me we are almost there. I work intermittently as a musician, also go to school full time, but DH is the breadwinner. He is going to finish his master's degree next December. After that he hopes to quickly land a position at a university, we expect to reach our house-in-the-country goal soon after that. I would like to stick around our current house for at least another 18 months-2 years to save some cash for a downpayment. I think for me the hardest part is being patient, having faith in the future and having faith in my husband. We have endured a lot of hard times, and sometimes it seems like "We'll never get there". But now that we're so close to getting there, it doesn't seem so hopeless. But you REALLY have to be patient.
post #22 of 29
something far, far away so it doesn't hurt whenever I think of that day on the river
I'm so sad for you. I've been through infertility and it is so painful.

I also have the fantasy vs. reality thing going. It stinks.

I would love to be self-sustainable, living in a small house, growing food, etc. The reality is that my health will never permit it. I'd love to be off medication, but I may never be. I'm also hindered by the fact that my dh will probably always work abroad.

I am very, very unhappy right now with our situation. I have no spiritual outlet (I'm bad at practicing alone; I need structure). My kids have very few enjoyable activities, even on weekends. I have no intellectual outlet. I'm living in a huge, smoggy, trafficky city that I pretty much despise right now. I need nature more than anything right now.

So, I demanded change.

Here are my steps:
Got on Prozac and Valium to see me through these next few months here;
In February, visit our new town/country of choice;
Enroll in the local university, which has incredibly interesting courses taught in English, for Fall 08;
Visit the local zen center; already contacted people there, and they are lovely;
Visit houses (with fireplace!) near the forest (town is surrounded by forest), so my kids can run outside and frolick and do nature walks;
Visit the local hatha yoga center;
By March get off the Prozac/Valium;
In March, dh is giving me a trip to the US (alone!) to do mind-body work, which I hope will help both my condition and the personality changes it has brought about;
In July, move and then go home to visit mom and friends in the US -- and stock up on thrift store steals for the girls!

This isn't my ideal. But it's the best I could come up with the reality I face.
post #23 of 29
Originally Posted by MamaOutThere View Post
I also have the fantasy vs. reality thing going. It stinks.


You'll get there ... you have such a clear, doable path, Mama. The universe is listening! You can do it!

ps. Thanks for the words of support.
post #24 of 29
first of all, i want to live in a city, and i need a good enough income that i can have kids and do that. i also want to be known enough that i don't have to pay for anything when i go out (but not known enough that anyone outside my world cares what i do), and i'd love to get paid to take pics instead of having to pay admission to get in and take them. some magazine work would be nice, as well as being able to take erotic pics. i'd love to have a studio. i don't want to be married, maybe i'll have a lover or two--but no one living with me except my kids. i want a 20' discoball in my home, lots of colorful LED lighting, and a big dining table, cuz i've never had one. then, i'd have lots of dinner parties with the kids and my friends...of course, i would serve them organic vegetables that i grew in my container garden on my deck :

edited to add: i didn't include what i see myself doing photographically, but i want to be very involved in LGBT issues and work with various organizations to build and strengthen community. additionally, i plan to be a still photographer when my best friend starts making films (LGBT related, of course).

what am i doing to get there? well this week, i'm submitting my work for an exhibit--my very first one i'm going to take some photography classes this year, as well. i found a camera shop that has courses that are less than what i'd pay in the city and i'm working on getting a divorce this year

also adding that i have the same issue as lilgreen. stbx is NOT OKAY with me pursuing my dreams if they involve me being away from the house for more than a few hours, much less traveling, being away on location, or (especially) taking erotic photos of men
post #25 of 29
This has really been on my mind.

What I don't like: our house. It represents my poor decision making skills. It's in a neighborhood of big show houses. Neatly landscaped yards, rich green lawns. If I'd been thinking clearly I'd have realized before we bought, that the kind of house that would suit me is a bit more rural where it's normal and acceptable to look slightly run down, and where no one would think twice about having big rangy tomatoes in the front yard. I hate the pressure to look neat and tidy.

The house is on a third of an acre. Lots of room for a garden, a play set and maybe a lawn to play on, right? Nope. It's on a hill and most of the yard is in the front of the house, where it's supposed to be landscaped (hence, no rangy tomato plants). There is NO lawn in the back yard. It's all deck, patio, pool and a big, ugly expanse of concrete that was probably an RV pad. My blood pressure is rising just thinking about it. That rv pad gets up to 115 degrees in the hot Sacramento summers. No f-ing trees on that side of the house.

My eight y.o. son still doesn't know how to ride a bike, because our street is on a steep hill, with no side walks. It's not inviting for a little kid to learn how to ride a bike. I'm so sad that my kids don't play outside much. We do love the pool, though.

I've only recently been slogging my way out of a deep depression. I've been digging really deep (I'm proud of myself!) and I found that a whole lot of it is because I hate this house and am so annoyed and disappointed that I chose to move here.

And, of course, I'm very angry and resentful to discover that dh left the whole decision up to me. $300,000! You'd think he'd have wanted a say! I feel totally betrayed. I had no idea he had left it up to me, I thought we'd both chosen this house.

After we moved here Dh took a cut in pay to take a more stable job. I'm so glad his job is stable and we'll have excellent retirement benefits. But we cannot afford to do much renovating right now. I feel stuck. And I feel ashamed because I'm providing my kids such a lousy house to grow up in. Lousy, all dressed up and elegant with vaulted floor to ceiling windows.

As I'm crawling out of the depression my resolve is growing. I think we'll tear out the concrete pad this spring. Put in a veggie garden, a patch of grass and a couple of trees. I'm going to do it, come hell or high water.

Lindsey THANK YOU for this thread to help me gather my thoughts and inspire me!! This post is mostly complaint, and my solution isn't ideal, necessarily. But to achieve this one goal (tear out concrete, put in something living) would go a long way towards making a better life.
post #26 of 29
My ideal life:

I'm single, yet with one more child. I will have my PhD and I will be working for an organization that deals with international development, aid or conflict resolution analyzing policies. I will travel. I will be engaged with activist and/or intellectually challenging groups that seek to shake the way the world and society is perceived. (how idealistic does that sound??)

How to get there:

H and I are struggling and as of today he knows I don't love him, but we're still together... baby steps (long story involving past domestic abuse), but we are tentatively still planning for one more child. My PhD applications are being submitted today. If I'm single and custody allows it, I will study where the kind of jobs I want are. I will apply for the internship at the IDRC, and if that doesn't go through, I will volunteer. I will seek out like-minded people through my school and volunteering/internship.

It all hinges on leaving H. If I don't I can't get the kind of job I want. I will still have another child and I will still have my phd. But I'll likely end up as a prof and I won't be able to engage with like-minded people like I would like.

This is a good exercise. Thanks for this! Now off to drop off my applications.
post #27 of 29
Originally Posted by Alana View Post
I feel that right now I am living my ideal life.
Ive always dreamed of living on a small farm....now we are
my family is happy and healthy
my dh is earning more than I ever imagined possible.

how did it happen? I have to say God. I am living the life I have prayed for my entire life.

BUT...just last year we had to get food from the food bank....just a few months ago we found out the house we had been renting was in foreclosure and our LL was MIA.

then, everything just fell into place. Did I have moments of panic through it all...YES, most emphatically YES. Getting here involved some of the BIGGEST struggles. But, dh and I had a shared vision....and only knew that continuing on the path we had taken, in spite of the difficulty, was the way we needed to go...to learn lessons, and to wind up where we are now.

I posted some photos of our new place... www.xanga.com/orthodoxpilgrim1 In the spring we are getting some animals, and will have a nice garden...and hopefully nothing dies and the vegetables grow.
They were wonderful photo's. Your daughter is beautiful. And I especially liked the photo of the red bird on the tree.

post #28 of 29
it's funny how they say you can either have love or money, because in my opinion you really need both!

i left money for love (or rather, two steps over broke for love!) and i found out how very unprepared i was to deal with true financial struggle. like, no food money indefinitely. not having furniture. running out of things to sell for money.

we are doing better now, but it's a two steps forward, one step back process, and it really gets ya down after so long.

i want to finish college, find a work-from-home job for a company i respect, be a better homeschooler, find more like-minded friends for all of us.... we also NEED a real home, not an apartment--a home i can decorate, and play in the backyard, have furniture and a few things that i love, a huge full pantry. i want dh to be able to go to college, for him to get a job that doesn't work him to the bone all week and kick him in the teeth as a thank-you. i want a big-enough vehicle that isn't on its last legs.

all these problems come down to money and education, both of which are influenced by where we live. so we're trying to move. our tax refund should cover the cost of moving, but it's pretty iffy from there.

dh needs to get his citizenship before he can even apply for a pell grant to start college, and that costs more than we have.
so until we can save for that he's stuck with luck-of-the-draw jobs around here, where the job market is horrible and a "good-paying job" is seen as more than 8 bucks an hour.

moving.....at least we'll be moving to where a lot of friend-support is. and then i can re-start college finally... sometimes i just feel so daunted by it all. i'm turning 27 next week, adn i guess that is adding to the frustration. i'm not getting any younger, and meanwhile my kids are growing up with memories of not being able to buy this or that at the grocery store, memories of me stressing about paying the rent, memories of not being able to go bum around town cause we don't wanna spend the gas...sigh.

post #29 of 29
You'll get there ... you have such a clear, doable path, Mama. The universe is listening! You can do it!

ps. Thanks for the words of support.
Thanks for the encouragement!

And no thanks needed for me. That river image tore my heart open!
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